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[Patryn]

Thanks for all the replies thus far...some funny ones as well!

She knows about my gaming and computer stuff. I was just more asking how you guys manage the time to do this stuff while also ensuring that you spend time with her? I have been single all my life and only lived with friends and/or friends with kids that needed a place to stay for a short time. This will be the first time living with someone that would be like a couple etc. for me.

Unless your SO has some serious issues, I can guarantee that they won't need you hyper-focusing on them 100 percent of the time when you're together. Once you move in together you'll figure out a rhythm.

For instance, for me, I get home before she does, so I can do whatever for a half hour or hour until she gets home. Then, when she gets home we talk about our days and talk about what we want for dinner or whatever. One person tends to hang out in the kitchen and help out while the other is cooking, then we sit down and eat together.

After that, we may watch some TV together for a bit, but by 9 p.m. it pretty much becomes free time to do whatever we want. That generally turns into her playing on her iPad or knitting and me playing some games until it's time to go to bed.

As I said, on weekends I try to devote a day to hanging out with her and getting out of the house, while we use the other day to sit around and do whatever we want.

 

[Goldenroad]

fry.gif

I guess I could have mentioned that I played more before that.

 

[brooklyniteOne]

Just make sure your man cave doesn't become your 'retreat from wife when she's angry cave' and/or 'avoid spending time together/doing something productive cave', or it'll cause friction because it'll have bad mental connotations all the time if you do that regularly.

This is so true. I have a red couch in mine that my girl likes

Spoiler

sex on

quite a bit and it helps tremendously Have her help decorate it. Sounds counter intuitive but its genius. lol

 

[kaioshade]

People saying "don't change" are most likely children themselves who don't realize that all life is is change. I mean, I'm not the same person I was 10 years ago when I started dating my girlfriend. If I was, or if she was, we would probably not get along the way we do now. Never view change as a negative thing. The opposite of change is stagnation and if you just want to stagnate you might as well be dead. Be prepared for a lot of growth and change, and if you're not up for it, maybe don't start by making this kind of drastic change to your life.

I still play 10-20 hours a week...at least, despite living with my lady for the last 7 years or so. She understands it's my hobby and I get enjoyment out of it, and really she wants me to be happy. Having said that, I want her to be happy too, so if there's a night where she wants to do something, I'll make time for that too.

Compromise is the name of the game. No relationship has ever lasted without the ability to compromise.

Anyway, congratulations man. Welcome to the club.

Careful with the generalizations there.

When i say dont change, i mean do not change the core of who you are. Do not change your love for video games. Of course compromise is a major part of any relationship. There is a difference between compromising between playing games all day and spending time with your significant other, and just dropping games all together.

 

[Hawk269]

Again, thanks everyone. Change is something that you have to do though, in my line of work if you don't change, you get left behind. So, accepting that I will need to make some changes is something I have thought of already.

I think based on the majority of the replies it will come down to time management and how I spend time with her and with my hobbies. She is a very cool person and has even commented that she would like to "check out" the fact that you can game from a computer on a big screen HDTV. For some reason that technology amazed her....lol

 

[GotEmRunnin]

Hmmm...yeah, right now my gaming rig is hooked up to my big screen HDTV and I never been a desk gamer etc. I think this will be the tricky part as well.

My key was to get her back into gaming. I did reduce my gaming time/purchases. Going forward I'm probably going to be a full time PC gamer with some WiiU sprinkled in simply to play with the kids. Other than that about 2 years ago I got the wife a mid range gaming laptop for Sims 3 and she's been gaming on that ever since. It's easier when we are both gaming, she was a gamer as a kid though. Get something that you and she can enjoy together also; for us it's wheel of fortune, jeopardy on ipad or Mario U.

My wife's biggest complaint about gaming in the beginning of our marriage was not being able to spend time with me. Spending time from her perspective can be as simple as being in the same room cuddled up next to me. Big picture mode playing some tf2 while she's on her laptop or ipad made a huge difference.

 

[Goldenroad]

Careful with the generalizations there.

When i say dont change, i mean do not change the core of who you are. Do not change your love for video games. Of course compromise is a major part of any relationship. There is a difference between compromising between playing games all day and spending time with your significant other, and just dropping games all together.

Fair enough...that's just not how I was reading some of the comments at the top of the page.

Enjoying your hobby is one thing, adamantly denying change is another.

 

[Victrix]

Again, thanks everyone. Change is something that you have to do though, in my line of work if you don't change, you get left behind. So, accepting that I will need to make some changes is something I have thought of already.

I think based on the majority of the replies it will come down to time management and how I spend time with her and with my hobbies. She is a very cool person and has even commented that she would like to "check out" the fact that you can game from a computer on a big screen HDTV. For some reason that technology amazed her....lol

Get her a tablet as a gift if she doesn't already have one

Not for gaming, just as, well, an awesome gift

(I should not have bought the Kindle Fire for her :< Nerd fail on my part)

 

[Camp Lo]

Time to grow up.

 

[alphaNoid]

My wife met a gamer, dated a gamer and married a gamer. I sure as fuck was never going to change who I was or what I liked to do in my free time because of her and I never would expect her to do the same. She respects what I enjoy and I her, its fantastic.

My advice is to keep being who you are, and when you meet someone who accepts that .. THEN you found someone worth marrying. Don't settle and don't move onto marriage because you think its the next step in your relationship. Marry the most exceptional human you can find.

 

[MMBosstones86]

Man-cave.

this. got the office set up in the basement, that i retreat to from time to time. Wish i had more time, but i'm able to get an hour+ in a day in the man cave which is enough to satisfy for now.

it'll probably be a rough transition at first. i know before fiance and i moved in together it was basically work - games - sleep - repeat. had to tone it down a bit

Spoiler

what do you mean i can't put my 'office' in the 'living room'??

Time to grow up.

please be sarcasm

 

[Patryn]

Oh, and cleaning up and doing chores around the house before she asks can also help to give you some buffer if one day the house is dirty but you're playing something you're REALLY into.

I also try to keep an eye on when she start to clean up, so I can stop gaming or whatever and help her out. You need to do your fair share, after all.

 

[Akuun]

You'll both have to acknowledge that each of you need to have some time and space to yourselves, and said time/space may not necessarily involve them. Don't give up your hobbies, but make sure you don't ignore her or prioritize your hobbies over her. She'll likely also have to make similar adjustments.

Disclaimer: I've never lived with an SO before, but that's how I see it.

 

[kinggroin]

You're going to change. You have to. At least a little, if you want this thing to last.

Just a heads up.

 

[we.are.the.armada]

From my experience, it's always best to converge your hobby/relax area with where she is. This way, you are close even though you might both be occupied with different things (ie. tv, ipad, games, books, etc) This place should be very inviting for her, so keep it clean and organized.

 

[Victrix]

From my experience, it's always best to converge your hobby/relax area with where she is. This way, you are close even though you might both be occupied with different things (ie. tv, ipad, games, books, etc) This place should be very inviting for her, so keep it clean and organized.

This is probably the biggest point of divergence in the thread - game near/with her, or away in a mancave (or both).

I'm honestly not sure what the most healthy choice is overall.

We need some social psychologist action up in here. There's probably some scientific studies about couples who spend their time together or apart with their hobbies.

 

[GrizzNKev]

More often than not my girlfriend is the one asking me to play Halo with her, not the other way around. Sometimes I have to tell her that splitscreen is annoying but she can work really well with the dynamic roles of CTF.

Get her to play games with you.

 

[crpav]

Shower Sex.

Not as great or easy as you would think.

 

[Douche McBaggins The 3rd]

Hey all. I am in my mid-40's, been a gamer all my life. I focused a lot on my career and make pretty damn good money for what I do and live very well. Met a girl about 5 months ago and basically "she is the one". She is moving in with me in about 2 weeks time.

As I have gotten older, I don't play my games as much, but lately, over the last year or so have gotten into PC building, overclocking, water cooling etc. Games are still the main reason, but also enjoy the tinkering with the PC. With the GF and most likely soon to be fiancée, was wanting some input from the guys that have wives, girlfriends, partners how you deal with your computer/gaming habit and the other half?

If she doesn't accept your hobbies, tries to get you to stop doing what you love and stops you from purchasing what you want, bail. She either accepts you as you are or she goes walking.

 

[Captain Tuttle]

People saying "don't change" are most likely children themselves who don't realize that all life is is change. I mean, I'm not the same person I was 10 years ago when I started dating my girlfriend. If I was, or if she was, we would probably not get along the way we do now. Never view change as a negative thing. The opposite of change is stagnation and if you just want to stagnate you might as well be dead. Be prepared for a lot of growth and change, and if you're not up for it, maybe don't start by making this kind of drastic change to your life.

I still play 10-20 hours a week...at least, despite living with my lady for the last 7 years or so. She understands it's my hobby and I get enjoyment out of it, and really she wants me to be happy. Having said that, I want her to be happy too, so if there's a night where she wants to do something, I'll make time for that too.

Compromise is the name of the game. No relationship has ever lasted without the ability to compromise.

Anyway, congratulations man. Welcome to the club.

Excellent post. Compromise is the key and if she's "the one" you'll do anything to make her happy and she'll do the same for you. You'll likely be spending less time with your PC's and gaming simply because you'll want to spend it with her and that's ok. Encourage her hobbies and show an interest in them as well.

 

[dc89]

Although me and my GF don't live with each other (yet - age thing and money I guess) we spend a lot of time together.

I've always liked games, she knows that. She knew that when she decided I was nice enough to have in her life for the past few years and she accepts me for who I am! I don't think she would want me to change, in fact, she has started to like games more over time and genuinely like what I like. For example, we're going to watch Dark Knight Rises at some point, she's not a Batman fan but I've told her how I think she'd like it and she's taking a chance! Similar to when I got her into James Bond movies. I always remember the day she text me saying "Guess what I'm playing" "What?" "GTA!" She's the most girly girl and all of a sudden she's on GTA! I was like, WTF! But I guess it's great as she's developing an interest in what I like, and I'm not forcing her to.

I show a interest in what she does and likes, she writes quite a popular fashion and lifestyle blog and we talk about that and she tells me what she's doing with it and then I share my hobbies with her.

It's all about give and take really I guess.

 

[krzy123]

Wife doesn't "game", outside of some Wii fitness type things, but she doesn't really care, end up mostly gaming on my down time, created a mini "man-cave" (just a gaming pc). Sometimes she'll drop by and see what game I'm playing (see if its interesting).

I showed her the clueless gamer series that Conan did, she loved that.

 

[Zaphod]

From my experience it is best when both of the partners spend time entertaining themselves without the other around. As long as you two are adaptable and can adjust schedules to ensure the right amount of time apart and together that works for you the relationship should be just fine.

 

[BomberMouse]

You keep gaming a healthy dose and never jeopardize your priorities due to some stupid hobby. That's the only thing there's to it.

If you can game and spend time together, even better.

 

[Dylan]

I will tell it to you straight:


Don't game in front of her. Don't let her see you gaming. Just don't. Take the man-cave suggestion to heart. You might feel like a bad ass after getting 20 headshots in a row but while you are concentrating on massive pwnzage on-screen, all she is looking at is the controller-clenching man-child before her.

Play games the same way you would play with your own ballsack: Only do it by yourself or in front of other dudes.

 

[kswiston]

If she enjoys playing some lighter co-op stuff, or watching you play certain genres (my wife likes watching jrpgs), you can turn that stuff into couple time. Otherwise, I just wait until my wife goes to bed or is watching some program I have no interest in. I don't really get that much of an opportunity for marathon sessions anymore, but I could game 2 hours a day if I wanted to.

 

[bigdaddygamebot]

Hey all. I am in my mid-40's, been a gamer all my life. I focused a lot on my career and make pretty damn good money for what I do and live very well. Met a girl about 5 months ago and basically "she is the one". She is moving in with me in about 2 weeks time.

As I have gotten older, I don't play my games as much, but lately, over the last year or so have gotten into PC building, overclocking, water cooling etc. Games are still the main reason, but also enjoy the tinkering with the PC. With the GF and most likely soon to be fiancée, was wanting some input from the guys that have wives, girlfriends, partners how you deal with your computer/gaming habit and the other half?

Keep up with your hobby.

Keep up with her.

Don't let her make you, HER HOBBY.

Don't fall asleep on an unresolved argument.

 

[Red UFO]

Just carry on as you are, but treat your relationship as a priority. People will say "don't change" but living with your other half changes you, there's nothing you can do about it. If she's worth your time she will give you time to do what you enjoy, although yeah, you will not have as much as when you are single.

 

[Absoludacrous]

I will tell it to you straight:


Don't game in front of her. Don't let her see you gaming. Just don't. Take the man-cave suggestion to heart. You might feel like a bad ass after getting 20 headshots in a row but while you are concentrating on massive pwnzage on-screen, all she is looking at is the controller-clenching man-child before her.

Play games the same way you would play with your own ballsack: Only do it by yourself or in front of other dudes.

This is terrible advice. If you're worried that your girlfriend is going to feel shame because you enjoy a hobby, then you've taken a wrong turn somewhere.

My wife does stuff I shake my head at all the time, like terrible reality TV. That doesn't mean she needs to go hide in the closet with a TV set out of fear.

 

[geebee]

I just try to find games that both of us enjoy. I'm lucky that she really likes Bayonetta, Yakuza and God of War. Even if she's not playing, she doesnt mind watching.

 

[pablito]

Honestly, i will keep it simple.

Dont change.

If she is the one for you, she will take you as you are, gaming, PCs and all.

Just have your hobby, dont ignore her, and everything will be fine.

this basically. though i got lucky and my lady enjoys games as well. she doesn't play nearly as much as me, but she'll hang out with me while i play, talk to me about the story and stuff if she catches any of it. bought me my first fight stick, and actually nags at me to start my own fgc weekly.

she loves platformers though, and we'll play any that has co op. but if she wants to do anything besides gaming, she isn't a jerk about it and i happily comply. just don't play to the point where it seems like they are more important than her, and it should be fine.

 

[MMBosstones86]

Not as great or easy as you would think.

true story

 

[Red UFO]

Do not get a "man-cave" unless you are the lamest human being on Earth.

 

[diffusionx]

Keep with your hobbies to the extent you enjoy them, but don't be surprised if you don't find yourself as interested as you used to be. Not because you are "getting your nuts cut off" or any stupid junk like that, but just because you don't want to. Hopefully she will do the same.

If she tries to "change" you, or undermine you for what you enjoy doing, run for the hills.

 

[Dylan]

This is terrible advice. If you're worried that your girlfriend is going to feel shame because you enjoy a hobby, then you've taken a wrong turn somewhere.

My wife does stuff I shake my head at all the time, like terrible reality TV. That doesn't mean she needs to go hide in the closet with a TV set out of fear.

This may have been true pre-9/11 but the world is a much more competitive, scary place nowadays. If he's only been with her for a few months then she has plenty of time to change her mind. DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN, FRIEND!

The sobering truth: When she's at work all day she watches doctors save lives, tradesmen fix the unfixable, and labourers bending and lifting objects one hundred times their weight! You don't want her to return home, only to see you slouched on the couch and immersed in Diddy Kong Racing. She wants to come home to an energetic, charismatic, macho-king-emperor of unmatched husband-caliber sex appeal!!

When the gf is watching, your activities should be limited to the following:

- cooking
- pushups

When the gf is away (or asleep), that's when you can get back to leveling up your Elvin Gnome Dwarf and killing Nazi Zombies.

 

[Celegus]

Good advice, not sure I have much more to add. My wife and I usually game together, or at least do something similar together; playing a game co-op, playing separate games next to eachother, or one of us reads a book on the couch, etc. Works pretty well, but yeah... don't change or be ashamed of it, you'll be miserable and that's not at all worth it. And of course, compromise, and if there's a type of game she doesn't care for, save those for when she's not around. Pretty simple stuff, but good luck!

 

[LiveFromKyoto]

I have a Wii U so I just take the controller in another room and use that whenever it's not a good move playing Black ops II or Assassin's Creed III or Arkham City with her in the living room.

Also, Mario/Wii Fit/Nintendo Land are the only things she's really receptive to, so it helps there too. Metal Gear seems too violent and aggressive to her, but she actually asks me to play Mario with her.

Also, the PS3 is wholly justifiable as a blu ray player.

 

[HildyB]

Lots of solid advice in here. But for the most part, just be you, that is who she loves. You'll find that over time she may become more interested in it and you will spend more time not gaming and giving her that attention. If you (or her) hobbies start to strain the relationship you and her will work it out if you are serious.

It's a give and take and balance is the key. I know my wife likes to play games, but for her it isn't stress relief like it is for me. She likes TV, so I spend time with her and she will give me my time as well. Balance.

And as it is stated, lay it out that this is your hobby/addiction. She should respect that, find a way to bring her into it a bit. PAX really helped her gain some respect for my hobby and the community during a Q&A with Mike and Jerry back in 2011. Now SHE wants to go every year and start cosplay

 

[Victrix]

Do not get a "man-cave" unless you are the lamest human being on Earth.

Indeed, I recommend you read books in the kitchen, sleep in the garage, park your car in the laundry room, and cook in the living room.

Just don't play any games in a clean quiet room with a comfortable couch, perfect acoustics, and a great big projector. That would be lame.

 

[arotator]

Each situation is different. Usually while I'm playing a game my wife is watching some mindless TV shows. She gets her other reality fix and I get mine. Communication is important. Presumably since you two are pretty serious she already knows that you like to play games. You shouldn't feel the need to give them up completely but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be prepared to make sacrifices. It isn't all about you anymore.

Hopefully she gets into some games. Board games I've found to be a good alternative.

One thing I wouldn't get in the habit of doing, and something I am still working at, don't make a habit of letting her go to bed alone. Try to stay on the same schedule as much as possible. If you're both getting up early to go to work that always helps.

 

[Jrpgfanatic]

Just set boundaries, communicate that video games are important to you and that you want time to play them, while also respecting her needs for attention, affection, and TV-time.

This. Don't give up your hobby, but you're likely going to need to change your routine, and she hers. Healthy relationships are all about compromise.

I personally play for a few hours most weeknights, but I won't touch a console or handheld until after we've had dinner together, talked for a while, watched a few TV shows, or played a game together, etc. I also like to play pretty much all day Sunday if we don't have any family stuff going on, so Saturday is our designated errand day and date night, so I don't touch games at all that day.

Also if she's lying in bed or on the couch reading a book or something, it's a great opportunity to grab a 3DS or Vita and chill together. After living together for a while (my fiancé and I have been together for 10 years, and have lived together for 8) you'll realize that sometimes you don't even need to be doing anything together to enjoy each other&#8217;s company. We've spent a lot of lazy Sundays in bed reading and playing games, and we both enjoyed it.

 

[jon bones]

The easy answer is two TVs. When she catches up with her Real Housewives in the bedroom, I knock out a few hours of games in the living room. Or sometimes if she falls asleep early to get up for work early the next morning, I'll game a bit on my iPad next to her. As long as your gaming isn't problematic (gaming non stop from after work to bedtime), you guys will work it out. Also, congrats! Moving in with "the one" is pretty rad.

One of the reasons I have a wiiU is because I hate the real house wives of new york.

The Wii U off tv play has been a godsend in my house.

I can still hang out with her and spend the time together, but I don't have to watch Real Housewives.

I know the Wii U doesn't have a ton of GAF cred yet, but seriously. Consider it.

haha preach...i may need to consider a wiiu

 

[CosmicQueso]

The Wii U off tv play has been a godsend in my house.

I can still hang out with her and spend the time together, but I don't have to watch Real Housewives.

I know the Wii U doesn't have a ton of GAF cred yet, but seriously. Consider it.

 

[kerrak]

Just make sure she understands gaming makes you a better and happier person.

 

[jcm]

I'm lucky, because my wife likes to watch me play games on the TV. She generally reads a book, and then watches the interesting parts. Neither one of us watches TV. We watch a couple of movies a week together. She doesn't much like it when I get sucked into a handheld game, but it's really rare that I play one at home. As soon as I finish P4G I'll put the Vita away for a bit.

I don't have and wouldn't want a man cave, although I would like to get the TV out of the living room. It's the first thing you see when you walk in my front door.

 

[Berg]

One of the reasons I have a wiiU is because I hate the real house wives of new york.

 

[Mattdaddy]

If you have the space/rooms, go for the mancave. I've lived with my girlfriend for about 3 years and that's how we do it. I just dont let all my nerdy shit interfere with the rest of the house. She has design control over the master bedroom, living room, and guest room. I have my mancave bedroom where my tv and consoles and pc go.

Just as long as you don't neglect her and your social life it wont be a big deal. You just want to set the tone thats its only a hobby and you can handle other shit no problem.

 

[Douche McBaggins The 3rd]

If you have the space/rooms, go for the mancave. I've lived with my girlfriend for about 3 years and that's how we do it. I just dont let all my nerdy shit interfere with the rest of the house. She has design control over the master bedroom, living room, and guest room. I have my mancave bedroom where my tv and consoles and pc go.

Just as long as you don't neglect her and your social life it wont be a big deal. You just want to set the tone thats its only a hobby and you can handle other shit no problem.

That kind of sounds like a bitch move. You're relegated to one room like some sort of Ruskie? I thought that designing a house was a joint decision.

I'd rather have a study than a mancave. Man caves sound like something bitch men go to so they can hide from their domineering wives so they can complain to their one friend about how they're the man of the house, yet they're in the basement.

 

[Absoludacrous]

This may have been true pre-9/11 but the world is a much more competitive, scary place nowadays. If he's only been with her for a few months then she has plenty of time to change her mind. DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN, FRIEND!

The sobering truth: When she's at work all day she watches doctors save lives, tradesmen fix the unfixable, and labourers bending and lifting objects one hundred times their weight! You don't want her to return home, only to see you slouched on the couch and immersed in Diddy Kong Racing. She wants to come home to an energetic, charismatic, macho-king-emperor of unmatched husband-caliber sex appeal!!

When the gf is watching, your activities should be limited to the following:

- cooking
- pushups

When the gf is away (or asleep), that's when you can get back to leveling up your Elvin Gnome Dwarf and killing Nazi Zombies.

Oh. Yea, pushups are pretty rad.

 

[Ingueferroque]

Honestly, i will keep it simple.

Dont change.

If she is the one for you, she will take you as you are, gaming, PCs and all.

Just have your hobby, dont ignore her, and everything will be fine.

Whilst I understand the thought behind this, this is assuming that change is bad. Moderation is key, both parties in the relationship will need to make some concessions, take it day by day and work on it. Or be forever alone.