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[mullet2000]

Sooo I usually don't make threads like this, but my relationship has hit a bit of a rough patch lately.

My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 years. We're 23 (me) and 22 (her) and we both just began our post-graduate education this September. I'm doing a Masters in Archives & Records Management and she is in Med School.

Our relationship was often a long distance one. We were from the same city but she went to school in Montreal for her undergrad while I went in Saskatchewan. Honestly, this wasn't very difficult for me and was mostly fine for her too. Between one week and a half long visit per semester, Christmas break, and the entire summer we spent about 5 full months of the year together anyway, and long distance itself wasn't so bad because we were very good communicators, and talked every day through various means. I rarely found our relationship to be a struggle and overall I've been extremely happy with it and with her. I've had a number of other relationships in the past, all of them non-long distance at all actually, and none of them have even come close to being as good as this one for me.

So, getting to this fall. We moved to Toronto (me) and Hamilton (her). For those who don't know this is WAY closer together, about an hour by bus. At first we were both ecstatic about this; while it isn't living together it's a huge upgrade. Thing is she, of course, is in Med school. She's very, very busy through out the week and this leads us to barely communicating at all. Every day this week, for example, she's had 13-14 hour days and is too tired and burnt out to talk once she gets home, she just wants to eat and flop into bed, or she has to study more. We tend not to text or anything through out the day any more either (if we do it's extremely short updates about something, not conversational), just a good morning and good night, whereas we use to update each other on how our days are going every couple hours or have random text chats.

Now, don't get me wrong, I understand how hard Med school is and I don't hold anything against her for being so burnt out. It's also just hard to go from strong, frequent communication to virtually none. This week for example, we haven't talked since Sunday (where she was her all weekend in person) aside from an attempt last night that ended up with us stopping talking after 5 minutes because she was too tired. I should note that when she's tired/stressed she's fairly short tempered and finds it hard to enjoy talking. She also comes off as angry a lot. (this isn't new, we just haven't had to deal with it nearly as much as we are now)

We do end up seeing each other on the weekends...sometimes. Right now we're averaging every other weekend whereas we originally planned for every weekend. This is because of Med events happening some weekends, and her wanting to spend time with some of her new friends two other weekends (I think this is fair, it's hard to make friends if you're really busy during the week and then gone every weekend. I should note that I've visited her twice now, and met her new friends as well. Also both of these friend weekends were spent going to med-student events). It's just hard because this sometimes means we go like 11 days with barely any communication due to her schedule (which is what we're in the middle of right now).

Anyway, I guess I'm just asking if any of you guys have dealt with this in your relationships, and what you did about it. Surely some people on GAF have experience with this. I don't think she's purposely doing anything wrong and I don't blame her for anything, but it's been difficult. The way that we interact and even the tone of those interactions has changed a whole lot in a short amount of time. It's putting strain on the both of us and I'm definitely not willing to let this relationship go any time soon, so I need advise.

Feel free to ask for clarification if something is unclear.

 

[DizzyCaffeine]

You said feel free, so...are you two still regularly having sex?

 

[mullet2000]

You said feel free, so...are you two still regularly having sex?

Yes. This last weekend in particular was a bit weird (I mean in general, not just sex) because she had to do work/study for a lot of it while she was here, and was pretty stressed the entire time, but other than this past weekend things have been fine on that front.

Spoiler

Last weekend was that time of the month too so that usually slows things down for us a bit anyway.

 

[davepoobond]

Sounds like you're being pushed out honestly.

She's hanging out with "new friends" rather than hanging out with you, basically, when its probably easy for you to attend if it isn't an all-girl function.

If you're not satisfied with how things are going let her know. If she doesn't make an effort to change what you want then its time for an amicable break up. That's only if you don't like what's going on, which seems like you don't.

 

[Seesaw15]

Sooo I usually don't make threads like this, but my relationship has hit a bit of a rough patch lately.


Now, don't get me wrong, I understand how hard Med school is and I don't hold anything against her for being so burnt out.
[

From what you've written I don't think you really believe that. As someone who has been in this kind of relationship vs career stand off. Career always wins. Just be supportive and try not to get too passive aggressive if you feel she isn't paying enough attention to you.

or just jump ship she may want some freedom.

 

[peanutbutterlatte]

Going through it right now man. Girlfriend is in a full time job, I'm doing my teaching qualification year. It's incredibly difficult, we're both tired, stressed, and on edge. We have very little time for each other, and when we do see each other we more often than not have arguments because we're just so crabby.

Don't know if we will make it through honestly, we've been together 5 years but I am constantly working on lesson plans and assignments. Time will tell. If we make it through this year, I think we'll make it through anything. So it's a good test, looking at it from an optimistic POV.

 

[Woody Invincible]

My gf and I are going through the same thing right now. We are having lots of arguments stemming from it, but I know it won't last forever. Eventually, she will get her masters and then we make more and then we move and then I work less and then I hope I'm happier.

I'm a little concerned about that hanging with friends part, though.

But we have both accepted that there will be more bitching than normal and to expect some stupid arguments. And it is definitely affecting the sex life. It sucks, but it is just one day at a time.

 

[Dead Man]

My last serious partner had chronic fatigue quite badly. She would do to much and then be laid up in bed for a week or so. I found it very useful to find things we could do together where it was more me doing something and talking to her or showing her. Not so easy with distance as well though.

In your case it is not just tiredness, it is her schedule as well, I think you may just need to be patient and keep on communicating. Maybe ask if you can tag along when she goes to do things with friends? Go visit her?

 

[mullet2000]

Sounds like you're being pushed out honestly.

She's hanging out with "new friends" rather than hanging out with you, basically, when its probably easy for you to attend if it isn't an all-girl function.

If you're not satisfied with how things are going let her know. If she doesn't make an effort to change what you want then its time for an amicable break up. That's only if you don't like what's going on, which seems like you don't.

Enh, I mean the friends are new because we just moved and she needs a support network there too, I might live close but I'm still an hour away. Also she's only stayed there on the weekend twice and both were med-student events she wanted to go to (all of the new friend group is med students), so I'm not worried about being pushed out for new friends just yet.

Also I've went and visited her twice now too and met the friend group. They aren't total strangers to me.

Anyway yeah, we've been talking and she's on a similar page as me. She apologizes often that she isn't up to talking much, but she also finds it difficult to do.

From what you've written I don't think you really believe that. As someone who has been in this kind of relationship vs career stand off. Career always wins. Just be supportive and try not to get too passive aggressive if you feel she isn't paying enough attention to you.

Hmmm well I can't lie that I'm not happy about the situation at large, but I mean that I'm not upset at her as as person. If I were in her shoes I could see myself being tired and stressed too, is what I mean.

I've been making a point to be very supportive and I'm not trying to be passive aggressive to her or anything like that, don't worry. Med school is very important for her and I get that.

My last serious partner had chronic fatigue quite badly. She would do to much and then be laid up in bed for a week or so. I found it very useful to find things we could do together where it was more me doing something and talking to her or showing her. Not so easy with distance as well though.

In your case it is not just tiredness, it is her schedule as well, I think you may just need to be patient and keep on communicating. Maybe ask if you can tag along when she goes to do things with friends? Go visit her?

Ah yes, like I said above I have visited her twice now, and met her new friends.

 

[ito007]

Sounds like you're being pushed out honestly.

She's hanging out with "new friends" rather than hanging out with you, basically, when its probably easy for you to attend if it isn't an all-girl function.

If you're not satisfied with how things are going let her know. If she doesn't make an effort to change what you want then its time for an amicable break up. That's only if you don't like what's going on, which seems like you don't.

agree with this 100%.

I mean does she make herself known that she still cares about you OP?

 

[Dead Man]

Ah yes, like I said above I have visited her twice now, and met her new friends.

In that case I have no further advice, sorry. Just be honest with her about how you feel while still listening to her, I guess. Gonna be hard work.

agree with this 100%.

I mean does she make herself known that she still cares about you OP?

Some real doom and gloom in here.

 

[mullet2000]

agree with this 100%.

I mean does she make herself known that she still cares about you OP?

She does. We're talking way less and she finds communication difficult during the weekdays, but she's made it clear she cares for me / loves me.

In that case I have no further advice, sorry. Just be honest with her about how you feel while still listening to her, I guess. Gonna be hard work.

Yup. We just had a pretty long talk this week about it and I think there's going to be a lot more talks to come. It's gonna be hard but I hope we can pull through.

 

[freshair]

Yup. We just had a pretty long talk this week about it and I think there's going to be a lot more talks to come. It's gonna be hard but I hope we can pull through.

Sounds like you're doing the right thing by making your feelings known and that's all you can really do, honestly.

You're putting in more effort at the moment than she is, and your needs aren't being met. So when talking, you both should reevaluate what you both are capable of and what you both need and work it out from there.

 

[mullet2000]

Sounds like you're doing the right thing by making your feelings known and that's all you can really do, honestly.

You're putting in more effort at the moment than she is, and your needs aren't being met. So when talking, you both should reevaluate what you both are capable of and what you both need and work it out from there.

I do feel like I'm putting in more effort at the moment, yeah.

At the same time I am significantly less busy and less stressed. So it's hard to put myself in her shoes.

I will have another talk with her in person next weekend so we can talk while she's not stressed out nearly as much. I do feel fairly distant and disconnected from her at the moment, and it's difficult to deal with because I can't really talk to her about it at the moment.

 

[mdubs]

Just throwing this out there OP but I'm the independent type and usually see my girlfriend once every week or couple weeks if I am busy (and she lives 10 minutes away) but I still love and am totally committed to her. So don't assume the worst, I know it's probably frustrating but people have different needs and all you can do is do your best to understand and let her know how you feel.

 

[mullet2000]

Just throwing this out there OP but I'm the independent type and usually see my girlfriend once every week or couple weeks if I am busy (and she lives 10 minutes away) but I still love and am totally committed to her. So don't assume the worst, I know it's probably frustrating but people have different needs and all you can do is do your best to understand and let her know how you feel.

For sure. Funnily enough I was much more that independent type before we moved, with her initiating a lot of our interactions (and we were both fine with that). Now we've kinda flip-flopped a bit because of our "busyness" levels, so it's a bit odd for the both of us. I think it's most jarring to me because two or three months ago she would have HATED to be going multiple days with minimal interaction (If I could go back an time and tell her that's what's happening now she'd probably not believe it), but now that's what's happening due to her own schedule/stress.

 

[terrisus]

My wife and I were dating/engaged through the time I was doing my Bachelor's, and half of my Master's.
I was also working while doing most of my Bachelor's.

She was... Well, she was working most of the time... I guess she had some stuff to do... >.>

Anyway though, I was pretty busy.
We also lived an hour apart, and only saw each other on weekends.
Around half of this was also back when you had to pay by the minute for phone calls out of the area code, and I would have $200 a month phone bills.

I don't know, we made it work somehow.

 

[Erudite]

I came off something similar to this not long ago, and I'm in a much better place in my relationship as a result.

When those inevitable patches come up where she's busy for days on end, considering it is Med School, find something else to focus your attention on.

I sleep earlier and wake up at 5:30am for the gym when my SO can't talk at night, make hangout/board game/dinner plans with friends when she's busy on the weekends, get lost in a good game for hours on end, etc.

Let off the gas a bit if you feel like you're not getting out of what you're putting into the relationship.

 

[CapNBritain]

My fiancee is completing her Masters as well as working pretty much full time. She's always stressed and tired and often angry. Seriously, she yells out in frustration at least once an hour every night. I feel really guilty sometimes because I have a steady job with no stress and have plenty of time to relax.

It sounds like you believe that emotional bond is still there (as in, she's not thinking of breaking up with you or anything), but she's just overwhelmed with stuff. My advice is to offer support when you can, and to find other things to occupy your time when she's unable to be there for you. Let her know how you feel, but also that you support her (if you really do feel this way).

 

[mullet2000]

My wife and I were dating/engaged through the time I was doing my Bachelor's, and half of my Master's.
I was also working while doing most of my Bachelor's.

She was... Well, she was working most of the time... I guess she had some stuff to do... >.>

Anyway though, I was pretty busy.
We also lived an hour apart, and only saw each other on weekends.
Around half of this was also back when you had to pay by the minute for phone calls out of the area code, and I would have $200 a month phone bills.

I don't know, we made it work somehow.

I guess it's scarier when you're not the busy one. I feel like the busy one feels like they have more control of the situation because you can more easily dictate the interaction times, you know your own true feelings despite your actions, etc.

Me, I can't deny it's a bit disheartening feeling like a can't interact with her until I get her say-so, I have to have her tell me it's a good time to call (which is rare now), etc. I don't feel very in control of the relationship right now and it's rough. Doesn't feel good and makes the future look scary, even if I believe all the reasons she's giving me for all of this stuff (and I do).

Anyway, yeah pay-by-the-minute phone calls? Yeeesshhh. Glad I don't have to deal with that at least. I'll do my best to find a way to make it work.

 

[Rhaegar]

Now, don't get me wrong, I understand how hard Med school is...

Having completed med school, no, you really don't-- particularly first year. The transition is difficult and the pressure she is feeling is real.

Decide now if she's worth putting up with at least 4 years of this shit (probably longer if she picks a demanding residency) and figure out if you can be the kind of partner that can be there for her no matter how much she can bring to the relationship at any given time. Some can (thank God for my wife) and some choose otherwise.

 

[ito007]

Some real doom and gloom in here.

I figured to get the worst out of the way first

She does. We're talking way less and she finds communication difficult during the weekdays, but she's made it clear she cares for me / loves me.

well there you go. at this point all you can really do is just keep communicating, and if things are getting too uncomfortable for you just let her know

 

[davepoobond]

I'm inclined to say if you don't intend to marry her eventually or move in with her within the next year or two, at this point it seems like you're both living incompatible lifestyles.

What is the longer term plan that you guys have here?

 

[mullet2000]

I came off something similar to this not long ago, and I'm in a much better place in my relationship as a result.

When those inevitable patches come up where she's busy for days on end, considering it is Med School, find something else to focus your attention on.

I sleep earlier and wake up at 5:30am for the gym when my SO can't talk at night, make hangout/board game/dinner plans with friends when she's busy on the weekends, get lost in a good game for hours on end, etc.

Let off the gas a bit if you feel like you're not getting out of what you're putting into the relationship.

I think a lot of my problem right now has to do with this, actually. I've been having problems making friends here, which is abnormal for me. I've moved multiple times in the past and I've made friends very easily and quickly, but two months in and I've yet to even meet someone that I'm close enough with to call a friend. I'm not sure why, either. I've even gone to a club or two and I'm really having problems.

So yeah, I'm probably putting a bit of an unhealthy amount of weight into our interactions on top of our greatly lessened interactions, which can't be healthy. I've taking up swimming and stuff to pass the time (and videogames, but that's nothing new) but I know that I need some better human interaction too.

My fiancee is completing her Masters as well as working pretty much full time. She's always stressed and tired and often angry. Seriously, she yells out in frustration at least once an hour every night. I feel really guilty sometimes because I have a steady job with no stress and have plenty of time to relax.

It sounds like you believe that emotional bond is still there (as in, she's not thinking of breaking up with you or anything), but she's just overwhelmed with stuff. My advice is to offer support when you can, and to find other things to occupy your time when she's unable to be there for you. Let her know how you feel, but also that you support her (if you really do feel this way).

I think the bond is there. I also think I'm letting myself get into a "what if we break up...?" dark place a little too often in my head though. I'm trying to shake it off.

But yeah, we've been having some serious talks about it and we'll be having another the next time we're in person. I have some more stuff I need to get out in the air.

 

[Kyzer]

Going through the same thing, my girlfriend is in pa school and i just started a company. We barely talk but were okay with it honestly were both just certified getn it

 

[mullet2000]

Having completed med school, no, you really don't-- particularly first year. The transition is difficult and the pressure she is feeling is real.

Decide now if she's worth putting up with at least 4 years of this shit (probably longer if she picks a demanding residency) and figure out if you can be the kind of partner that can be there for her no matter how much she can bring to the relationship at any given time. Some can (thank God for my wife) and some choose otherwise.

Well, you're right. I don't really know. I guess I mean "I understand that med school is harder than anything i've ever experienced."

I believe I can be that partner. I just want to make sure I have all the advise possible going into it.

I'm inclined to say if you don't intend to marry her eventually or move in with her within the next year or two, at this point it seems like you're both living incompatible lifestyles.

What is the longer term plan that you guys have here?

Well, I suppose we have to talk more about a specific long term plan. We have talked about marriage before but not super seriously. Mostly theoretical stuff and 'what ifs'. It's on the table I guess, but we both know that we aren't ready for that yet. We agreed that it wouldn't make sense until we both had our education sorted out. If we both reached the end of grad and med school while still together...yeah it would definitely be on the table.

We fully intent to move in at some point (had we gone to the same school for post-grad we would have this September) but it's not feasible in the short term future. That's at least a year or two off. But we do want to, yes.

 

[CapNBritain]

So yeah, I'm probably putting a bit of an unhealthy amount of weight into our interactions on top of our greatly lessened interactions, which can't be healthy. I've taking up swimming and stuff to pass the time (and videogames, but that's nothing new) but I know that I need some better human interaction too.

...

I think the bond is there. I also think I'm letting myself get into a "what if...?" dark place a little too often in my head though. I'm trying to shake it off though.

But yeah, we've been having some serious talks about it and we'll be having another the next time we're in person. I have some more stuff I need to get out in the air.

It sounds like you're doing all the right things. It's ok to worry about these things, just don't let it trip you up. As a fellow swimming videogamer with a busy partner, I salute you.

 

[Erudite]

I think a lot of my problem right now has to do with this, actually. I've been having problems making friends here, which is abnormal for me. I've moved multiple times in the past and I've made friends very easily and quickly, but two months in and I've yet to meet someone that I'm close enough with to call a friend. I'm not sure why, either. I've even gone to a club or two and I'm really having problems.

So yeah, I'm probably putting a bit of an unhealthy amount of weight into our interactions on top of our greatly lessened interactions, which can't be healthy. I've taking up swimming and stuff to pass the time (and videogames, but that's nothing new) but I know that I need some better human interaction too.

I know it's easier said than done to make friends, but I know for myself that once I started evening out my efforts between my SO and close friends, I became much happier, especially on the occasions where my SO is busy for days on end. Maybe it'll do the same for you given that you find some people that you click with.

 

[mullet2000]

I know it's easier said than done to make friends, but I know for myself that once I started evening out my efforts between my SO and close friends, I became much happier, especially on the occasions where my SO is busy for days on end. Maybe it'll do the same for you given that you find some people that you click with.

Oh, I'm sure that it will. Positive, even. I never use to have issues during my GF's busy-periods of undergrad (where communication slowed, but not nearly to the degree we're experiencing now) because, hey, I'd go hang out with some friends or something. No problem.

But yeah, I'm really having problems meeting people and I'm not sure why. It's difficult. The people I do meet I end up just not clicking with at all. I've never really had this problem in the past so yeah, it's weird.

 

[Vigilant Walrus]

I had an ex who transfered from biology to med school. She had to do the semester on anatomy (which she said was the hardest one) and it basically killed our relationship, as she was both in biology and in med school at the same time.

She also ended up failling her med school exam (40% fail it the first time) and got a breakdown, so its clear she took up way more than could handle.


The truth was also just that sometimes people have to pick their education/job over their partner. There is no shame in that if its simply what is most important, but sometimes there is a person at the other end who get hurt.

However, I always saw the alternative as, if the person doesn't push towards their goal, their partner would be holding them back. It seems to me that many of us have aspiration and dreams that sometimes conflict with having a relationship and sometimes that can seem very selfish to the outside world, but really if you're going to be true to yourself you have to follow through, perhaps even if it costs a relationship.


I know the flipflopping the OP speaks off. relationship dynamics can quickly change when one person is busy while the other has a lot of off time. Its much easier to be the person who contributes a lot less when you are busy. Your day is surrounded with lots of new friends, colleagues and interesting tasks while the other person has a lot more time to hold everything together like glue.
Some people get abused this way, and the tendency can be that they cling on to a relationship where the other person simply is not putting out much, making for a very unbalanced relationship. It's nobody's fault really, it's just life, and it is scary how a new job, a new education or moving to a new city just changes everything. The only thing that is for certain is that nothing stays the same.



If I had the wisdom I had now, back then with my ex, I would have told her that I think we should have broken up, and remain friends and perhaps see if we could find the spark again at a later time. There was little point in trying to fix something when our lives were conflicting. long distance commuting can be deeply annoying and a deterrent to get other shit done.

I read an article in a local paper a few weeks ago that said people who commute to work/school for more than 45 minutes one-way every day (minimum 1,5 hours of transport every day, minus lines/traffic/other headaches) are much much more likely to be depressed, and more likely to be socially tired, exhausted and less lively because the distance daily over the years simply takes its toll on people...

If that is true, then I can only imagine what long distance does to a lot of people.




I think Hollywood is the real culprit. It's very rare you see romance films where the shit simply doesnt work due to logistics and cumbersome life stuff, which is probably why a lot of relationships fail. A lot of the time its not lack of love, arguing or any of that, but just life getting in the way. Rarely, we seem to acknowledge that as we gaffa-tape our relationships trying to cling on to something that is not meant to be together. At least in the short term. If we had a more healthy attitude towards being in relationships part time instead of "forever or never" mindsets and seeing going-back-to-an-ex as a failure, we could probably make a lot of things easier for ourselves. Or so I wonder.

 

[terrisus]

I feel like the busy one feels like they have more control of the situation because you can more easily dictate the interaction times

...
I mean... Maybe in some relationships...
That's definitely not how it went for me though...

Anyway, yeah pay-by-the-minute phone calls? Yeeesshhh. Glad I don't have to deal with that at least.

Yeah, $200-a-month phone bills (just from phone calls at home, none of that fancy wireless stuff and web-browsing and what have you) weren't fun at all.
But, meh, you deal I guess.

I'll do my best to find a way to make it work.

Good luck =)

 

[mullet2000]

I had an ex who transfered from biology to med school. She had to do the semester on anatomy (which she said was the hardest one) and it basically killed our relationship, as she was both in biology and in med school at the same time.

She also ended up failling her med school exam (40% fail it the first time) and got a breakdown, so its clear she took up way more than could handle.


The truth was also just that sometimes people have to pick their education/job over their partner. There is no shame in that if its simply what is most important, but sometimes there is a person at the other end who get hurt.

However, I always saw the alternative as, if the person doesn't push towards their goal, their partner would be holding them back. It seems to me that many of us have aspiration and dreams that sometimes conflict with having a relationship and sometimes that can seem very selfish to the outside world, but really if you're going to be true to yourself you have to follow through, perhaps even if it costs a relationship.


I know the flipflopping the OP speaks off. relationship dynamics can quickly change when one person is busy while the other has a lot of off time. Its much easier to be the person who contributes a lot less when you are busy. Your day is surrounded with lots of new friends, colleagues and interesting tasks while the other person has a lot more time to hold everything together like glue.
Some people get abused this way, and the tendency can be that they cling on to a relationship where the other person simply is not putting out much, making for a very unbalanced relationship. It's nobody's fault really, it's just life, and it is scary how a new job, a new education or moving to a new city just changes everything. The only thing that is for certain is that nothing stays the same.



If I had the wisdom I had now, back then with my ex, I would have told her that I think we should have broken up, and remain friends and perhaps see if we could find the spark again at a later time. There was little point in trying to fix something when our lives were conflicting. long distance commuting can be deeply annoying and a deterrent to get other shit done.

I read an article in a local paper a few weeks ago that said people who commute to work/school for more than 45 minutes one-way every day (minimum 1,5 hours of transport every day, minus lines/traffic/other headaches) are much much more likely to be depressed, and more likely to be socially tired, exhausted and less lively because the distance daily over the years simply takes its toll on people...

If that is true, then I can only imagine what long distance does to a lot of people.


I think Hollywood is the real culprit. It's very rare you see romance films where the shit simply doesnt work due to logistics and cumbersome life stuff, which is probably why a lot of relationships fail. A lot of the time its not lack of love, arguing or any of that, but just life getting in the way. Rarely, we seem to acknowledge that as we gaffa-tape our relationships trying to cling on to something that is not meant to be together. At least in the short term. If we had a more healthy attitude towards being in relationships part time instead of "forever or never" mindsets and seeing going-back-to-an-ex as a failure, we could probably make a lot of things easier for ourselves. Or so I wonder.

Hard as hell for me to read this, but thanks for the input.

 

[terrisus]

I think Hollywood is the real culprit. I

Considering I never watch movies, it definitely wasn't for me.

 

[SRG01]

Hard as hell for me to read this, but thanks for the input.

Not only that, but people sometimes only have one shot at a career choice, so you have to be understanding about that. Especially for med school.

 

[Mikeside]

Sounds like you're being pushed out honestly.

She's hanging out with "new friends" rather than hanging out with you, basically, when its probably easy for you to attend if it isn't an all-girl function.

If you're not satisfied with how things are going let her know. If she doesn't make an effort to change what you want then its time for an amicable break up. That's only if you don't like what's going on, which seems like you don't.

For what it's worth I don't think this is likely.

She's moved to a new place, of course there are new friends.

She's going to be hella busy for the next however long & I think the only way to deal with it is to set your expectations of your relationship with her much lower on communication & closeness for a little while.

If you guys are really going for the long haul then a handful of months where you cooled off a little while she got her degree are hardly going to matter.

 

[freddy]

At that young of an age I would just go with what makes you happy. Most people change a lot before the age of 25 or so, so if you can maintain a steady relationship whilst going through that you've done well.