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Marriage-Gaf: I'm getting married GAF January 2 HELP!!!

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PistolGrip

sex vacation in Guam
Ok GAF, I am making the plunge this January 2. Any tips?

I few problems I have that maybe you guys can help me with.

- Privacy. I will have none. I have lived by myself for 6 years and tremble at the thought of having a person be there all the time looking through all my stuff <shakes> . We have spent weeks living together from time to time but at least I knew it will come to an end at some point every time we live together. Now she will be there forever! My porn collection has to go, my computers reformatted, and my email accounts destroyed! :(

- Things are my fault even she's the one that caused the problem simply because I didn’t help her! Why do women blame us for everything even when we had nothing to do with it…. :( … Right now I am getting blamed for wedding invitations I had no say in simply because I didn’t help double check her work on spelling mistakes on the names of the invitees. Wtf!

- Expectations seem to grow exponentially by the day. At the beginning of the relationship I could get away with murder and she always had a huge smile on her face, now I cant even look at another women accidently without her getting a bit sad. When I go to a bar/club she gets all weird, insecure, becomes possessive and has a frown while we dance (I am Hispanic so we always dance when we go out and there are hot women everywhere ). I don’t know how to cheer her up except maybe treating her like a goddess for the rest of the night.

- There is a constant need for money… right now because of the wedding and I am paying most of it. She's going to turn 20 soon and works part time as a cosmetologist while she studies to become a pharmacist (hopefully money will come from her in a few years). I am paying for 98% of the wedding, while her parents are helping somewhat... If I ever bring up that something cost too much for the reception, she implies I am cheap and that I rubbing it in because I am paying. Wtf! thankfully all the cost are now taken cared of.

- I have become a Catholic in order to have a traditional Ecuadorian wedding. I hope Atheist/Agnostics GAF can forgive me for my hypocrisy … :)

- Her friends are beautiful, flirty and treat me like their best friend. How do you guys deal with all this temptation… Having beautiful 19yo drunk girls getting up in your face, hugging you and saying how cool, and awesome you are (cause they don’t know any better) sucks when your fiancée is right next to you watching every bit of it… It’s a horrible feeling of guilt without getting anything out of it damn it!... I have literately had to move or push them away at times because I feel embarrassed

That aside, I have never been happier. Going to sleep has become something I want to do instead of something I just do. I get nice sweet emails every morning (I know they will stop after a few months like all great things couples do at the start :( ). It's incredible to have someone who thinks you are the greatest person in the world and lets you know it everyday. While she does complain quite a bit, it is dwarfed by the amount of sweet things she does and says daily. Having her light up every time she sees me makes me feel like the most important person in her life. I'm not going to lie, this girl makes me feel amazing. I didn’t believe in marriage until I met her.

So married GAF, I am happy to join the club… help me out with any words of wisdom you may have.

Some details:
I am 27
She will be 20 in a couple of weeks. Shes extremely mature and graduated HS at 16 like myself.
We have been together 2 years
We dont live together because of her parents are ultra conservative catholics. but from time to time she comes to live with me when her parents dont know.
 
OK, you say you're happy and all, but by all indications, it doesn't seem like you thought this through at all.
 
Your wedding sounds like a terrible, terrible idea. I read the first point and I was about to post a story about the first time my gf and I moved in together, and all the awkwardness that goes along with learning to live with a significant other. Then I read the rest of your post and realized that was the absolute fucking least of your problems.
 
it's over.

Nothing in your life will ever be the same. Your apartment is now your prison and your wife has your penis under lock and key. You're going to be stuck in whatever dead end job you may have because you have to support her.

Don't even think of divorce as a way out because you're going to be paying her for the rest of your life no matter what.

You can look forward to being indoctrinated in some crazy Ecuadorian version of Catholicism.

THERE IS NO ESCAPE!!!

Enjoy, it's going to be a great trip!
 
How long have you been with this person?

Living together exposes all kinds of fun stuff, so I would have highly recommended doing that before getting married...but it seems a bit late for that.

You seem to be sacrificing a bit more than I would have expected in an equal relationship.

...you sure you're up for this, dude?
 
PistolGrip said:
Ok GAF, I am making the plunge this January 2. Any tips?

I few problems I have that maybe you guys can help me with.

- Privacy. I will have none. I have lived by myself for 6 years and tremble at the thought of having a person be there all the time looking through all my stuff <shakes> . We have spent weeks living together from time to time but at least I knew it will come to an end at some point every time we live together. Now she will be there forever!

- Things are my fault even she's the one that caused the problem simply because I didn’t help her! Why do women blame us for everything even when we had nothing to do with it…. :( … Right now I am getting blamed for wedding invitations I had no say in simply because I didn’t help double check her work on spelling mistakes on the names of the invitees. Wtf!

- Expectations seem to grow exponentially by the day. At the beginning of the relationship I could get away with murder and she always had a huge smile on her face, now I cant even look at another women accidently without her getting angry or resentful. When I go to a club she gets all weird, insecure, becomes possessive and has a sad face while we dance (I am Latino so we always dance when we go clubbing and there are hot women everywhere ). I don’t know how to cheer her up except maybe treating her like a goddess for the rest of the night.

- There is a constant need for money… and I am paying it all. She's going to turn 20 soon and works part time as a cosmetologist while she studies to become a pharmacist (hopefully money will come from her in a few years). I am paying for 98% of the wedding, while her parents are helping somewhat... If I ever bring up that something cost too much for the reception, she implies I am cheap and that I rubbing it in because I am paying. Wtf!

- I have become a Catholic in order to have a traditional Ecuadorian wedding. I hope Atheist/Agnostics GAF can forgive me for my hypocrisy … :)

- Her friends are beautiful, flirty and treat me like their best friend. How do you guys deal with all this temptation… Having beautiful 19yo drunk girls getting up in your face, hugging you and saying how cool, and awesome you are (cause they don’t know any better) sucks when your fiancée is right next to you watching every bit of it… It’s a horrible feeling of guilt without getting anything out of it damn it!... I have literately had to move or push them away at times because I feel embarrassed

That aside, I have never been happier. Going to sleep has become something I want to do instead of something I just do. I get nice sweet emails every morning (I know they will stop after a few months :( ). It's incredible to have someone who thinks you are the greatest person in the world and lets you know it everyday. While she does complain quite a bit, it is dwarfed by the amount of sweet things she does and says daily. Having her light up every time she sees me makes me feel like the most important person in her life. I'm not going to lie, this girl makes me feel amazing. I didn’t believe in marriage until I met her.

So married GAF, I am happy to join the club… help me out with any words of wisdom you may have.
Click to expand...


I like you, you seem really cool.
 
I am 27 btw

RubxQub said:
How long have you been with this person?

Living together exposes all kinds of fun stuff, so I would have highly recommended doing that before getting married...but it seems a bit late for that.

You seem to be sacrificing a bit more than I would have expected in an equal relationship.

...you sure you're up for this, dude?
Click to expand...
I have been with her 2 years.

I am pretty sure... though I am not pretty sure all the time :)
 
Hell no, don't do it. I can tell from your post you aren't ready. Bail the fuck out of marriage.
 
:lol wow at the op

If you are doubting this you probably should not be going through with it IMO
 
PistolGrip said:
She's going to turn 20…

Having beautiful 19yo drunk girls getting up in your face...

I get nice sweet emails every morning (I know they will stop after a few months :( ).
Click to expand...

WTF? How long have you been with this girl?

EDIT: The OP has to be a joke, right? I fucking hope so, for your sake.
 
Liu Kang Baking A Pie said:
Evidence for why there is a 50% divorce rate.
Click to expand...
Absolutely. I dated my wife for over 8 years before I proposed. Granted, the first 3 years of that were in high school, but still. We lived together for 10 months before I proposed. I wanted to make sure we could handle everything about eachother before getting committed.
 
office-space.jpg
 
PistolGrip said:
- Privacy. I will have none. I have lived by myself for 6 years and tremble at the thought of having a person be there all the time looking through all my stuff <shakes> . We have spent weeks living together from time to time but at least I knew it will come to an end at some point every time we live together. Now she will be there forever!
Click to expand...
Establish before you get married (ideally before even engaged, honestly, but too late for that in this case) that you will have one room (or similar type thing if in small apartment) in the house all to yourself that she's not allowed to touch, while she has free rein over everything else. Still gives you the privacy you want, most guys don't honestly give a crap about the rest of the house anyway, and if she doesn't trust you enough to have one area of the house all to yourself, you shouldn't be getting married to her in the first place.
 
I actually, truly feel bad for somebody on the internet. It's too late to get out of this with your relationship intact (cancelling the wedding now is surely going to cause her to leave you), but I think you've really fucked yourself here. I feel bad now because this can't be comforting to hear. Holy shit I hope this is a joke post.
 
Some details:
I am 27
She will be 20
We have been together 2 years
We dont live together because of her parents are ultra conservative catholics. but from time to time she comes to live with me when her parents dont know.
 
You're 27 and she's 20? I said wow. It's one thing if you were 32 and her 25, but damn!
 
don't worry, all these seemingly small annoyances, problems just go away once you get married. Things don't balloon, or spiral out of control at all. Intimacy actually increases over time.
 
PistolGrip said:
I am 27 btw

I have been with her 2 years.

I am pretty sure... though I am not pretty sure all the time :)
Click to expand...
Well...seeing that it's all going to go down in a few weeks, I'm pretty sure there isn't much you can do now.

All I can say is that make sure you're talking to her openly and honestly, and not just sacrifice everything in your own life to make the relationship work. Each of you are going to need to be able to be yourselves if this thing is going to survive, and based on your description above it sounds like there's quite a lot of things that need some discussing/settling between the two of you.

If she's meeting you halfway, then none of this is nearly as bad as it sounds...but you've posted a pretty one sided OP there.
PistolGrip said:
Some details:
I am 27
She will be 20
We have been together 2 years
We dont live together because of her parents are ultra conservative catholics. but from time to time she comes to live with me when her parents dont know.
Click to expand...
Yeah...dude I'm not so sure about this anymore :lol

This honestly reads like a disaster just waiting to happen if it isn't already in progress.
 
I've been married over 10 years and love it, but after reading your list of issues, my sincere advice is to bail the fuck out. You've outlined a recipe for divorce, not a happy marriage.
 
First response to the OP has it right. If you have so many apprehensions about what's about to happen, you shouldn't be doing it. I waited until I was in my thirties to find the right woman and get married, and it was the best decision of my life. I had a couple of opportunities to get married to other people, but there was always something that kept me from doing it. Marriage isn't a chore or something you HAVE to do; feeling that way will only make you resent it and her later on. Make sure this is something you really, really want to do.
 
If you want to salvage ANY hope of possible happiness in this apparently doomed marriage, you need to start standing up to her parents.

STAND UP TO HER PARENTS!!!!

If you bow and scrape or give even half a rat's ass about their nonsense, it shows your girl that they are the boss.

You should be the boss.

Stop pretending to believe in shit you don't, stop hiding the fact that you two haven't "saved" yourself for marriage. Never bow to any man.
 
Who's idea was it to get married? Did you propose after you felt comfortable or was it brought up by her and her parents for quite some time making you feel like you had to do it? The other question... Is she still a virgin?
 
This is a bad, bad, bad, bad idea. How long have you been engaged? I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years, we don't experience any of the issues you do and we haven't even started talking about marriage. Changing your religion to appease her parents? She gets angry in the presence of other women? She is only 20 with a 7 year difference?

Bail. the. fuck. out. I wouldn't advise dating someone like that, much less marrying them. It's not too late.
 
There is no way this wont end in divorce, call it off, i know no-body enters a marriage perfect or expecting perfection but if you cant read what you wrote and see that clearly you are not in a position to marry and clearly you already have issues then god help you.

Said with the best of intentions
 
levious said:
don't worry, all these seemingly small annoyances, problems just go away once you get married. Things don't balloon, or spiral out of control at all. Intimacy actually increases over time.
Click to expand...

Excellent use of sarcasm.

I have a friend who absolutely believes that the minor problems he has with his girl right now will dissapear once the sanctity of marriage is achieved.
 
Count Dookkake said:
If you want to salvage ANY hope of possible happiness in this apparently doomed marriage, you need to start standing up to her parents.

STAND UP TO HER PARENTS!!!!

If you bow and scrape or give even half a rat's ass about their nonsense, it shows your girl that they are the boss.

You should be the boss.

Stop pretending to believe in shit you don't, stop hiding the fact that you two haven't "saved" yourself for marriage. Never bow to any man.
Click to expand...


Agreed. Cut the crap with her parents, tell her how you really feel about these expectations and money issues, then give it at least a couple more years before you consider marriage again (if it's still holding together).
 
Look man, I'm close to your age so I can understand the allure of some nice 20 year old pussy (or 18 when you met her *wink* *wink*) but there is plenty of nice NON-CATHOLIC snatch out there that you don't have to MARRY to get at. I mean god damn what is wrong with you?
 
All valid concerns....

I would say, just keep doing what you do...eventually she'll find that you own porn, or pot or whatever...

She'll eventually realize that as much as you look at other women, you are 'stuck' with her thorugh marriage...

She'll eventually get a little tired of seeing you all the time, and be fine with you going out and vice versa...

She'll eventually realize that you have bad days at work / have bad moods / occasionally not feel like pandering to her whims and be cool with that....

DO NOT CHANGE TOO MUCH..Adjust, not change.

Her being so young, makes me think she is the one that will need to grow up in this relationship more so that you. Best Wishes.

Oh, and for the record, I married a 32yr old when I was 30yrs old, and there was still some of the same crap, but being in my 30's she had to quickly realize that certain aspects are not going to change (like I hate yard work cause I have a bad back, so please stop expecting me to tend to the flower beds etc, or, YES, one of the reasons I like going to gym are the gym bunnies...or, the reason I play video games an hour per night is more just getting time in the 'man cave'...men need 'man cave' time...we cannot be around you alllllll day, everyday.), but there always must be compromises by both.
 
Stuff like this seriously upsets me. I am really annoyed having read this thread. Why must people constantly make stupid decisions knowingly? Honestly, do you think this will turn out well? Do you think that you are going to get married and things will magically change? False. Good luck with this. My advice, BAIL OUT.
 
GodofWine said:
Her being so young, makes me think she is the one that will need to grow up in this relationship more so that you. Best Wishes.
Click to expand...

That's the biggest problem in all of this. The person you are at 20 is very different from the person you'll be at 25. She may not want the same things anymore, but find herself stuck.
 
PistolGrip said:
That aside, I have never been happier.
Click to expand...


this reminds me of the that thread made by the guy who said his girlfriend hit him a lot.

he said the exact same thing.
 
Uhh...if you have to come on gaf and list out details, asking people if you should be getting married, that's a pretty huge goddamn hint right there that you shouldn't be getting married.

But I guess it's too late for that now. You're fucked.
 
you guys are awesome... actually I would probably respond the same way to someone else writing the OP ... :lol

To be honest the issues I listed were a little overblowned. Shes definitely not a drama queen when we go out but at times she does get insecure when there are a lot of beautiful girls around. Its funny she doesn't get insecure around her friends and they are usually hotter than anyone else in the club/bar :\

Privacy is a concern of mine. But I never had any issues while she stays with me. Actually its quite nice when she does the bed, starts organizing my clothes and even washes my stuff (I have a washer/dryer in my apartment). Although I feel embarrassed that she does all that, but she comes from a traditional Ecuadorian family where they pretty much pick up after the man... She cooks too :) but I help of course

Uhh...if you have to come on gaf and list out details, asking people if you should be getting married, that's a pretty huge goddamn hint right there that you shouldn't be getting married.

But I guess it's too late for that now. You're fucked.
Click to expand...

:lol
 
Gary Whitta said:
Am I doing it right?
Click to expand...

:lol

OP, she's too young IMO. As mentioned divorce rates are quite high, and marriages at younger ages are a big reason why for the early-on divorces. If you really care about the relationship (and I'd assume you do if you've been going out for two years), I'd call it off and wait and see if you can work through some of your existing issues before you even think about marriage (and let her grow into her own a bit more perhaps...). Not every relationship is perfect, but I believe in order for relationships to work common ground must be found.

You should at the VERY LEAST get marriage counseling IMO.
 
PistolGrip said:
you guys are awesome... actually I would probably respond the same way to someone else writing the OP ... :lol
Click to expand...

You should at least give it more time. 2 years is too soon when you haven't even been honest with her parents, or to her about the things that bother you.
 
xelios said:
You should at least give it more time. 2 years is too soon when you haven't even been honest with her parents, or to her about the things that bother you.
Click to expand...
I talk to her about my problems all the time :)
For example, I dont let her check my phone. At first she hated the idea but now she complies.

She knows I am agnostic too... I told her our kids will be agnostic as well and she is fine with that.
 
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