I think he could survive a night with no zombies n
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My brother has a gaming addiction
- Thread starter Kama_1082
- Start date
Usually, I would've said that he's just very engrossed in his hobby but that it's nothing to be worried about. The pacing thing, though... I mean, I wasn't there so all I can do is speculate. Could it be that he was just pacing because he was bored and there was nothing else for him to do at your house? Or were there things you knew he would've enjoyed doing and could've easily done but he chose to pace instead? Because if it's the latter, then I can certainly see why you'd be concerned.
Jack The Nipper
Banned
Did you guys ever take time watch him and talk to him about what he enjous? It's nice to have people take.interest and try to talk to you about what your doing. Or is it always head shaking and saying your a baby?
Just wondering, not saying he shouldn't give time to what others enjoy but being like him isn't helping either.
I don't want to watch life time, definitely don't want to go shopping. Especially near this time.... F that. And I have no feeling to watch sports. Now, watch a short time to talk and discuss points with super football lovers is ok, but I'm doing it for them not myself. I suggest you talk to him about what he is doing, have some interest, he can only feed off of what u do and maybe make a change one day, or atleast if he doesn't you make him feel good and it makes you more approachable for him. Try it, won't hurt you.
You start to sound a little pushy. He still has his free will and what he wants. What if someone doesn't like you on gaf now? It's your and his choice to do what you like after all. Feel you need to be more accepting to who he is and be the bigger person.
He will need to do the same back but even if he doesn't you did what was good and we're the bigger man.
Just wondering, not saying he shouldn't give time to what others enjoy but being like him isn't helping either.
I don't want to watch life time, definitely don't want to go shopping. Especially near this time.... F that. And I have no feeling to watch sports. Now, watch a short time to talk and discuss points with super football lovers is ok, but I'm doing it for them not myself. I suggest you talk to him about what he is doing, have some interest, he can only feed off of what u do and maybe make a change one day, or atleast if he doesn't you make him feel good and it makes you more approachable for him. Try it, won't hurt you.
You start to sound a little pushy. He still has his free will and what he wants. What if someone doesn't like you on gaf now? It's your and his choice to do what you like after all. Feel you need to be more accepting to who he is and be the bigger person.
He will need to do the same back but even if he doesn't you did what was good and we're the bigger man.
Conkerkid11
Member
But can you and your dad survive a night without football? Or your wife and mom a night without Lifetime?
Absolutely. It's about having some form of privacy.
NoctisVsStar
Member
It's the act of being around your family and people just talking and joking around not the football and the crappy lifetime movie. No one is saying that gaming is wrong but he's isolating himself and going out his way to not interact.
Mihos
Gold Member
I have someone in my family like this, difference is he is 15 and can still be snapped out of it. Hopefully you don't have to get drastic, like hiding all the liquor when your alcoholic uncle comes over.
Nope. My house, my rules.
So instead of trying to help brother you and your dad look down on him? You realise this could actually make the situation even worse right? As others have said he clearly has problems and uses gaming to forget them. Just calling him a baby or shaking your head at him isn't going to help. He needs his family to stand around him and get him the help he deserves.
Swordsman VII
Member
The desperate attempts to backfire this thread are amusing.
It's too bad your brother can't find something else entertaining to do. I mean, I'm pretty addicted too, i understand how it is. But there are other fun things to do when it isn't an option, hopefully he will figure that out sooner rather than later.
It's too bad your brother can't find something else entertaining to do. I mean, I'm pretty addicted too, i understand how it is. But there are other fun things to do when it isn't an option, hopefully he will figure that out sooner rather than later.
Mihos
Gold Member
This has nothing to do with gaming...if he was locking himself in a room reading books it would still apply, stop acting like this is an attack on our hobby.
Dude is a guest in someone's house on top of it all.
Conkerkid11
Member
And his wife and mother aren't? Or him and his dad aren't?
What I'm failing to understand is why he's the one left out simply because he's the only one in this group of 5 who is in the minority, and why he's criticized for this as well, being told he should suck it up and like what one of the other two groups likes.
He's not locking himself in a room. He's in the room that the console he's playing on is in. Him and his dad come in with beer, kick him off, and expect him to stay in there with them? Why couldn't they hang out with him while he played his game? Why couldn't they play the game with him?
But then you've also got people above me saying that he's not allowed to find better things to do, because he has to be in one of those two rooms with his family.
My dad told him some stuff that I'd rather not repeat here.
I see this hits close to home for you.
Warablo
Member
It seems like hes depressed with some form of anxiety. It will only get worse if things don't change.
I see where you are coming from, but its hard for him to control his emotions, and its exaggerated because he isn't healthy.
I am 24 dealing with similar issues. Depression, social anxiety
NoctisVsStar
Member
I agree with this, I feel a few posters think that we are attacking the OP's bro for gaming not at all. Back In the day my parents whenever social events or people came thru we had to come out our rooms and spend time with the visitors and after awhile you was dismissed and could return to gaming or whatever is that you do. But pouting over nonsense and spending the entire day playing ain't healthy.
Conkerkid11
Member
Are you trying to throw around personal insults towards gamers on a gaming forum? Jesus.
Ok so you won't say it here. but can you at least say was it positive and supporting? Or was it negative and putting him down? I say this because I went through this very thing. I have suffered from depression/ anxiety all my life and at one point used games as a way of escaping it. When I didn't play or couldn't play my mood always went down. Thankfully I had the support of my family and got over it. Despite still being a sufferer of both illnesses I have changed my life around.
Am I not a gamer? I don't know where you're trying to go with this faux outrage of yours.
Jesus fucking Christ. Some of you guys are really coming out of the woodwork to defend this lifestyle. It's not that Lifetime or football are better, more valid interests. It's the fact that this kid is holing himself up and refusing to interact with his family and gaming for such staggering amounts of time. These folks aren't watching Lifetime or sports for 12 hours.
I don't know why it's so hard for gamers to admit that gaming can be part of a problematic lifestyle. I think it would be cause for concern if OP was watching five football games every day. I think it's cause for concern that his brother seems to have a very real addiction (or obsession), and perhaps larger issues interacting with people.
OP comes off as kind of a dick, but I'm glad he's at least asking this question. I'm not the right person to adjudicate this guy's life, but if what OP says is true, his brother probably does have a real problem. Please try to get him some sort of help. If you, as a family, cannot do that, you should really consider looking into more serious help.
I don't know why it's so hard for gamers to admit that gaming can be part of a problematic lifestyle. I think it would be cause for concern if OP was watching five football games every day. I think it's cause for concern that his brother seems to have a very real addiction (or obsession), and perhaps larger issues interacting with people.
OP comes off as kind of a dick, but I'm glad he's at least asking this question. I'm not the right person to adjudicate this guy's life, but if what OP says is true, his brother probably does have a real problem. Please try to get him some sort of help. If you, as a family, cannot do that, you should really consider looking into more serious help.
Conkerkid11
Member
This is exactly what I'm used to as well.
Seems very reasonable, but has OP mentioned this as something that happens with his family?
Is this the equivalent of, "are you mad bro?"
At first it was negative and then he took him to the side and lectured him for 20 or so minutes. Not sure what was said there
Jack The Nipper
Banned
Some people don't like to talk to their family. It can be hard. Like making friends with a person that has no interests with you. I never agree that you should interact with family just cause their family. My grandmother just loves to gossip, I change the subject every time and we both don't like what the other wants to talk. So we have different likes
We can find a common ground sometimes. She would play sports with me when I was young. Or I look at her flowers and home decorations. But sometimes it's easily boring to me but sometimes I like it a bit.
But some things can be way harder with others who drink or go to bars. I hate it.
Sounds like a really tough situation and the guy is stuck in a nasty rut, but the bolded is exactly the wrong attitude to take. With family stuff like this it's easy to default to resentment and frustration, and not want to even look at the person who's being problematic (I/my parents get it with some of our extended family, it's really hard to avoid emotion getting involved straight away). But really, you need to talk to them about it, and be proactive about it. Sit your brother down (as a big group including your mum) and discuss a compromise; how he can do exactly what he wants, but he has to to take part in some other things (with or without you and your family). Even just having that situation where you all make it clear you're looking out for him and you want to help him out, will open his mind up a bit, like a clam.
As that great TED talk says, the reason your brother is like this is because he feels a connection with the games/community in the games rather than a connection with the world. People resort to/retreat into addictions when they don't feel a connection with the real world around them. If he's in a rut, you and your parents/wife have to help build that connection with him.
soulassssns
Banned
And you could survive a night without sports and beer while you continue to alienate your brother.
Have a bro to bro talk with him man. Your brother needs help as you say he shouldn't be this emotional over gaming at 20. Get him the help he needs (counselling or drugs or both) and with you and the rest of the family helping him you will see changes.
I survive just fine without either of them.
CambriaRising
Member
His house, his rules. If you don't conform to his accepted outlook on lifestyle choices, you obviously have the problem, not him.
Tonight you posted a public neogaf thread because your brother disrupted your routine in regards to this.
soulassssns
Banned
We've tried, trust me. He completely shuts it down. It's comparable to the fingers in the ears.
Mihos
Gold Member
This is basically it. When my 100 year old grandma visits, the kids dress nice and put the phone away. I hate baseball, but when grandma had the reds game on, you watched that shit. Whether it was her house or yours. It's only a few days a year...you can survive it. I don't know when respect became contriversial.
It's how it starts, I was the same as well. It's the fear of change, the fear of talking to some one you don't know and telling them your problems. You need to be strong for him when he can't, trust me it helps big time to have a person to have a shoulder to lean on. Start it of little by little, maybe sit next to him when he is playing the computer. The first few times don't say a thing and just watch him, then build it up from there.
If it's this serious, and it's impossible to get through to him at all, there might be something else going on. It's not my place to throw around armchair psychology, but it might be an idea to talk to someone.
The only thing that might make a difference would be sitting down as a group with him (intervention style) or alternatively organising one weekly activity he has to go out and do with everyone. Once a week, over a long time, might bring him out his shell. That's how occupational therapists and physiotherapists deal with people who have anxiety/barriers about thing - you start very small (insanely) and you gradually build them up to doing more and more stuff.
This is a very good idea, great post. Try getting involved with what he does, and make it a group activity. And once you've bonded over that (say CoD Zombies) a few times, say 'Hey, there's this other really fun thing I do, want to come try it out some time?'
MattGalvatron
Member
Get another tv. Let him play games and you can watch tv and do whatever. Seems like a pointless thread. If someone likes watching sports fine, if someone doesn't and likes playing games let em. Everyone's diff this "my way or the highway, my house my rules, seems dickish to me."
Jack The Nipper
Banned
Sounds like to me no one likes his hobby much nor do they take time to be the bigger person. It's just them saying what they feel he should do.
It's not that hard to go to him. Stop placing all the blame on him. Just go where he is, talk to him about what he likes and his game. Have interest. I guarantee if you do that he will come around more. Who wants to go around people treating you bad and saying bad things to you?
I'd stay away too
Jack Scofield
Member
You can basically tell which posters are similar to the OP's brother by some of the responses in this thread. Super defensive.
Come on, man. It's not just 'my house my rules', it's a deeper concern about the person's lifestyle and wellbeing, which may impact the rest of their life.
Sure, you can disagree with the actions being taken, but there's a core issue here you're missing.
NoctisVsStar
Member
Is it that hard for you to put down something that you like for a day or a few hours? By way I'm not attacking or being hostile just curious since you threw out that "sure.." Shade at the OP.
OP I'm with you. It's amazing how there are some people in this thread trying to act like you and your family are the bad guy.
Seriously your brother needs help. If a 20 year old is seriously about to cry because he can't play a game in SOMEONE ELSE'S house. something needs to be done. Real talk.
It sucks because as you said. You probably only see him a few times a year and when you do go see him he's holed up in his room. I would say maybe have your parents try to talk to him about spending more time or going out with his friends.
and honestly. If he doesn't respond to that well. It's time for drastic measures. He lives with your parents right? He doesn't have a job right? At some point they should probably tell him he has to start contributing. Find a part time job while he's in school part time as well.
Or maybe there is some sort of mental/addiction issue going on. because crying because you can't play a game at 20 years old is not healthy.
Seriously your brother needs help. If a 20 year old is seriously about to cry because he can't play a game in SOMEONE ELSE'S house. something needs to be done. Real talk.
It sucks because as you said. You probably only see him a few times a year and when you do go see him he's holed up in his room. I would say maybe have your parents try to talk to him about spending more time or going out with his friends.
and honestly. If he doesn't respond to that well. It's time for drastic measures. He lives with your parents right? He doesn't have a job right? At some point they should probably tell him he has to start contributing. Find a part time job while he's in school part time as well.
Or maybe there is some sort of mental/addiction issue going on. because crying because you can't play a game at 20 years old is not healthy.
Warablo
Member
Ya, the ones that probably don't admit it or know they have a problem.
Though you can tell by this thread people still don't understand mental health. Some people won't get it. Even people in your own family.
Yep even I am probably similar to his brother. I do admit that I have a problem myself
Look, you have 5 pages of solid advice here and instead responding to the positive helpful posts you pick and choose the useless ones to respond too in order to rile up the thread and get a reaction.
If this is how you act toward your brother no wonder he is acting the way he is towards you. For someone as mature as you self claim your not showing it, instead you are standoffish with posters that have the same traits and interest as your brother.
Jack The Nipper
Banned
Most people haven't addiction to something. For some it's having to be out. Shopping, eating, walking in a park just can't stay home.
I don't necessarily see that as better than staying home. Both are wants and near uncontrollable. I know friends who beg u to go out. But then you see they really just need a person to go with them. There are extremes for everything. If he is literally crying cause he can't play them he does care about games too much.
I don't necessarily see that as better than staying home. Both are wants and near uncontrollable. I know friends who beg u to go out. But then you see they really just need a person to go with them. There are extremes for everything. If he is literally crying cause he can't play them he does care about games too much.
Permanently A
Junior Member
Does he actually have anything else to do besides game at your house? In particular the pacing comment, its weird if he could go do something else that is interesting, but totally understandable if there's nothing else to do and he's just stretching his legs until he can play again.
I have no problem with his hobby. We share the same love for games and I even introduced him to the thing. He's a great kid, never gives my parents any hassle like I did. It's just that he doesn't know the concept of moderation. And that's where we are drawing the line. Like if he hung out with us all day and wanted to play all night..cool deal. My dad and I will go to a sports bar and watch the game, no big deal. But this is the only way to get him to stop and my dad just said so that his time needs to be short. He finally agreed that it is a problem
KoopaTheCasual
Junior Member
Wow @ the people trying to paint OP into this "beer, football, doesn't understand vidya games" archetype, when OP is a gaffer himself, who clearly has a very strong interest in the hobby.
I don't see him "riling" the thread. I see him getting pissed off at people straight up attacking him and getting accusatory. Why does taking great advice necessitate a post? He probably read some of the better advice (earlier in the thread) and will keep it in mind.
Reiterating that this is the best post for this situation.
I see and read all the comments and I'm trying to be helpful to him but I have to respond to comments like those