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My girlfriend has feelings for another guy

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Zombine said:
Well, let's not make this a male/female thing. I would advise anyone not to let their SO jerk them around like that. He stepped up to the plate and did the adult thing for his own emotional health.
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Edit. I completely misinterpreted that. My brain must be mush today.
 
You'll be alright. Now you can start paying attention to all the local girls you've been ignoring. She held you back. Go get em.
 
At some point you realize it's not worth it because there are tons of other people out there that will make you even happier. No reason to stay in a bad relationship.
 
Spork4000 said:
Wait, you guys broke up? Over something like that? My girlfriend and I were long distance for a while too. After being together for two months she moved back home around her parents, she realized she still had a crush on this guy, admitted it to me, I said it's cool people have feeling for others from time to time, it only matters how strong the relationship is. Two years later we're still together.
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Read the thread. There are red flags all over.
 
sadceph2001 said:
I don't know dude, I really don't. She sent to me in her final message that I should feel free to speak to her if I ever need her, that she still chooses me, and she hopes I come back around. She then blocked me. I sent her something I wrote for her a long time ago about how I felt about her over messages instead of FB, I needed to show her a long time ago. I probably shouldn't have, but I needed her to see it.
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Do not keep in contact with her at the very least for a while until you get over her.

Do not be her "option" it'll fuck with your head. Cut off contact, mourn, regroup and get back out there.
 
sadceph2001 said:
I don't know dude, I really don't. She sent to me in her final message that I should feel free to speak to her if I ever need her, that she still chooses me, and she hopes I come back around. She then blocked me. I sent her something I wrote for her a long time ago about how I felt about her over messages instead of FB, I needed to show her a long time ago. I probably shouldn't have, but I needed her to see it.
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If I'd just been broken up with for the reasons you just stated, I don't think I'd find it very encouraging if the person came back to me within even a couple days to say they regretted it. I'd want them to be much more thoughtful and determined about it. I don't think any adult wants to be with someone who seems trigger-happy about breakups.

But, yeah, don't go back. Honestly, if you couldn't trust her, it isn't worth it for either of you.

EDIT: sorry if that sounded like some kind of harsh judgment. I just don't think it's that unusual for people to block someone they just broke up with. You'd probably benefit from doing it, too.
 
LegendofLex said:
If I'd just been broken up with for the reasons you just stated, I don't think I'd find it very encouraging if the person came back to me within even a couple days to say they regretted it. I'd want them to be much more thoughtful and determined about it. I don't think any adult wants to be with someone who seems trigger-happy about breakups.
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fuck off. jesus.
 
sadceph2001 said:
fuck off.
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Not saying you're any of those things at all. I just don't agree with the people jumping to conclusions about her being glad to be rid of you (this is not what you need to hear anyway; although I'll admit I put my post rather stupidly, too). I'm just worried about you taking being blocked personally; this is just some people's protocol after a breakup. No need to freak out or stress about it - try to get your emotional distance, as dwelling on this won't be good for you.

You've been through enough.
 
sadceph2001 said:
fuck off. jesus.
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Stay out of this thread from now on, dude. You are just going to read more and more stuff that will piss you off and make you regret the decision.

Trust me when I say that you made the right decision. It might not feel that way at this time, and it definitely won't feel that way in a few days, but..

Eventually you will realize that you have come out of this situation even stronger, with an even better confidence in pursuing a healthy relationship.
 
sadceph2001 said:
fuck off. jesus.
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Glad you handled it well. You'll be able to focus on yourself, life and own needs from a much healthier perspective now. And, if you do somehow happen to remove the long distance aspect from between you two and there's still something, think of what the angry makeup sex will be like! ^_^

But in all seriousness, sounds like you handled it like a champ. It sounds like you needed to remove the emotional connection between the two of you and focus on your own lives instead. If there's something worth keeping past that, it's a rare friendship you two will have. If not, you did the right thing for you.
 
LegendofLex said:
If I'd just been broken up with for the reasons you just stated, I don't think I'd find it very encouraging if the person came back to me within even a couple days to say they regretted it. I'd want them to be much more thoughtful and determined about it. I don't think any adult wants to be with someone who seems trigger-happy about breakups.

But, yeah, don't go back. Honestly, if you couldn't trust her, it isn't worth it for either of you.

EDIT: sorry if that sounded like some kind of harsh judgment. I just don't think it's that unusual for people to block someone they just broke up with. You'd probably benefit from doing it, too.
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Wow. Thanks for being the worst part of this thread!
 
sadceph2001 said:
yeah, I guess
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You needed a breather, if not a clean break. You'll feel better since severing this emotional connection and giving yourself the mental energy to focus on yourself and what's good for you in a "present day, present time" line of thinking, as opposed to constantly living in a "eventually being together" long distance future sort of thinking. It's stressful on anyone. Trust me, I know. '_'

Damerman said:
Declare urself friends and then if its meant to workout It will.
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Yuuuuuupppp. It's hard to not look at this through emotionally fresh goggles, but take a step back and let yourself mentally get to this place. Be good with yourself first before trying to struggle through something long distance that is leaving both parties unhappy in one way or another because of the distance, or other factors.
 
HariKari said:
There's nothing to work out. They aren't married. They don't have kids. She chose someone else. OP can go be happy with someone that appreciates him.
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The worst part is this guy keeps coming up. There's no time for that. She obviously wants to see if there's something there. Let her. If she wants to explore that she should be able to. Breaking up isn't a big deal in the scope of things. 8 months comes and goes in a blink of an eye.
 
Sometimes I wonder what people arr thinking when they say things. Why would you tell your long distance SO you have feelings for someone else if you have no intention on acting on them? Wtf is the point of that? That is not exercising communication, that's just fuckinh naive.
 
Mohonky said:
Leave her. She can make up her mind after that fact.

"Dont want to seem like a bitch" huh? What reasoning. I'm too polite to cease contact with this person, I don't want to hurt his feelings.....what this OP you have feelings too? Yeh sorry he's are more important, I have to save face.

Seriously, get rid of her.
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bill0527 said:
She has feelings for him.

She sees him a lot more than she sees you.

You are nowhere around to put this fire out before it becomes an inferno.

This isn't going to end well for you.
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All sad but true.

There really is no hope unless you can find a way to physically be with her.

At this point that guy has her the moment he decides he is going to put in work.
 
sadceph2001 said:
I broke up with her, this time for real. She apologised, told me she loved me and said goodbye. Then she blocked me.

I feel so empty and pathetic.
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It may not seem like it right now, but you did the right thing. You saved yourself months and months of grueling anguish.
 
sadceph2001 said:
I broke up with her, this time for real. She apologised, told me she loved me and said goodbye. Then she blocked me.

I feel so empty and pathetic.
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It's okay dude. The feeling of emptiness will soon fill with good things and hopefully you'll move on stronger. I'm sure you'll run through scenarios and have regrets but that's all par for the course.

I start binge watching stand up comedy and other stuff (GiantBomb highlights on YouTube) that makes me laugh to get over this kind of stuff.
 
Gotdatmoney said:
Sometimes I wonder what people arr thinking when they say things. Why would you tell your long distance SO you have feelings for someone else if you have no intention on acting on them? Wtf is the point of that? That is not exercising communication, that's just fuckinh naive.
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Ooorrrrrrr.... they realize that the relationship has become emotionally unhealthy for them to the point where they are wanting to find comfort/solace in another person for their own needs and were being honest to their long distance SO in order to not lie to them about where things stood? That's being fucking real, not naive. That's communicating, which is one of the only things that actually allows long distance relationships to work out and become serious, imho.

Good on you for not dragging it out on yourself, OP. Get yourself somewhere good for you. Get a fresh perspective and approach life without the emotional suffocation that long distance anxiety tends to lend itself to.
 
TheLetdown said:
Can I get some clarification on the bolded part?

The way it currently reads is that she was honest with you and then you issued an ultimatum? Was there more to that? A little back-and-forth? Is there more to "developed feelings" than what it appears?
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Pagusas said:
You cant control people and your desire to do so will be you undoing. Telling someone to rid someone from their life is a horrible mistake, and if you have to fall to that to feel secure than any relationship is over.
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Kamion said:
You can't "command" your girlfriend to remove people from their lives completely just because you feel threatened by them.
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What planet are you guys on?

Edit: right move OP
 
sadceph2001 said:
I broke up with her, this time for real. She apologised, told me she loved me and said goodbye. Then she blocked me.

I feel so empty and pathetic.
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Good for you man. With her accepting it, apologizing and blocking you just like that, clearly she was ready or has already moved on. This was for the best man.
 
Live Free or Die said:
Instead of trying to work things out you broke up with her?
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What the fuck is there to work out? She admitted that she has feelings for someone else -- the relationship is basically over at that point. If two people have a serious connection, they don't develop feelings for someone else after hanging out with them for a week. It sounds like you have never been in an adult relationship and have a romanticized version of what that entails.
 
I think she ultimately wanted op to make the move and make the break. Because? If she really just had feelings for some other guy, but was resolved to be with OP, she had no need to cause a drama storm by confessing her total "eclipse of the heart".

If she was serious, she would have just dealt with those feelings internally, been friends with dude, and stayed with OP. Instead, "hey boyfriend hundreds of miles away, there is this super awesome guy over here and I don't know what to do!! lol XD. anyway, see you next week."

I mean...I looks pretty basic to me.
 
OP, you did the right thing. She wanted to end it but didn't have the guts too. You on the other hand were honest the entire way through.

Remember, it is the honest ones that come through stronger. You didn't have time for bullshit or games.
 
Iph said:
Ooorrrrrrr.... they realize that the relationship has become emotionally unhealthy for them to the point where they are wanting to find comfort/solace in another person for their own needs and were being honest to their long distance SO in order to not lie to them about where things stood? That's being fucking real, not naive. That's communicating, which is one of the only things that actually allows long distance relationships to work out and become serious, imho.

Good on you for not dragging it out on yourself, OP. Get yourself somewhere good for you. Get a fresh perspective and approach life without the emotional suffocation that long distance anxiety tends to lend itself to.
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It doesn't serve any actual purpose. If your SO is 1000km away all you've done is taken them from a state of comfort to active worry for absolutely zero reason. If you aren't going to act on it then you have no need to put that burden on someone. If you are conflicted you have no reason to be in a relationship with that person at all.

Communication needs to have an end goal and a realistic action plan to resolve problems. This serves no point. If you are really conflicted to the point where you don't know what you want, there is no discussion you and your SO can have that is going to have a healthy resolve. What is opening going to say? "Oh I see that you like him, I trust you to do the right thing" then put it in the back of his mind?

If you can't control your own wandering eyes and thoughts then just break up. Because in a long distance relationship, you shake the foundation of trust significantly by doing this with little actual benefit. Well besides easing your own guilt.
 
shintoki said:
OP, you did the right thing. She wanted to end it but didn't have the guts too. You on the other hand were honest the entire way through.

Remember, it is the honest ones that come through stronger. You didn't have time for bullshit or games.
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I agree. I bet that it was her not so subtle way to end the relationship. IMO, she wanted to end it but was too scared to do so.
 
sadceph2001 said:
yeah, I guess
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Honestly her blocking you is the best thing for both of you. A clean break is best. Now it's time to move on OP. You made a very, very difficult decision, but ultimately I think it was in your best interest. Best of luck OP. You'll find another fish in the sea :)
 
THRILLH0 said:
What planet are you guys on?

Edit: right move OP
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I agree with them. You can't tell someone who they can and cannot be friends with. You can only voice your concerns and see what is said. What you don't have to do is be in a relationship where your significant other is hanging with people that they know actively makes you uncomfortable.

Me personally, if my SO did this to me in a long term relationship I would break up with them because ots a purely selfish and pointless move imo. But in a close distance relationship you can talk about it and figure it out together. You can like more than one person at a time. But that is entirely different from putting yourself in a position to fuck it up just cause it would be "bitchy" otherwise.
 
TheOrangeKid007 said:
You will be fine. First thing you need to do now. Go to the gym and work out. Every second you waste feeling sorry for yourself or thinking about her is time you could be making yourself a better person. Don't waste that time. When you make yourself better (being more healthy, learning something new) things happen, people notice.
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Definitely good advice. More than likely she isn't having a single thought about you, especially as she's hanging out with her new man.
 
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