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[Your Entertainer]

Absolutely mind boggling to see the extent of what people will defend on this forum; it's ridiculous. And the word "insecure" is tossed around like a silver bullet to any opposition.

Gaf sounds like a lot of super insecure people...

I was the girl in this situation about a year ago. For reference, I've been in a LDR with my bf for 3 years now (he lives in Belgium, I live in the US). About a year ago I developed feelings for a male friend of mine, but I realized that I loved my bf more than I enjoyed the company of this male friend. We are still together and I am still friends with the guy. No cheating has happened, and I will be marrying my bf and moving to Belgium within the next few years.

Sometimes feelings are just feelings, not actions.

The part above isn't meant specifically for you. But, before we can glean more from your anecdotal experience - did you tell your BF? Did you threaten to breakup? What did he think? It's not really comparable unless we know that.

 

[Forearm Star]

Absolutely mind boggling to see the extent of what people will defend on this forum; it's ridiculous. And the word "insecure" is tossed around like a silver bullet to any opposition.



The part above isn't meant specifically for you. But, before we can glean more from your anecdotal experience - did you tell your BF? Did you threaten to breakup? What did he think? It's not really comparable unless we know that.

Kind of have to agree here. Was he just cool with knowing that you were developing feelings for someone else? Koodoos to you for finding out what you wanted, and nipping it in the butt. From the sound of it the girl in the OPs situation still wanted to figure things out. Unlike you who clearly stated you knew what you wanted.

 

[YoungHav]

Gaf sounds like a lot of super insecure people...

I was the girl in this situation about a year ago. For reference, I've been in a LDR with my bf for 3 years now (he lives in Belgium, I live in the US). About a year ago I developed feelings for a male friend of mine, but I realized that I loved my bf more than I enjoyed the company of this male friend. We are still together and I am still friends with the guy. No cheating has happened, and I will be marrying my bf and moving to Belgium within the next few years.

Sometimes feelings are just feelings, not actions.

It's not about being insecure people it's about having common sense. If you had a million dollars to gain from this bet, would you guess OPs GF cheated or not? Just because you had restraint doesn't mean everyone else does. I've seen engaged people have sex while on vacation, let alone ldr.

 

[Liljagare]

It seems alot of people think it is OK to be emotionally unfaithful on GAF, which is rather disturbing since its one if the best triggers to use in torture of another person.

Sorry for teh ot tangent, but damn, some of you people are just rotten human beings, and probarly have no clue why you have violence in your families.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Gaf sounds like a lot of super insecure people...

I was the girl in this situation about a year ago. For reference, I've been in a LDR with my bf for 3 years now (he lives in Belgium, I live in the US). About a year ago I developed feelings for a male friend of mine, but I realized that I loved my bf more than I enjoyed the company of this male friend. We are still together and I am still friends with the guy. No cheating has happened, and I will be marrying my bf and moving to Belgium within the next few years.

Sometimes feelings are just feelings, not actions.

Honestly sounds more like you didn't read the opening.

 

[koryuken]

Gaf sounds like a lot of super insecure people...

I was the girl in this situation about a year ago. For reference, I've been in a LDR with my bf for 3 years now (he lives in Belgium, I live in the US). About a year ago I developed feelings for a male friend of mine, but I realized that I loved my bf more than I enjoyed the company of this male friend. We are still together and I am still friends with the guy. No cheating has happened, and I will be marrying my bf and moving to Belgium within the next few years.

Sometimes feelings are just feelings, not actions.

Did you tell your boyfriend you had feelings for this other guy? Otherwise, its not the same thing even in the slightest.

 

[gdt]

OP you did the right thing. If you didn't break it off a whole world of pain and anguish was coming your way (and her way too, maybe).

It'll hurt for awhile, but not that long.

 

[davepoobond]

Did you tell your boyfriend you had feelings for this other guy? Otherwise, its not the same thing even in the slightest.

she would be insecure if she didn't, wouldn't she?

 

[akira28]

I don't know man, maybe this part?

Oh. Well. I guess I did miss that part. I'm sorry.

>_____>

 

[Tcab96]

It seems alot of people think it is OK to be emotionally unfaithful on GAF, which is rather disturbing since its one if the best triggers to use in torture of another person.

Sorry for teh ot tangent, but damn, some of you people are just rotten human beings, and probarly have no clue why you have violence in your families.

I'm genuinely curious, why do some people here think being attracted to or having feelings for someone else is emotional cheating?

Isn't it not someone's fault if they happen to be attracted and/or have feelings for another person?

I'm not trying to start an argument or anything, because the idea of emotional cheating always flew right over my head. I'd appreciate it if someone could explain.

 

[PhantomZone]

I have been in similar situations in the past

I've been the guy that's had the gf tell me that she has developed feelings for someone else.

I've also been THE other guy that the girl developed feelings for despite being in a relationship with someone else. I've even been the LONG DISTANCE (another state or even country) someone else while the person she was in a relationship with lived 10 minutes away.

Neither are particularly pleasant experiences emotionally, there is lots of walking on eggshells in order to not hurt anyone's feelings, there's wanting to get out ASAP but maintain some dignity but wanting to let the other person know how hurt you are in the situation.

My most recent experience was truly bizarre. Met her, I was instantly taken by her personality. she was also pretty in her own way, others may not automatically think HOWEVER the way she carried herself, the confidence she had despite not really being confident was amazing (super shy). We had a lot in common, even though our individual circumstances were different we were both in a similar state mentally (lost, confused etc).

We started something, then out of nowhere the bombshell of the century - she was with someone prior to me and was intending on going back to see how things go :-/. Her words were going on "vacation" with him. I let her as I felt it was the right thing to do (she was with him first) despite it making me look stupid and not exiting stage left. In my defense she swore black and blue that nothing would happen. She also set up some rules to not contact her at all, yet when the time came she broke ALL of the rules that she set (including attempting to be intimate with me over the phone - I refused based on how weird the situation was).

Cutting a long story short I ended things with her romantically as she was driving me crazy (and knew that when she was going to be done with me, it would crush me so I wanted to get out first). However a non-sexual friendship still exists between us.

 

[ultratruman]

I'm starting to love RelationshipGAF...

I'm smitten by you, you hear me.. You come in here with those big doe eyes. Don't you ever leave

Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen, you need to end this relationship. Just trust me.

 

[Rogan]

That's rough to read bro. Forget her and move on. Its a red flag and a disaster waiting to happen.

Did not read the whole thread btw, so maybe he already left her.

 

[Spoiled Milk]

This is not a response to the OP, but rather the consternation in this thread concerning human relationships, emotional cheating, and general attitudes toward monogamy (and what happens when it fails).

Life is messy and complicated. A few summers ago I was in a relatively turbulent, secret relationship with a married woman for a month. There were plans for her to move out to where I lived, divorce her husband, etc. She was serious about these plans. I struggled with it for a while and eventually realized that I did not want to be party any longer. Neither of us are horrible people. I regret the choices I made, but if it were so simple to just give human beings instructions and expect them to follow everything to the letter, then we would be more like computers than robots.

Moral alignment and ethical boundaries are basic human expectations; fine. I won't disagree with that. But who among us is perfect? If we judge everyone according to these moral obligations then what are we supposed to do about those that lapse? Those that stray? Those that disagree? There must be some room in our compassionate hearts to forgive the adulterous. Relationships are not the same as military service. You have no duty to the other person. Wavering loyalty does not risk the lives of other people. The purpose of every relationship is the satisfaction of your emotional and physical needs, and the rationally self-interested individual that everyone has the right to be will do whatever it takes to satisfy those needs or languish otherwise. This is a humble acceptance of the realities of interpersonal relationships, not an endorsement of sabotaging the trust of your loved ones for temporary carnal pleasure.

The movie Little Children comes to mind when I talk about this subject. It is easy to ostracize people with Winthropian ideals, but I believe in a world where the first tendency is to sympathize, not condemn.

What does this have to do with the original content? My advice, if I were to give it, is still the same as the consensus. Ultimately a relationship is about being able to sacrifice and respect the other person's wishes so that you both can be maximally happy together. If you are compromising too much, then the relationship is not making you happier than another relationship potentially could (maybe you are the problem, maybe you are not; use discretion). If the other person refuses to compromise in your direction then either you compromise in theirs or you come to terms with the fact that the relationship is not resolvable.

So OP should have broken (and did break) up with his girlfriend. But loosen your nooses, mob. Your life is probably not spotless, either.

 

[sadceph2001]

I guess I owe it to all of you that helped to update. I don't think she cheated and I shouldn't have been so quick to listen to "she's tried a new dick OP". I think she does care, given how devastated she's been about my attempts to cut it off. The blocking seemed like a knee jerk reaction. We've been talking and have agreed to spend the weekend together, so we'll see how that goes.

I asked if she thought it was unreasonable that she doesn't spend alone time or interact closely with with this person and she said that she never planned to, she just wanted to be honest with me and would expect the same if the shoes were swapped. I believe that. She doesn't, however, feel obliged to swap classes mid-semester just because he's there, and I didn't expect that she had to by "cut all contact".

Here goes nothing.

 

[HariKari]

I guess I owe it to all of you that helped to update. I don't think she cheated and I shouldn't have been so quick to listen to "she's tried a new dick OP". I think she does care, given how devastated she's been about my attempts to cut it off. The blocking seemed like a knee jerk reaction. We've been talking and have agreed to spend the weekend together, so we'll see how that goes.

It would not be the first time someone became emotionally manipulative after being called out on something. But it's your relationship, your tolerance for whatever makes you uncomfortable about the situation, your trust in her. Hope it works out for you and you are happy.

Just don't stick with it if it doesn't make you happy.

 

[GutsOfThor]

I guess I owe it to all of you that helped to update. I don't think she cheated and I shouldn't have been so quick to listen to "she's tried a new dick OP". I think she does care, given how devastated she's been about my attempts to cut it off. The blocking seemed like a knee jerk reaction. We've been talking and have agreed to spend the weekend together, so we'll see how that goes.

I asked if she thought it was unreasonable that she doesn't spend alone time or interact closely with with this person and she said that she never planned to, she just wanted to be honest with me and would expect the same if the shoes were swapped. I believe that. She doesn't, however, feel obliged to swap classes mid-semester just because he's there, and I didn't expect that she had to by "cut all contact".

Here goes nothing.

Good luck! Hope everything works out for you!

 

[onadesertedisland]

I guess I owe it to all of you that helped to update. I don't think she cheated and I shouldn't have been so quick to listen to "she's tried a new dick OP". I think she does care, given how devastated she's been about my attempts to cut it off. The blocking seemed like a knee jerk reaction. We've been talking and have agreed to spend the weekend together, so we'll see how that goes.

I asked if she thought it was unreasonable that she doesn't spend alone time or interact closely with with this person and she said that she never planned to, she just wanted to be honest with me and would expect the same if the shoes were swapped. I believe that. She doesn't, however, feel obliged to swap classes mid-semester just because he's there, and I didn't expect that she had to by "cut all contact".

Here goes nothing.

Good luck friend. My advice is to live your life and end the updates on this story.

 

[Admiral Woofington]

I guess I owe it to all of you that helped to update. I don't think she cheated and I shouldn't have been so quick to listen to "she's tried a new dick OP". I think she does care, given how devastated she's been about my attempts to cut it off. The blocking seemed like a knee jerk reaction. We've been talking and have agreed to spend the weekend together, so we'll see how that goes.

I asked if she thought it was unreasonable that she doesn't spend alone time or interact closely with with this person and she said that she never planned to, she just wanted to be honest with me and would expect the same if the shoes were swapped. I believe that. She doesn't, however, feel obliged to swap classes mid-semester just because he's there, and I didn't expect that she had to by "cut all contact".

Here goes nothing.

OP you've made your decision and you know the situation better than any of us. If she really truly was just being honest and has fought this hard for the relationship it may be like others here that the girlfriend was simply being honest and didn't expect any of this.

I wish you the best of luck. Ultimately only you decide what your love life is like. I'm crossing my finger that everything works out.

Like the person above me said, at this point I'd ask a mod to close the thread, live your life.

 

[Hydranockz]

I guess I owe it to all of you that helped to update. I don't think she cheated and I shouldn't have been so quick to listen to "she's tried a new dick OP". I think she does care, given how devastated she's been about my attempts to cut it off. The blocking seemed like a knee jerk reaction. We've been talking and have agreed to spend the weekend together, so we'll see how that goes.

I asked if she thought it was unreasonable that she doesn't spend alone time or interact closely with with this person and she said that she never planned to, she just wanted to be honest with me and would expect the same if the shoes were swapped. I believe that. She doesn't, however, feel obliged to swap classes mid-semester just because he's there, and I didn't expect that she had to by "cut all contact".

Here goes nothing.

Definitely sounds like the waters have settled on the Emotion Ocean. Good to see ye are able to talk about things openly and properly digest what was said and why. Regardless of what happens, as long as you are both honest with each other and to yourselves, things will work out for the better (whatever that may be).

 

[levious]

snip

I hate to gloss over your well written and thought out post, but I only recall that movie going out of its way to rationalize infidelity. It's been years, but i would have appreciated the movie more if it didn't make the other spouses outright villains.



Good luck OP, better to sort out these things at a young age.

 

[ultratruman]

It's your life, bro.

 

[Spyware]

Here goes nothing.

Good luck and I hope you feel better now!
My previous suggestion still applies tho, stop with the extreme honesty! Especially now when you know what it feels like to hear someone say the have feelings for others. Don't bring stuff like that up when it's not something you plan to act on at all, and tell your partner to keep that to themselves too if it's not gonna affect your relationship.
It's natural and seems to happen from time to time so there's no reason to bring it up and worry your partner for nothing, at least in my opinion.

 

[Ledhead]

Good luck OP. Only you know the correct course of action. Also wtf at how long this thread has lasted. I keep coming into Off-topic expecting it to be dead

 

[sonikokaruto]

I guess I owe it to all of you that helped to update. I don't think she cheated and I shouldn't have been so quick to listen to "she's tried a new dick OP". I think she does care, given how devastated she's been about my attempts to cut it off. The blocking seemed like a knee jerk reaction. We've been talking and have agreed to spend the weekend together, so we'll see how that goes.

I asked if she thought it was unreasonable that she doesn't spend alone time or interact closely with with this person and she said that she never planned to, she just wanted to be honest with me and would expect the same if the shoes were swapped. I believe that. She doesn't, however, feel obliged to swap classes mid-semester just because he's there, and I didn't expect that she had to by "cut all contact".

Here goes nothing.

Been in the same position, and this is gonna be the most awkward weekend you'll ever have.

 

[Hieberrr]

She openly admitted that she has feeling for another guy and is disregarding your feelings regarding this.

Don't be a bitch - you deserve better and need to get rid of her. That's blatant disrespect on her part.

EDIT: All I read was OP's first post. Seems like it has been dealt with?

 

[-ImaginaryInsider]

The stereotypical GAF relationship advice thread playing out in the stereotypical GAF relationship advice thread way.

Statistically, one of these has to actually end happy without the inevitable follow up thread.

 

[Seven Force]

Hope everything works out, man.

 

[jb1234]

I guess I owe it to all of you that helped to update. I don't think she cheated and I shouldn't have been so quick to listen to "she's tried a new dick OP". I think she does care, given how devastated she's been about my attempts to cut it off. The blocking seemed like a knee jerk reaction. We've been talking and have agreed to spend the weekend together, so we'll see how that goes.

I asked if she thought it was unreasonable that she doesn't spend alone time or interact closely with with this person and she said that she never planned to, she just wanted to be honest with me and would expect the same if the shoes were swapped. I believe that. She doesn't, however, feel obliged to swap classes mid-semester just because he's there, and I didn't expect that she had to by "cut all contact".

Here goes nothing.

Good luck, dude! It might be an awkward weekend but it'll also give you two a chance to communicate face to face. I'm rooting for you!

 

[the-pi-guy]

I actually went through something fairly similar. We literally live thousands of miles away from each other. We find ways to talk as much as we can. She did develop feelings for someone else, and we argued over it. She just wasn't herself.

She finally let him out of her life. Things were still raw a month later, but getting better, and actually seeing her was a pretty good fix emotionally. Things are now better than ever.

Some things you need to ask yourself.

Do you love her?
Do you trust her?
Do you know her?

If you're confident that the answer to all these questions is a yes, with maybe a "maybe" for the middle one, I would say to keep trying as long as she is. You need to talk to her.

I would tell her how awful you feel.
Tell her that long distance is hard, and can be lonely, but that you hope she considers it a committed relationship. Tell her that you love her.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now as for what most of GAF says. Situations like these are hard. No one knows exactly what is going on. No one knows what will happen, no one knows what is the best thing to do. Everyone is just speaking from what they think will happen, but the reality is, things could go amazing or they could go crappy.

You just have to hope for the best and decide for yourself what you think is the best thing. And something important to keep in mind, is that communication is key in any relationship.

 

[Weevilone]

Good luck OP. Regarding the advice, people here are just playing the odds and giving advice based on personal experience. Maybe this one will go the other way.

 

[shanshan310]

I guess I owe it to all of you that helped to update. I don't think she cheated and I shouldn't have been so quick to listen to "she's tried a new dick OP". I think she does care, given how devastated she's been about my attempts to cut it off. The blocking seemed like a knee jerk reaction. We've been talking and have agreed to spend the weekend together, so we'll see how that goes.

I asked if she thought it was unreasonable that she doesn't spend alone time or interact closely with with this person and she said that she never planned to, she just wanted to be honest with me and would expect the same if the shoes were swapped. I believe that. She doesn't, however, feel obliged to swap classes mid-semester just because he's there, and I didn't expect that she had to by "cut all contact".

Here goes nothing.

Glad you guys finally talked it through Sounds like you're gonna be alright. Good luck!

 

[Spirit3]

This happened to me as well... except she slept with him, feel in love with him and broke my heart. I pray to every god on this green earth that this doesn't happen to you or anyone ever.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

I guess I owe it to all of you that helped to update. I don't think she cheated and I shouldn't have been so quick to listen to "she's tried a new dick OP". I think she does care, given how devastated she's been about my attempts to cut it off. The blocking seemed like a knee jerk reaction. We've been talking and have agreed to spend the weekend together, so we'll see how that goes.

I asked if she thought it was unreasonable that she doesn't spend alone time or interact closely with with this person and she said that she never planned to, she just wanted to be honest with me and would expect the same if the shoes were swapped. I believe that. She doesn't, however, feel obliged to swap classes mid-semester just because he's there, and I didn't expect that she had to by "cut all contact".

Here goes nothing.

She's in classes with him now?

Yeah, good luck.

Yeesh.

 

[Senketsu]

this wont end well for OP

 

[AzureFlame]

That's it, leave her immediately.

 

[crazyrabbits]

I guess I owe it to all of you that helped to update. I don't think she cheated and I shouldn't have been so quick to listen to "she's tried a new dick OP". I think she does care, given how devastated she's been about my attempts to cut it off. The blocking seemed like a knee jerk reaction. We've been talking and have agreed to spend the weekend together, so we'll see how that goes.

I asked if she thought it was unreasonable that she doesn't spend alone time or interact closely with with this person and she said that she never planned to, she just wanted to be honest with me and would expect the same if the shoes were swapped. I believe that. She doesn't, however, feel obliged to swap classes mid-semester just because he's there, and I didn't expect that she had to by "cut all contact".

Here goes nothing.

But you were doing so well...

Don't say we didn't warn you.

 

[Qasiel]

Best of luck with the relationship, OP. I hope the nagging voice at the back of your mind doesn't drive you too crazy when she starts having classes with this dude. It's quite possible that there's nothing going on, but man would I have a hard time with the trust.

Hope you don't get mugged off, man.

 

[Nocebo]

I guess I owe it to all of you that helped to update. I don't think she cheated and I shouldn't have been so quick to listen to "she's tried a new dick OP". I think she does care, given how devastated she's been about my attempts to cut it off. The blocking seemed like a knee jerk reaction. We've been talking and have agreed to spend the weekend together, so we'll see how that goes.

I asked if she thought it was unreasonable that she doesn't spend alone time or interact closely with with this person and she said that she never planned to, she just wanted to be honest with me and would expect the same if the shoes were swapped. I believe that. She doesn't, however, feel obliged to swap classes mid-semester just because he's there, and I didn't expect that she had to by "cut all contact".

Here goes nothing.

Good for you. The world isn't as black and white as some people here seem to believe. The Internet likes their witch hunts and burnings though! Be ready to get thrown on the pile with her too...

 

[Into]

Your biggest problem is not that she developed some feelings for this one guy, your problem is that she is capable of developing romantic feelings for people other than you. If the ground was to swallow this guy tomorrow, your problems would be far from over.

In case you havent realized, no this is not normal. Noticing an attractive man/woman while you are in a relationship is one thing, but actually developing feelings for them is not.


Good luck, and update us if you care to. I kinda want to know i am right, but honestly i do hope i am wrong.

 

[Loudninja]

Good luck man, gaf just don't want to see you get hurt.

Everyone means well here.

 

[Always-honest]

Best of luck!

 

[kmax]

Sometimes you got to learn it the hard way.

Good luck, op. I hope the outcome of all of this will shape your future decisions going forward.

 

[Kamion]

I guess I owe it to all of you that helped to update. I don't think she cheated and I shouldn't have been so quick to listen to "she's tried a new dick OP". I think she does care, given how devastated she's been about my attempts to cut it off. The blocking seemed like a knee jerk reaction. We've been talking and have agreed to spend the weekend together, so we'll see how that goes.

I asked if she thought it was unreasonable that she doesn't spend alone time or interact closely with with this person and she said that she never planned to, she just wanted to be honest with me and would expect the same if the shoes were swapped. I believe that. She doesn't, however, feel obliged to swap classes mid-semester just because he's there, and I didn't expect that she had to by "cut all contact".

Here goes nothing.

Good luck to you. Now this sounds more like it and if she's genuine in this and this is exactly what I have been saying ("cut all contact no matter how hard" vs "don't get into weird situations alone").
I genuinely think it's worth trying. Sometimes you need to take a chance, I sure took a few for my relationships. Some work out, some don't. If you get hurt you learn from that. If you don't and your relationship comes out stronger than before from that, then that's great.

As I said, I wish all the luck to both of you. If your girlfriend is genuine - and I really hope she is - I don't see any reason for this not to resolve itself, especially since you'll be living close together next month for six-ish weeks. Which will be enough time to reaffirm your relationship - or the opposite.

In case you havent realized, no this is not normal. Noticing an attractive man/woman while you are in a relationship is one thing, but actually developing feelings for them is not.

It all depends on the extent of "feelings". It's a very broad expression. I've had crushes on people while in relationships. But if it's actual romantic "I want to be in a relationship with that person" attraction then yeah, I agree.

 

[SomTervo]

I posted earlier in the thread, went through the exact same scenario as the OP many years ago and decided to fight for the relationship. We've been together for 20+ years. You speak about experience, well, the thing about that is everyone's experiences are going to be different. Doesn't mean one is superior to the other.

Cutting the cord isn't the only solution in these scenarios. For what it's worth, OP's girl sounds like she wants things to work. I wish OP the best of luck, whichever path he chooses.

Really good advice in this post.

Much of the terrible advice here is from posters who are inexperienced, who often argue semantics and will try to save any and all relationships, when its evident that breaking it off is the best course for the long term. They are ready to excuse and pardon everything and standards and expectations are branded as somehow wanting to control someone. Its bizarre world.

Next time, and there will be a next time, because the chances of this relationship working out are slim, you will be more attentive to certain red flags, that you often wont be when you are young.

Fucking hell is this thread the International White Knights meet up?

OP you done the right thing.

[snip]

Reply to this thread in 1-2years time and I bet you'll be happier with your new gf than you ever were with this one.

White Knights?

Really?

Rest of your post is okay, though. I just wish people would stop using bullshit terminology like 'white knight' or 'nice-guy-doormat'. Just damaging shit to say. The world's not as simple as that.

Edit:

I guess I owe it to all of you that helped to update. I don't think she cheated and I shouldn't have been so quick to listen to "she's tried a new dick OP". I think she does care, given how devastated she's been about my attempts to cut it off. The blocking seemed like a knee jerk reaction. We've been talking and have agreed to spend the weekend together, so we'll see how that goes.

I asked if she thought it was unreasonable that she doesn't spend alone time or interact closely with with this person and she said that she never planned to, she just wanted to be honest with me and would expect the same if the shoes were swapped. I believe that. She doesn't, however, feel obliged to swap classes mid-semester just because he's there, and I didn't expect that she had to by "cut all contact".

Here goes nothing.

'Here goes nothing' is a healthy attitude about it. Give her an inch, don't let her take a mile, in this case. Give her only a small benefit of a doubt. See how she behaves in person.

Basically, try not to let your heart get hung up on her or too committed. Set your subconscious default to be 'disattached, disaffected'. That way you'll keep perspective. Still, obviously have fun and be relaxed - but don't let your mind get too committed.

If shit doesn't work out with her, everything's fine. If shit does work out with her, and this other person isn't an issue, then everything's fine.

It definitely sounds possible that this other guy is a big liability for your relationship, though. If I'm ever worried about a third party in a situation like this, I actually try to meet them, to get into the same situation as them. Usually clears up just how much of an issue they might or might not be. And you can act very chill about the whole thing.

 

[Kamion]

'Here goes nothing' is a healthy attitude about it. Give her an inch, don't let her take a mile, in this case. Give her only a small benefit of a doubt. See how she behaves in person.

Basically, try not to let your heart get hung up on her or too committed. Set your subconscious default to be 'disattached, disaffected'. That way you'll keep perspective. Even if shit doesn't work out with her, everything's fine. If shit does work out with her, and this other person isn't an issue, then everything's fine.

It definitely sounds possible that this other guy is a big liability for your relationship, though.

This is good advice OP. You don't have to pretend nothing happened. And it won't be easy, that's for sure. You also shouldn't rush back into "I love you so much etc" mode. Just take it slowly, look at how it develops and act accordingly.

 

[Maximo]

Certainly bookmarking this thread for the future.

 

[seanoff]

The second reply was spot on. We've had another nearly 1200. Why?

GTFO NOW!!!!!

 

[Hilti92]

The second reply was spot on. We've had another nearly 1200. Why?

GTFO NOW!!!!!

Some people just don't listen. GL Op, wish you the best.

 

[Meciu]

I don't think that's a wise decision but that's what you want, and I'm okay with that. Take care and good luck OP.