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My in laws are pushing for my child to be baptized
- Thread starter EleventhDoctor
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Atheists have moral too. For me it would be the whole participating in a lie. I don't believe, so it would be dishonest to myself and other to go through the motions and lie to others. It cheapens the purpose of the ritual if people doing don't believe in what they are doing.
Doesn't Christian teach people its bad to lie? Then why encourage other to lie to to make them feel good? If God/Jesus is real, he knows the person pretending is lying, so who is the show for?
IronBubbles
Banned
Be a man, tell them to fuck off. You don't force religion down your child's throat, and you certainly don't use it to please your asshole grandparents.
Ignore anyone who's said to blindly go through with it. Terrible advice. Honestly, just go with your instinct. If you and your partner don't personally want to baptise the child and the child is not yet old enough to make the choice then the decision is simple. Don't do it.
There are a million other difficult decisions you'll need to agonise over in a child's life. This doesn't have to be one.
There are a million other difficult decisions you'll need to agonise over in a child's life. This doesn't have to be one.
teruterubozu
Member
Say you found the number of the beast and hail Satan.
Amory
Member
When my cousins were little my aunt and uncle didn't get them baptized. I don't think they're atheists per se, just kind of whatever about the whole thing. My grandma was babysitting one day and she went and got them baptized in some express-lane kinda way.
If your in-laws feel that strongly about it and you feel strongly that your kid shouldn't be baptized, you might not want to let them watch him/her. That's all I'm saying, haha
If your in-laws feel that strongly about it and you feel strongly that your kid shouldn't be baptized, you might not want to let them watch him/her. That's all I'm saying, haha
I wouldn't partake in something I don't believe in, or that I think is fake, just to appease some family member. I'd tell them that I understand and respect their point of view, but that I don't share it and it's my child, so it's ultimately my and my partner's choice.
Of course, I've never been in that situation, so this is how I hope I'd react. Whatever you choose, OP, I hope everything ends up well for you.
Of course, I've never been in that situation, so this is how I hope I'd react. Whatever you choose, OP, I hope everything ends up well for you.
Typhoon_Ex
Member
I might have that problem in the near future. I am an atheist and my girlfriend is a believer (christian) but she does not practice and really she does not believe that people need to be baptized or have a specific fate.
However her mother and siblings are very religious and when we decide to have children (which should be in the next 2 years) I will have to deal with this.
I am not going to put my child trough any form of religious cerimony or allow some beliefs to be forced upon.
So just make your stand man, if you trully believe like I do that it is wrong to force religion on a 5 year old, then don't let it happen.
However her mother and siblings are very religious and when we decide to have children (which should be in the next 2 years) I will have to deal with this.
I am not going to put my child trough any form of religious cerimony or allow some beliefs to be forced upon.
So just make your stand man, if you trully believe like I do that it is wrong to force religion on a 5 year old, then don't let it happen.
The Horror the horror
Banned
Next they'll be asking if they can take your kid to church with them every Sunday.
Thing with grandparents is that they have a lot of free time and nothing relieves their boredom better than to play a strong influence on a child. Not saying that's a bad thing. It's completely natural for a senior to want to pass on something to someone that's very receptive to their influence. But if you're not comfortable with that, then you need to hold your ground.
Thing with grandparents is that they have a lot of free time and nothing relieves their boredom better than to play a strong influence on a child. Not saying that's a bad thing. It's completely natural for a senior to want to pass on something to someone that's very receptive to their influence. But if you're not comfortable with that, then you need to hold your ground.
Every church I have been at has clarified during communion that it is for believers and that if anyone does not currently "follow Christ" that they should not partake. No one will keep track of who does and doesn't partake (at least they shouldn't be) and life goes on afterwards.
ElectricBlue187
Member
Id just do it in the interest of peace. But I'm not the confrontational type, especially when it's something as meaningless and easy as this.
Amory
Member
These threads are depressing, honestly. The people pushing for baptism are terrified of the thought of your kid ending up in hell because you won't let some water be poured over their head.
Doesn't sound like they're asking you to raise them with religion, just to participate in one simple ceremony. Being stubborn about something like this is going to cause some serious resentment between you and them. If you don't care, then that's fine. But you should realize the magnitude of the decision and that it's probably going to make life more difficult down the line.
Doesn't sound like they're asking you to raise them with religion, just to participate in one simple ceremony. Being stubborn about something like this is going to cause some serious resentment between you and them. If you don't care, then that's fine. But you should realize the magnitude of the decision and that it's probably going to make life more difficult down the line.
Pyramid head
Banned
As others have said, this decision should be your child's and theirs alone when they are of an age to make it. If she has respect for you and your child she should be able to accept that.
CrudeDiatribe
Member
That's how we're handling my 95 year old grandmother's desire to see my partner and I married.
Some of them are pretty painful
Before my partner became an atheist I said she could have any kids we might have baptized, I just wouldn't be there, just like she could have a funeral for me in a church. Now that she's an atheist too? No.
Anoregon
The flight plan I just filed with the agency list me, my men, Dr. Pavel here. But only one of you!
I think it's definitely a "pick your battles" situation. Tossing the grandparents a bone is probably easier for everyone than pushing back. It's just a splash of water on your kids head, after all.
Joel Was Right
If you smell burning, it's probably the generators acting up. Report it anyway.
Consider that whilst this "bothers" you, your wife is obligated to do this by, in her belief, God himself. There is a tremendous amount of importance surrounding the ceremony. Now, measure your problems with it against your wife's feelings on it: which do you think has more weight? How is it going to come across to her?
Hari Seldon
Member
Bad move. A one hour ceremony plus a party is easily worth family peace. Plus when she is older it is much more of a pain in the ass to get baptized, you have to go to classes and shit and sit through a multi hour ceremony.
Lucky for me, the few time I have gone to Catholic Church for family reasons, no one forced or questioned me when I stood aside and did not take Communion. So I know there are "good" Christians out their who know their faith and respect others belief/non-belief. My aunt was a Roman Catholic nun, she never pressured me into religion.
On the flip side, i was highly annoying at my husband grandmother's funeral. Going to church for service, I was fine with that- I can be quiet for an hour. But then the family demanded to do the Rosay- ugh, that is long, but fine, it what she wanted. But then the family members who made the big fuss to do it all slept though the service, leaving the row of atheists front and center wide awake. Rude as all fuck.
His wife is against it.
CrudeDiatribe
Member
So? Surely that's no hassle for the faithful.
I'm all for meaningless gestures to keep the in-laws happy when it comes to stuff like this, and have done a number of gestures of my own. (I have a brother who did something similar, even though neither his wife or himself practice the religion; it was for her in-laws.) But when it involves children, I draw a line. I don't like using them as pawns to win favor of someone. My older daughter refuses to get baptized, and I tell my in-laws pushing for it that I respect her decision and so should they.
Basically, this.
If you want, you can see this as a "gift" to them, after all if you do not believe in any sort of religion then the entire thing is harmless, like you said a "show".
You can also look at it that you should not have to gift them this, if you and your wife are against it. After all it is your child, not theirs.
I personally would not do it, i am simply too proud to get bossed around by my in laws to allow that, even if it technically does not matter and its just a silly ceremony. I can see the whole "just do it, it will make them happy" but at what point does it end? If they think they can get their wish with this, where does it end? If you constantly appease them, then is simply no end in sight and suddenly your own child is raised differently than what you and your wife wanted.
You can also look at it that you should not have to gift them this, if you and your wife are against it. After all it is your child, not theirs.
I personally would not do it, i am simply too proud to get bossed around by my in laws to allow that, even if it technically does not matter and its just a silly ceremony. I can see the whole "just do it, it will make them happy" but at what point does it end? If they think they can get their wish with this, where does it end? If you constantly appease them, then is simply no end in sight and suddenly your own child is raised differently than what you and your wife wanted.
Why should any family member's thoughts about religion regarding a child have more weight than their own parents'? If life will be made more difficult it is only because of said relatives; you can't blame the parents for that. If they won't respect your decisions regarding your child's upbringing then they are the ones at fault, not you.
It's not about being stubborn, it's about raising your child however you consider appropriate. If you don't think they should get initiated in any religion, then you shouldn't do it.
Hari Seldon
Member
No, but the OP will then be stuck with a 3 hour ceremony rather than a 1 hour one. Plus all the driving his daughter back and force to classes. Although I'm not entirely sure if the Lutherans do it like this so I could be wrong.
WorriedCitizen
Member
Wasn't there someone on gaf who had his family destroyed because of this? So don't play hard if it puts family peace in jeopardy. Your wife seems to be on your side tho so that's good.
I was really pissed when my two nephews got baptized so they could go to a better school and don't get bullied. My family isn't religious but my sister and brother in law live in a pretty religious neighborhood. Was really worried that they grew up and believe all that nonsense. But they make me proud now. One told me it's all bullshit in his opinion and the other told me first thing he's gonna do when he turns 18 is to leave church so he doesn't have to pay church tax.
I was really pissed when my two nephews got baptized so they could go to a better school and don't get bullied. My family isn't religious but my sister and brother in law live in a pretty religious neighborhood. Was really worried that they grew up and believe all that nonsense. But they make me proud now. One told me it's all bullshit in his opinion and the other told me first thing he's gonna do when he turns 18 is to leave church so he doesn't have to pay church tax.
Capital_Five
Member
I'm an atheist but I really believe you should just tell the grandparents that you believe this is each persons personal decision and she can choose if/when she is ready. If they can't understand that, they wouldn't be worth appeasing anyways.
This argument is so illogical it hurts. He should let his kid be baptised against his wishes just because someone who is not the legal guardian of the child believes, without any evidence, that not baptising the child could lead to eternal damnation? You don't make a decision on behalf of your child just to please someone else and to keep the peace.
What if the other set of grandparents were against baptising the child? How do you decide? You shouldn't have to. You can never please everyone and as parental guardians you can only do what you think is right for the child. The grandparents need to stand down.
Not just atheists, but people of other religeons too, we can make a killing. I'll be ya managa kid were going placesI feel like I can start a business throwing Fake Baptisms for Atheists.
LSauchelli
Member
Technically to have a baptism the parents need to be religious, same with the godparents. The whole point of baptism is that the parents and godparents promise to raise the kid in the faith.
anarckitty
Member
I'm not religious, so honestly I don't see the problem just letting your daughter get baptised especially if it's a sick in-law's "dying wish".
Sounds like you're kind of making a mountain out of a molehill so to speak. You're daughter isn't going to hate you if she grows up to be an atheist, and hey, if there is a God then at least she's already baptised. Sounds like a win-win situation to me.
Sounds like you're kind of making a mountain out of a molehill so to speak. You're daughter isn't going to hate you if she grows up to be an atheist, and hey, if there is a God then at least she's already baptised. Sounds like a win-win situation to me.
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