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My wife and I just separated
- Thread starter PARANO1A
- Start date
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I guess he's afraid people might tell him this because they went fast with the mariage.
Sorry for you OP, good luck to you.
My only advice would be to call your buddies to plan some night out/fun activity and get a lawyer to see what she can claim regarding the house and shit.
It probably has more to do with them getting married after less than a year. Still a shitty thing to tell someone though.
Please tell us you didn't do this before talking with a lawyer.
soundscream
Member
What did you put into your house in the 18 months you were married that 10k is only a start?
Jill Sandwich
the turds of Optimus Prime
I was in the same situation a couple of years ago. All I can say is time will mellow things but at the moment, let yourself grieve and wail. You need to. But spend time with good friends too, and plan things to do.
Eaten By A Grue
Member
I am not a lawyer, but I do not think she can get your house if her name is not on the title deed...
Carefull buddy, you're already into troubles because of one girl and you don't want more troubles I suppose. Not saying you shouldn't go out and have fun, but since you're feeling low you need to be extra carefull who you mess with.
It completely depends on what the laws are where he lives. Where I live (Ontario, Canada) if you owned the house before marriage then it's yours but you owe her for any increase in value of that house during the marriage. For example, I own a home and the value increased $100K over the course of the marriage then I owe her $50K as a payment even though she didn't even make a mortgage payment.
Was the brother of a friend of mine so I didn't really ask. And In my own brothers case he just wanted to get it over with (plus he was devastated I suppose) so he would've signed anything which is never a good idea.
All I know is that if I ever get married I'll get a prenup for sure.
The Anti-Monitor
Banned
Always talk to your lawyer. Hopefully you didn't give her those 10K before that.
And of course, shit sucks. Just remember this is something common, and you can always recover.
And of course, shit sucks. Just remember this is something common, and you can always recover.
Rocket Scientist
Member
Divorce/break-up does bring out the worst in people at times, yes. I don't think I'll ever get used to the horror stories.
I see. While it's a better situation, it still sounds a bit unreasonable and unrealistic. Nobody has that kind of money lying around and while I definitely agree she has right to a part of the house payments, this solution seems somewhat unbalanced. I have no idea what you should do in this situation. Definitely ask for expert help on the situation though. Prenups and separate banking accounts are starting to sound more and more tempting, ugh. Someone needs to make a thread to ask Married-with-prenup-and-separate-accounts-GAF how it's like and if it hurts the romance part of marriage.
Vampire Baseball
Member
Sell all your stuff and give your money to your parents to hold onto till this all blows over.
Why is she entitled to half if she didn't contribute half? If there are children involved and she didn't work because she was raising kids it might be a different story, but from the little I know she'd have to do a LOT of housework and such to have contributed to half of what's been paid off the house if, as you say, you earn three times as much.
I'm not trying to tell you how to settle your divorce; I know that lawyer fees tend to drain accounts quicker than almost anything else and sometimes it's just better for your soul if you don't drag things out in court, but get some advice before agreeing to anything. Also, laws might be different where you live. Such a shame that a relationship that was meant to last forever falls apart in such short order.
Wouldn't help since that was all originally in his name. If he had bought the house in his parent's name and it was always in their name then that would be a different story.
Vampire Baseball
Member
This reminds me of a foreman I used to work for. He had his dad take out the mortgage on his house and he paid him "rent" for it. He got married and latter divorced. His wife tried getting a part of the house but because he didn't own it and was just paying "rent" she didn't get any of it. He told me I should do the same in addition to getting a prenup if I ever got married. :lol
Rocket Scientist
Member
Pretty genius on one hand, pretty shitty on the other hand. I'd feel like I was stealing from my wife...
Salvor.Hardin
Banned
That's awesome. If I ever get rich to the brim and marry a trophy wife, I'll be sure to do that. You'd think more celebrities would try that out. Perhaps somehow divorce ownership of the property from themselves into a separate entity, while still maintaining some inheritance clause, and exclusive rent.
And what would happen if it was the wife who owned the house? Would the same thing apply to the husband?
BladeoftheImmortal
Member
I warned two of my friends not to rush into marriage...they did...now they are divorced.
Are you like a millionaire or something? She should only be getting half of the equity you've put into the house since you've been married. How much could you possibly put into it in 18 months? Being so young you are probably still on the very front-end of your mortgage so most of it is going to interest anyway. There's no reason this should cause you to sell the house.
you could always give her money if you really feel like it ....
Z
ZombieFred
Unconfirmed Member
Trust me man, you will get through this and you've got the rest of your life ahead of you. I've seperated from a relationship of five years (been single for two months now) and was engaged and about to buy a house. You're still in a better position as you have no kids and still young with a good career, and it's not the worst financial situation to come out of it. You have so much to look forward to in the future so spend time with your friends and family and live life. You will heal a lot beter as time goes by 
Yes. The way it works here is any property that is acquired during the marriage is equally split at the end of the marriage and any increase in value of property from before the marriage is equally split. There are a few exceptions like inheritances if they weren't used on the property.
Vampire Baseball
Member
Hahaha that's amazing.
If you were the one paying the "rent" on the house, how would you be stealing from your wife? I could understand if both of you were paying on the house.
Myoclonic Jerk
Member
Good luck. It's not an easy thing, but keep in mind its a normal thing. So don't kick yourself hard for it..
shit just happens sometimes, don't try to figure out what the reason was. Just look forward and plan your future as this was just an obstacle
You're blessed, you have a decent job and yo're young
and don't do this fling thing you're thinking about, its so cheap and demeaning, you'll end up regretting it
shit just happens sometimes, don't try to figure out what the reason was. Just look forward and plan your future as this was just an obstacle
You're blessed, you have a decent job and yo're young
and don't do this fling thing you're thinking about, its so cheap and demeaning, you'll end up regretting it
How is having sex with someone cheap and demeaning? Why would you regret having sex with someone unless you've got some weird hangups or they gave you AIDS or some shit?
Rocket Scientist
Member
That's true, but I doubt people who would do this would be planning on doing that. Seems like a dick move to give yourself all the power over what your husband or wife is entitled to.
How do you even agree who pays the rent though? And in the case that you do agree to saying that the bills for example are split in half and one person is paying the rent, the same could apply to a regular mortgage without the weird financial construction going on there. The sole intention of that guy was to have his house to himself and pull a dick move on his wife.
reptilescorpio
Member
All that can be said is that you have many, many years ahead of you to grow and enjoy. Clean up the separation and then consider it a new start.
Take things easy and in a few years time you will feel better than you ever have before and wonder how it really felt to be in this place.
Take things easy and in a few years time you will feel better than you ever have before and wonder how it really felt to be in this place.
The reasoning is cheap. After thinking of nothing but being with your partner for the rest of your life the impulse to go out of have sex with whoever is like a tick in the mind trying to regain lost power or composure or something rather than wanting to have sex with that person because you actually want to.
David Incorporated Esq.
Member
OP, sorry to hear it and I wish you luck. You're in for a rough time but you'll get over it, of course.
I went through one at the end of last year and I was fortunate in that it wasn't an angry, raging divorce. We didn't own a home so our finances were split down the middle and that was that. I'll just echo that you need to speak with a lawyer, not retain one, just to see about what you might run in to.
I went through one at the end of last year and I was fortunate in that it wasn't an angry, raging divorce. We didn't own a home so our finances were split down the middle and that was that. I'll just echo that you need to speak with a lawyer, not retain one, just to see about what you might run in to.
K, that makes sense. It's not like doing the nasty with some girl is a life-altering decision that's going to scar him though unless he has weird hangups.
CommonSense
Banned
All I can tell you is I married my wife rigbt out of college and we have had a seperation as well. However we worked it out so there is still hope my man.
I do advise you find a trampy no-potential girl to establish your man ego as mulling around and crying won't endear your wife to come back to you....as weird as that sounds....
w00pdiw00p
Banned
It's an expensive lesson, but be sure to get a pre nup next time.
CommonSense
Banned
I've had a pretty bad break-up recently (7 years, newly engaged) and I keep saying to myself, "Man, at least I wasn't married."
We've had to honestly and fairly divvy stuff up, and that hasn't went so well either. In fact, about a week and a half ago, I came home and one of my bookshelves was gone, it's contents sloppily strewn about the floor and on my bed... additional stuff missing that was clearly mine, like books I've had for 10+ years. I changed my locks to my door.
Suffice to say, it's been rough, but you have legal shit you have to deal with, which is way worse imo. Good luck dude.
We've had to honestly and fairly divvy stuff up, and that hasn't went so well either. In fact, about a week and a half ago, I came home and one of my bookshelves was gone, it's contents sloppily strewn about the floor and on my bed... additional stuff missing that was clearly mine, like books I've had for 10+ years. I changed my locks to my door.
Suffice to say, it's been rough, but you have legal shit you have to deal with, which is way worse imo. Good luck dude.
I am recently separated as well, almost 4 months to the day. Sure it sucked a bit at first but once you get some time away you will come to realize it was probably for the best like I realized. Sure it sucks that i'm 30 basically starting over but i'm a hell of a lot happier now.
w00pdiw00p
Banned
No, not single. But where I'm from, pre nups are the standard.
reptilescorpio
Member
Yeah he will mainly be disappointed that he needed to go out and do something like that rather than work through the pain and shock through other means that don't get random people involved.
Would hate for a rebound backfire. I know quite a few people that rebounded into a new relationship that ended up falling apart the same way. Need to give yourself time without getting sex and relationships involved.
POWERSPHERE
Member
You could end up feeling like shit after a few flings when you realise the magic you imagine is more of a fantasy that gets shattered when you remember most girls are shit at sex, prepare for it.
yeah, don't really get it. i have been drinking with friends a lot recently, it hasn't really helped in any meaningful way. had a NSA fling with some girl i know, it was fun at the time but made me feel even more empty.
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