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[bengraven]

Once you break up with her, she won't suddenly just be with women and "explore". She'll find a man within weeks, guaranteed. She'll actually put her lesbian inclinations to the side for a few months to find a man.

"I want women now, but I gotta have a man for an anchor" will likely be her excuse.

 

[Pristine_Condition]

She said if we're fine or if i am second thoughts again just now via text, before we talk on sunday. I just told her it's over and i can't do it and just hanging on what it use to be and the u turn of changes and paranoia fear are because of that. I said it's over, it's fucking over...

Oh man I feel relifed doing this and now need to see my best friend. Will update later.

Thank you for your support so far guys, so much.

You are doing the right thing, getting out now. Don't have any second thoughts about it. You know did the right thing.

Do what you do, and start to build back up your self-esteem. Sounds like it could use a little boost.

And, please, don't stay in the same house with her...make a clean break.

You will find a new girl sometime down the road, probably when you least expect it if you are concentrating on work...what are you gonna do then, if you are living in the same house with your ex-girlfriend who happens to want to have sex with girls? How is your new girlfriend gonna react to that? Not fucking well, (if she's a worthwhile chick,) that's how.

Don't do that. Just cut her loose completely. It hurts a little more now, but you are already hurting a little. Just rip the band-aid off and get on with your life.

 

[ZombieFred]

I've emailed all parties on buying house and declining and wish to cancel on personal reasons that are heavily effected on my health. It really is going now with left to talk to her in person when I am back and start looking for a place to rent. Feeling very happy with my decision and how mature I am dealing with this.

 

[bengraven]

I've emailed all parties on buying house and declining and wish to cancel on personal reasons that are heavily effected on my health. It really is going now with left to talk to her in person when I am back and start looking for a place to rent. Feeling very happy with my decision and how mature I am dealing with this.

I'm proud of you for figuring this out so soon.

I hear horror stories of people who commit to someone at 21 despite having misgivings about the relationship. The 20s are the time to find the right person, the 30s are when you're married and unhappy.

But better than married and divorced by 30.

 

[Menelaus]

Wow, this thread didn't turn out at all like I thought it would.

 

[freenudemacusers]

Ive managed to find three problems right here.

1) Youre just 21.
2) Youre just 21 and youre trying to get married...wtf?
3) Youve been dating her since she was 17. People change radically from 16-24.

So many red flags. Bail.

Yup.

 

[perryfarrell]

What are you doing buying a house at 21? Seems like a choice you may come to regret. What country are you in?

 

[ZombieFred]

UK, but I am not going to plan and buy a house untill I am much better in my career single again.

 

[Escape Goat]

You're 21 and have been together for some of the most formative years in your life. Waaaaay too young to be married. You dodged a bullet, broham.

 

[radioheadrule83]

I'm so glad you brought it to a head one way or another...

houses and such are millstones around the neck for much of your life, and marriage gives someone so many entitlements to what you have if it ever goes wrong... you shouldn't go into either with someone else unless you are 100% sure its great / there are no major problems. You did the right thing, be in no doubt.

I'm sorry that what was probably quite nice in many ways has had to change / end, but you weren't just looking out for number 1 here, I think you probably saved both of you a lot of stress / heartache and repressed emotion.

 

[victreeb3l]

youre 21. why would you even consider getting married at 21?

anyways, dump this chick. tell her she cant have her cake and eat it too

edit: wow, you actually did it. normally people dont take advice but good on you

 

[Live Free or Die]

bailout.gif

You aren't okay with it and she's not willing to listen. Unless one of those changes there is no reason to stick around.

came to post this but was already beaten.

 

[bengraven]

You should stay with her.

It sounds like she truly loves you.

Who knows if you'll ever find that again?

If you the bisexual thing becomes an issue, you should get her pregnant.

Once she has a baby, her urges will probably go away.

The relationship is doomed. Don't do it. CUT ALL TIES. DO IT NOW

Shurs/shuri: What a difference one letter can make.

 

[Atramental]

Shurs/shuri: What a difference one letter can make.

Lol, I noticed this too.

 

[TheKaeptain]

I'm glad I wasn't go insane and trying to make her what's best happy. I know it's a bitch I have to start a new life again a bit when moving to a new place, renting, but still got my job I love and my friends who I still see. It's such a kick in the balls this has occurred. I am very understanding and open to things, by all means, but this just doesn't hit me right and instinct says to move on and I will most likely will when I head back to her place and talk on Sunday.

Trust me Gaf, nothing in the world is simple It's a dogs life Geralt, I tell you that much.

You're 21 dude. Your life hasn't even started yet. Listen to Bis, run.

 

[Hari Seldon]

Gaf saved the day. 10 years from now you are going to look back on this and know that it was the right decision, trust me.

 

[Count Dookkake]

Congrats, ZombieFred.

Let this be a shining example to the young dudes and dudettes of GAF.

You don't have to settle, even at the last minute.

 

[CrudeDiatribe]

???? The only thing keeping her from doing this shit was birth control??.....

There's a lot of hormones in birth control.


OP, open relationships can work (and also fail spectacularly), but it sure doesn't sound like it'd work for the two of you. Good luck down the road.

 

[TheKaeptain]

Congrats, ZombieFred.

Let this be a shining example to the young dudes and dudettes of GAF.

You don't have to settle, even at the last minute.

I know this first hand. At least he bailed before a child was born though.

 

[apana]

If she agrees to just women and it is under your supervision, I suppose it can work out. Don't get too serious though, stay in some sort of middle exploratory zone.

 

[IamMattFox]

Spoiler

Glad to see that you already have, but I spent time looking for this when I saw Bish's response so I had to use it.

 

[AlexMogil]

I have such respect for you.

I think you have officially shed a layer of skin.

You are a man!

 

[Chinner]

take that, bishop!

 

[Eppy Thatcher]

matrixbulletdodged.gif

This is fantastic. Loving that you took such an unbiased and mature look at all this and ended up actually taking wonderful advice. God i wish i would have had GAF like group intelligence when I was 22/23.

You've just done future you a GIGANTIC fucking favor. Way to be.

 

[YoungHav]

matrixbulletdodged.gif

This is fantastic. Loving that you took such an unbiased and mature look at all this and ended up actually taking wonderful advice. God i wish i would have had GAF like group intelligence when I was 22/23.

You've just done future you a GIGANTIC fucking favor. Way to be.

LOL yeah it blows. GAF would have helped me wonders had I known about it in '04. These young bucks need to listen when grown folks talk. Great job Zombiefred.

 

[Utako]

So she's not willing to stay exclusive to you? Sounds like you have your answer.

.

 

[RDreamer]

Open relationships can work, but it takes a lot of work, mutual understanding, compromise, and a ton of COMMUNICATION. You have to be able to give and take, and see things from someone else's perspective no matter whether you can understand that perspective fully or not. In this instance I think both parties were being pretty unreasonable and it was obviously not going to work.

He was being a bit unreasonable when he said "since i thought even when bi you wouldn't want to go with other people since you're with someone." Sometimes it works that way, but sometimes it doesn't. People really do have urges and I don't think it's fair to ask them to bottle it up like that. If she really is bi that could mean she wants both ends of the spectrum. This is especially true because she hasn't experimented with that one end as much. It's pretty obvious to that she was going to really want to dive in a lot more when those urges came up again. It seemed like he was also being slightly unreasonable, because it sounds like because she wanted some space that he suddenly didn't trust her.

She was probably being more unreasonable, though, in my mind. She has to accept that even though it's just "girl on girl and hey every guy likes that" it may cause discomfort to her partner. It doesn't matter if it sounds unreasonable to her, she should accept that and move from there. And space is one thing, but when you start something like this communication and assurance of your partner is a bit more important. You have to put yourself aside for a moment. I can personally understand that she'd want a bit more of a 'secret' life to explore her boundaries and sexuality, but she's in a relationship and so he deserves to know at least some of what's going on, especially if he's told her he's insecure. And the most unreasonable thing on her end was the statement that he can't be with any other women, because then she'd have to be with other men. Open relationships aren't about fairness. And relationships aren't about "fairness" like that either. She knew that he wouldn't like that, so she threw that out there to get him. If she really has no desire to sleep with other men, then a statement like that should be nowhere in the discussion. She wants to be with other women because of her urges. If she wants to be with other men, too, then that's another discussion, but it's pretty despicable to bring that up in an almost spiteful way.

And yeah birth control can do some wacky things to women. My wife got off her birth control and suddenly felt a lot more kinky urges that she had no idea she had. She also realized she was bisexual. And she was someone that used to tell me if I ever wanted a threesome I'd have to find 2 completely other girls, because she really really wasn't into girls. Now she is! I've also met another married couple that the same sort of thing happened to. She was bisexual for a long while but didn't have the urge a lot, but then she got off her birth control and got some other health issues taken care of and suddenly those urges skyrocketed.

So, yeah, I just wanted to say that open relationships can work well, but this one likely wasn't going anywhere because it started out on the wrong foot. She started with "I'm into girls and you can't do anything about it, so tough," and he started out with, quite understandably, a more frightened, "Wait a second I don't like this, you need to stop. I don't feel secure at all!"

 

[Nobodyspatzy]

As someone who is bi myself, I tend to be very specific in what I seek...and even at 26 I am not ready to settle fully down, but sure as heck want some parts of my life stable. Just from browsing your OP a little, the girl in question clearly was on different wavelengths that what you wanted, and your decision was wise.

As someone who has been in 'alternative relationships' myself, I'll tell you this...IF you had not listened this WOULD have been an issue. I wish you best of luck...and don't worry about her, you'll find someone else, I am sure. =p

EDIT: I have to agree with RDreamer above..they CAN work, but with great care. It's a real balance issue. My experience is 'the other bi-guy' mainly, but I have much great respect for the couples I have developed friendships/dynamics with, as well as extending that same treatment to selected friends when I was with my girl of 3 years. (The issues that ended that relationship were me being an idiot, and selfish, rather than drama or things of that nature. I was very wrong, I admit.)

 

[agrajag]

I'm sorry, but my advice is do not marry this girl. She isn't ready to make a commitment like that, and you will always be miserable and insecure in this relationship until she puts you above her partying urges.

 

[kame-sennin]

You made the right choice in breaking things off, and you definitely made the right choice in not buying that house - which would essentially create a financial albatross around your neck. But I don't think there's anything wrong with open relationships in general. The problem here is that it wasn't something that both parties wanted, so it was never going to work.

She said that if I was to go with other girls, in terms of sexually, then I got more freedom than her and she would have to fuck guys to be on the same level because the difference is that she was born like this and I'm not. Or just get fuck buddies and be married together....

To clarify, is she saying that because she is bi-sexual, she needs to have sex with both men and women in order to be fully satisfied? And that further, her attraction for men is completely satisfied by her relationship with you, and therefore your attraction for women should be completely satisfied by her - ergo, the only outside sexual experiences either of you are allowed to have would be of a homosexual nature?

As a bi-sexual person, this comes off as a total crock of shit. Whether you're gay, straight, or bi, if you choose to be in a monogamous relationship, you have to give up on all the other potential sexual partners you could have had, regardless of their gender. Just because bi-sexuals have a larger "pool" of potential partners to choose from doesn't mean we don't make the exact same choice if we choose to be monogamous. Her claiming that her attraction for women must be fulfilled is simply her using stereotypes about bi-sexuals and promiscuity to justify her unwillingness to commit. If she wants to be open, she should come out and say it and not use her bi-sexuality as an excuse. If she's not comfortable with you sleeping with women, she needs to be honest about that as well and simply acknowledge that she's applying a double standard.

 

[ZombieFred]

Don't worry Gaf, I assure you that I am 100% in control with myself and what I want to do and that's moving on with my life from this and be respectful of what we have done and wish each other the best as I go a different route. I am going to enjoy my youth and do things that make me a better person; start p90x and finally tone the last of my body, learn to cook with a nice depth, do my driving test, and focus on my Microsoft certification qualifications in IT so I go further in my network coordinator role. That's what I got planned in my head and want to live life and have the best time with friends and enjoy going out more. I've got a lot of stuff to look forward to and I've got no regret

I am very happy to see much support from all of you, it does mean a lot for me and I am grateful for your kindness.

 

[lenovox1]

As someone who is bi myself, I tend to be very specific in what I seek...and even at 26 I am not ready to settle fully down, but sure as heck want some parts of my life stable. Just from browsing your OP a little, the girl in question clearly was on different wavelengths that what you wanted, and your decision was wise.

As someone who has been in 'alternative relationships' myself, I'll tell you this...IF you had not listened this WOULD have been an issue. I wish you best of luck...and don't worry about her, you'll find someone else, I am sure. =p

EDIT: I have to agree with RDreamer above..they CAN work, but with great care. It's a real balance issue. My experience is 'the other bi-guy' mainly, but I have much great respect for the couples I have developed friendships/dynamics with, as well as extending that same treatment to selected friends when I was with my girl of 3 years. (The issues that ended that relationship were me being an idiot, and selfish, rather than drama or things of that nature. I was very wrong, I admit.)

Co-signed. It's like you've lived my life. (but I'm 20)

 

[ZombieFred]

You made the right choice in breaking things off, and you definitely made the right choice in not buying that house - which would essentially create a financial albatross around your neck. But I don't think there's anything wrong with open relationships in general. The problem here is that it wasn't something that both parties wanted, so it was never going to work.



To clarify, is she saying that because she is bi-sexual, she needs to have sex with both men and women in order to be fully satisfied? And that further, her attraction for men is completely satisfied by her relationship with you, and therefore your attraction for women should be completely satisfied by her - ergo, the only outside sexual experiences either of you are allowed to have would be of a homosexual nature?

As a bi-sexual person, this comes off as a total crock of shit. Whether you're gay, straight, or bi, if you choose to be in a monogamous relationship, you have to give up on all the other potential sexual partners you could have had, regardless of their gender. Just because bi-sexuals have a larger "pool" of potential partners to choose from doesn't mean we don't make the exact same choice if we choose to be monogamous. Her claiming that her attraction for women must be fulfilled is simply her using stereotypes about bi-sexuals and promiscuity to justify her unwillingness to commit. If she wants to be open, she should come out and say it and not use her bi-sexuality as an excuse. If she's not comfortable with you sleeping with women, she needs to be honest about that as well and simply acknowledge that she's applying a double standard.

She was fully satisfied with me as a man, of what she told me, but she had her other side she wants to do (the urge she can't help) and wants to fulfill that with me in her life. I first support this since I did trust her and thought it be something that is only minor but it grew to become a lot more, this part she didn't communicate or tell me much and start making this a hell lot more private where we use to be open about it so I could feel comfortable. I did try my best and be selfless on this but then I proposed about what if I went with other women sexually as a what if situation and she then said I would have more freedom because I can go with any women (or like friend with benefits as it were) and she can't help what she is and I am not bi myself and she would not have and issues with me going with other guys. I did ask her much recent before this thread a bit about what if I was't sexually fulfilled and your bi side got in the way of our life's much more would i be able to fulfill myself sexually with a women if the worst happened and the response was "depend on the context bust most likely", not even thinking about what i wanted of as good partners with trust in one life and just thought about herself on this. I honestly did try and be reasonable, outside of being not in my mind when talking to her on this matter (the most recent suggestion in the past) and she didn't even want to will to change this at all. She did say once about just cybering online once but quickly changed her tune when I was becoming comfortable again and trying to give it a chance. That was the last exhausted measure before I decide to really think out of loving what she was before and our relationship and what it is now.

 

[Baki]

nvm.

Good luck with your future. You made the right choice.

 

[RDreamer]

I first support this since I did trust her and thought it be something that is only minor but it grew to become a lot more, this part she didn't communicate or tell me much and start making this a hell lot more private where we use to be open about it so I could feel comfortable.

Now, did you trust her and support it only because you thought it was going to be minor? Did you think it'd be no big deal, and a sort of fad she would grow out of? And when things became more private did you guys discuss why things were becoming more private? Did you say that you felt a lot more comfortable when things were all on the table, and you were informed?

This is slightly key to all of this. If you went into this thinking it would be a small thing and then started to mistrust her when it grew, then that's bad, and that's a bad assumption. If you started the mistrust only when it became something secretive, then that's understandable, and this is precisely where communication is absolutely key in an open relationship.

I did try my best and be selfless on this but then I proposed about what if I went with other women sexually as a what if situation and she then said I would have more freedom because I can go with any women (or like friend with benefits as it were) and she can't help what she is and I am not bi myself and she would not have and issues with me going with other guys.

Now, did you actually want to be with other women, or were you proposing this as a way to make things more fair? I've heard of people proposing this sort of idea as a way to scare or trick someone away from wanting to be bisexual or wanting an open relationship. It's kind of the reverse of what she pulled on you in this same conversation.

Reading through this I feel like she has a (sort of understandably) undeveloped sense of sexuality with regards to same sex. It seems as though she views relationships with the same sex while in your normal relationship as OK, because they're not quite the same. They might just be a sort of sexual kink to her. They're not threatening, because she views herself and likely you to be mainly heterosexual. You seem to view things a bit more maturely in that they are relationships with other people, regardless of gender. This is, in my opinion, a key understanding that needs to be mutual for something open to work. And as I said I understand why she views things that way. She just started down that path of bisexuality. It makes sense that she'd think less of it, but still crave it. Still, her growing and changing in that regard should have been communicated back and forth to and from you.

 

[BamYouHaveAids]

How did the conversation go? It seems awfully peaceful for ending a 4 year relationship and engagement.

 

[Joel Was Right]

Sounds like your fiance has cheated behind your back and is only bringing fourth this narrative to selectively end the relationship by getting forcing this decision on you.

 

[Future PhaZe]

This is why I'd never date a woman who was openly BI. Too much potential for a sudden swing in preference in terms of what she needs from a long term partner and there is not a single thing you could do to argue the fact because it's her body and her chemistry that is going to tell her this on a daily basis.

 

[adamsappel]

Spoiler

Glad to see that you already have, but I spent time looking for this when I saw Bish's response so I had to use it.

That is an awesome pic to use! My favorite moment from that movie.

And glad you took the advice, Fred.

 

[Why would you do that?]

Wow, I'm quite impressed right now.

(I was going to suggest showing her this thread, so she could see the unanimous opinion about her ideas, but I don't know if that's a good idea in retrospect...)

 

[ZombieFred]

Now, did you trust her and support it only because you thought it was going to be minor? Did you think it'd be no big deal, and a sort of fad she would grow out of? And when things became more private did you guys discuss why things were becoming more private? Did you say that you felt a lot more comfortable when things were all on the table, and you were informed?

This is slightly key to all of this. If you went into this thinking it would be a small thing and then started to mistrust her when it grew, then that's bad, and that's a bad assumption. If you started the mistrust only when it became something secretive, then that's understandable, and this is precisely where communication is absolutely key in an open relationship.

I first thought it was just a fad or something that would be temporary and thought it was just a sexual fantasy. And when it become a lot more private and realized it was a lot more, I asked her on what's going on and she told me "it's just something I like to keep out of life and don't like me asking as I find it uncomfortable". This is where it started to go down and I asked her to stop it out of make and our sake and that's when she said she can't deny what she wants. The mistrust happen when she become a lot private and wanted to keep stuff secret and never communicate fully about it and reassure me for this and when I did try she would get heavily annoyed and thinking I was invading her privacy so this is where this "second" life started to happen and where things started to consume me when I told her how I felt and kept doing it, even when I asked to be open about it to me since we were together as a serous relationship and always trusted and told each other things that would effect us.

Now, did you actually want to be with other women, or were you proposing this as a way to make things more fair? I've heard of people proposing this sort of idea as a way to scare or trick someone away from wanting to be bisexual or wanting an open relationship. It's kind of the reverse of what she pulled on you in this same conversation.

No I didn't but told her that if I wanted it to work as a measure if the worst situation to happen and willing to try but then I was lying to myself and told her this and be frank but this is where she wouldn't want to sacrifice this nature. I exhausted every measure to try and understand and accept it the past month, for how we was together for 4 years and how happy we was before all this happened, but now accept she will not change this and I am after how she was before. I can't blame her for this to happen on her sexuality but I am moving on because I can't destroy/hurt myself because of how I felt about her before this and know it's not for me.

How did the conversation go? It seems awfully peaceful for ending a 4 year relationship and engagement.

The conversations didn't go well when trying to be honest with each other, we have tried to discuss this about 6 times now and she always gets anxious when it comes to the serious of this and would not change her view for our sake of the relationship and this is where she tried to make me sacrifice and get me to change to accept what she would like and get the house. The reason for the number of times because I kept being fearful of us and feeling upset (it almost got to me) and she never communicated and become more private with it. The reason why I am peaceful with myself is that I have accepted this will not work and been through the worst of it and kept trying to see her as what she was before and not now and moving on with a clear path and be happy with myself and her to be happy and explore herself. I don't hold anything against her, I will always be fond of the past but move and be happy with my life. It's a mature way to be and act like a man and not a kid about this. It's being a gentlemen.

 

[ChiTownBuffalo]

She will end up like Newt Gingrich.

 

[kehs]

That's not an open relationship, that's just her wanting a second concurrent relationship.

 

[triplestation]

ABANDON SHIP

 

[RDreamer]

I first thought it was just a fad or something that would be temporary and thought it was just a sexual fantasy. And when it become a lot more private and realized it was a lot more, I asked her on what's going on and she told me "it's just something I like to keep out of life and don't like me asking as I find it uncomfortable". This is where it started to go down and I asked her to stop it out of make and our sake and that's when she said she can't deny what she wants. The mistrust happen when she become a lot private and wanted to keep stuff secret and never communicate fully about it and reassure me for this and when I did try she would get heavily annoyed and thinking I was invading her privacy so this is where this "second" life started to happen and where things started to consume me when I told her how I felt and kept doing it, even when I asked to be open about it to me since we were together as a serous relationship and always trusted and told each other things that would effect us.

It's a hard balancing act between being concerned and pushing someone too much. Unfortunately your concern may have pushed her into becoming more and more private as she went along. That or she just isn't comfortable at all with her sexuality or with you being privy to it, which is an awful shame. As I said, I understand wanting to explore things in private, and I'm sure you do too, but further pushing yourself into secrecy is what makes an open relationship not work. But tone and understanding on your part may have not helped matters (Can't be sure, obviously). She may have been afraid of what you'd think of her if she was fully open with it, and if you weren't fully accepting and perhaps even very supporting at the beginning, then that's why she may have gone further. Basically if your reaction was anywhere near negative when this all began, then that's why she wouldn't want to tell you more.

No I didn't but told her that if I wanted it to work as a measure if the worst situation to happen and willing to try but then I was lying to myself and told her this and be frank but this is where she wouldn't want to sacrifice this nature. I exhausted every measure to try and understand and accept it the past month, for how we was together for 4 years and how happy we was before all this happened, but now accept she will not change this and I am after how she was before. I can't blame her for this to happen on her sexuality but I am moving on because I can't destroy/hurt myself because of how I felt about her before this and know it's not for me.

I'm not sure I quite understand what you're saying, but this sounds kind of odd. You came to her with a what if scenario of you being with other girls as a "worst situation?" Well then yeah she'd react negatively to that.

I don't hold anything against her, I will always be fond of the past but move and be happy with my life. It's a mature way to be and act like a man and not a kid about this. It's being a gentlemen.

This is definitely a good way to end it. Don't take my prying as saying you did things wrong or anything like that. I'm just analyzing things and demonstrating to other people that open relationships aren't inherently bad and aren't inherently doomed to fail. It does take a lot of strength and communication and, really, a special type of person. In your instance I think she changed, and there wasn't anything you or her could do about it, and she just couldn't handle it. It's understandable since you're both young. She's got to go out and discover herself and figure things out. Gaf gave you the right advice and you acted correctly on it. It's obvious communication and mutual understanding wasn't happening with you guys so that open relationship was pretty doomed.

That's not an open relationship, that's just her wanting a second concurrent relationship.

Open relationships and second concurrent relationship aren't mutually exclusive. For some people that's what having an open relationship means. Some people call it being polyamorous.

 

[Kinitari]

I'm assuming that after you told her it was over, she said some things to you that were... not very nice? If she did - don't take it to heart, move on and use it as fuel to keep you away from her.

If you don't want an open relationship, and she does - it's over right away. You have to both want it, and not just want an open relationship, but want the same KIND of open relationship (as there are a few).

 

[ZombieFred]

Yes, I do agree that communication has what failed up on wanting to give this a chance and open relationships are very uncommon the work to be really happy and have a life together. It's not for everyone and I know it's not for me and I tried to accept it to make her happy and to see if I could save us but it hasn't worked because she has changed and I view things differently. The only shame was she tried to force me getting this house than accepting we should split and move apart because of how much she loves because of what we done in the past and how, I think, she wants to have two different style of life's and be happy like that. But I can't and I got my future and know how I still got my life to live free and focus on my career and doing other things I can that make me a happier person. I've gone through the grief, even if it's hard for me to cry because I am a very strong willed person and I couldn't even shed any tears, the grief of not having a fulfilling life with her on what we had planned, but I am happy and ever grateful she always told the truth before this life style of hers and didn't do it after I bought the house. This is the best way being happy and looking in the past with a smile on the good times.

I'm assuming that after you told her it was over, she said some things to you that were... not very nice? If she did - don't take it to heart, move on and use it as fuel to keep you away from her.

No, she has never been angry or insulted me at all and only been upset or drained because of how this has kept getting in our way. I've done the worst of it when I was drunk once and said she was childish and think her friend was a bastard for providing a person he knew who was bi and flirt with her. Not in anger but out of in the context of don't care. Would never lay a finger or said bad things to her, the worst I said she was childish how she is acting about this and it was last week and she knew I was drunk. She's never been rude or aggressive, and neither have I, outside of acting totally paranoid a few times because of how insecure I become because of what has happened that it was killing my heart, if that makes sense. Like I said, I've done my grieving and happily to move on and not let this get to me and be at pace.

 

[FStop7]

I wouldn't even care if she went out and did stuff but now I am just too insecured/anxious as hell because of this since it's got a lot stronger and said she can't change that urge and doesn't know if it will become powerful but she loves me.

There was a thread a while back about a guy whose friend repeatedly cheated on his wife. When his friend asked him why he did it the guy said "because I'm a man and I have needs it's just how it is" and all sorts of other bullshit excuses.

No offense to you or your wife, but her excuses sound very similar. All I can say is that I would not want to be in a relationship where I am swept aside because she "can't change that urge". That is seriously immature and childish.

She said that if I was to go with other girls, in terms of sexually, then I got more freedom than her and she would have to fuck guys to be on the same level because the difference is that she was born like this and I'm not. Or just get fuck buddies and be married together....

I don't think so.

what the fuck am i reading. Yeah, she is basically trying to turn you into a pet rather than a peer/partner. Get the hell out of there for the sake of your self esteem.

 

[ZombieFred]

what the fuck am i reading. Yeah, she is basically trying to turn you into a pet rather than a peer/partner. Get the hell out of there for the sake of your self esteem.

It's not affected my esteem, I know it's nothing I have done and know I am very happy and content with myself sexually and not got any issues with what I do with my body, even after all this. But by no means she was going to treat me like a pet but more like if we was best friends living under the same roof but she has her own things to do with this bi side and then spend time with me some evenings, the plan of what she wanted to do. It's not for me.

 

[Mammoth Jones]

It sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it too.

On one hand, she wants the security of a stable relationship with all the benefits that go with marriage and home ownership. Status. A place that's her own. Someone to always come home to.

But on the other hand it's like she wants to get her freak on regardless of chosing to make a commitment to you. And that's just not right. If she wants to fuck other people, that's entirely her choice...but she can't be expected to do that and have a nice hubby to come home to a snuggle up with. Meanwhile you can taste other chicks on her lips when you kiss her. That's not a good look.

You can't make a wild one settle down. No matter how nice, sweet, amazing they are...if you're not happy with it...bail.

Life is too short to settle for less than what you deserve.