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NeoGAF Anonymous Confessions 2016 - A Miserable Little Pile of Secrets

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I also have this skill of being able to jerk it and finish really quick

I have done just that in every single building I've spent more than a couple days in. We talking every job I've ever had, every friends house, even restaurants.

I even try to do it in every room. Sometimes I sit there with it in my pants after just because I don't have time to clean. So far only my current job has evaded me because there are alot of people in the office.

I was alone for 30 seconds the other day. That should be enough for next time.
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It only takes you thirty seconds? You must be a real hit with the ladies.
 
Mass_Pincup said:
Damn, being myself in a long distance relationship for 2 years now I can't imagine myself doing that to my GF.

Don't know how I would feel if she pulled that stuff to me either.
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It happened to me. I wrote a confession about it some time back. It completely broke me for years. Now we go to the same school, but I haven't run into her yet.
 
acohrs said:
That sounds really depressing, where's the fun in a quick finish!
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Yeah I can't imagine there's any joy in a 30 second wank. Grated women are different, but it takes me upwards of 40 minutes for a 'quick' session. And as a fan of edging, it feels a shit ton better for dudes the more you draw it out right? I mean, that's why I'm in love with drawing it out.
 
Media said:
Yeah I can't imagine there's any joy in a 30 second wank. Grated women are different, but it takes me upwards of 40 minutes for a 'quick' session. And as a fan of edging, it feels a shit ton better for dudes the more you draw it out right? I mean, that's why I'm in love with drawing it out.
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It also produces more semen.
 
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
Hm, that's a pretty sexy shade of orange, I'll give you that.
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Wonder if he's a big fan of the Dutch soccer team
screen-shot-2014-06-25-at-10-24-25-am.png

dutch_miniskirts.jpg

3273068.jpg
 
30 seconds?! That's better than what the stereotype says about how long a guy lasts, amiright?!!?! Anything can happen though, especially in today's climate. Confessor, I hope you have the best 30 seconds of your life?
 
turtle553 said:
Wonder if he's a big fan of the Dutch soccer team
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Hope you're happy knowing that someone is fapping right now while reading this thread.

To the serial cheater. I think what you did was pretty fucking scummy. But I also suggest you grow the balls to actually send the confession to the girl you cheated on. It will help both of you feel better and at this point there's no harm in saying it, except your ego I guess.
 
ginger ninja said:
Hope you're happy knowing that someone is fapping right now while reading this thread.

To the serial cheater. I think what you did was pretty fucking scummy. But I also suggest you grow the balls to actually send the confession to the girl you cheated on. It will help both of you feel better and at this point there's no harm in saying it, except your ego I guess.
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At this point she's his ex, so why confess this to her now? The emotions of the cheating and the breakup are likely already scabbed over, so why reopen it by picking at it? They've moved on. I would think sending her email saying "by the way, I cheated on you way more than I admitted to" would just be cruel.
 
AngmarsKing701 said:
At this point she's his ex, so why confess this to her now? The emotions of the cheating and the breakup are likely already scabbed over, so why reopen it by picking at it? They've moved on. I would think sending her email saying "by the way, I cheated on you way more than I admitted to" would just be cruel.
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Yeah, thinking his shit is behind her, and then he messages her out of nowhere. I'd think he was trying to be a dick, even if he was apologizing.
 
Serial Cheater: hey I wrote this for GAF and some guy told me to tell you too, sorry babe

Girl: wtf is a gaf, that guy is an asshole and so are you, take your tainted dick outta my textbox you son of a bitch never talk to me again

Serial Cheater: [ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAR FACES ;( ]
 
ginger ninja said:
Hope you're happy knowing that someone is fapping right now while reading this thread.

To the serial cheater. I think what you did was pretty fucking scummy. But I also suggest you grow the balls to actually send the confession to the girl you cheated on. It will help both of you feel better and at this point there's no harm in saying it, except your ego I guess.
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No No NO.

Leave the poor girl alone. She suffered enough, and she doesn't need to feel like shit because he wants to take some weight off his shoulders. He fucked up, now it's his burden to carry.
 
Retsudo said:
No No NO.

Leave the poor girl alone. She suffered enough, and she doesn't need to feel like shit because he wants to take some weight off his shoulders. He fucked up, now it's his burden to carry.
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Yeah, like, real talk, why would you want dude to remind his ex-lady that he even still exists. That is dumb.
 
ginger ninja said:
Hope you're happy knowing that someone is fapping right now while reading this thread.

To the serial cheater. I think what you did was pretty fucking scummy. But I also suggest you grow the balls to actually send the confession to the girl you cheated on. It will help both of you feel better and at this point there's no harm in saying it, except your ego I guess.
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Nooooo, leave her alone
 
Some updates from previous confessors:

CS Guy:

Hi ConfessionsGAF,

I am the CS guy from this confession:

Pending CS Graduate With Despair About the Professional World

Just wanted to say thanks for the kind words, and took advice from most of you. I have been recently setting up career conseling meetings with someone at school to help me try and get an internship for the Spring. My resume is updated and has been sent out to some local companies. So I am at least doing something to try and get out there. Still a bit frightened/anxious since I have never actually worked in an office or even stepped in one before aside from where my dad works maybe 10 years ago.

I really think that the fact I haven't done anything CS related outside of school will be a huge negative for me when apply for jobs which sucks since I have hobbies that I would rather do. Is it wrong to prioritize hobbies though? I love playing musical instruments and running competitively and those hobbies are what define me. I am happy when I am doing those things and they are things that take me away from my daily stress/responsibilities. I am so happy doing these things and love both of them so much that I coach a XC team and work part time on the weekends at a music store teaching lessons. Don't get me wrong, I love CS too, its definitely something I am good at (at least what I think) and enjoy but sometimes I do wonder if I will be happy 5 years from now since my time will severly limited.

One day, I hope that only working 32 hours will be mandatory to stay full time as opposed to 40 hours. I want to enjoy life and being kept in an office 8+ hours a day/5 days a week just sounds awful. I think maybe when I get my first paycheck my opinion will change lol
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Epebophile guy:

Lurking the the thread, saw posters worried I might be accessing inappropriate material.

Would never do so. Again I truly believe and am aware of how terrible it is. I'm not a bad person.

not to mention the paranoia would absolutely end me with stress. I have had friends that have gone to jail and I know what happens to people like that.

It's only in my head, and will often pretend my girlfriend is younger when we have sex. I don't tell her this.

As for therapy, if it ever gets to the point where it's severely affecting my welllbeing I will certainly seek help. At the moment though I definitely feel there's no real potential of me ever doing something immoral or illegal. It's just thoughts I have to actively suppress sometimes, it's not on my mind all day every day and would never consider acting on it.
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Cock Ring Business Partner (DUDE, LET'S MAKE THIS A REALITY):

Hah, who knew I was creating such an untapped market, but as I said I'm lazy, so if gaf wants my idea then go nut(s) with it!

As to the angle comment, I put a rotary encoder on there so you can dynamically adjust the "up" angle, which also doubles as an intensity control if you dial it back a bit. Still only works at certain angles though, unless one of you has some anti-grav experience. Oh, and I used the encoder's button as a 10 second "panic" button, so you can really live on the edge. :P
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Girl Puncher:

Heyo again

First off, thanks to everyone for responding. Some of you mentioned that I shouldn't beat myself up so much about it (and that's true, but I sometimes still feel awful about it every now and then). One of the major reasons why though - and I left this out intentionally because I didn't want to make the previous confession seem like too much of a downer, and I also couldn't find a way to make it fit - is because at the time I was scared that I was making the same mistakes that my dad did. He was both physically and emotionally abusive to me and my mom, but to make a long story short he ended up changing his ways. As in, actually going to counseling, anger management, etc. No they never got back together, but that was a conscious decision by both of them.

Uh, I think that was longer than I intended. Anyways, I was afraid and ashamed of myself due to that history, which explains all of that hopefully. As I mentioned previously though, I know that I've changed since then, and I have been steadily improving myself since.

Plus, like some of you said...I was a dumb fuckin' kid. I'll try and not let it bug me in the future, but I certainly won't forget it.
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Cock ring guy, we need blue prints and prictures, stat.

Fake edit: I swear that was a typo, but I'm leaving it cause obviously I got something on my mind.
 
I like the fact people are jumping on the 30 second wanker rather than the fact he's spaffed in everywhere he's ever been

Priorities Gaf.... priorities
 
- I bought an iCloud locked iPhone, a few weeks back, but I'm thinking of ransoming it to the owner after several unlockers told me to throw it in the garbage.
 
Dollar Yen said:
- I bought an iCloud locked iPhone, a few weeks back, but I'm thinking of ransoming it to the owner after several unlockers told me to throw it in the garbage.
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Depends how long it's been gone. Owner might have written off the loss already and gotten a new one.

Why did you book a locked iphone in the first place?
 
Cumfessor/NTGYK for president 2020... she has the vision and drive to make her dreams a reality and lead our nation to its climax, and he can sort through all the shit to bring out
the best in all of us (or hillariously worst depending on perspective).
 
acohrs said:
Depends how long it's been gone. Owner might have written off the loss already and gotten a new one.

Why did you book a locked iphone in the first place?
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- I need a test device for iPhone and xCode is shit, so I figured I'd get something that didn't need a sim.
 
for the longest time I thought I had a daughter with an ex-girlfriend from college. Through serious e-stalking (facebook and twitter) I am pretty sure she doesn't have a child. But even now I'm not sure.

I dated this girl for about a year and nine months back in college. We had a pregnancy scare about 1 year in. When I say scare it was "I'm scared I could be pregnant but I don't want to take a test because it will make it REAL" to "oh I have endometriosis it's really unlikely I'm pregnant unless we are REALLy trying and have medical help, I can't believe you were worried". Five months after that, we are coming back to school from summer and I'm just kinda done with the relationship.

So I break up with her. We try to stay friends, but after 1 round of "ex-sex to save the friendship" (pro-tip it doesn't save the friendship and instead makes it really awkward, But congrats on the sex I guess) we were done-done. Had a falling out about an "I missed a period and you were the only guy I was with". I decide to tell my parents, buy tests and research local OBGYNs to confirm the pregnancy. She freaks out says "I can't believe you would tell your parents the tests are negative you are always worried about this". And we basically end any interaction (facebook blocking is really effective)

A few months she moved away, and for years I didn't care. Then when I graduate I wonder "how is she doing?" So I e-stalk her a bit and see she is fairly well adjusted, going to graduate, and plans about her dream job. And then I see it, a picture of a little girl who I swear looks like me/my mother and her.

And then nothing, I put it out of my mind and go about my world, meet my now-wife, Get a great job, have kid(s). But it still lingers in my mind that I could have another child.

Now I don't think so, my ex went to Disney world with her whole immediate family and either she is a monster that didn't take her daughter to Disney world with the family or I don't have a child.
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So... I'm confused, do you have a secret daughter with another woman?
 
Allright all do a confession that has been eating me up the past 3 years and i need advice:

K so to start off let me give you guys some background info. I'm 19 going to college and living with my parents. Now I'm a stoner their is no doubt about it. Last summer I spent 80 a week on weed.

Now I want to quit but I can't. I have tried multiple times and each time I will last about 2 weeks then I will smoke on a weekend. Then I will only go every weekend for about 2 weekend. After that I start doing it every day again.

Now i have tried to quit becuase I'm fuckig up college. Last year I almost got a couple f's. Now this semester I'm doing better but I could be doing a lot better if I didn't smoke. I'm getting mostly b's and C's.

Now the kicker is that when I'm off weed I get fucking depressed. 3 days after quiting I keep thinking about my short comings. I'm letting down my parents by not getting straight A's and being a stoner. I havnt had a girl friend ever and have never made out with a girl. I can talk to girls fine but when it comes to putting the move on, I just thing about how they can get a lot better guys then me. I have terrible self confidence and always thing the worse of me. I start to get so depressed that I think about how easier it would be just to end it:(

The shitty thing is tho that I realized it's not all weed to blame for when how I'm fucking up. Im a lazy person and when I'm not on weed I usually end up playing games instead of studying. Overall I'm just a peice of shit and wanted to get this off my chest and hopefully get some advice in life cause I feel like I'm fuckkng up :(
 
However much it disappoints your parents that your grades aren't A's, it would demolish them x a million if you committed suicide. It would inflict a wound that would hurt them every day for the rest of their lives. If you love your parents at all suicide is not an option whatsoever
 
Thewonandonly said:
Allright all do a confession that has been eating me up the past 3 years and i need advice:

K so to start off let me give you guys some background info. I'm 19 going to college and living with my parents. Now I'm a stoner their is no doubt about it. Last summer I spent 80 a week on weed.

Now I want to quit but I can't. I have tried multiple times and each time I will last about 2 weeks then I will smoke on a weekend. Then I will only go every weekend for about 2 weekend. After that I start doing it every day again.

Now i have tried to quit becuase I'm fuckig up college. Last year I almost got a couple f's. Now this semester I'm doing better but I could be doing a lot better if I didn't smoke. I'm getting mostly b's and C's.

Now the kicker is that when I'm off weed I get fucking depressed. 3 days after quiting I keep thinking about my short comings. I'm letting down my parents by not getting straight A's and being a stoner. I havnt had a girl friend ever and have never made out with a girl. I can talk to girls fine but when it comes to putting the move on, I just thing about how they can get a lot better guys then me. I have terrible self confidence and always thing the worse of me. I start to get so depressed that I think about how easier it would be just to end it:(

The shitty thing is tho that I realized it's not all weed to blame for when how I'm fucking up. Im a lazy person and when I'm not on weed I usually end up playing games instead of studying. Overall I'm just a peice of shit and wanted to get this off my chest and hopefully get some advice in life cause I feel like I'm fuckkng up :(
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Fellow advice from another lazy piece of shit: Just appreciating yourself for doing little things about school helps that shitty feeling and that might be able to keep you going.

Seek professional help about the weed.
 
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