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[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Hi, APC here..

I was thinking about a follow up to my previous confessions when I realized something. I've stolen a number of things from all my jobs over the years. So here's me coming clean about all my ill gotten gains.

- For 3 years, I copied every single game and application that came into our computer store. And I mean EVERYTHING. I even stole the blank CDs and DVDs to copy them. I'd rationalize it as educating myself about the products we carried.

- Similarly, I was addicted to game guides. No one in the store was technically saavy, so all it took to walk out the front door was to write the word "TECH" on the binding somewhere and people would let you walk out the front door. I had over 100 game guides that I had to throw away most of last year when I moved. I'd also took home a ton of other books like MCSE study guides, photoshop tips and tricks, etc.

- Back when hard drives were expensive, I took the demo hard drive (which was non-functional) and swapped out the internals for the highest hard drive we had at the time (100 gigs). I convinced the manager to let me take the demo hard drive home instead of throwing it away

- I bought a replacement plan on a cheap hard drive and intentionally sabotaged it before the warranty was up, knowing I'd be upgrading from a 10 gigs drive to 100 gigs for what cost me $1. Incidentally, this spare 100 gig drive is what I used to store all my ill gotten amateur customer porn on when I went to college the following year and discovered alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.*.. I filled that daily with porn obtained from university resources and a program that automatically downloaded entire newsgroups of pics.

- One job, I used to regularly photocopy 300+ pages books on their photocopier. They wondered where all their toner was going and the service tech pointed out that they had made 600 copies the previous day which put a damper on that for a bit.

- Another job, I was responsible for returning lost items to visitors. After 3 months if they were unclaimed, I was supposed to donate them to Goodwill so the company got a write off. Instead, I got free iPhones, a $800 digital camera, various jewelry items, etc.

- At another, I would get free food during events, various items recovered (watches, jewelry). I even sold one of the items to a GAFer once since I couldn't use it and sold it dirt cheap which helped them out.

- I've always used company resources to download music, movies, games, books, etc. I'd still manage to keep ahead of production schedule and no one was technically saavy enough to track me down as they considered me their unofficial IT department.

- I worked at an ISP once and would regularly use the T1 line to download porn and other movies. My roommate and I downloaded Titanic and sold copies on VHS to various friends at time. We did the same with South Park because they were only available streaming in real media format on the website.

I'm not necessarily proud, but I will say I've been incredibly lucky not to get caught over the years for manipulating the system in my favor. I never got too greedy and it's helped me to think fast on my feet. All it takes is confidence and acting like nothing is out of the ordinary. I'm nowhere near the level of Skillfull Scammer Thief and that's ok with me.

 

[Hyperactivity]

Dudes almost a kleptomaniac

At the same time, he's basically doing the minor actions I'd want to do if I ever got a superpower

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

This is long, so I've broken it up for clarity, but no content has been changed.

Lets preface this by stating, like everyone else, I am not so one dimensional for this one facet of my life to consume me or be a driving factor controlling my life. So feel free to judge me, as I know better than to let what people think of a few actions in my life have a severe impact on my life or my view of myself. I'll take the judgement and criticisms constructively, but not going to beat myself up over it.

I have a thing for married or unavailable women. I have never hit on, or actively pursued any married woman, but rather have always just been myself, and been a good friend, then things progress beyond where a normal decent person would stop and say its the wrong thing to do. As you can probably begin to sense, I know this is technically wrong even though it feels so right, but we all have faults, and unfortunately I recognize the hypocrisy in it and accept it in myself knowing I can deal with it (yes i know a jealous husband might want to shoot me, and its a risk i accept. The worst so far has been one trying to run me over with his car while i was walking down the street, a year after his wife and I ended things).

If you're asking yourself why, I can only say there are several factors in it: I've been a late bloomer, and wasted much of my youth in trying to be a good and noble person doing no wrong, not getting into trouble, and doing everything I was supposed to in some misguided medieval view of nobility and honor in oneself, believing it would somehow be rewarded with karma or justice in this world, only to find out the hard way why nice guys always finish last. This has lead me to forgo all the partying in my youth and miss out on a lot of relationship forming by excluding myself from these situations where we mature socially. So now, all the women my age are either taken, broken from divorce, or just plain bat shit crazy (not a definitive all-inclusive statement of course, just a broad generalization).

Secondly, Soccer moms are just plain fucking hot. They give everything to their family's, they do everything for them. They somehow manage to still find ways to keep in shape for the most part while they work one full time job as a mother, and another as a partner, and most of the time what they get in return is to be forgotten and under appreciated. There is nothing stronger in this world than that woman you see and dismiss as just another uptight mom, who not only takes care of her children and works a full time job, but also takes care of a husband who acts like another child and needs more attention than a 3 year old who repays this woman whom they have pledged to work with and spend the rest of their lives together, by treating them like shit (note to guys; tell your lady how you feel about them, dont think they know already. tell them and tell them often. If you are not actively doing everything you can to grow together, you are growing apart).

Even if we dont want to admit it as men, strong women are a huge turn on. Even if Cumfessor is fake, to me a big part of the enjoyment from her stories is the strength as a woman to take what she wants and needs in life, and at the very least it is to be admired as well as turned on a bit. And those women who share their stories with us on this forum non anonymously, even more so and bravo to you all, your significant others are extremely lucky, and i sincerely hope they realize this, and earn to have you by their sides.

And finally, the selfish reason, it feels good in a really fucked up way to not only share something private and secret with someone else in this world where we all need to know who is fucking whom, as well as a feeling of in that moment, she chose me over him. It wont last and she will always go back to him, but in that moment, she decided to share herself with me. Its not feel good in an ego boost kinda way, but in a I can actually share a deep intimate relationship, no matter how brief, and sort of experience in a really shitty way what marriage feels like without putting forth any of the effort to get there myself, and knowing in one moment in time, another human being risked all they hold dear to share intimacy with me.

So since they why was so long, I'll try and condense the how part: as I mentioned, I never approach or initiate anything, I just go with the flow and roll with the punches. Its always work friends, or friends of friends whom I become friendly with and over time in listening to their stories of their lives, and being empathetic to someone who has for the most part been ignored and disregarded by their partner for years by just being myself naturally, then at some point it seems to always come up on why they couldn't have met me before they married, and my shitty heartfelt honest response when they open that door is "it is never too late, dont give up hope in yourself because you can do anything you put your mind to.". Many times, that possibility is enough for them to feel good, and sort of re-energize themselves and move on and be happy with one instance of innocently flirting, but a few times a few of them have wanted more and I am happy to oblige and share the experience with them.

I can do mental gymnastics and justify it left and right, but at the end of the day there are a few points that put my mind at ease and has never made me feel like a homewrecker: They either are unhappy with their partners and need to either sabotage it to end it and they are too scared to just be honest, or need it as some sort of catharsis to feel special for a short time like taking a vacation without having to go through the pissing match that is taking a break or separation. I never speak of it with anyone, as each moment is special to me, and although I am a douchebag, Im not a complete scumbag just strolling the soccer fields looking for the next notch on my belt, these are friends and people close to me that I really care about. And we are consenting adults risking everything by knowing the consequences but doing it anyways.

Yes, I've fallen in love a few times and it never ends well. Yes a few of them were just plain whores and if it wasn't with me, would've been with someone else. Yes husbands have found out and as mentioned, tried to come after me. And Yes there have been a few that have come and gone and no one ever found out, and it seems to me to have done more good for the women than harm to me in being destined to be alone and miserable never having a marriage of my own since i haven't respected it as an institution. I full well know the consequences, and know my choices have made me more likely than the average Gaf'er to for instance be shot and killed by a jealous husband, and its full and well worth spending one intimate moment with someone whom I'm attracted to, and really care and respect for, so I cannot honestly say I regret any of it.... except maybe for the lying fucking whore one.

Oh my God, guys. Is this my future? Is this what happens to me if I keep hitting on beautiful married women!?

Back to the matter at hand: Yes, soccer moms can be pretty damn hot.

As for the rest of it... I honestly don't know what to say.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

I'll get to the point.

After I take a shit, usually I turn around and for whatever reason I flip it off as it swirls down the drain. I'm thinking it has to do with its failure to leave my body without making a mess that's causing me to flip it off. Is it just me?

 

[Hyperactivity]

This is long, so I've broken it up for clarity, but no content has been changed.



Oh my God, guys. Is this my future? Is this what happens to me if I keep hitting on beautiful married women!?

Back to the matter at hand: Yes, soccer moms can be pretty damn hot.

As for the rest of it... I honestly don't know what to say.

NTGYK playing the extra long con, confessing publicly and then making it worse anonymously so no one thinks it's him XD

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

I was reading this post (http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=225209907&postcount=1808) and thought to myself, "Holy shit, did I write this a year ago?!" Up until the realtive's death, that confession was remakably similar to my own situation: shy, lonely, anxious, creative introvert in need of help, but broke and uninsured. I've been craving close relationships for years, but especially now that my depression has gotten worse.

Just recently I had a bit of a breakdown. I kept getting distracted by how unsatisfied I was with my life and my relationships. It quickly became a desire to die, and got to the point where I could do nothing but weep. I was alone in that moment, with no one to call or talk to.* Eventually I stopped crying and just went numb. I was sitting outside the kitchen, seriously considering falling onto a large knife. Now I'm not one to resort to self-harm -- I bristle at the thought of pain, and beyond that, I would hate to inconvenience or scare my loved ones... but I was very close to attempting suicide that day.

That was a month ago, and while I honestly don't feel much better, at the very least I haven't had any suicidal thoughts since then. I managed to pull myself together later that day, but it was goddamn scary being that close to the edge. I still haven't told anybody about that day, and I definitely won't be bringing it up anytime soon with holidays incoming, because I don't want to be "that guy." The only reassuring thing I can say is that working retail/customer service for a year seems to be helping with the social part of my anxiety, slowly but surely. It wasn't easy for me to put myself out there to get the job in the first place, but now I need to put that practice to use and start making real progress. Here's hoping you too can gather the strength to take a chance, original confessor.

*This ended up taking a bit of a detour, so I moved it out of the way to address it after the story. I love my family, but they're all painfully ill-equipped to handle stuff like this. I have one friend I could broach this subject with, but they had been dealing with depression and suicidal ideation themselves for years. I've been supportive there where I could, had to call police to make sure they didn't hurt themselves a few times, that sort of thing, and thankfully they're in a better place now. It's just, we used to be very close and we've drifted apart over the years, so now I'm afraid they won't be able to provide that same kind of support for me now. That, and my problems seem insignificant compared to what they faced. Another problem of mine...

Your problems are not insignificant. Everyone has shit to deal with, one person's pain shouldn't be a factor in your own pain.

I know people talking about this can help, but I'm gonna have to urge you to do the same that I tell other people in your situation: seek professional help.

If your family is not equipped to deal with it, there's no shame in getting outside help.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

NTGYK playing the extra long con, confessing publicly and then making it worse anonymously so no one thinks it's him XD

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

I realize it's late in the month when I'm sending this, and at the time of sending this there haven't been new confessions posted in a day or two, so I really hope this makes it in 2016.

I sent in the one about the anxiety during sex and her not doing stuff like blowjobs/handjobs/etc.

I read the replies and thought about it more and realized something: I'm an idiot. I never communicated these things clearly, and all I really had to do was ask. I talked to her about it, she understands and is doing these things now. I taught her how to do some things she definitely did not know how to do, and she is learning well. She was also extremely willing to learn.

As for the anxiety, I think in general asking her to do things to me will definitely help, and as well as getting this off my chest in the first place.

Bottom line this was basically all in my head and my own stupidity and lack of communication. She is awesome and really understanding and I love her very much.

So thanks for the advice everyone, all is well, and happy holidays.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

This is tame compared to some confessions, but here goes.

For the past six months I have been seeing and having sex with an intersex female. We originally met through a hook up site for one night stands, we had sex but she insisted she keep her clothes on and only wanted to do doggie, which I was only too happy about because she was the first woman I'd been with after a very long dry spell. To cut the story short, were having sex and I reach forward to rub her clit and find out she has a penis. I initially thought she had a big clit and that she was embarrassed by it because she grabbed me hand and told me to stop. After we finished she started to cry and revealed that she was born intersex and has a both a penis and vagina. I didn't know how to react at first, I thought maybe she was joking or maybe she was a guy who was having trouble with her gender identity, but after we talked she showed me and she wasn't lying. She had an almost fully formed penis as well as a vagina a bit further down.

Long story short, I can't get enough of her, she's amazing in bed and I love giving her oral while she rides me. We recently talked about her penetrating me anally but she doesn't know how she feels about that, but the sex is just incredible. I can't fully penetrate her owing to her shallow vagina but she's so tight that I barely ever worry about, I'm in heaven as soon as I enter her That's it, not told anyone before and it's not a weight on my shoulders, I wanted to share and know what it feels like to tell others.

I... alright. If y'all are happy, then good for you.

 

[Ephidel]

I copied every single game and application that came into our computer store. And I mean EVERYTHING

I was addicted to game guides

I used to regularly photocopy 300+ pages books

I got free iPhones, a $800 digital camera, various jewelry items

I would get [...] various items recovered (watches, jewelry). I even sold one

I never got too greedy

Seriously? I never got too greedy? I mean, sure, whatever you have to tell yourself to sleep at night, but you're deluded.
You didn't "get" free phones and recovered items. That wasn't "manipulation". You didn't liberate people's lost belongings, you flat out stole stuff. Lots of stuff.
Never got too greedy would be stealing the odd magazine or walking off with half the office's stationary supply cupboard, not stealing multiple phones and jewelry.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

I've got like two left in the pipe, and we'll go till like Saturday night or Sunday morning, depending on how much I've drunk and how many married women I've hit on.

 

[Apple Turnover]

I'll get to the point.

After I take a shit, usually I turn around and for whatever reason I flip it off as it swirls down the drain. I'm thinking it has to do with its failure to leave my body without making a mess that's causing me to flip it off. Is it just me?

Well, I've never done that before but it sounds oddly liberating. Might have to give it a try.

 

[NeOak]

NTGYK playing the extra long con, confessing publicly and then making it worse anonymously so no one thinks it's him XD

That's too suave to be him

I... alright. If y'all are happy, then good for you.

Well, this is a new type of confession. I don't think we ever got something about someone with both sexes since Ronito started it.

And if you are making it work, more power to you o7

 

[Hyperactivity]

That's too suave to be him



Well, this is a new type of confession. I don't think we ever got something about someone with both sexes since Ronito started it.

And if you are making it work, more power to you o7

Nah man, he probably hides the anon confessions that give good advice. If he corrupts the rest of us while learning the good, NTGYK hopes to boost his status

 

[BLOODED_hands]

NTGYK playing the extra long con, confessing publicly and then making it worse anonymously so no one thinks it's him XD

Lol. Nice try NTGYK! You can't fool us.

Ah, I member terrisus. Used to be active before I finally joined.

Huh.... Flipping my poop after I'm done pooping? Might have to try that sometime.

Also, nice of anxiety confessor to talk about sexual acts with his gf. Sometime's that's all it takes, bro.

Sex with an intersex women? If you two are enjoying it then more sexual powers and healings towards you both ^_^.

Also, I've uh..... I've hit on married women before...... It's sort of interesting. Their husbands were on the otherside of the bar so I was pretty lucky I didn't get my ass beat lol. Cheers to you NTGYK and I hope you keep hitting on married women!

 

[Menome]

Goddamn you, Terrisus.

I miss Terrisus. We both hated broccoli and had a thing for larger ladies. It's like we were twins except for every other thing that caused us to be different from one another.

I'm glad to see we've managed to help create at least one happy ending this year.

 

[AzureSkies]

I miss Terrisus. We both hated broccoli and had a thing for larger ladies. It's like we were twins except for every other thing that caused us to be different from one another.

I miss terrisus quite a bit, we used to joke around quite often in threads, which usually resulted in him quoting my old avatar. great times, and a really cool guy. He even backed up my avatar to ensure that I kept it when I was banned once.

I'm hoping that he managed to sort out his personal issues, as It'd be great if he showed back up again.

 

[Jpop]

Spent the past two hours catching up, got work in 6 hours.

Props to the Slick Thief guy

 

[Afrocious]

Hi. This is my first time checking out this thread. It seems to have been going on for a while. That's cool!

I have a concern though: is it okay for people to be sending emails to a gmail account with such personal info? Sure, people can make burner email accounts. Outside of that is where I'm concerned.

 

[Hjod]

Hi. This is my first time checking out this thread. It seems to have been going on for a while. That's cool!

I have a concern though: is it okay for people to be sending emails to a gmail account with such personal info? Sure, people can make burner email accounts. Outside of that is where I'm concerned.

People are probably using burner accounts, NTGYK has been very clear about that, people should be careful and don't send from a email account that can be tied to you. Not that I ever sent in any confessions...

 

[dreamcastmaster]

I... alright. If y'all are happy, then good for you.

Best of both worlds, sounds like a lot of fun.

 

[Psychotext]

The married women one amuses me. I love seeing how much time has gone into justification there. It's irrelevant for two reasons though... 1: You don't really need to justify your actions, you're not the married one. 2: It doesn't matter what they tell you about how shitty their relationships are, because that's likely horseshit too (people will do what they want to do, and justify it however they can).

I did like the post from the dude trying to fix his relationship just a few posts down from that though. I'm sure under different circumstances that would have been another prime target for NTGYK... ahem, sorry, "married woman confessor".

Long story short, I can't get enough of her, she's amazing in bed and I love giving her oral while she rides me.

Hang on... what on earth are the mechanics of that? Sounds like you'd need the same flexibility to pull that off as you would to give yourself a blowjob. Maybe the extra couple of inches range make a difference? lol

 

[Qasiel]

Jesus, I don't check in for a few days and it's chasing married women this and sticky ancient Playboys that.

And people wonder why I don't attend Gaf meets anymore!

 

[Retsudo]

I stopped playing FF15 for this???!!! Seriously man, why? WHY?

I can only imagine right now the magazine cumfessor is something like.

Well congratu-fucking-lations! Take your prize, sell it and buy a stack of clean magazines!

This is long, so I've broken it up for clarity, but no content has been changed.



Oh my God, guys. Is this my future? Is this what happens to me if I keep hitting on beautiful married women!?

Back to the matter at hand: Yes, soccer moms can be pretty damn hot.

As for the rest of it... I honestly don't know what to say.

Well, when you play games sometimes you "win" even by accident. So yeah that's somewhere down the line for you.

Aleluia! We did it GAF! We helped someone! YEAH confessor good for you!
Now you appreciate and make that woman cum as often as possible.

 

[OléGunner]

APC you're nothing but a dirty thieving twat.
If there's one thing I absolutely detest in life it's thieves who take personal shit or game the system in stores or whatever.

I've had so much shit taken from me and my younger brother over years it's infuriating reading your smug klepto attitude.

Hope your past comes back to bite you in the ass hole.
/semi rant.

 

[Dangerblade]

Well, I've never done that before but it sounds oddly liberating. Might have to give it a try.

I read that confession whilst on the toilet and can confirm that it is indeed liberating.

 

[Layell]

I'm leaving my wife in February. She talks trash about me and my daughter online where she thinks I don't see it. I tried so hard to make the marriage work, but she's just a bitter, angry person that I don't want to spend another moment with. I hate that my daughter will continue to be exposed to that, but courts are never friendly to men. I'm not blameless by any means, but leave our daughter out of your bitterness. Regardless, I'm leaving her with a defaulted student loan and a foreclosure when I go. I used to feel guilty about it but now I don't feel bad anymore about doing so after seeing how she "pretends to work overtime because she doesn't want to go home to her husband and kid"

Dude I hope you are documenting every bit of these social media messages, screen cap them, video tape them, keep them all saved away and saved on something she can't see.

 

[Apple Turnover]

I read that confession whilst on the toilet and can confirm that it is indeed liberating.

Gave it a try just now. Not bad. Probably won't become a regular thing, but now and again, why not?

 

[AngmarsKing701]

I'm glad to see we've managed to help create at least one happy ending this year.

I see what you did there.

 

[RionaaM]

We need to make a ThiefGAF OT, and a movie based on those stories. I mean, I hate it when people do things like these, but they are interesting to read nevertheless.

Hang on... what on earth are the mechanics of that? Sounds like you'd need the same flexibility to pull that off as you would to give yourself a blowjob. Maybe the extra couple of inches range make a difference? lol

Glad to hear I'm not the only one who found this weird. I spent quite some time trying to imagine how this could work, and utterly failed.

 

[WhateverItTakes]

Goddamn you, Terrisus.

Kinda wish we could have a Mandrake-esque summary of Terrisus' history here. Along with HUELEN10 and HolyBaikal.

Actually what I really want is a reality show where they live in the same house.

 

[crimzonflame]

I... alright. If y'all are happy, then good for you.

How do you give oral while she rides you?

 

[mdubs]

Goddamn you, Terrisus.

Best confession ever

 

[Mobile Suit Gooch]

Is it too late?

 

[Retsudo]

How do you give oral while she rides you?

Contorcionism yo!

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Is it too late?

Sunday morning is the last day

 

[Instro]

How do you give oral while she rides you?

Trying to figure this out is really cutting into my work time right now.

 

[B-Dubs]

Trying to figure this out is really cutting into my work time right now.

Maybe he's one of those really flexible types that can...well...you know...his...you know...
















I'm saying maybe he's one of those dudes who can suck his own dick

 

[TheBaldEmperor]

Goddamn you, Terrisus.

And he's still rolling with that "look at me!" attitude.

Thought we were rid of that.

 

[JinjoUnchained]

Goddamn you, Terrisus.

Terrisus! If you're lurking and reading this, we miss you buddy. It made my day to see your confession and I hope you keep moving forward.

 

[RionaaM]

Kinda wish we could have a Mandrake-esque summary of Terrisus' history here. Along with HUELEN10 and HolyBaikal.

Actually what I really want is a reality show where they live in the same house.

I'd watch a TV show about HolyBaikal being forced to play Saints Row for a prize.

 

[LucidMomentum]

I'd watch a TV show about HolyBaikal being forced to play Saints Row for a prize.

Not Saints Row.

Clannad.

 

[Mobile Suit Gooch]

Sunday morning is the last day

Do they need a title or just submit?

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Do they need a title or just submit?

You can just submit.

 

[SmackAttack]

Haven't been keeping up with this thread as much and trying to get caught up on confessions. I don't really know what words can describe the last few pages.

 

[Manu]

I'd watch a TV show about HolyBaikal being forced to play Saints Row for a prize.

I wanna fund your Kickstarter.

 

[Wandering Robot]

Your problems are not insignificant. Everyone has shit to deal with, one person's pain shouldn't be a factor in your own pain.

I know people talking about this can help, but I'm gonna have to urge you to do the same that I tell other people in your situation: seek professional help.

If your family is not equipped to deal with it, there's no shame in getting outside help.

Oh, wow. I wish there was some way to bring these two confessors together so they might feel a little better. I hope you're at least much better off now, Confessor. My inbox is open if you're up to it.

That's awesome to hear. Glad to see a little communication went a long way!

Sunday morning is the last day

 

[Retsudo]

I don't really know what words can describe the last few pages.

HA! Words! Here's some words to describe it. =)

 

[maomaoIYP]

Goddamn you, Terrisus.

HOLY SHIT. This cannot be fucking real.

 

[NeOak]

HOLY SHIT. This cannot be fucking real.

That he is finally getting out? Seems unreal indeed.