Hmm, I wonder what it'd be like to read the majority of stories when I'm less tired. I bet my crits would make more sense rather than saying, "I was confused." Maybe I'll learn something in this...
Also, thank you to y'all for the feedback on my story... I'm too tired right now to respond but very much appreciate the specific feedback.
Crits:
Toddhunter – Excuse me for asking: I love existential questions and yet I don’t know a lot of the different theories out there other than the informal ones college students discuss in dorm rooms at 3 am. So I really liked this one. I think you did a really good job of making a bunch of dialog about this rather than narrative blabber. This might be a huge challenge, but I wonder if there would be a way to make this a more action-oriented story and still depict the existence question you pose.
Aaron – Empty Bottles and Broken Stools: I like how you described the bit player’s companion when he’s first introduced. I really liked the flow in this story and the light-hearted style.
Ronito – I can admit defeat: I’m so confused about what’s going on between you and Cyan.
GRW810 – Who Decides What’s Important? – Welcome!! Nice analogy with the children’s coloring book. I didn’t even see how that might have been forshadowing. I very much liked the ending and the twist, for me at least, was a surprise that brought a smile to my face. I remember thinking that Preston sure does have faith in the judgment and intelligence of her people. Hee hee. Very smooth style throughout; it might have been fun to see some dialog during the actual debating points, but your style worked well too – and in fact, maybe dialog might have taken away from the projection towards the end. Not sure!
SquiddlyBiscuit – Dyadic Truth: This was very enjoyable and fun debate to read. The format was really well-selected too. I’m ashamed to say that I’m not more familiar with sci-fi to truly appreciate your work, but your story inspires me to become an avid sci-fi reader. Seriously!
ReiGun – Shiver: Oh my gosh. This was horrifically good. You portrayed both character’s nastiness towards each other and affection for each other perfectly well. And, I liked how the killer wasn’t easy to identify with.
Mike M – Sandwiches: This was hilarious! It had a very slapstick feel to it and was quick and fun. I liked hearing the voices of the 2 main characters in my head and liked how you added little details like Reginald’s particularity with his name.
ZeroRay – IDK: I really liked this analogy: “The sort of thing a dog might do to a house guest he's never met before.” I love reading super short entries but I don’t have much experience with them so it’s hard for me to give a good crit. All I have to say is that I pictured some sort of organic cheese Cheetos rather than the bright orange powdery one!
Bootaaay – In the Eyes: Oh man, I’m too weak sauce to read stuff like this! Well done, so awesome how you captured this in such a short story. Excellent work in capturing the internal debate of the main character. So heavy. Well done. Can't imagine it any better.
Cyan – I admit nothing! – a counterpoint: Nice conviction in your title. And nice tag-teaming with Ronito. I love the idea of Metatron being not only a poet, but a transcriber for God. His character was very enjoyable and you certainly hit up “absurd.” I liked the part where you talked about the space between the Lord and the quiet man/Lucifer character – and darkness and light – but I wish it were expanded upon more. I also really liked how you depicted Lucifer. Oh and I loved the full poem. You’re such a frikkin’ poet.
Ashes1396 – highs and lows in Madrid: Gosh, I have to say that I didn’t really see any “highs” in Madrid, just horrible lows! And maybe some neutrals since the MC seemed to have a good attitude. This felt like a comfortable read in some ways, but I sometimes asked myself, “I can’t wait til this starts to zoom forward at warp speed.” Maybe that’s just me, but it felt much more like a reflective diary entry. If that’s what you were going for, then it’s very well done, but if not, then maybe something to quicken the pace would have been good. I would have found it helpful if there was a buildup. Also, while I really liked the 2 main characters, I wanted to know more about the male, and how he knew this girl in the first place, and more about how he felt about things with respect to her. I think maybe you wanted to portray MC as sincerely confused, or as a polite tourist. So if so, well done.
DumbNameD – Seeing Both Sides: Haha this was a fun read. And the ending was quite absurd. I liked how the kids explained bf/gf implicit agreements; I felt that the clown bit was a little bit out of nowhere but I liked reading it a lot and how Jack dealt with it. And even if it was out of nowhere, it still seemed appropriate. Also, being covered in grass stains and milk is so familiar for me personally. You don’t even know how old I was until that wasn’t a regular occurrence. I also liked how powerful the clown was an disappointing his mother. Anyway fun read!
Nezumi – Regulations: This was such a great read! It made me think of oil barons and the EPA or something. You did a really good job of presenting the lady at the desk – she was very easy to picture, and her attitude was so well described. I did feel like I was hoping for more at the ending, but I can see how an ending to this story is very challenging.
I like how the list of short story titles almost sounds like a short story in itself.
Or a poem.
So many poets in this thread!
Votes:
1. Nezumi
2. Cyan
3. Mike M.
HM: ReiGun, Nezumi, Aaron, GRW810, Booty... man I guess they were all very, very fun to read.
