Chainsawkitten -- Untitled: Apparently not an entry anyway, but better to err on the side of caution when including it on the list, I suppose ; )
maxcriden -- 1982: The core premise is potentially pretty cute, but there were a few details that drew me out of the experience. For instance, to the best of my knowledge (though I may well be incorrect), state quarters dont have differences in the ridges on the edges of the coin, so being able to tell the state by them didnt make sense to me. Also, Ive never heard a vending machine make different notes for the buttons pressed, since theyre not working on a touch-tone dialing system. Also also, when the coin wound up in the tip jar, he mentioned that he couldnt see anything, which was immediately followed by a description of how he could see the light fading. Idunno, I guess the problem of writing a day in the life of a coin is that a coins day is really dull.
Valhelm -- Baccarat: Couple typos in the mix there. Seems like a chumps bet to accept someones promise to tell you a story when the rest of you are anteing up hard drives and briefcases of intel
I dont know, I felt kind of a let down when these guys who were so cavalier about gambling national secrets would have such a strong reaction to what Glendover was betting only to not have anything be revealed. Felt like the whole thing was just a setup for the callback to the description of the black eyes of two kings from the beginning, and Im not sure the payoff was worth it.
Ourobolus -- Untitled: I gotta be honest, I really didnt like the way the soldier was written at all. Just about every word he spoke after the initial Stop right there! was so, sooooooo cheesy and unnatural. Plus he didnt immediately turn and shoot at the guy brandishing a gun at him, waiting for him to fire first? I have a hard time imagining how a military force could occupy a town for two decades when their forces are so incompetently trained that he didnt prioritize the guy with the gun aimed at him over the two unarmed people he was preparing to shoot.
lupin23rd -- A Raw Deal: The premise is super-solid and ripe with potential, but the info dump exposition was to the detriment of the story. I think most of that could have been delivered in dialogue and allowing the reader to infer the rest. Show, dont tell and all that.
Sober -- Two Halves: I liked the take on the breakup told from the perspective of each member of the relationship, but I cant help but wonder if it might have been better served if there was a more even distribution between the switches in perspective. Its all rather front loaded, which makes the last couple rapid-fire switches a jarring change in pacing and flow for me.
Mike M -- Wishy Washy: This initially popped into my head as a genie that would only grant wishes involving goats, but didnt have the word count to expound upon that. I mostly just wrote this because I find
goats screaming to be fucking hilarious. I mostly like the way this turned out, but I freely admit that I didnt really have a good way to end it.
Cyan -- In this place where stone meets sky: Haunting and well described, but I have no idea WTF is going on. Is this supposed to be the Wandering Jew? Is he dead? What was the sin of the savior, is that some snitch of Christian theology that Im just completely unaware of?
DumbNameD -- Afterlife Insurance: Miguel is 50, and the actuary congratulates him on hitting the big four-oh. He seems a little behind on current events : ) Or is the implication that Miguel has been doing this for ten years and hasnt gotten caught so far? That would strain the credulity of the internal logic. Plus that would be a shitty life to spend that many years running the same threats every week : /
B-Dubs -- The Springfield Renovation: Scary to think this is how shit used to operate back in the day. Scarier still that there is a significant portion of people out there who would have absolutely no problem with going back to this system (or at least doing away with the obstacles that were enacted to put an end to these practices). Not a very satisfactory ending, however, just kinda
stopped.
Tangent -- Manuscript: Given that Voz seems to exhibit and embody many of the very faults he cites in humanity, its no wonder he ended up going native : P
SquiddyCracker -- The Seed: Probably a bit too much time going on about Rules and how they related to rules, without any elaboration about what the Rules actually were. Made it seem like it was supposed to be an excerpt from a much longer pieces that would eventually explain everything, but the ending seemed fairly final.
Votes:
1. B-Dubs
2. DumbNameD
3. Valhelm
