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NeoGAF Creative Writing Challenge #150 - "Based on Actual Events"
- Thread starter Mike M
- Start date
- Status
QuantumBro
Banned
There were a lot of good ones this week, it's going to be hard to pick a top three.
Untitled- I enjoyed the narration and how the main character's sanity slipped away from him.
Comma- Nice poem.
Whalefall- Really cool world you set up for this story. I especially liked the jumping spider vehicles and the bickering brothers.That's a lot of drafts you went through.
Three Generations, a Story, and a Slug- I got a bit confused by the timeline of the story, it jumped around too many times.
A Black Moth- I really like how the letter was used in the story.
Obligation- Yeah fuck scanners. It shouldn't take an hour to scan and upload six pages, but somehow it did. I thought the diary narrative style was well done. What type of notebook are you writing in?
Old Memories- I like how Oldman worked behind the scenes to fix the problem. Also, it's neat to see how you plan out your story. Is there a certain process you're doing?
Light My Fire, an Ongoing Memoir- Well that went crazy quite fast.
That Blinking Box- So what was in it?
Confession- How did I not see that twist coming?
1. Whalefall
2. Untitled
3. Confessions
HM: Old Memories
Untitled- I enjoyed the narration and how the main character's sanity slipped away from him.
Comma- Nice poem.
Whalefall- Really cool world you set up for this story. I especially liked the jumping spider vehicles and the bickering brothers.That's a lot of drafts you went through.
Three Generations, a Story, and a Slug- I got a bit confused by the timeline of the story, it jumped around too many times.
A Black Moth- I really like how the letter was used in the story.
Obligation- Yeah fuck scanners. It shouldn't take an hour to scan and upload six pages, but somehow it did. I thought the diary narrative style was well done. What type of notebook are you writing in?
Old Memories- I like how Oldman worked behind the scenes to fix the problem. Also, it's neat to see how you plan out your story. Is there a certain process you're doing?
Light My Fire, an Ongoing Memoir- Well that went crazy quite fast.
That Blinking Box- So what was in it?
Confession- How did I not see that twist coming?
1. Whalefall
2. Untitled
3. Confessions
HM: Old Memories
Crab, actually. Liocarcinus is a genus, "Malac" was short for the class Malacostraca, "Brach" was short for infraorder Brachyura.
Grimlock -- Crazy and scary. Whomever this story is about, I hope that things are better today. Whew. I really liked how the story developed. The voice of the narrator was great, I liked the dialog and accents you used, and how the MC related to the other people in the story. I did feel like the language used in the 1st and 2nd lines of the story great contrasted one another, but maybe that was on purpose. Also, it sounded like the MC was going a little paranoid or seeing things that were freaking himself out. I liked the part, but felt that the other parts of "supposing" (vs. "actually seeing" ) were not as strong, in my view. For example, God trying to speak to him on AM radio. It sounded sarcastic, and maybe it was. But if it wasn't, then I think I would have preferred the raw evidence of cooky things going on instead. But overall, very well done. It kept me captivated until the end. Oh, and one more thing, I was curious to know how the MC got paid to take big pharma drugs for mental health problems! Maybe he was in a study.
kehs -- Wow this was great! Would have been awesome for the poetry thread, too! I don't know too much about poetry unfortunately. But I like the last line since I've heard people say they get a cathartic, euphoric release from crying.
QuantumBro -- first, your handwriting is so amazingly awesome, NOT hideous. I wish I wrote like that. Secondly, you HANDWRITE your drafts?! Amazing. Third, interesting story, especially since you said it's true. I think what would have made it better was a little more suprise about how this turned into such a big black market business, and a little more shock with the gun and the punch. I would have liked to know what was going on in the character's head a bit more. For example, I wonder if there was any hesitation when he got into the limo or inside the house. It seemed a little odd that at the age of 16, he wouldn't have at least thought, "Is this a good idea?" even if he still made that choice. The end reminded me of a teenage movie or something -- it seemed to skip a lot of events to get to what was summarized in just a few lines of "the good life" fantasy or something. (Plus I'd be curious to know if the opinion of the "good life" would have been everlastingly fantastic over time if there were enough time for the MC to reflect on that.)
Mike M -- it was extremely fun to visualize this story and the cool vessels. (Plus it seemed Pacific Coast influenced to some extent with the crab reference.) Also, I liked the dialog between the brothers. You were able to capture the level of tension between them really well. Lastly, it was super cool to see your drafts. I'm more enticed to actually print out drafts rather than working on them online now. I'm curious to know the difference. One thing I try to do too, is read them out loud. But I don't if I'm tired.
~~~~
OK OK..... it looks like I'm not gonna get through them all. Didn't space them out well enough. Sorry about that! (I guess I can't vote either.)
I realized I never submitted my "show your work part." But it's too long and boring to share. Here's what I did this time:
1. Wrote a list of 18 story ideas
2. Started a draft about a trampoline in 4th grade.
2. Shared a handful of the 18 ideas with a friend
3. Friend told me which jumped out the most
4. I stopped the trampoline story and tried the story mentioned
5. Several revisions to try properly maneuver the different pieces (apparently unsuccessfully!)
Overall, I didn't really like the writing experience this time around. I was pretty appalled and weirded out with how it felt to write this story, which was odd. Nevertheless, I'm glad I tried a different narrative style even if I'm VERY unfamiliar with how to do whatever it was I was trying to do.
kehs -- Wow this was great! Would have been awesome for the poetry thread, too! I don't know too much about poetry unfortunately. But I like the last line since I've heard people say they get a cathartic, euphoric release from crying.
QuantumBro -- first, your handwriting is so amazingly awesome, NOT hideous. I wish I wrote like that. Secondly, you HANDWRITE your drafts?! Amazing. Third, interesting story, especially since you said it's true. I think what would have made it better was a little more suprise about how this turned into such a big black market business, and a little more shock with the gun and the punch. I would have liked to know what was going on in the character's head a bit more. For example, I wonder if there was any hesitation when he got into the limo or inside the house. It seemed a little odd that at the age of 16, he wouldn't have at least thought, "Is this a good idea?" even if he still made that choice. The end reminded me of a teenage movie or something -- it seemed to skip a lot of events to get to what was summarized in just a few lines of "the good life" fantasy or something. (Plus I'd be curious to know if the opinion of the "good life" would have been everlastingly fantastic over time if there were enough time for the MC to reflect on that.)
Mike M -- it was extremely fun to visualize this story and the cool vessels. (Plus it seemed Pacific Coast influenced to some extent with the crab reference.) Also, I liked the dialog between the brothers. You were able to capture the level of tension between them really well. Lastly, it was super cool to see your drafts. I'm more enticed to actually print out drafts rather than working on them online now. I'm curious to know the difference. One thing I try to do too, is read them out loud. But I don't if I'm tired.
~~~~
OK OK..... it looks like I'm not gonna get through them all. Didn't space them out well enough. Sorry about that! (I guess I can't vote either.)
I realized I never submitted my "show your work part." But it's too long and boring to share. Here's what I did this time:
1. Wrote a list of 18 story ideas
2. Started a draft about a trampoline in 4th grade.
2. Shared a handful of the 18 ideas with a friend
3. Friend told me which jumped out the most
4. I stopped the trampoline story and tried the story mentioned
5. Several revisions to try properly maneuver the different pieces (apparently unsuccessfully!)
Overall, I didn't really like the writing experience this time around. I was pretty appalled and weirded out with how it felt to write this story, which was odd. Nevertheless, I'm glad I tried a different narrative style even if I'm VERY unfamiliar with how to do whatever it was I was trying to do.
Waaaait a minute. How was the one that jumped out the most not the trampoline story?
Damn, 18 is a lot of story ideas. Ronito would be proud!
That's really cool that you tried something totally different though. It's useful to get out of your comfort zone sometimes.
FlowersisBritish
fleurs n'est pas britannique
ugh, I gotta stop doing these at the very last minute, sorry that some of these are gonna be short :/
Grimlock- you had some pretty creative imagery, especially at the end. That's kinda what you need in horror and stories about people going mad.
Kehs- I liked the concepts in your poems, but don't rhyme with the same word.
Pandora's Battery- You had me hooked in the begining, but lost me around the time of Richard showing up. He just made everything too unbelievable and he wasn't interesting enough of a character to make me care about the end half.
Whalefall- You do some pretty great descriptions in here, but I don't think you set up the world enough for the message to make sense. I don't really know where they are, or what their doing, only that there is an above and it's either a nice place or an awful place? Also, for a guy who didn't want to be captain, and is only doing it out of obligation, he was pretty excited to lead the charge and do captain orders.
Three generations- this was interesting in tone. I know you aren't used to writing like this, but you did a really solid job. I liked it, and thought it was well written. I got a little lost with characters, mostly because you only seem to mention relations once when they're brought up, and there are too many characters to get away with that.
obligation- I loved this. It felt very natural and peaceful. Maybe it's cause I had a similar experience recently, but I really enjoyed how this progressed and turned out.
Old memories- I liked how the story progressed and how oldman set stuff up for his own success.
light my fire- you had some fun banter
Blinking box- I thought this was cute and clever. I really liked your ending.
Confessions- what a fun twists at the end.
Again sorry some of these are short, I'm a little fizzled out right now so deep critical thought isn't really working for me right now.
1. Obligation
2. Three Generations
3. Whalefall
Grimlock- you had some pretty creative imagery, especially at the end. That's kinda what you need in horror and stories about people going mad.
Kehs- I liked the concepts in your poems, but don't rhyme with the same word.
Pandora's Battery- You had me hooked in the begining, but lost me around the time of Richard showing up. He just made everything too unbelievable and he wasn't interesting enough of a character to make me care about the end half.
Whalefall- You do some pretty great descriptions in here, but I don't think you set up the world enough for the message to make sense. I don't really know where they are, or what their doing, only that there is an above and it's either a nice place or an awful place? Also, for a guy who didn't want to be captain, and is only doing it out of obligation, he was pretty excited to lead the charge and do captain orders.
Three generations- this was interesting in tone. I know you aren't used to writing like this, but you did a really solid job. I liked it, and thought it was well written. I got a little lost with characters, mostly because you only seem to mention relations once when they're brought up, and there are too many characters to get away with that.
obligation- I loved this. It felt very natural and peaceful. Maybe it's cause I had a similar experience recently, but I really enjoyed how this progressed and turned out.
Old memories- I liked how the story progressed and how oldman set stuff up for his own success.
light my fire- you had some fun banter
Blinking box- I thought this was cute and clever. I really liked your ending.
Confessions- what a fun twists at the end.
Again sorry some of these are short, I'm a little fizzled out right now so deep critical thought isn't really working for me right now.
1. Obligation
2. Three Generations
3. Whalefall
- Status