10/10 - The Citizen Kane of NeoGAF posts.
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NeoGAF's Poetry Corner - #80: Phantoms
- Thread starter Cyan
- Start date
- Status
10/10 - The Citizen Kane of NeoGAF posts.
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
Sorry gotta do it
The Entries
The Entries
- disappeared - [Untitled]
- Hanmik - [Untitled]
- mikeroth - [Untitled]
- FelixOrion - "You Have Your Own Chain"
- Grimløck- "Reminisce"
- LuffyZoro - [Untitled]
- videtonator - "Alone; together; with myself"
- heidern - [Untitled]
- richardhawk - [Untitled]
- Cyan - "Sentinels"
- Jintor - "Threshold"
- kaepernickehs - "Memories"
- Neutrality - "Lleuad"
- Ashes1396 - "Play on ancient trees"
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
Oh dammit! I spent all that time making a list before realizing there was a second page with an already made list... :/ Blegh.
HORRORSHØW
Member
1. disappeared
2. videtonator (I really liked a couple of lines: "Sun was such a beautiful vision/Now it's just a light through a square hole." "their faces are familiar/Travelers that once crossed my path."
3. Hanmik
HM: Ashes
2. videtonator (I really liked a couple of lines: "Sun was such a beautiful vision/Now it's just a light through a square hole." "their faces are familiar/Travelers that once crossed my path."
3. Hanmik
HM: Ashes
Good morning, and in case I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night.
hey_monkey
Banned
jesus christ that is amazing
i am sorry you were waiting (Cyan's trochees defeated me), but it produced this, so... that's okay, then.
eta: while I was not writing poetry, I wrote two new stories and edited a third, so that's also okay. UNICORN SUX, MONKEY RULEZ
hey_monkey
Banned
1. disappeared - I was resistant to this because I'm kind of an asshole about organization, I guess, or maybe just the look on the "page," but damned if I could not get it out of my head.
2. Ashes
3. Grimlock
HM: FelixOrion, heidern for doing some X-Files shit because awesome.
2. Ashes
3. Grimlock
HM: FelixOrion, heidern for doing some X-Files shit because awesome.
hey_monkey
Banned
well, there's my weekend made. between this and the unicorn/monkey picture, this is p. much my ultimate thread, and I didn't even write a damn poem.
writing-gaf = love.
writing-gaf = love.
Pfffffff! Poems, who needs 'em!
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
Wow you guys really like that pic :lol
Not sure if we are still counting votes or not but here is my take:
1. Disappeared - Simply just the most original take on the theme. It lacks structure but makes up for it with presence. I liked it.
2. Ashes - A solid piece. My only reservation being the antiquated language (doth, alas). It reads and feels out of place. Words like those just scream, "Hey! We got a poem over here"! I prefer to forget that I'm reading a poem when I'm reading a poem, if that makes sense.
3. Cyan - Chosen strictly for the secondary attempt. Meter is not an easy approach to poetry and the one you chose even less so. Well done.
1. Disappeared - Simply just the most original take on the theme. It lacks structure but makes up for it with presence. I liked it.
2. Ashes - A solid piece. My only reservation being the antiquated language (doth, alas). It reads and feels out of place. Words like those just scream, "Hey! We got a poem over here"! I prefer to forget that I'm reading a poem when I'm reading a poem, if that makes sense.
3. Cyan - Chosen strictly for the secondary attempt. Meter is not an easy approach to poetry and the one you chose even less so. Well done.
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
- Grimløck
- Neutrality
- videtonator
HMs: Ashes, Cyan, mikeroth, richardhawk
it's not that bad, I got a second place position placement.
).
Neutrality
Member
I always hate voting.
1. Cyan
2. Disappeared
3. Mikeroth
hm: Kaeper & Grimløck
1. Cyan
2. Disappeared
3. Mikeroth
hm: Kaeper & Grimløck
HORRORSHØW
Member
GAF Gold should be in your inbox in 3-5 weeks.
disappeared
Banned
richardhawk
ashes
I couldn't pick a third.
ashes
I couldn't pick a third.
You got two votes!
Yeah, this disappeared guy seems like a badass. I like him. He didn't even pick a third vote. WHO IS HE?! He doesn't give a shit about the rules! Man, I want to be like that! No sarcasm intended either. For reals, this bro is legit.
HORRORSHØW
Member
Words strain,
Crack and sometimes break, under the burden,
Under the tension, slip, slide, perish,
Decay with imprecision, will not stay in place,
Will not stay still.
T.S. Eliot
Can words fail a man of language, too,
as it often does for me?
What is a poet without words, but a vacuous man
breathing empty air;
a sigh against the stillborn night.
In the beginning was the Word
John 1:1
And the Word was with God.
Was He the poet
who spoke the universe into being?
My pen bleeds black against the silken pages;
a mad scrawl of ideas stilted by lack of diction.
Crack and sometimes break, under the burden,
Under the tension, slip, slide, perish,
Decay with imprecision, will not stay in place,
Will not stay still.
T.S. Eliot
Can words fail a man of language, too,
as it often does for me?
What is a poet without words, but a vacuous man
breathing empty air;
a sigh against the stillborn night.
In the beginning was the Word
John 1:1
And the Word was with God.
Was He the poet
who spoke the universe into being?
My pen bleeds black against the silken pages;
a mad scrawl of ideas stilted by lack of diction.
^ That was really good. I think people who write are never able to take a break. Creative people in general, but I'll speak specifically for writers. It's always this mad dash to scribble something down wherever you can before the idea dissolves back into the depths of the subconscious. I've written entire poems on the inside doors of bathroom stalls with broken pencils while defecating. I'm not religious at all and really try to avoid the stuff as much as possible so I was a bit hesitant when I glanced at the biblical proverb, but it worked. I'm really bad at interpreting poems so maybe I understood that one in completely the wrong way which is always embarrassing, but I'm trying to get better at reading with a clear mind so as to fully understand the intent of the writer. All I know is that I just really liked the ending. I liked it all but especially the ending.
HORRORSHØW
Member
Thanks. Just bored rambling, trying to get a creative bump in the thread so disappeared can make the next topic.
I'm not religious at all, but I tend to include religion in my writing. I'm not sure what effect, if any, that has on my writing. For this particular poem, it juxtaposes the grandiosity of God, where he is essentially the word, and my own insignificance to articulate exactly what I mean because I'm often at a loss for words.
I'm not religious at all, but I tend to include religion in my writing. I'm not sure what effect, if any, that has on my writing. For this particular poem, it juxtaposes the grandiosity of God, where he is essentially the word, and my own insignificance to articulate exactly what I mean because I'm often at a loss for words.
Ok then I guess I interpreted it correctly, or at least understood what you were trying to say. Happy to hear you're not religious. And I hope this doesn't irk anyone but we need more non-religious people. That being said, the topic of religion and God still is a huge one so it can be really effective to throw it into your writing. I think it has the ability to make it very clear that the writer is trying to touch on some deep shit. Haha Sorry for the language. I really do like the poem and what it meant though. It can be extremely difficult to make sense of what is going on in the brain and even more difficult to put that into words that can be understood. And you seem to have pulled off trying to put into words the idea that it's difficult to put things into words. Haha nicely done.
disappeared
Banned
Not attempting to start the next thread until I move into a new place this weekend. I may just end up passing the win to Grimlock.
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