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Now I remember why I stopped eating Pringles (leaky butt)

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Don't even fucking say a word. I like potato chips, and can't eat them very much or I'll get fat.

I tried out these Pringles Fat-Free chips because they were super low-cal. BBQ flavor. the fuck.

The can said they had 70 calories per serving, which meant the whole can had 490 calories inside total. I could munch through a can in a day with my lunch, dinner, etc. So I got several cans, and began enjoying one a day for the past four days. But what they dont fucking tell you...

Except in tiny print you cant read without a fucking electron microscope

...is that the primary ingredient is something called "olean" which I have since learned is Latin for "Unwashable & Indestructible Ass Grease."

Oh Yeah. I'm not even kidding.

So today, while I'm standing in the living room debating whether or not Laundry or Dishes will get done first, I get the urge to fart. I live alone, so sweet. I let the honk loose and its wrong. Something just sounded wrong. I know my own wind, and I have never farted a sound that sounded like a fart wrapped in a pillow.

Oh yes, something was very wrong. I had just shat myself. But this evil olean makes shitting yourself sound almost like a regular fart, and had I not been particularly attentive, it could easily have gone unnoticed, I'm telling you. THAT's how utterly covert and evil this olean stuff is. What the fuck?! What if I'd gone out to hang with friends or gone for a drive, what then?

So I walk carefully to the bathroom and disrobe. before I even sit on the toilet, I wad paper and carefully wipe from the front. Sure enough, it was light brown, and had the texture of soft spackle. You fucking Pringle bastards.

I sat down and pushed a bit, and lo, out came a jet that I didnt even feel an urge for one minute earlier. It piled in the bowl like brown marshmallow fluff.

The problem rose when I tried to wipe. I went through a whole fucking roll of TP and could not get it all off me. So.

I jumped in the shower. Yep, its gross, but it had to be done. There I stood, water pouring down, cheeks spread, and using my own hand to make certain I'm clean.

That was when I discovered that after using my hand to wipe myself (before I soaped the area) my hand came back covered in some sort of transparent grease. It was so fucking foul. The grease made water bead off my hand. It was tacky too, and very difficult to manage.

So I grabbed the bar of saop and went to work.

You fucking Pringle bastards.

The bar of soap came away coated in grease as well, and would no longer wash. I had to turn the water to hot and massage the soap for five minutes to get it to the point where I could use it again. It took me an hour to get the fucking grease off my pucker. I shudder to think of what its doing INSIDE ME right now, but I will damned sure never eat that shit again.

Fucking Pringle bastards.

This is where the joke about "anal leakage" came from. its real. Fuck Pringles.
Click to expand...

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The carbohydrate portion of pringles will be sucked up in no time in your small intestine, so it is probably the fat that leads to your issues. Do you get the issues when eating other fatty foods?
 
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I have eaten Pringles since I was a kid and I never once had a leaky ass.


I swear some of ya'll confirm the dirty neckbeard basement dweller stereotype.
 
Is there a glitch in the matrix? I swear I've read this exact topic elsewhere... seriously what's happening.
 
Hmmm. I'll have to buy some Pringles and see if this happens. I've never had it happen before but I have to try - for science.
 
You got leaky butt from eating half a can of Pringles?

Yeah, I don't think the Pringles are the problem here
 
I dunno, OP. Pringles are gross and all but I don't think they're the cause of your mudbutt. I mean, if you ate two of the three cans or all three I can understand that. But that kind of mudbutt after half a can?

There's some funny business going on in you.
 
Honestly, it may just be that your system can't handle pringles (but it definitely is not something that it does to everyone).

Unless you managed to find pringles that use olean, the stuff that they substituted instead of fat (I think they stopped making those though). Because olean was known to have a bad reaction with some people to cause exactly what you described (not everyone but enough it became a running joke). I am pretty sure Pringles was one of the products that made a product with that. But I didn't think they still sold it (though I do think you can still find some products with it but the rep for it got so bad a lot of product lines using it got discontinued).

Edit: Looked it up, they still make the stuff. You didn't happen to buy the fat free pringles, did you? because they are notorious for that due to the olean in them. If so you're probably safe to eat normal pringles cause most likely it was the olean that caused it.

Edit #2: Ok, some one else said olestra which is probably more correct. I can't remember the name of the chemical but they use it as a fat substitute and the no fat pringles has it and it causes exactly what you described.
 
If they weren't the fat-free variety there must be something in there that doesn't agree with your body - it's not something inherent to Pringles.

That or you have IBS. Spastic colon is more fun to say too, although it's not so fun to have.
 
Pringles at this point might as well be made of all separate chemicals at the lab. I would not blame anyone for getting leaky butt though if you are shitting 8 times because of pringles you got problems.
 
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