• Hey Guest. Check out your NeoGAF Wrapped 2025 results here!

On still being a virgin/virgin shaming.

LyleLanley said:
I'm not saying people who lose their virginity later in life, or never lose it, are MRA types but to me it feels like saying it happens by chance takes out any personal accountability. Building a relationship, even if it's a drunken one night stand, requires some work, you're not rolling dice.
Click to expand...
That's what anxiety and or mental illness such as depression does to you.

It second guesses all actions into inaction.
It's frustrating. It isn't at all being a pity party. It's acknowledgment of your mistakes.
 
One of my best friends is a virgin, he's really unconfortable when we talk about sex in our group. Doesn't help my other friends keep telling him to hire a prostitute (I don't think he's really the type to do that). I keep telling him that the fact he's a virgin isn't really an issue but of course as a straight male he keeps feeling pressured to do it. It's really sad and I think he's developed depression because of it. I don't know how to help him though :/
 
Tence said:
Like you could be doing now?!
Click to expand...

200w.gif
 
If anyone is so worried about being labeled a virgin, just go fuck someone you're not attracted to and get it over with. Your first time is gonna suck no matter what.
 
Piichan said:
If anyone is so worried about being labeled a virgin, just go fuck someone you're not attracted to and get it over with. Your first time is gonna suck no matter what.
Click to expand...

Well if you do it with someone you're not attracted to...then yeah...it is gonna suck.
 
I woulda thought Tinder eliminated this problem for people. Streamlines the whole thing.

I lost mine young so I can't really relate to older dudes still being virgins. It's sort of a right of passage thing among lads when your younger. You tell your story and celebrate when your boys lose theirs.
 
I see a lot of "Losing your virginity won't change your life" but in many ways it can. I don't think I was alone in being an immature straight male whose goal through most of senior school and university etc was to lose his virginity, but for me it became this all consuming goal hanging over everything with all the stresses and strains that carries with it. Part of that was peer pressure I suspect.

When I lost my virginity at the age of 19 it was, rightly or wrongly, like a great weight was lifted, my mind was reset; I had 'achieved' what had been consuming many of my waking (and subconscious sleeping) hours for a number of years, I had performed well enough for someone with zero first hand experience of what they were doing (ie terribly, but I didn't kill anyone, bonus), I felt my horizons had expanded in a sense of I knew more now than I did previously, and I felt a weird sense of leaving the 'boy' behind, as cliché and daft as that might sound. I also felt a sense of realisation, of de-mystification. A sense of 'aha, so that's what it's like'. The pursuit of sex wasn't such a detrimental presence anymore, the pressure was off. I could slot it into my life as just another aspect, but not the main aspect.

Generally when I was growing up you weren't a virgin by choice if you were a straight male. We didn't have standards especially, we weren't waiting for 'The One', it was a pure drive to carry out the base act.
 
Seraph_Nicholas said:
It's a pretty huge part of the human experience. If you choose to sit that out, for whatever reason, alright, but don't be surprised when the tribal creatures with millions of years of evolution reinforcing sex as the most important part of life give you an occasional side-eye over it.

Not that sex should be that important, it just is. Evolutionary forces and all.
Click to expand...

Sex is fun. It brings people together, it's an important part of a lot of relationships

The idea that it's the most important part of life itself is utterly, laughably pathetic. And not even true evolutionarily when before birth control, reproduction was just the path of least resistance if you had ever had heterosexual sex at all. There was little evolutionary pressure for women (half of humanity's gene pool, remember) to prioritize sex when most were being forced to take the D and like it anyway
 
FranF said:
Sex is fun. It's brings people together, it's an important part of a lot of relationships

The idea that it's the most important part of life itself is utterly, laughably pathetic. And not even true evolutionarily when before birth control, reproduction was just the path of least resistance if you had ever had heterosexual sex at all
Click to expand...
Strictly scientifically speaking, I think it's fair to say that reproduction is one of the main functions of any lifeform.
 
If anyone legit shames you for being a virgin you should probably stop talking to them. Everyone has different circumstances and how one chooses to have or not have a sex life has literally zero impact on anyone else. It’s really not a big deal. Have sex when you think you are ready to and stop worrying about it.
 
Do we have anyone in here to speak on women in their 30s that have not lost their virginity?

Any hardships they have in relationships?
Dating life?
And making the decision on if they still want to lose it to someone they love, one night stand, or never?
 
magichans said:
Also, just another thing to illustrate how dumb the logic of this post is:

Have you seen billionaires and the wives/lovers they have? Mark Zuckerberg, Warren Buffet, Bill Gates? ...With that type of money, they're in relationships with plain-looking women. You can find women who look similar on any street corner or suburb. They don't seem to be hosting prostitute parties, unless there's a secret Eyes Wide Shut-esque cult going on.

And on the other side of the coin, you have the known phenomenon of people with nothing having sex and having children in spades.
Click to expand...

Thanks for pointing out how dumb the logic of my entirely sarcastic post was but I have no idea what you're trying to say here. Do you want to try again?
 
LyleLanley said:
I'm not saying people who lose their virginity later in life, or never lose it, are MRA types but to me it feels like saying it happens by chance takes out any personal accountability. Building a relationship, even if it's a drunken one night stand, requires some work, you're not rolling dice.
Click to expand...

I mean, everything happens by chance though. You can hold yourself accountable all you want, if the other person's not interested, they ain't interested. And you can't (or shouldn't) fake interest in someone just because society is pressuring you.
 
I feel like the main problem with sex is that it requires two consenting adults. Once science gets us past this hurdle I think things will improve. There will still be shaming of people who haven't had sex with a real person though.
 
Moose Biscuits said:
I feel like the main problem with sex is that it requires two consenting adults. Once science gets us past this hurdle I think things will improve. There will still be shaming of people who haven't had sex with a real person though.
Click to expand...

wrxg_f-maxage-0.gif


Not entirely sure what u mean by that.
Something like improving to a 80% virgin by getting it on with a fleshlight. Or 30% virgin by humping an android?
Ye I don't think that counts mate.
 
If you get horny, but can't have sex with anyone, that's gotta suck, if it's been that way for 25+ years, that's got to really suck. It's basic human nature to want to fuck *and early at that* I'd defy find it odd if I found out someone was a virgin over 25. That's strange, like if you masturbate, you prolly wanna have sex too eventually. I guess I'd judge on a case to case basis. Honestly I just think you probably dirty or smelly if you can't get sex after 25. Obviously I'm not including people who chose *heh* and people with medical disabilities. Like take this scenario

1. Virgin male age 26 sees cute girl at store. "Geez, it would be swell to date her, but I am a Virgin, and I could never pull someone like her." Buys Assassins creed 2 and goes home

2. Sexually active male sees cute girl at store. "Geez, it would be swell to date her, let me go talk to her and see if she has a boyfriend." Buys No more hero's and proceeds to get the lady.

I just believe if you're that old and can't get a girl, you've missed some social cues in life. Nothing wrong with it, but it's weird.
 
Moose Biscuits said:
I feel like the main problem with sex is that it requires two consenting adults. Once science gets us past this hurdle I think things will improve. There will still be shaming of people who haven't had sex with a real person though.
Click to expand...

Ever heard of Rohypnol? Science is on it.
 
Royce McCutcheon said:
If you get horny, but can't have sex with anyone, that's gotta suck, if it's been that way for 25+ years, that's got to really suck. It's basic human nature to want to fuck *and early at that* I'd defy find it odd if I found out someone was a virgin over 25. That's strange, like if you masturbate, you prolly wanna have sex too eventually. I guess I'd judge on a case to case basis. Honestly I just think you probably dirty or smelly if you can't get sex after 25. Obviously I'm not including people who chose *heh* and people with medical disabilities. Like take this scenario

1. Virgin male age 26 sees cute girl at store. "Geez, it would be swell to date her, but I am a Virgin, and I could never pull someone like her." Buys Assassins creed 2 and goes home

2. Sexually active male sees cute girl at store. "Geez, it would be swell to date her, let me go talk to her and see if she has a boyfriend." Buys No more hero's and proceeds to get the lady.

I just believe if you're that old and can't get a girl, you've missed some social cues in life. Nothing wrong with it, but it's weird.
Click to expand...
This is the kind of shaming the thread is about.

Nothing wrong with it! You're probably just dirty or smelly and have no social skills! Weirdo!!! But there's nothing wrong with that!
 
Royce McCutcheon said:
If you get horny, but can't have sex with anyone, that's gotta suck, if it's been that way for 25+ years, that's got to really suck. It's basic human nature to want to fuck *and early at that* I'd defy find it odd if I found out someone was a virgin over 25. That's strange, like if you masturbate, you prolly wanna have sex too eventually. I guess I'd judge on a case to case basis. Honestly I just think you probably dirty or smelly if you can't get sex after 25. Obviously I'm not including people who chose *heh* and people with medical disabilities. Like take this scenario

1. Virgin male age 26 sees cute girl at store. "Geez, it would be swell to date her, but I am a Virgin, and I could never pull someone like her." Buys Assassins creed 2 and goes home

2. Sexually active male sees cute girl at store. "Geez, it would be swell to date her, let me go talk to her and see if she has a boyfriend." Buys No more hero's and proceeds to get the lady.

I just believe if you're that old and can't get a girl, you've missed some social cues in life. Nothing wrong with it, but it's weird.
Click to expand...

I thought striking up a conversation with randoms in public in a non dating context is heavily discouraged (creeping, etc).
 
Llyranor said:
This is the kind of shaming the thread is about.

Nothing wrong with it! You're probably just dirty or smelly and have no social skills! Weirdo!!! But there's nothing wrong with that!
Click to expand...

Be real, call it shaming or whatever, but dudes are not out here virgins "just because" there's typically a cause and effect. There is nothing "wrong" with being a Virgin past 25, just like there is nothing "wrong" with being a capital one customer, but it is odd.

Moose Biscuits said:
I thought striking up a conversation with randoms in public in a non dating context is heavily discouraged (creeping, etc).
Click to expand...

That's crazy, what if you see someone attractive wearing your favorite bands shirt, you just gonna walk away cause you're in public???
 
Moose Biscuits said:
I thought striking up a conversation with randoms in public in a non dating context is heavily discouraged (creeping, etc).
Click to expand...

Y'know, I see people on the internet say the same thing. Maybe we're having a shared delusion? Because I'm pretty sure everyone decided it was lame/creepy to just approach people unsolicited, trying to see if they're single or not.

Royce McCutcheon said:
Be real, call it shaming or whatever, but dudes are not out here virgins "just because" there's typically a cause and effect. There is nothing "wrong" with being a Virgin past 25, just like there is nothing "wrong" with being a capital one customer, but it is odd.
Click to expand...

And nothing was learned from this thread. Aight cool.
 
I feel like virgin-shaming is mostly an internet thing. I don't think the people who know you and who are around you actually care. At least that's been my experience.
 
There are so many factors, anxiety, depression, maybe they're insecure about their own bodies and bullied into submission. Perhaps they were that dorky high school kid that never had a break. It's crazy, but in my small town if you were that whipping boy and still live in said town there was no way you'd ever get laid unless you had zero standards. I knew one guy like this who was married but his now ex wife was so fat he had she'd always be in one of those mobility scooters, she's my age. Treated him like dirt too.

Also, people are just shallow AF. I remember reading through that height thread, depressing as hell.
 
The one positive of being a virgin, never kissing or making out with someone, etc. around all my friends is that I always win whenever we play "Never have I ever."
 
Virgin-shaming has always felt like the most bizarre thing to me. I've only ever come across it in mainly US-based media.

I guess the communities I've grown up around tend be a bit more mature than to single people out and shame them for something so unimportant.
 
Royce McCutcheon said:
Is this real? Y'all being for real?. Introducing yourself to someone is not creeping. How did relationships work before the internet??? It takes less than 2 minutes to strike up a conversation and get a number.
Click to expand...

Cell phones made people very anti social, so it's no wonder some people think its "creepy" being approached in public. Coming from the tail end of Gen X it was eye opening how the dynamic has shifted.
 
LyleLanley said:
I'm not saying people who lose their virginity later in life, or never lose it, are MRA types but to me it feels like saying it happens by chance takes out any personal accountability. Building a relationship, even if it's a drunken one night stand, requires some work, you're not rolling dice.
Click to expand...

Luck is still an element as far as getting yourself into a situation where the other person is single AND is interested in you, however it's just one component. Like you said, you still need the other components to basically create your own luck.

It's like competitive games where people complain about RNG/luck but forget that skill is also a thing that complements luck.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Being a Drifter
2
59
1K
Agave replied
ET The Extra Terrestrial is still a masterpiece
20
352
GateofD replied
What happened to shame?
NSFW 
36
338
Chuck Berry replied
Do you still run a virus scan on your PC?
16
543
ReBurn replied
Erika Christensen is still fine
26
791
Yoshi97 replied
Top Bottom