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[spindashing]

I agree with everything BUT the facetime bit.

That is not cool at all.

 

[Nuklear]

The only way this guy is going to learn is the hard way. You will not be able to do anything to change his mind. He's basically in love with her and till she breaks his heart he isn't going to change.

Who knows maybe she doesn't break his heart and they get married. Never say never in the Internet age.

 

[Conciliator]

Eh, he'll figure it out. He'll learn the appropriate lessons. Or he won't, and they'll get married and be in love 4eva. Either way. Such is life!

 

[Duji]

The only way this guy is going to learn is the hard way. You will not be able to do anything to change his mind. He's basically in love with her and till she breaks his heart he isn't going to change.

Who knows maybe she doesn't break his heart and they get married. Never say never in the Internet age.

Eh, he'll figure it out. He'll learn the appropriate lessons. Or he won't, and they'll get married and be in love 4eva. Either way. Such is life!

Yeah I'll leave it be. I wonder what will happen in the future.

 

[terrisus]

Maybe legal to consent to sex, but if they met online, she is under the age of 18 and he could be prosecuted under "internet luring" laws.

Or he could not. Who knows. The thing with dealing with people under 18 is that it's pretty random if a cop decides to arrest you, if the crown decides to prosecute you etc.

From a quick look over the actual references, the only thing that appears to be an issue is if the older person is in a position of authority over the younger person (teacher, parent, coach, etc.), which is a pretty common clause.


Also, somehow I have a feeling sorting through these things isn't going to look good on my internet history.

 

[-Deimos]

Make him jealous with a real GF.

 

[DECK'ARD]

It's only a problem if he's using odd smileys.

(´･ω･`)

 

[Dr.Acula]

From a quick look over the actual references, the only thing that appears to be an issue is if the older person is in a position of authority over the younger person (teacher, parent, coach, etc.), which is a pretty common clause.

I don't see that anywhere. It's an internet luring law. It's specific to communication when the parties do not have real-world contact.

 

[terrisus]

I don't see that anywhere. It's an internet luring law. It's specific to communication when the parties do not have real-world contact.

Alright... And where does it state anything higher than the general Age 16 consent age, other than in that particular situation?...


More specifically, you posit that:

but if they met online, she is under the age of 18 and he could be prosecuted under "internet luring" laws.

Where does the actual law say that?
(And note that sections 172.1(1)a and 172.2(1)a are what I was referring to with it being 18 if the older person is in a position of authority. Other than that, I'm not seeing 18 anywhere else - everything else is saying 16).

 

[jb1234]

The real crimes here are that he's texting her while around friends (which is rude) and facetiming while driving (which is fucking dangerous)l.

 

[PlayALLtheGames]

I need some advice, GAF.

My (Canadian) friend (21 years old) is obsessed with his "online girlfriend" who lives in Texas.

She's 17 years old too.

He met her on MapleStory (I know, lol)

What the fuck is MapleStory?

*looks up MapleStory*

Oh boy.

And as some background info which may or may not be useful, he is one of those "otaku" types who binge watches those high school drama animes.

I'm very surprised to hear that.

As for what you can do: probably nothing but tell him you think he should get a real girlfriend.

 

[Zen_Arcade]

Tell him to lay off texting the girl constantly while you're trying to hang out with him and tell him it's dangerous and stupid to drive and video chat on a phone.

If he wants to have his American girlfriend and talk to her three hours a day then let him do it.

 

[terrisus]

As for what you can do: probably nothing but tell him you think he should get a real girlfriend.

Well, it's a good thing that he does have a real girlfriend then.

 

[Dr.Acula]

stuff

The purpose of s.172.1 is to “shut that door on predatory adults who, generally for a sexual purpose, troll the Internet for vulnerable children and adolescents. Shielded by the anonymity of an assumed online name and profile, they aspire to gain the trust of their targeted victims through computer “chats” — and then to tempt or entice them into sexual activity, over the Internet or, still worse, in person.”[1]

This is an “inchoate” offence that is separate and apart from the sexual offence that it precedes. It does not require the sexual offence to have happened. This includes not requiring that the accused actually go to meet the victim in person.[2] Nor is it necessary for the accused to be “objectively capable” to commit the secondary offence.[3]

Seems pretty clear to me.

But if you want, look under 172.1

172.1 (1) Every person commits an offence who, by a means of telecommunication, communicates with

(a) a person who is, or who the accused believes is, under the age of 18 years, for the purpose of facilitating the commission of an offence under subsection 153(1)

Look under 153(1) subsection (1.2)

(1.2) A judge may infer that a person is in a relationship with a young person that is exploitative of the young person from the nature and circumstances of the relationship, including

(a) the age of the young person;

(b) the age difference between the person and the young person;

(c) the evolution of the relationship; and

(d) the degree of control or influence by the person over the young person.

Definition of “young person”

(2) In this section, “young person” means a person 16 years of age or more but under the age of eighteen years.

Edit: now that I think about it, maybe we should be going by Texas law? Or federal law because it's across state lines. Actually it's international, so it's INTERPOL.

 

[Ultimadrago]

Fuckin' MapleStory, man.

And I'm not personally down for online/long-distance only relationships (For my purposes, meaning not meeting them relatively soon after starting personal online dating interactions), but if you're not seeing an unhealthy relationship past that (though the word "Obsessed" worries me. Is he actually?), I'd stick out of it.

On a more subjective note: If it were one of my friends, all be damned, I'd push him a bit to meet/date girls person-to-person (including this Facetime interest within reasonable distance/cost). Why? Because.


And as for the Facetime driving bit?

Meh.

 

[You Are Viewtiful]

Well the offender is Canadian and presumably he'd be prosecuted in Canada. So obviously, we go by Canadian law

Either way it doesn't sound like he's trying to get in her pants or coerce her into something. So I'm not sure that it's illegal.

 

[PhantomZone]

I have had a relationship that was 60-70% online and was successful. I have had other "online relationships" that have turned into great long distance friendships. In terms of spending so much time doing it - in my situation i was over the "antics" a lot of my friends were up to so i was glad to focus on something else even though it may be seen as abnormal or lazy by some people. Even some of the people i became friends with were a little puzzled as to why i made them a priority over my real life friends, but a change of scenery and a change of who you hang out with or talk to is good from time to time.

 

[RyougaSaotome]

The only part that tripped me up hard was the face timing while driving. He needs to be more careful.

Otherwise, I say leave it be. These kinds of relationships have become pretty common over the past few decades. Hell, I've totally been there.

 

[terrisus]

Seems pretty clear to me.

But if you want, look under 172.1



Look under 153(1) subsection (1.2)

So, 153(1) sub 1.2 says that a judge can make a judgement call depending on age and age difference (is 4 years too big of an age difference?), evolution of the relationship (I have a feeling that's more a matter of if the people are together having S&M sex or something - not talking to each other online), or degree of control (again, the factors that I mentioned previously).

So, unless the judge deems 4 years of age difference to be too much for a 17-year-old (and it would be entirely within the judge's reasoning, since there's no specific law there stating it is the case), there seems to be nothing at all for his friend to be concerned about in any way.

 

[Dr.Acula]

So, 153(1) sub 1.2 says that a judge can make a judgement call depending on age and age difference (is 4 years too big of an age difference?), evolution of the relationship (I have a feeling that's more a matter of if the people are together having S&M sex or something - not talking to each other online), or degree of control (again, the factors that I mentioned previously).

So, unless the judge deems 4 years of age difference to be too much for a 17-year-old (and it would be entirely within the judge's reasoning, since there's no specific law there stating it is the case), there seems to be nothing at all for his friend to be concerned about in any way.

Judges can decide to call a 12yo an adult or a 17yo a child, it depends on the judge.

Anyway, as a Canadian, I wouldn't fly down to Texas and roll the dice with their justice system.

 

[terrisus]

Judges can decide to call a 12yo an adult or a 17yo a child, it depends on the judge.

Not sure what a 12-year-old has to do with a law which is specifically discussing girls age 16 and older.

 

[interactivemonodrama]

Online relationships sounds good in theory but in reality it is doomed for the most of time, no matter how much you speak to her/him, in the end someone is going to get hurt, the reason could be unachievable expectations, or simply time which is going to convince the boy/girl to have a real relationship instead, and that will lead to hate, jealousy, the feeling of isolation, and depression, and lastly you can not know a person through internet, we all going to lie about us in order to impress the other partner.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZR2k5c_198

So my prediction that the young girl is going to fell in love with someone from the real world, and the other guy who the OP did mention will be destroyed emotionally because he believed in something which never was there to begin with. I do not mean to offend anyone but I could not take seriously what a 17 years old girl says to me through the internet. Obviously I can be wrong, and she could be a really loyal mature girl, but I do not think that is the case here.

 

[terrisus]

So my prediction that the young girl is going to fell in love with someone from the real world

TIL that the internet isn't "real."

in reality it is doomed for the most of time, no matter how much you speak to her/him, in the end someone is going to get hurt, the reason could be unachievable expectations, or simply time which is going to convince the boy/girl to have a real relationship instead, and that will lead to hate, jealousy, the feeling of isolation, and depression, and lastly you can not know a person through internet, we all going to lie about us in order to impress the other partner.

Because this never happens in relationships that don't involve the internet...

 

[Dr.Acula]

Not sure what a 12-year-old has to do with a law which is specifically discussing girls age 16 and older.

I'm just saying, a judge absolutely can rule that a 21 yo had undue influence over a 17 yo. Judges do crazy shit all the time.

If you seek a relationship with a 17yo maybe it's fine, but maybe you get thrown in jail.

Here's some random Illinois law blog.

For example, an 18-year-old high school senior having sexual relations with a 16-year-old high school junior could be found guilty of criminal sexual abuse. This is because under Illinois law when a person commits a sexual act with someone under the age of 17, but over the age of 13, and the person is less than 5 years older than the minor, he or she is guilty of criminal sexual abuse – even if both participants believed the sex was consensual. In Illinois, the older partner could also be required to register as sex offender. - See more at: http://www.shaneylaw.com/articles/s...crimes-involving-minors/#sthash.7i2qfGOb.dpuf

Will that 18yo go to jail and have to register as a sex offender? Or is it no big deal and they're king and queen of the prom? Either could happen, because it depends on the Judge.

And yes, if it was 17-18 it would be different, but this is not Texas, and the OP's friend is in Canada, and maybe it's an international thing blah blah blah until infinity.

I just wouldn't tell the dude, "100%, 17 yos are fair game." She's not an adult, she can't always speak for herself. Some prosecutor wants to "make an example" it can blow up.

 

[Starphoenix]

What if the 17yr old becomes 18 this year and he isn't trying to bed his girlfriend? Is this really an issue as far as OPs friend is concerned.

 

[terrisus]

I'm just saying, a judge absolutely can rule that a 21 yo had undue influence over a 17 yo. Judges do crazy shit all the time.

If you seek a relationship with a 17yo maybe it's fine, but maybe you get thrown in jail.

Here's some random Illinois law blog.

For example, an 18-year-old high school senior having sexual relations with a 16-year-old high school junior could be found guilty of criminal sexual abuse. This is because under Illinois law when a person commits a sexual act with someone under the age of 17, but over the age of 13, and the person is less than 5 years older than the minor, he or she is guilty of criminal sexual abuse

That's Illinois - where, according to that, they have that specific law on the books.
Is there anything stating that on the Canadian books?

 

[interactivemonodrama]

TIL that the internet isn't "real.".

If you ask me an internet relationship with a 17 years old girl cant be that deep, and obviously it is not comparable to something which I call real life bonding, when you actually face someone, and do stuff together.

Because this never happens in relationships that don't involve the internet...

Well that is kind of true, but then again, you have better chance to know someone if you spend face to face time with your partner, which means you are going to have a better picture about what to expect.

 

[akira28]

eh, maybe they'll meet in a few months and it'll turn into something real.
er...physical. til then, all bets are off, but hey, let them enjoy each other, so long as the feelings are genuine.

That phrase rings a bell

Ron and Fez? canadian girlfriend?

 

[terrisus]

If you ask me an internet relationship with a 17 years old girl cant be that deep

The age and all of the issues that go along with it would be the same even if it were in person - it being on the internet doesn't change that any.

and obviously it is not comparable to something which I call real life bonding, when you actually face someone, and do stuff together.

I disagree.

Well that is kind of true, but then again, you have better chance to know someone if you spend face to face time with your partner, which means you are going to have a better picture about what to expect.

I disagree with this as well.

 

[Ken]

tell your friend to go to ellinia and take the airship to orbis to meet her

don't do it if she asks for cash shop money though.

 

[Duji]

She's turning 18 in September if you guys are curious, lol.

 

[akira28]

She's turning 18 in September if you guys are curious, lol.

And then they can bang each other senseless. I say, yeah step off. Let the kids have their fun. Just keep your eyes on the road, cowboy.

 

[Portugeezer]

She's turning 18 in September if you guys are curious, lol.

Let's be real, her age is no big deal.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZjsufO9hZwo

 

[Hydranockz]

Facetiming while driving is an irresponsible action but even then, being in a relationship online or otherwise isn't going to change that behaviour at the end of the day.

Online relationships rely on far more honest communications than your average relationships. What I mean by that is that you can't just go on a date and read body signals and infer mutual feelings or whatever. Both in the relationship have to be honest about what they plan to do to close the distance between each other. They have to be honest about what they expect from the relationship in its online form.

As long as you're happy your friend knows what it takes, I'd say let him be. Like I said, the driving thing is silly as fuck and he should definitely be aware of that so if you need to be the one to make him aware of it, so be it.

 

[terrisus]

She's turning 18 in September if you guys are curious, lol.

And then they can bang each other senseless.

They can do so now as well.

 

[interactivemonodrama]

The age and all of the issues that go along with it would be the same even if it were in person - it being on the internet doesn't change that any..

Lacking physical connection, is already one point why this is not the same thing, and why this is not going to work out, and that is why I said that internet relationship is incomparable to the real one, because it is a basic human need which cant be ignored. I get it that you are a romantic guy who believes in stories like this, and I can even understand why are you disagreeing me at some points that I made, but cant really understand how could you disagree with the fact that you have a better chance to really know someone, if you actually meet that someone?How does that work?

 

[Hydranockz]

Lacking physical connection, is already one point why this is not the same thing, and why this is not going to work out, and that is why I said that internet relationship is incomparable to the real one, because it is a basic human need which cant be ignored. I get it that you are a romantic guy who believes in stories like this, and I can even understand why are you disagreeing me at some points that I made, but cant really understand how could you disagree with the fact that you have a better chance to really know someone, if you actually meet that someone?How does that work?

Online relationships never remain online orever though.

 

[terrisus]

Lacking physical connection, is already one point why this is not the same thing, and why this is not going to work out

Again - I disagree (yes, it's a reason why they're not the same thing - obviously they're not, and I've never agued that they're "the same thing" - but it's definitely not "why this is not going to work out").

I get it that you are a romantic guy who believes in stories like this

No, I'm someone who met my wife online in 2002, and lived a state apart and generally only seeing each other on weekends (yes, more physical time together than in this situation, but still far less than most people would desire) and didn't have sex until we got married in 2008.

and that is why I said that internet relationship is incomparable to the real one, because it is a basic human need which cant be ignored.

See above.

and I can even understand why are you disagreeing me at some points that I made, but cant really understand how could you disagree with the fact that you have a better chance to really know someone, if you actually meet that someone?How does that work?

Because some people are more comfortable finding people online?
Because some people find it easier to be more open and honest online?
Because some people are more comfortable getting to know each other online?
And any number of other reasons.

 

[Lissar]

Lacking physical connection, is already one point why this is not the same thing, and why this is not going to work out, and that is why I said that internet relationship is incomparable to the real one, because it is a basic human need which cant be ignored. I get it that you are a romantic guy who believes in stories like this, and I can even understand why are you disagreeing me at some points that I made, but cant really understand how could you disagree with the fact that you have a better chance to really know someone, if you actually meet that someone?How does that work?

I've actually had an equal number of relationships that have started offline and all interactions were offline and relationships that were started online with long distance traveling with lots of Skyping and phone calls in the interim. I actually feel they're both about equally good ways to get to know a person and judge whether or not you are compatible with them. (Actually I'd say meeting people online has been slightly better in that it has been easier to meet up with people I'm more compatible with). Yes, I've had relationships that started online end. But they did not end because they were started online. Started online does not mean "is online forever", which I think a lot of people seem to assume. Distance is not an impossible thing to overcome. A relationship started online has about as much chance of working out as a relationship started offline. I don't regret the relationships I've had that started online anymore than the ones that started offline. I get to know people just as well online as offline.

Notice how I keep saying "started online" and "started offline"? Because, shockingly to some it would seem, online is not actually in a different world than offline. The people you interact with here really exist in real places that you can travel to and visit. Lots of people get married to people they've met online and eventually take it offline. Yes, a relationship eventually must be taken offline to thrive, but that doesn't mean starting and growing a relationship online is bad or doomed to fail.

 

[terrisus]

Because, shockingly to some it would seem, online is not actually in a different world than offline. The people you interact with here really exist in real places that you can travel to and visit. Lots of people get married to people they've met online and eventually take it offline.

You're speaking madness Lissar!
Madness I tell you!

 

[akira28]

They can do so now as well.

nuh uh. HE's in Canada, and she's in Texas.

 

[terrisus]

nuh uh. HE's in Canada, and she's in Texas.

17 is the age of consent in Texas...

 

[Mailenstein]

OP,

it's not weird or unhealthy to have a online relationship going on. In fact, my wife and me met online. Friends for a long time at first and now married and we pulled that off living on different continents and in different time zones. It's not easy and it's very time consuming.

The unhealthy thing regarding your friend to me is how obsessed he really is with this girl and as somebody already said, whatever you will say to him, he won't change his mind until she breaks his heart. He will have to learn this the hard way.
So if you are really his friend, just let him be the way he is, even if he is texting all the time on a night out (yeah, it is rude and unhealthy on his part). He will need you if/when this relationship goes down the shitter and that's what friends are for.

 

[BPoole]

Idk, if it makes him happy, let him be.

 

[faridmon]

Don't worry. He is gonna row out of it when he grow up (people always grow up) and realise this is leading nowhere. Seldom do Anime fans act stupidly throughout their life, and I am talking as someone who befriended a lot of those types.

 

[PlayALLtheGames]

Well, it's a good thing that he does have a real girlfriend then.

Uh, no. Some chick you talk to online who lives in Texas when you live in Canada is not a real girlfriend. Are you serious?

 

[Duji]

Uh, no. Some chick you talk to online who lives in Texas when you live in Canada is not a real girlfriend. Are you serious?

I do think this is an interesting discussion. Hard to say what defines a "real girlfriend" or "real SO" for that matter.

 

[phillipgessert]

If it's real to them, it's real.

 

[kick51]

"facetiming" sounds like a corny way of saying "blowjob"

always felt this way since facetime came out


and now you know

 

[Chairmanchuck]

My relationship started online and now we are already together since 5 years.

And it seems the distance between your friend and her isnt that great. We were apart for like 8500km and two totally different cultures.
If both are serious about that (and not too obsessed like Facetiming while driving a car), it will either work out or not.

Judging by your posts though it seems you dont really believe in relationships that start online at first.

Seldom do Anime fans act stupidly throughout their life, and I am talking as someone who befriended a lot of those types.

I know what you mean, but I guess it also depends there how much he is "into" anime and if she is one and other factors.