So, okay. In June, me and my ex girlfriend had a huge fight. We had been together for 5 years and we were each others first loves. I took her out on a date and was mad that she didn't get really dressed up for the date and ended up berating her VERY badly (I ended up calling her a fucking twat while she sat there in dismay, she is a very quiet person and I am loud and curse often). Her parents found out through her neighbors hearing this (and my apology and explanation that her getting dressed up was her showing me how much she cared, and I was insecure and doubting that). Her parents encouraged, then forced her to break up with me.
Her parents, and she, felt I was being emotionally abusive. Well after research it turns out... I was. I was being emotionally abusive and I have severe issues with depression. I did realize how badly I was hurting her. So I checked myself into therapy and have been going ever since (and making great progress).
Well, her parents didn't have much faith in me. I should preface that, as far as I could tell, I always had a very good relationship with her family and while her and I had fights in the past, nothing that they would EVER feel they should be involved in. Anyway, her parents told her it was time to move on and that I was never welcome in their house again, she was not to talk to me, be friends with me, etc.
Her parents, and I guess her own curiosity promoted her to make an OKCupid account. At the same time... I texted her for the first time in over a month. It was great. I made her laugh, she said she wishes we could go to the beach, she expressed she was confused but how much she missed me and wishes things would be back to normal.
Anyway, a week later we talk on and off... then she drops the bomb. She went on a date off OKCupid. I was surprised. I encouraged her to do it, because we had never been in other relationships and now was an opportunity to put our love to the test. I was surprised she did it so quickly. 5 years... and she moves on in two months? And out of the two of us, she was the one who would always say "I can't even look at other guys, I legitimately only have eyes for you" among many other things. Then she went on three more dates with him and another with another guy. I wanted to know... I asked her how they went, when she was going, and she was honest and told me.
Anyway, it became too hard. She started tagging the guys in posts on facebook and things like that... I couldn't bear to watch. She told me to date other girls, and I told her I would when I felt ready. She said it made her feel guilty. I said I was hoping that we could remain friends and that if the time ever came hopefully we could make it work... but the whole time I just wanted a relationship still. And she was so confused. She said that she doesn't even know what is going on and she feels like she is living someone else's life and that while she enjoy's this guy's company she is just very confused.
At this point, it hit me. It's over. Five years and she STILL has my heart, but I have no choice. I left a voicemail explaining that I'd be blocking her from facebook. She said that her psychiatrist the same day had said "We can not be friends, it is unhealthy for both of us". And I said goodbye. I deleted every text, every picture, contact, email, and blocked her. But I still miss her. I don't have many friends and she was my best and closest friend. I still love talking to her. We didn't have much in common but our chemistry was exceptional, we talked for two hours on Tuesday.
I have no idea where to go from here. I know I have to move on but I just can't. She was literally every family member I had, my love, my best friend all in one. I'm trying to fill those roles with many people, and even myself... because I know I relied on her so much and I was very insecure about her staying in my life, and that drove her away... My insecurities. Therapy is helping. But now it feels hopeless. I was going, in part, with her strength. The idea of a renewed and happy relationship. Ideally, I would be the one to make her happy. I had planned on proposing to her in a year, saving up for a ring now. This is all so crazy.
How do I move on? Is it even worth keeping the chance in the back of my mind? When should I reopen contact? I want to already. But I know she can't and won't answer.
And why do I have no interest in other girls? Like I signed up for OKCupid and every girl looks ugly on the inside or outside. I don't have many friends or a flourish social life (outside of her, and we did EVERYTHING together), so I have no chance of meeting anyone. And no desire. She was an amazing person for so many reasons.
I just don't think I'll ever move on.
Her parents, and she, felt I was being emotionally abusive. Well after research it turns out... I was. I was being emotionally abusive and I have severe issues with depression. I did realize how badly I was hurting her. So I checked myself into therapy and have been going ever since (and making great progress).
Well, her parents didn't have much faith in me. I should preface that, as far as I could tell, I always had a very good relationship with her family and while her and I had fights in the past, nothing that they would EVER feel they should be involved in. Anyway, her parents told her it was time to move on and that I was never welcome in their house again, she was not to talk to me, be friends with me, etc.
Her parents, and I guess her own curiosity promoted her to make an OKCupid account. At the same time... I texted her for the first time in over a month. It was great. I made her laugh, she said she wishes we could go to the beach, she expressed she was confused but how much she missed me and wishes things would be back to normal.
Anyway, a week later we talk on and off... then she drops the bomb. She went on a date off OKCupid. I was surprised. I encouraged her to do it, because we had never been in other relationships and now was an opportunity to put our love to the test. I was surprised she did it so quickly. 5 years... and she moves on in two months? And out of the two of us, she was the one who would always say "I can't even look at other guys, I legitimately only have eyes for you" among many other things. Then she went on three more dates with him and another with another guy. I wanted to know... I asked her how they went, when she was going, and she was honest and told me.
Anyway, it became too hard. She started tagging the guys in posts on facebook and things like that... I couldn't bear to watch. She told me to date other girls, and I told her I would when I felt ready. She said it made her feel guilty. I said I was hoping that we could remain friends and that if the time ever came hopefully we could make it work... but the whole time I just wanted a relationship still. And she was so confused. She said that she doesn't even know what is going on and she feels like she is living someone else's life and that while she enjoy's this guy's company she is just very confused.
At this point, it hit me. It's over. Five years and she STILL has my heart, but I have no choice. I left a voicemail explaining that I'd be blocking her from facebook. She said that her psychiatrist the same day had said "We can not be friends, it is unhealthy for both of us". And I said goodbye. I deleted every text, every picture, contact, email, and blocked her. But I still miss her. I don't have many friends and she was my best and closest friend. I still love talking to her. We didn't have much in common but our chemistry was exceptional, we talked for two hours on Tuesday.
I have no idea where to go from here. I know I have to move on but I just can't. She was literally every family member I had, my love, my best friend all in one. I'm trying to fill those roles with many people, and even myself... because I know I relied on her so much and I was very insecure about her staying in my life, and that drove her away... My insecurities. Therapy is helping. But now it feels hopeless. I was going, in part, with her strength. The idea of a renewed and happy relationship. Ideally, I would be the one to make her happy. I had planned on proposing to her in a year, saving up for a ring now. This is all so crazy.
How do I move on? Is it even worth keeping the chance in the back of my mind? When should I reopen contact? I want to already. But I know she can't and won't answer.
And why do I have no interest in other girls? Like I signed up for OKCupid and every girl looks ugly on the inside or outside. I don't have many friends or a flourish social life (outside of her, and we did EVERYTHING together), so I have no chance of meeting anyone. And no desire. She was an amazing person for so many reasons.
I just don't think I'll ever move on.
But the only instances that I've heard of doctors saying things flat out are usually when they feel their patient is in immediate danger.