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[dejay]

I felt like you after my first long term relationship breakup. I was lonely and I eventually gave up on our shared social group, leaving me with not many friends.

The next relationship was much better because I used the lessons I learned from the first one.

Your relationship is obviously broken - too much damage has been done, probably by both sides, to even attempt to fix it, no matter what confusion may exist from both parties. When you do get back into dating, look for women with a bit more strength and who can tell it like it is - it sounds like she was a bit meek and you needed to be put in your place from time to time.

(edit) Just read about her passive aggressive stuff. Sounds like you guys were too alike perhaps.

 

[echoshifting]

I guess I should also say, she had a lot of issues as well. She had deep rooted depression from before I met her, very few friends, always looked for my approval (even when she wanted to hang out with her friends, and I NEVER cared), a lot of jealousy issues (she had me stop hanging out with my best friend because she thought we were in love, and has had me delete people off facebook), has encouraged me to transfer to her college so she wouldn't be alone, etc.

Dude...

 

[Eiolon]

Man, those issues are so petty beyond belief it's not funny. If you both want to save the relationship, you have a chance. I only know because I married my first love. We were together for 4 years before getting married. We divorced due to petty shit 5 years after and were back together in no time.

Communi-fuckin-cation man. Understanding wants and needs of each other. Understanding compromise and sacrifice.

But if she has moved on, then you should too. There is plenty of fish, as the saying goes.

 

[Gaborn]

Also, for both of your sakes, stay out of her life OP. Let her heal.

This. Both of you need to heal. Sometimes loving someone is knowing it's best for both of you if you not be with each other and it's time to let them go.

 

[Ultima_5]

Sorry about the breakup OP. You'll heal in good time. Look at it as a chance to grow. 5 years is a hell of alot of time, you'll eventually move on. Glad my first "love" and I parted ways along time ago.

Also, don't bother talking to her again. There's no point really. Maybe in a handful of years, but it's not really worth it. You'll just feel like shit again, and there's really no reason to make yourself feel that way. It'll take awhile for your to realize this and come to this conclusion though.

 

[mooooose]

That is all the bad. But the good was ALL the time. We had more fun than you could imagine, we were always there for one another for EVERYTHING. We knew everything about one another. I still can't imagine telling anyone the things I told her, and her the same (she told me days ago). All these things would pass and we'd be happy. One bad day for six good ones. It was always like that. Otherwise all that wouldn't be worth it.

 

[abuC]

"I can't even look at other guys, I legitimately only have eyes for you" among many other things.

They all say that.

 

[BocoDragon]

Sorry about the breakup OP. You'll heal in good time. Look at it as a chance to grow. 5 years is a hell of alot of time, you'll eventually move on. Glad my first "love" and I parted ways along time ago.

Also, don't bother talking to her again. There's no point really. Maybe in a handful of years, but it's not really worth it. You'll just feel like shit again, and there's really no reason to make yourself feel that way. It'll take awhile for your to realize this and come to this conclusion though.

I keep friends with nearly all my exes. It is a bit like playing with fire, though... Sometimes it stings, so I'd encourage a detached mindset. If you're just friends, then you're just friends. Don't harbour hopes of getting back together if you go down that path.

 

[-Pyromaniac-]

You probably won't move on for a very long time. But life is long as hell. Everything will be fine in the end and work out.

 

[Ultima_5]

I guess I should also say, she had a lot of issues as well. She had deep rooted depression from before I met her, very few friends, always looked for my approval (even when she wanted to hang out with her friends, and I NEVER cared), a lot of jealousy issues (she had me stop hanging out with my best friend because she thought we were in love, and has had me delete people off facebook), has encouraged me to transfer to her college so she wouldn't be alone, etc.

lol, you dodged a bullet man. This is going to sound kind of shitty, but do your best to avoid people with serious problems. They bring them into the relationship. It sounds like you're already aware of this as you're going to therapy and what not. Life's difficult enough without having someone bring you down. Be with someone who will work with you and help you. Not drag you down.

 

[entremet]

How old are you guys, OP?

 

[mooooose]

OP you sound like a good guy, I hope you find someone good. Seems like you are sorry for the hurtful things you said.

Thank you. I am very sorry and I will never do this to anyone in my life ever again.

How old are you guys, OP?

20.

lol, you dodged a bullet man. This is going to sound kind of shitty, but do your best to avoid people with serious problems. They bring them into the relationship. It sounds like you're already aware of this as you're going to therapy and what not. Life's difficult enough without having someone bring you down

Yeah, I know. We bonded over our issues but ultimately they destroyed us. I was the one who first encouraged her to go to the psychiatrist that says we can't be together, because she was so suicidal. She also had many health issues that I saw her through. It makes her moving on so quickly hurt even more. I feel used, even though I don't deserve to.

 

[CorrisD]

I can't really add anything that others haven't already, it sounds like you escalated it but that it was going to happen eventually regardless. Some people aren't meant to be together, I don't think there is such a thing as a perfect woman or man for anyone, but I do think some people are wrong for each other.
How old were each of you?

Anyway, a week later we talk on and off... then she drops the bomb. She went on a date off OKCupid. I was surprised. I encouraged her to do it, because we had never been in other relationships and now was an opportunity to put our love to the test. I was surprised she did it so quickly. 5 years... and she moves on in two months? And out of the two of us, she was the one who would always say "I can't even look at other guys, I legitimately only have eyes for you" among many other things. Then she went on three more dates with him and another with another guy. I wanted to know... I asked her how they went, when she was going, and she was honest and told me.

Do people actually say this to each other?
If my girlfriend or anyone else said something like that to me I would say they were lying. Just because you are going out with someone, married, or whatever state of a relationship you might be in, other people don't suddenly become unattractive.

I guess I should also say, she had a lot of issues as well. She had deep rooted depression from before I met her, very few friends, always looked for my approval (even when she wanted to hang out with her friends, and I NEVER cared), a lot of jealousy issues (she had me stop hanging out with my best friend because she thought we were in love, and has had me delete people off facebook), has encouraged me to transfer to her college so she wouldn't be alone, etc.

Boggles my mind, how do people ignore these sort of signs that it isn't a healthy relationship, I can understand that it is hard in your first and that you don't want to make mistakes or hurt one another and end up alone, but some of these are kinda right there in your face.

 

[Ultima_5]

I keep friends with nearly all my exes. It is a bit like playing with fire, though... Sometimes it stings, so I'd encourage a detached mindset. If you're just friends, then you're just friends. Don't harbour hopes of getting back together if you go down that path.

the bolded is what I really meant. I'm friendly enough with all my exs. If I saw them walking down the street I'd smile and maybe stop and chat for a minute or two. Problem is alot of people want to stay actual friends with their exs. Like hangout buddies. That's where the big problems seem to come in... atleast in my experience

 

[abuC]

By the way, if you want to make friends start volunteering, it's a great way to build your social network and you'll meet women with similar interests as you like that.

 

[Ultima_5]

By the way, if you want to make friends start volunteering, it's a great way to build your social network and you'll meet women with similar interests as you like that.

Animal shelters provide an excellent experience to meet bored housewives, and sexy artsy chicks!

Spoiler

i'm quite serious though. good thing to do. plus what girl would look down on a guy who spends freetime feeding puppies?

 

[Hoo-doo]

This is probably all going to end up as a massive learning experience for you.

Don't worry, most peoples' first relationships are like that.
Just try to get a hold on the reason why you blew up in her face like this. Was it completely random or were there some deep-rooted issues between you two, like you just had to vent. Something that you weren't able to talk to her about and was eating you inside.

You have the time to figure this all out for yourself, and avoid making these mistakes again in the future.

 

["God's Beard!"]

Since you already have anger issues you should just go all out and be cool like docpan.

 

[MattKeil]

That is all the bad. But the good was ALL the time. We had more fun than you could imagine, we were always there for one another for EVERYTHING. We knew everything about one another. I still can't imagine telling anyone the things I told her, and her the same (she told me days ago).

But you will. And you may even find that you mean them in a wholly different and more truthful way than you ever did with her. First love relationships are weird things because of how intense and new everything is in them. You'll look back on it years from now and shake your head at how young and inexperienced you were, even if nothing could have convinced you of it at the time.

The one piece of advice/consolation I can offer is what my dad told me when my first long-term relationship ended: It doesn't hurt forever.

Keep going.

 

[Tron 2.0]

20.

Oh my sweet jesus. And you were together five years?

Dude.

 

[mooooose]

Do people actually say this to each other?
If my girlfriend or anyone else said something like that to me I would say they were lying. Just because you are going out with someone, married, or whatever state of a relationship you might be in, other people don't suddenly become unattractive.

It was so unbelievable that it was once the cause of an argument and she asked all her friends and they thought she was crazy too. I thought it was crazy. But she was so convincing I had no choice but to believe her, haha.

 

[subversus]

20.

move on. you had a nice close relatioship, your life just begins.

also since you are young, you're very emotional, just take it easy any time your experience some strong emotion like love, hate and so on.

Spoiler

I know you won't though, lol

 

["God's Beard!"]

They all say that.

No they don't.

 

[jts]

You know, your thread could well be written by me.

I also had a recent break up with my girlfriend of 5 years (and a few months).

Also happened after a fight where I verbally abused her.

Also she moved on very quickly... and she always was the first to say that she wouldn't look to any other guy in a long time if we ever broke up.

...besides it was with a guy she was friends with during our relationship, and they had been texting for the last couple of months before our break up, and they started ramping up their "long distance" relationship (the guy lives abroad) right after our fight. Which makes matters a lot worse and hurts really bad.

Still I had to put myself together and power through my finals which thankfully I did and finally got my degree.

In my case though, it is me who have been getting tagged on Facebook with other girls. I have been partying and drinking with my friends a lot and I have been getting along well with a lot of girls, which, ego-wise, has been soothing. But I'm not getting serious with anyone and still miss her. A lot.

I've been trying to text her in the last 3-4 f days so we could meet but she's being evasive, even though we haven't seen each other for more than a month.

It goes like "hey how're you doing? wanna meet sometime?" and she takes her sweet time to reply "hey! yeah i'm really busy but I'll get in touch with you when I get the time yeah? kthxbye". Then I reply and she takes a couple of days to reply back. It sucks.

If everything fails, I'll also have to delete her completely from my life, Facebook included, but instead of sending her a text or a voicemail ou email I want to meet up and speak frankly about it. I still want her, regardless of anything she had with anyone in the meanwhile.

Love sucks.

edit: also a big a difference between our cases is that I'm 28 and we were practically engaged. Heh.

 

[Rubbish King]

Drink, forget, move on.

 

[Twilight Princess]

You deserve it.

 

[Hoo-doo]

You know, your thread could well be written by me.

I also had a recent break up with my girlfriend of 5 years (and a few months).

Also happened after a fight where I verbally abused her.

Also she moved on very quickly... and she always was the first to say that she wouldn't look to any other guy in a long time if we ever broke up.

...besides it was with a guy she was friends with during our relationship, and they had been texting for the last couple of months before our break up, and they started ramping up their "long distance" relationship (the guy lives abroad) right after our fight. Which makes matters a lot worse and hurts really bad.

Still I had to put myself together and power through my finals which thankfully I did and finally got my degree.

In my case though, it is me who have been getting tagged on Facebook with other girls. I have been partying and drinking with my friends a lot and I have been getting along well with a lot of girls, which, ego-wise, has been soothing. But I'm not getting serious with anyone and still miss her. A lot.

I've been trying to text her in the last 3-4 f days so we could meet but she's being evasive, even though we haven't seen each other for more than a month.

It goes like "hey how're you doing? wanna meet sometime?" and she takes her sweet time to reply "hey! yeah i'm really busy but I'll get in touch with you when I get the time yeah? kthxbye". Then I reply and she takes a couple of days to reply back. It sucks.

If everything fails, I'll also have to delete her completely from my life, Facebook included, but instead of sending her a text or a voicemail ou email I want to meet up and speak frankly about it. I still want her, regardless of anything she had with anyone in the meanwhile.

Love sucks.

Yeah, you should let her go.

 

[Tron 2.0]

I've been trying to text her in the last 3-4 f days so we could meet but she's being evasive, even though we haven't seen each other for more than a month.

It goes like "hey how're you doing? wanna meet sometime?" and she takes her sweet time to reply "hey! yeah i'm really busy but I'll get in touch with you when I get the time yeah? kthxbye". Then I reply and she takes a couple of days to reply back. It sucks.

She doesn't want to see you, but is trying to be nice about it.

Time to move on.

 

[Tunavi]

Man up. Forget her. Find a new girl.

I went through a bad break up too. When she told me she was dating a new guy, I had the same reaction.

Took me a year of being single to get over it. Had so much fun. My new girlfriend is even better than her, I'm glad we broke up.

 

[Log4Girlz]

You know, your thread could well be written by me.

I also had a recent break up with my girlfriend of 5 years (and a few months).

Also happened after a fight where I verbally abused her.

Also she moved on very quickly... and she always was the first to say that she wouldn't look to any other guy in a long time if we ever broke up.

...besides it was with a guy she was friends with during our relationship, and they had been texting for the last couple of months before our break up, and they started ramping up their "long distance" relationship (the guy lives abroad) right after our fight. Which makes matters a lot worse and hurts really bad.

Still I had to put myself together and power through my finals which thankfully I did and finally got my degree.

In my case though, it is me who have been getting tagged on Facebook with other girls. I have been partying and drinking with my friends a lot and I have been getting along well with a lot of girls, which, ego-wise, has been soothing. But I'm not getting serious with anyone and still miss her. A lot.

I've been trying to text her in the last 3-4 f days so we could meet but she's being evasive, even though we haven't seen each other for more than a month.

It goes like "hey how're you doing? wanna meet sometime?" and she takes her sweet time to reply "hey! yeah i'm really busy but I'll get in touch with you when I get the time yeah? kthxbye". Then I reply and she takes a couple of days to reply back. It sucks.

If everything fails, I'll also have to delete her completely from my life, Facebook included, but instead of sending her a text or a voicemail ou email I want to meet up and speak frankly about it. I still want her, regardless of anything she had with anyone in the meanwhile.

Love sucks.

edit: also a big a difference between our cases is that I'm 28 and we were practically engaged. Heh.

Dude, she can't stand you right now. Sorry to break it to you. And you texting her makes you come off as so pathetic its...pathetic. No, I'm not trying to be mean man, I'm just telling you like it is. Move on. Never contact her again. Let her contact you if anything. She WILL be with another man. Just deal.

 

[mooooose]

It goes like "hey how're you doing? wanna meet sometime?" and she takes her sweet time to reply "hey! yeah i'm really busy but I'll get in touch with you when I get the time yeah? kthxbye". Then I reply and she takes a couple of days to reply back. It sucks.

Yeah, that really sucks but I don't think she wants to see you. I'm not entirely sure what my ex wants (and her mom chirping in her ear nonstop definitely doesn't help, but I'm pretty sure my ex wants me in her life as at least a friend), but I don't think your ex wants to give you the time. If you can just get to talk to her and find out, that's something, otherwise I'd leave her be. Again, bro hug.

 

["God's Beard!"]

Drink, forget, move on.

I hate when people say drink to forget. Fuck that. Just man up and get through it. Nobody cured anything with substance abuse.

 

[mooooose]

I won't drink through this and I have too much secondary stuff going in my life to be interested in a relationship.

 

[WyndhamPrice]

I just don't think I'll ever move on.

Don't be an idiot, I was in a relationship for five and a half years. It's a lot easier than you think.

 

[Devolution]

I guess I should also say, she had a lot of issues as well. She had deep rooted depression from before I met her, very few friends, always looked for my approval (even when she wanted to hang out with her friends, and I NEVER cared), a lot of jealousy issues (she had me stop hanging out with my best friend because she thought we were in love, and has had me delete people off facebook), has encouraged me to transfer to her college so she wouldn't be alone, etc.

Not too long ago I got out of an 8 year relationship precisely because neither of us was making the other person better, just miserable. There were a lot of good times but we just fucked up so much and could not get through some past issues. It happens. He was my first love too. There were plenty of good times but it became a chore for both of us. Take what you've learned from such a long and difficult relationship and put that towards your next relationship. Use good communication off the bat and you should do fine.

 

[Mammoth Jones]

Learn from your mistakes in this relationship and don't make them again in future relationships. That's really all you can do.

And dude, for fucks sake...don't curse at your shorty....Jesus...

 

[Devolution]

Learn from your mistakes in this relationship and don't make them again in future relationships. That's really all you can do.

And dude, for fucks sake...don't curse at your shorty....Jesus...

Yeah, my ex said some stuff I just couldn't ever forget. =/

 

[thirty]

20? hahahahaha,your life hasn't even begun. time will heal your wounds and you will learn from this and be a much better person from it. every relationship is a step leading you closer to whoever you need to truly be with. it will take some time before you get back on the saddle. jerk off to lots of porn in the meantime.

 

[evilromero]

I guess I should also say, she had a lot of issues as well. She had deep rooted depression from before I met her, very few friends, always looked for my approval (even when she wanted to hang out with her friends, and I NEVER cared), a lot of jealousy issues (she had me stop hanging out with my best friend because she thought we were in love, and has had me delete people off facebook), has encouraged me to transfer to her college so she wouldn't be alone, etc.

What I said before. Nevermind. Shit.

 

[Konosuke]

Not too long ago I got out of an 8 year relationship precisely because neither of us was making the other person better, just miserable. There were a lot of good times but we just fucked up so much and could not get through some past issues. It happens. He was my first love too. There were plenty of good times but it became a chore for both of us. Take what you've learned from such a long and difficult relationship and put that towards your next relationship. Use good communication off the bat and you should do fine.

If you don't mind me asking, but how is your relationship with him now?

 

[jts]

Yeah, I know guys. It's kinda shocking since we always talked about being best friends even if we ever broke up.

We actually talked and met some times during the breakup (after the fight), to try to fix things up, and it was an emotional roller coaster. First she wanted to give me a chance, then she didn't, then she wanted to know if one month from that date would I still love her like I was saying I did. All while she was texting the other guy... and then she abruptly decided to stop seeing me at all. Not after a fight or anything, we had a nice couple of hours talking and laughing in my car (I even tapped her ass when she was leaving and we both laughed... heh) and the next day I pick her up at work and she broke the news to me. Tough times.

I think she feels some guilt and doesn't want me around at all while she's developing whatever she is in her love life as I'd be an interference. But whatever.

Just wanted to chime in since I there were a couple of resemblances with the OP and it feels good to vent.

 

[Esch]

Well, this explains the whole Clipse outburst.

 

[jehuty]

I broke up with my girlfriend of 5+ years last summer (due to distance). The weird part of it all was that I felt nothing. No sorrow or heartache, nada. I guess for me I have always had it in my mind never to trust anyone completely and to always guard myself against possible bad outcomes to things. So when I broke up with my ex I didn't really feel anything. I still haven't started dating but that's only because i'm enjoying my bachelor life and saving up money to move down to Chicago.

As for you OP, the easiest way to get rid of what your feeling would be to start having sex with other girls. Don't date anyone, just go out and try to bag as many girls as you can. Sure you would be becoming a little sleezy by doing this (I personally don't think so, girls have booty calls too ya know), but it will make you forget your ex faster than you standing around thinking, what if. Also, learn how to shut the mechanism down when you need to. What I mean by that is learn how to turn off certain emotions and make yourself go cold. Love is great and if you find it go for it but don't go out looking for stuff or confuse love with obsession. Time has the ability to heal wounds, but somethings it doesn't. You gotta will yourself out of the funk you are in cause no one else can do that for you.

 

[ChuyMasta]

20.

Thread over. You dated her when you were 15? And you were the love of her life?


YOU SHOULD WATCH:

Just ignore the part where

Spoiler

They try to get back together

 

[plasticpassion]

How old are you guys, OP?

Thanks for asking this because I assumed he was young but didn't want to ask.

20 is way too young to br worried about settling down OP. you would very likely regret it at some point in your near future. Experience life and other girls before you consider getting serious again.

 

[abuC]

No they don't.

I've heard them all say it to me, that better?

 

[Konosuke]

Thread over. You dated her when you were 15? And you were the love of her life?


YOU SHOULD WATCH:

Just ignore the part where

Spoiler

They try to get back together

Is the image just broken for me? Can't see it.

 

[soultron]

Continue with therapy.

Don't be her "friend," because that's not what you really want.

Be nice to other women.

Move on. First love is not meant to last.

This. You think she's the be all and end all because you:
A) were comfortable as hell
B) don't know any better because you've never been with anyone else
C) don't even know who you really are because you've been part of a 2-person organism the last 5 years
D) are probably young and 5 years is a sizeable chunk of your life

Get out there. Challenge yourself to make new friends, meet people, and do new things with your life. If you dwell on the past, you won't truly move forward into whatever you want a future to hold for you.

All you can do at this point in regards to her, is respect her space and secretly wish her the best. Do not talk to her anymore. If you truly love, respect, and care for her, you will leave her alone and let her get on with her life. She has healing to do as well. She's basically in the same spot.

 

[jorgeton]

Thanks for asking this because I assumed he was young but didn't want to ask.

20 is way too young to br worried about settling down OP. you would very likely regret it at some point in your near future. Experience life and other girls before you consider getting serious again.

Seriously, OP. You are very young and have a lot of life ahead of you. Start meeting and dating other girls, embrace your hobbies, work on yourself, etc etc. She is but a blip on the radar at the end of the day. Do you, buddy.

 

[Jeff Albertson]

It doesn't help but know that probably 9 people out of 10 have felt or will feel like you do now, theres nothing wrong with hurting for a while.

When I split up with an ex of four years I felt crushed, made so much worse by trying to be friends and seeing her moving on, I was being pathetic and far too soft, things got a lot easier when I basically told her to fuck off and started building a new life myself.

Anyway that was 6 years or so ago now I'm married with a kid and couldn't be happier.

Having said all that the only advice I can give is just fully cut her off, mess around, make some mistakes if you need to and just learn to be happy with your own company

Good luck