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Relationship on a distance?

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Terra

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So I just met this girl a month ago, and we have hooked up since then. Feels really good and all, everything is going smoothly. We currently live in the same city, just a couple of blocks away from each other and we are both in our early 30´s.

The thing is, that I am in two weeks moving awáy from this city that we live in for a permanent job opportunity wich I have signed for earlier this year. So as you understand, I am leaving my current city and job for a new apartment and a job in another city.

The new city for me is a 1 hour and 30 minute drive with car from the one that I currently live in.

So here it is now. I wanted distance-relationship-GAF to chime in when it comes to this stuff, some input. Maybe someone who has been in the same situation?

In my world, a 1 hour and 30 minutes car drive is nothing. I can absolutely think of having a relationship under those conditions. And that if that works out, in the future maybe we could get together in the same city? But I hear my girl when she sighs and is feeling down about me moving away, especially now, when we are in the honeymoon stage with a lot of love around it all. I have a gut feeling she thinks I am moving too far away. We will be talking more about it in the coming days.
 
Just go for it, it's only 90 mins. People have put up with far more than that, and there are some that can't even stand living 5 mins from each other.
 
Well it sounds like you're OK with the distance. If you both are, and it continues to work, then there you go.

Personally, though, that wouldn't work for me. Once it gets past the 20 minute mark, it starts to feel like a chore to see each other, to me.
 
Distance is tough (it's failed for me on multiple occasions), but you can do it if you're committed. Personally I wouldn't do it ever again.
 
90 minutes by car sounds great compared to three hours by plane. :P

I got into a relationship with my boyfriend knowing that it was going to be long distance for a bit. We now live together and it's great. :3

So I don't see the harm in trying it out if you both want to.
 
If you feel like it could be something down the line, why not give it a shot? You can still see each other on weekends or random weeknights when one of you can stay over. Especially in that early stage when you're not seeing each other every single day anyway, you could probably make that transition without it being too bad, as long as you're both willing to make that trip for each other. What does she think about this, other than feeling down about it?

The important thing is to not put a ton of pressure on the relationship to advance quickly to make up for the distance. Just let things run their course naturally. You may find out in a month or two that you're not really right for each other anyway, and at least then you won't think "what if." Or maybe it'll work out and one of you will move to be with the other person permanently.

If I were you, and I felt the way you do, I'd just tell her that you want things to continue, and that you have no problem driving 90 minutes to see her once a week as long as she's up for the same. If she's not, then you have to just respect that and move on.
 
Talk to her about it, see what she says.

If she wants to try it, go for it.

If not, then I'm sure you can find someone in your new city.

Long distance can suck, but a 90 minute drive isn't that awful in terms of distance.
 
When my wife and I first started dating she lived about 90 minutes away. It's definitely a weird spot to be in 'cause you're close enough that you're in reasonable driving distance but far enough away that you can't just drop by on a whim.

It's not that bad though. You just coordinate your schedules and spend time together when you're both off, and lots of Skype chats and text messages in-between visits.
 
90 Minutes is nothing OP, I drive 3 hours to my girlfriend. It's a bit taxing though, try to video chat everyday and make the weekend quality time for you both. It might not work for everybody though, talk to your girlfriend about it.
 
As others have said, talk to her. But 90 min car ride is not what I would call long distance, I have a friend who drive that distance to work everyday. If both are committed I don't see why it shouldn't work.
 
All I can say to the idea of long distance relationships from personal experience is this:
PBF166-Goodbye_Stanley.jpg
 
I lived in the UK for a year whilst my girlfriend lived in Poland.

Last month we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary and have two daughters (seven and four).

Don't let distance put you off. If it doesn't work, then that's fine, but unless you try you'll never know.

I have had other distance relationships fail (Spain and Sweden), but you've gotta try . . .
 
I'm against super long-distance relationships. Buuuuut

- 1.5 hours is close. Dad used to drive that each day for work for two years.
- I still keep doing long-distance because if I like the girl, I like the girl. Ain't nothing stopping me from trying.

Has maybe a higher chance of breaking up, but people can make it work with trips often. But not for indefinitely.

My girl is 8000km away but we make it work by chatting, and she visited just two weeks ago and we had a blast, again. But we also talked about moving together so I need to move there as I have higher chances of finding a job than she would have here.

I say go for it because she's close, but talk. Missing like crazy is normal but makes meeting each other extra special.
 
Thanks love-gaf for all your input and thoughts.

Yeah, I will talk with her about it...and as I said, we are in the early stages, wich means a lot of love and stuff in the air right now. So that might be easier to build on...or on the other hand not.

*sigh*

Well, I will use the weekend to talk...but I have this feeling that she thinks that it is too far away. =(
 
Distance can be tough, but an hour and a half is a fairly short distance to overcome.

That being said, I think I'd try to keep it going and see if it works for the two of you. I wouldn't end it just because the distance is going to happen. I'd talk to her and discuss giving it a fair chance.
 
If 90 minutes drive is too much for her to overcome for love, I don't know what to say.

When I fell in love with my wife, my drive was over 4 hours without 3 hours of traffic on a Friday and I drove to her every weekend.

Not to sound mean about it, but, if a drive like that is that much more than an inconvenience to her, talk to her about why it shouldn't be. Perhaps she's just sad about not being that close to you for now when she got used to is, and will get used to the temporary issue. If she can't deal, consider moving on.
 
Her sighing and seeming a little down about it seems pretty reasonable to me. It's a bummer to have someone you could see daily without any complications move away, even if it's only 90 minutes. I think it's important to remember that a lot of people commute that long every day, so it's not even unreasonable to think you guys could see each other fairly often.

If nothing else seeing each other every weekend should be really, really easy unless you two aren't at the phase where you're comfortable spending the night with each other.

I'd say do it unless she's really not happy with it.
 
90 minutes isn't terrible. Long distance is hard, but that's close enough that you could take turns driving up after work on Friday and spending weekends together.
 
Terra said:
So I just met this girl a month ago, and we have hooked up since then. Feels really good and all, everything is going smoothly. We currently live in the same city, just a couple of blocks away from each other and we are both in our early 30´s.

The thing is, that I am in two weeks moving awáy from this city that we live in for a permanent job opportunity wich I have signed for earlier this year. So as you understand, I am leaving my current city and job for a new apartment and a job in another city.

The new city for me is a 1 hour and 30 minute drive with car from the one that I currently live in.

So here it is now. I wanted distance-relationship-GAF to chime in when it comes to this stuff, some input. Maybe someone who has been in the same situation?

In my world, a 1 hour and 30 minutes car drive is nothing. I can absolutely think of having a relationship under those conditions. And that if that works out, in the future maybe we could get together in the same city? But I hear my girl when she sighs and is feeling down about me moving away, especially now, when we are in the honeymoon stage with a lot of love around it all. I have a gut feeling she thinks I am moving too far away. We will be talking more about it in the coming days.
Click to expand...


haaaa i was wanting to see the distance because my girlfriend lives 90 minutes away. She probably knew that was a bit much so she used some tricks to meet up. I met her Tinder (yeah I know but whatever it works) and she didn't mention her location. Before we met for a first date I asked her how far away she lived and she said around an hour. ha well she lives 90 minutes away if traffic is good. but she said she liked my eyes and the conversation was so good that she didn't want to mess up the opportunity to meet. We hit it off and have been together for 3 months. Is it a pain in the ass? YES. We only get to spend 3 nights a week together due to work schedules. Does it make me miss her like crazy? YES Does it make me appreciate the time we have together more? YES

I would rather drive 90 minutes for a girl I love to be with than stay in town for someone that isn't as special. We are going on vacation next week together. If it keeps going well I am sure we will do something to decrease the distance. As long as you trust each other and do everything you can to keep communication up you will be fine.

But she has to be worth it. Only you can answer that.
 
As someone who's girlfriend is 8 time zones away, the difference between you two seems quite minor! But situations are different between couples, I'm fortunate to have found someone who I really love and vice versa that we can make it work. Knowing the situation now you might not be ok with it, or she might not be. You may both be ok with it now and realise further down the line that it doesn't work and that's ok too. Like any relationship, there's got to be trust and clear communication in order for it to work.

A couple of things I've found that are important in a ldr are time and money. You and her have to make time for each other in a day or in a weekend and commit. If you can't make it, you have to let them know in advance and you have to accept going into the relationship that there will be times where it doesn't work out and you won't see each other for a while. Try to keep in contact through text or calls whenever you're not around so you're at least communicating every day. About money, not much to say other than be prepared to save money so you can travel back and forth when need be, you have to acknowledge that going into it I think.

If you two like each other enough, you can make it work. Good luck to both of you!
 
Guys, 90 minutes away is not long distance. They could see each other every weekend if they were so inclined, this isn't like it's on the other side of the country.
 
Drakeon said:
Guys, 90 minutes away is not long distance. They could see each other every weekend if they were so inclined, this isn't like it's on the other side of the country.
Click to expand...

90 minutes sure as hell is a long distance for something he would likely be doing regularly. That's 3 hours round trip...Every time. That's a lot of time and a lot of gas. The latter is something a lot of people don't seem to consider when they try these long distance relationships. And that's not even counting the extra miles and wear and tear on his vehicle. There are a lot of costs that come with a long distance relationship and it's the reason I'll never be in one that takes more than 10-15 to get to each other.
 
90 minutes isn't too bad. I've been in a long distance relationship for 5 years and it's been going swell. We live 2 and half hours away from eachother. Will be moving in together summer next year.

Long distance can work but it really depends on the individuals. Me and my girlfriend don't mind being apart as it's allowed us to grow and get to know ourselves. Also makes us miss eachother more. We see eachother on weekends but sometimes for longer if we arrange things well.

You have to expect to travel. I think our relationship would be a lot harder if one of us travelled considerably less than the other.
 
90 minutes is absolutely nothing, I wouldn't even consider that long distance.

Long distance is where you have to fly, or at least devote a day of travel to get to your partner.
 
90 minutes isn't bad, but you're barely on the first month of the relationship, if it becomes too hard just end it.

Tell her to be honest about her feelings though, don't waste each other's time.
 
Long distance relationships never work if it's for a long period of time (more than a few months). Long distance right at the start of a relationship? No way.
 
Titanoboa said:
Long distance relationships never work if it's for a long period of time (more than a few months). Long distance right at the start of a relationship? No way.
Click to expand...

That's not quite true. I am friends and working on a project with a girl from the Philippines who married someone from America, for 90% of their dating time over the course of three-four years, it was long-distance. They've now been married for seven years and live in Japan together currently.

It can definitely work, if the two involved can make it work. Simple as that, no advice or type of relationship is universal for everyone, though. So my overall advice goes back to what others are saying: Talk to her about it. Though you can certainly do a lot worse than 90 minutes away, that seems like nothing to me as well, I regularly twice a year take a car drive to go see family who live 14-15 hours away by car (which equals to 28-30 hours for a round trip), 90 minutes distance can definitely work if you both want to try to make it work.
 
Titanoboa said:
Long distance relationships never work if it's for a long period of time (more than a few months). Long distance right at the start of a relationship? No way.
Click to expand...

Not so. I've been making it work with my gf for two years. She's a province away, and we see each other every two months.

Chatting apps and free long distance calls (Skype) totally alters the dynamic.

It depends on the people. Of course I think it can't work for certain types.
 
I'll quote what my mom says about long distance relationships, it's in spanish though so I hope y'all understand;

"Amor de lejos, es amor de pendejos."

Doesn't rhyme in English though.
 
90 minutes ain't much in the big scheme unless you both have literally no spare time.

My current relationship started as a long distance thing. Lived 8 hours apart and she has a proper career and I was at Uni so we could only see each other once a month. Now we've been together nearly 6 years and live together. The long distance part can be hard but we made it work you just need to have realistic goals and be aware that if it works out someone will need to move if it gets real serious.

Like others have said it depends on the people.
 
I've been living 7 hours from my girlfriend of ~5 years for the past year. We usually see each other for a few days every month. As long as you're willing to make it work you'll be fine, 90 minutes away is nothing!
 
spawnsniper said:
I'll quote what my mom says about long distance relationships, it's in spanish though so I hope y'all understand;

"Amor de lejos, es amor de pendejos."

Doesn't rhyme in English though.
Click to expand...

I'm partial to "Amor de lejos, felices los 4"

Actually, My wife and I were long distance for like 2 years. We did meet in person tho. 12 hours distance by car. I always went by plane tho. We saw each other every month or once every 2 months. It worked for us! We did speak almost 24/7 thanks to the marvels of modern messaging apps. I think we speak less now that we are together haha. But we're happy.
 
90mins is normal commute in LA. That's nothing. My wife and I see each other 4 days a week and 3 days apart. Her work is in LA and my work is in Fresno. 4 hrs drive apart. You can make it work
 
I'd talk to her about it and just give it a try. I've been dating my girlfriend for almost 7 months now and she's 40 minutes away from me. Not in the same boat since it's half the travel time, but similar. It does suck sometimes not to be able to pop in, but I see her at least twice a week and talk to her several times a day so it's not too bad.
 
90 min. isn't really long distance in my mind.

My fiance lives 30 hours away from me. Getting married this year.

My advice is talk to each other, and figure out what you both want. And work hard to make it happen.
 
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