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Religion as a divisive issue in relationships

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Religion is one of those things that can pretty much kill any relationship if there's differing opinions (and on top of that, religious people are generally socially conservative, and vastly differing politics is yet another thing that kills relationships). I just refuse to date anybody religious; I refuse to waste my Sundays by going to church, and 'arguing' with a religious person is an exercise in futility anyway, since neither of us is likely to change our opinions on the matter.
 
K.Sabot said:
Grew up a Christian, they told us not to date or converse with non-Christians unless we had plans to convert them.

It's made me paranoid.
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Really? I've never heard that before. I thought that was a Catholic thing. Sorry if I'm wrong, I mix up this sort of thing often.
 
I'm an Atheist and my girlfriend is a christian. Neither of us are preachy about it and the few times where religion comes up in conversation we both don't really mind our differences at all.
 
Yeah it's only going to get worse. I had a friend whose mom was kinda religious when she got married but by the time she was getting divorced she owned a bible with a handle on it.
 
I've dated a few religious women in my life. Never again.

I would literally never date and especially never sleep with anyone religious.

The relationship can go no where. Any issues that come up early on with compatibility will only get worse, especially when children enter the picture.

To me, the biggest problem with dating them is how they can conveniently choose to believe certain parts of the respective crazy when it is convenient for them, and if you don't go along with it, you're the one being unreasonable because OH MY GOD YOU ARE NOT RESPECTING MY BELIEFS.
 
Figboy79 said:
I felt the same.


Until I met my wife. We met through friends, hit it off instantly, and eventually formed a relationship. We never shied away from talk of religion, so I knew upfront what her views were, and she knew upfront what mine were. Didn't stop us from getting together and falling in love. I'm not saying the same will happen to you, I'm just saying that I wouldn't write someone off just because of a difference in religious beliefs, especially if you are vibing in all other areas from a romantic standpoint. My wife is intelligent, funny, kind-hearted and honest, and she happens to be an Agnostic/Atheist. At the end of the day, her making me happy because of who she is trumps religion any day. For me, at least.
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She sounds great :). It was honestly something I struggled with coming to a decision with, because my last boyfriend was agnostic. I liked him a lot and we're still friends, but I took some time and realized I couldn't put a relationship over that. I'm fine with it, but I realize many people value it differently.

Kano on the Phone said:
No, you're talking about a fundamental difference in the way that you approach literally everything in your lives. It's a big deal and probably a deal breaker.
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Yeah, I think this is probably why I feel the way I do.
 
I got pretty lucky, living in the southern United States and finding an atheist girlfriend. She even went to a Christian college when I met her. Married ten years with not even a hint of divorce on the horizon. Truly blessed (lol).
 
First: are you already planning to have kids with this chick? If so it's something you should talk about.

I could date someone who takes religion as some kind of obligation to tradition, but never someone that actually believes any of it to be real.

Plus, I say things like "God fucking dammit" and "Jesus fucking Christ" all the time, so that really wouldn't work out.
 
Don't worry about it. Let the kids go to Sunday school or whatever. Having a parent who doesn't bother with religion, but tolerates/humours it, will be enough.
 
I rather be with someone who is non religious and comes from a non religious family.

I live in Arkansas so it's hard to find many girls with that background lol.

I honestly don't care when it comes to dating but I don't want to put any religious pressure on my kids growing up. Life is hard enough and religion being forced on you by your family makes it worse.
 
Muslim here, don't have an issue with being in a relationship with anyone outside of my faith. Important thing would be to communicate what we both expect out of it.
 
I consider myself agnostic and don't think I'd date someone who was super strict about their religion, but I can't say I've ever experienced it as a divisive thing. My current SO is Muslim but thankfully not super strict about it, though I know her parents would obv not approve. I don't think either of us cares too much about my approval with her parents though.
 
aly said:
She sounds great :). It was honestly something I struggled with coming to a decision with, because my last boyfriend was agnostic. I liked him a lot and we're still friends, but I took some time and realized I couldn't put a relationship over that. I'm fine with it, but I realize many people value it differently.



Yeah, I think this is probably why I feel the way I do.
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She is rather fantastic!

At the end of the day, you have to do what you feel is right for you. If you feel that it would be a conflict for you, then you shouldn't force yourself to be with someone who doesn't share the same religious (or lack of religious), views as you.

For me, I'm not defined by my belief, and neither is my wife defined by her lack of belief.
 
backslashbunny said:
Wouldn't date someone that was religious, but I do need someone that's willing to pretend in front of my parents.


/livingalie
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Didn't you say you live in Texas? That would make me guess Christianity.
giga said:
Gonna guess you're "muslim."
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I live in Austin myself. I'm open about it to my parents, but my grandmother on my father's side is the last grandparent I have and my dad has said we can't tell her. He wanted to bring her to see my apartment I live in before my girlfriend moved in, but too late now, lol.

As for my girlfriend's family, they are " okay " with me being an atheist, but still wishy washy on it. However I don't think they completely understand how barely religious she is.
 
If it bothers you too much you can break up with her and try again with someone else. Or you know, clarify what the boundaries are so you know what you're getting into.
 
I'm an athiest but I don't really have any problems with religion. It's not really a deal breaker for me in a relationship. I'm cool with it as long as they aren't fanatical about it.
 
Not in my case. My girlfriend and her family are catholics and they know I don't really believe in God, at least in the way they believe in him. They just don't invite me to church and that's it. No problems what so ever.
 
I consider myself a layman buddhist or a science believer, whatever the term for that is. I'm not sure how I'd get along with someone who was extremely religious, depending on the religion. I found that living with buddhists for some time really helped me learned to just accept people are going to beleive what they are going to believe, and I'm just going to get along with it the best I can and take the good I learn from any religions I read up on, and discard the archaic stuff that doesn't agree with my heart. It's just another way for me to learn about people and life.
 
There was a girl that had a crush on me, and I also found her attracting. But she is a devout Catholic, and I'm an atheist. Many of the things she did always made me frown.

In the end, I decided to not pursue that kind of relationship. Who knows how many fights we would had.
 
If you are both very strong in your beliefs about the adoption/rejection of religion it will become a VERY major issue later on. You will either need to find a compromise on the subject (i.e. talk about it with her as GAF will have no useful position on the matter), or find someone else to spend your time with. That's pretty much your only real option.
 
Sai-kun said:
I consider myself agnostic and don't think I'd date someone who was super strict about their religion, but I can't say I've ever experienced it as a divisive thing. My current SO is Muslim but thankfully not super strict about it, though I know her parents would obv not approve. I don't think either of us cares too much about my approval with her parents though.
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Dating is one thing but when it's comes to marriage it's a huge deal with Muslim parents.
 
Religion aside, if you can't avoid saying "Jesus" or "God" as an expletive in the name of politeness, you probably shouldn't be with the person.
 
Just about every girl I've ever dated has been atheist, and religion never came up typically in our relationships, so when I did go through a break up, it was for other reasons. I suppose it was more like an unspoken rule between us to just not discuss religion after we found out we had differing opinions. Also, I think that not trying to shove my belief down my significant other's throat has helped.
 
Buddha Beam said:
I'm Buddhist on a good day and agnostic or a pantheist on others. But my wife is very Christian. I go to church with her almost every Sunday. We didn't go this weekend because I asked not to go. She's usually pretty understanding about not going. I'd say we probably go about 26 weeks out of the year, or about half the time.

I hate it and have almost walked out on a few occasions. I've told her before if I ever hear any bigotry or anti-gay or otherwise political views, I'll get right up and leave and she's coming with me. They've come perilously close to spewing some anti-LGBT things before, but never quite crossed the line. For her sake, I've been pretty liberal with my definition of bigotry and political stuff.

That's just what being in a relationship is about though... making sacrifices. It's not worth throwing away a relationship that is otherwise great over something ultimately as trivial as religion, IMO. Sometimes if it's that important to your partner, you just have to swallow your pride and go. It isn't going to kill you.
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Thank you, this post was very useful to me as a Buddhist who seems to attract Christian women. The way I look at it is that I know the limits of what I'll accept (as you seem to with the church-exit ultimatum), and am confident I wouldn't lock myself in the position of leading someone along, whose need for me to go against my better judgments exceeds the other things I can bring to the relationship. It sounds like you're well-grounded and nowhere near crossing that line with your wife at least, which is refreshing to hear in this thread.
 
Amentallica said:
Are any of you in a relationship with someone with differing or no religious beliefs? I, myself, am an atheist, in a relationship with a Guyanese woman who is of the Christian faith. We've argued several times due our differing viewpoints, usually because I decline to go to her church for obvious reasons. I've gone once or twice to appease her request, so that I could "see her childhood," as she puts it. Aside from that, we'll get into minor disagreements when I say "Jesus fuck!" or something similar (when upset).

But today I spoke with a coworker who asked what it will be like when we have children. Personally, I don't think I should be indoctrinating my children into a religion, but I know my girlfriend would. Am I being unfair? Discussion is appreciated.
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If she's truly devout you might as well end the relationship now
 
I've dated religious women for only a short time. Most of my relationships die when they find out that I don't want children before the religion/atheism kills the relationship.
 
while dating a religious person can usually go very smoothly, ive always encountered to fanatical family and friends to be the real divisive issue with dating a religious person. im an athiest and really dont even bother with religious girls anymore, maybe for a hookup but not dating, just not worth my time. i only date religiously apathetic or atheist/agnostic girls now lol.
 
I'm agnostic and my girlfriend is Christian. We are so compatible on so many levels and absolutely love being around eachother. Been going out for a year now and it's been wonderful... except for the times when religion comes up... we both are struggling to come to terms with each others' viewpoints. She's pretty serious about her religion, I'm not so sure that her religion has an accurate enough view of God for me to commit my undying soul to it.

I've fallen for her quite hard, and she has for me as well. Seeing that other people of differing faiths have managed to marry and have children gives me so much hope. We make each other so happy, and love each other so much that it will be really, really tough if things don't work out.
 
I could never date a religious person. The mental gymnastics required to believe in a god are just too much for me to handle in an SO. Then the thought they would pass such nonsense beliefs to my children would be sickening.
 
Swordsman VII said:
I'm agnostic and my girlfriend is Christian. We are so compatible on so many levels and absolutely love being around eachother. Been going out for a year now and it's been wonderful... except for the times when religion comes up... we both are struggling to come to terms with each others' viewpoints. She's pretty serious about her religion, I'm not so sure that her religion has an accurate enough view of God for me to commit my undying soul to it.

I've fallen for her quite hard, and she has for me as well. Seeing that other people of differing faiths have managed to marry and have children gives me so much hope. We make each other so happy, and love each other so much that it will be really, really tough if things don't work out.
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Damn, bro.

I want to tell you to bail, as that's what I would do, but fuck, if you have already fallen.

Fuck.

There's no way this can end well.
 
Syph Medwes said:
My ex was Jewish while I was deist/constantly questioning my faith/all religion in general. Never caused a single problem.
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I don't get the "I'm never dating any religious" person stuff that people are saying here. I know that GAF is mainly atheist and such, but not everyone who follows religion are complete nuts or hardcore like what I'm kind of getting here.

I'm Roman Catholic, I believe in evolution and believe in gay marriage, etc I'm not gonna force my beliefs on my partner and I would talk with my partner regarding my children. Say, if my children go to church every Sunday, I'm not gonna force them to ignore scientific theory and such.. I think the anti-religious stance here in Gaf sometimes goes a bit too far.
 
Swordsman VII said:
I'm agnostic and my girlfriend is Christian. We are so compatible on so many levels and absolutely love being around eachother. Been going out for a year now and it's been wonderful... except for the times when religion comes up... we both are struggling to come to terms with each others' viewpoints. She's pretty serious about her religion, I'm not so sure that her religion has an accurate enough view of God for me to commit my undying soul to it.

I've fallen for her quite hard, and she has for me as well. Seeing that other people of differing faiths have managed to marry and have children gives me so much hope. We make each other so happy, and love each other so much that it will be really, really tough if things don't work out.
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if she loves you as much as you lover her, then i dont see why she couldnt reexamine her religious beliefs. i dont get why its just assumed you have to covert to christianity?

Soi-Fong said:
I don't get the "I'm never dating any religious" person stuff that people are saying here. I know that GAF is mainly atheist and such, but not everyone who follows religion are complete nuts or hardcore like what I'm kind of getting here.

I'm Roman Catholic, I believe in evolution and believe in gay marriage, etc I'm not gonna force my beliefs on my partner and I would talk with my partner regarding my children. Say, if my children go to church every Sunday, I'm not gonna force them to ignore scientific theory and such.. I think the anti-religious stance here in Gaf sometimes goes a bit too far.
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but are you close friends and family members who are religious as level headed as you, or do they tend to be more extreme in their beliefs? because thats what really creates the problems, even if a religious SO is very moderate in their beliefs, the extended family and friends extreme views often times create tension and problems for the non religious SO.
 
Honestly some of you sound extremely stuck up about this.
Renzoku said:
My last relationship partly ended because I was apparently driving a wedge between my girlfriend and god. Also, I refused to allow our future hypothetical children to be taken to indoctrination sessions every Sunday so they could be preached to about dumbshit beliefs.
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I mean, really? Indoctrination? Dumbshit beliefs?

I think your last relationship ended because you acted like a prick about it. Not because she was religious.
 
Renzoku said:
My last relationship partly ended because I was apparently driving a wedge between my girlfriend and god. Also, I refused to allow our future hypothetical children to be taken to indoctrination sessions every Sunday so they could be preached to about dumbshit beliefs.
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Your last relationship didn't end because of her beliefs, it ended because of your intolerance for something that was important to her and not trying to understand her.

She dodged a bullet dating you because if you disrespected her beliefs like you're saying now, you would have disrespected her more in the future.
 
I wouldn't mind being with someone that's nominally religious, but if they a) preach at me, or b) can't respect my right to be indifferent, I'd bail at the drop of the hat. Hell, I have bailed out of a potential one.
 
block tower said:
if she loves you as much as you lover her, then i dont see why she couldnt reexamine her religious beliefs. i dont get why its just assumed you have to covert to christianity?



but are you close friends and family members who are religious as level headed as you, or do they tend to be more extreme in their beliefs? because thats what really creates the problems, even if a religious SO is very moderate in their beliefs, the extended family and friends extreme views often times create tension and problems for the non religious SO.
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For me personally, my immediate family and extended family follow the same beliefs I have, but are tolerant of other religions and such and tolerant of my personal beliefs regarding evolution, gay marriage, abortion, etc

I understand your view regarding an extended or immediate family causing rifts and problems. It's just the generalization in this forum that if you follow religion; that you're somehow completely brainless that bothers me here.
 
I was muslim and my wife Sikh when we were married.

I am athiest and she is still a sikh


It's cool . Only time it becomes a little debate when my son tells me God made the house and I told him no, there are actually people who worked hard that made the house.

Our compromise is that God is your inner will power. That you control
 
I think religion is one of those things that what you want o discuss early in a relationship. I feel that it's like other issues. You want to know what you can live with.
 
Religion sucks.
I'm currently in a 7 year relationship with a devoted girl.
I introduced her to my family years ago and until now I'm still practically unknown to her family. Having relationships with other religions (I'm Catholic but doesn't practice it) is a big taboo to her religion and if she gets reported she will be kicked out from church which she fears heavily thinking that it will ruin her and her family's life.
I'm thinking to just suck it up so we can settle but I really dislike her religion.
 
block tower said:
if she loves you as much as you lover her, then i dont see why she couldnt reexamine her religious beliefs. i dont get why its just assumed you have to covert to christianity?
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Its something she is struggling to come to terms with. She had always viewed a future husband as someone who would share in faith and encourage her to grow as a Christian. But after meeting me and getting serious about us, she's not so sure anymore. She is thinking heavily about how it would work, as am I. Things could change.

We have a lot of time too, we want to get married but it would be far off yet. we both want to finish college yet, so it would be a couple years.
 
TacticalFox88 said:
Damn, bro.

I want to tell you to bail, as that's what I would do, but fuck, if you have already fallen.

Fuck.

There's no way this can end well.
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well, I can't help but hope it ends well at this point one way or another lol.

Cause if it doesn't... welll... its gonna hurt like all hell. for both of us. We got in a bit deep I think... but it was so hard not to, we are really really compatible on all issues and things except this. It's like we got swept up so quickly in this that we didn't bring up the religion stuff often enough early on.

There is hope for us... its just gonna be a lot of hard work. But she is so so worth it lol
 
Soi-Fong said:
I don't get the "I'm never dating any religious" person stuff that people are saying here. I know that GAF is mainly atheist and such, but not everyone who follows religion are complete nuts or hardcore like what I'm kind of getting here.

I'm Roman Catholic, I believe in evolution and believe in gay marriage, etc I'm not gonna force my beliefs on my partner and I would talk with my partner regarding my children. Say, if my children go to church every Sunday, I'm not gonna force them to ignore scientific theory and such.. I think the anti-religious stance here in Gaf sometimes goes a bit too far.
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Far too much potential for strife. Perhaps they keep their beliefs in check now, but what about later? What about kids? What about religious family members? Etc. I'm making a distinction between religious and say, spiritual or simply deist.
 
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