Support NeoGAF

[Alcotholic]

Could be many things. He could just be an asshole. Maybe he finds it funny (when he shouldn't). Some people have a warped view, where they think sexual harassment is okay when it's not male vs. female or vice versa. Who knows. Either way, he seems like a terrible boss in this regard.

He is a terrible boss in many ways, he has driven away management and other staff members. I was promoted in reaction to some management leaving the business. But that's another story entirely.

 

[Byakuya769]

I don't think you fully understand what victim blaming is. Nobody said OP was in the wrong regarding his feelings towards his coworker. What some said is that he should have handled the situation differently. And I agree, he should have talked to him in private before. This in no way condones the coworker behaving like he did, and you're being disingenuous if you say it does.

I know exactly what it means. People are in here saying that it continued because he didn't nip it in the bud. That through his silence he and everyone else condoned the continued harassment, until he "blew up" and confronted the guy in front of other co-workers. As if this guy deserved any decency beyond a swift firing.

Make this situation about a jack ass guy doing the same thing to women. Would people be in here saying that the actions were condoned by all the females, and the female manager since they didn't say anything to the guy begging to see them naked, offering to eat them out, saying they love pussy etc etc?

Not to mention, as several have pointed out, OP already stated, in his OP, that he could have handled it more professionally.

Guy dealt with a shitty situation, and people want to come in and give him lessons on being a manager.

 

[Mononoke]

He is a terrible boss in many ways, he has driven away management and other staff members. I was promoted in reaction to some management leaving the business. But that's another story entirely.

Well, as a boss he has a responsibility to make sure everyone feels safe in their work environment (that includes sexual harassment). There is no excuse for him allowing this to openly happen in front of him, and even laugh about it. He's a terrible boss regardless how you look at it. Sexual harassment at the work place isn't okay just because it's not a male harassing a female. A female harassing a male. None of that is relevant. It's any person harassing another person, period.

 

[Kater]

No one is liking any bit of it and we all want to kill him.

You all wanted to kill him? What!?

But yeah, he's sexually harassing others and that is not cool. Fire him if that is what it takes but don't get violent.

 

[Sketchbag]

I know exactly what it means. People are in here saying that it continued because he didn't nip it in the bud. That through his silence he and everyone else condoned the continued harassment, until he "blew up" and confronted the guy in front of other co-workers. As if this guy deserved any decency beyond a swift firing.

Make this situation about a jack ass guy doing the same thing to women. Would people be in here saying that the actions were condoned by all the females, and the female manager since they didn't say anything to the guy begging to see them naked, offering to eat them out, saying they love pussy etc etc?

Not to mention, as several have pointed out, OP already stated, in his OP, that he could have handled it more professionally.

Say and do are entirely different. Actions speak louder than words.

Please do not role reverse the situation. It's a lazy and dumb tactic to pull.

 

[Byakuya769]

Say and do are entirely different. Actions speak louder than words.

Please do not role reverse the situation. It's a lazy and dumb tactic to pull.

You haven't made an actual argument yet. That's a dumb tactic. Not to mention calling "victim blaming" a "card." Sad.

 

[RionaaM]

I know exactly what it means. People are in here saying that it continued because he didn't nip it in the bud. That through his silence he and everyone else condoned the continued harassment, until he "blew up" and confronted the guy in front of other co-workers. As if this guy deserved any decency beyond a swift firing.

Make this situation about a jack ass guy doing the same thing to women. Would people be in here saying that the actions were condoned by all the females, and the female manager since they didn't say anything to the guy begging to see them naked, offering to eat them out, saying they love pussy etc etc?

Not to mention, as several have pointed out, OP already stated, in his OP, that he could have handled it more professionally.

Guy dealt with a shitty situation, and people want to come in and give him lessons on being a manager.

The bolded is exactly what happened here. If he had talked to the coworker in private, the latter would have known it wasn't right for him to keep acting like that, and that there would be repercussions if he didn't change his behavior. But OP didn't, and even admitted he should have.

I think lessons are the only useful thing that can be said in this thread, as it's pretty clear the coworker's behaviour was inappropriate.

You're also not the first person making up a scenario where this happens to a woman. And yes, if nobody reported that they would be condoning that behavior. It shouldn't be tolerated, and those events should be reported (as OP did once, even though his boss didn't seem to care).

 

[Byakuya769]

"Would have known that it wasn't right..."

Dude is an adult living in the year 2014, I don't think it's a secret that inviting your co-workers to get blow jobs and begging to see them naked isn't a cool thing to do.

 

[BladeoftheImmortal]

write him up immediately, don't just threaten it. do it

Listen to this dude, OP. He pussyfoots around all his issues, you don't want to end up like that.

 

[IncandescentPrecept]

Sadly, some people just don't get the "message" until they're embarrassed in public.

No message was relayed at any point until that incident.

 

[aerts1js]

The guy should be fired and you certainly deserve to be demoted.

 

[DyTonic]

This is pretty funny though, he won't stop.

 

[Krilekk]

Sounds to me like you handled the situation pretty well. I'm not ok with how ridiculous sexual harassment laws work in the US but that sort of behaviour would be unacceptable around the world.

 

[Vyroxis]

Lol. Aye, that will definitely help make him popular with the staff. I imagine the boss will be delighted as well to hear his new manager is marching around demanding refresher's for the staff. Instead of just having a quiet word with the one employee who is causing problems.

Due to him chastising him in the open, it's the best option. Doing a refresher on it is essentially a reset button for the entire situation. Everyone will know the rules, be up to date on them, and he will be free and clear to start from scratch on clearing up the behavior or sending the employee out the door.

If his boss doesn't like it, he can go to HR, explain the situation, and it will happen one way or the other regardless. Any HR staff worth a damn won't put up with crap like that.

 

[Enco]

No message was relayed at any point until that incident.

Although true, you don't need a message to tell you sexual harassment is wrong.

You also have to be socially inept/an asshole to not see others are uncomfortable.

 

[impetuous_silly]

You really should have talked to him in private first.

That's a very 'PC' approach but saying it explicitly in the open so that others may hear is much more effective at rectifying the problem. Something something psychology business communication.

 

[impetuous_silly]

that guy is a complete jerk. i wouldnt be surprised if he turned it around on you and said you were sexually harassing him by bringing it up in front of everyone.

Lay down your pitchfork, no need to jump to conclusions.

 

[CesspoolofHatred]

Due to him chastising him in the open, it's the best option. Doing a refresher on it is essentially a reset button for the entire situation. Everyone will know the rules, be up to date on them, and he will be free and clear to start from scratch on clearing up the behavior or sending the employee out the door.

If his boss doesn't like it, he can go to HR, explain the situation, and it will happen one way or the other regardless. Any HR staff worth a damn won't put up with crap like that.

According to him, HR doesn't even exist at the company.

The business I work for is small; there is no HR and it's much more relaxed than it should be. It's a staff of around 15 people. There is another manager, but my boss is the only person above me.

 

[Sketchbag]

You haven't made an actual argument yet. That's a dumb tactic. Not to mention calling "victim blaming" a "card." Sad.

An argument for what? He's his boss and didn't do anything about it. He is far from a victim.

 

[Byakuya769]

An argument for what? He's his boss and didn't do anything about it. He is far from a victim.

And now I see why the role reversal was so difficult for you.

 

[Renzoku]

Based on how blatant he is about it, it almost seems like he's trying to get fired so that he can sue for discrimination or some shit.

 

[Sketchbag]

And now I see why the role reversal was so difficult for you.

If you're their manager or boss and you don't take care of it you're condoning it. Simple as that. Welcome to the work place.

Please don't use horrible.role.reversals. It only limits your brain power.pnly a fool takes those seriously.

 

[Byakuya769]

If you're their manager or boss and you don't take care of it you're condoning it. Simple as that. Welcome to the work place.

Please don't use horrible.role.reversals. It only limits your brain power.pnly a fool takes those seriously.

Tell me more.

 

[Union Carbine]

Everyone can sit back and tell you how you should have handled it differently. I'm sure it's not much use to you now.

Really, just learn from it. You're new to the management game. Chalk it up as a lesson and remember it for the next time. Maybe sit down with your boss to gameplan how to handle the guy going forward.

Does your company have an HR group? If so, perhaps you can pull them into the loop. My sister-in-law works in HR (for an LGBTQ clinic in fact) and she deals with these situations daily.

 

[DoktorEvil]

Everyone can sit back and tell you how you should have handled it differently. I'm sure it's not much use to you now.

Really, just learn from it. You're new to the management game. Chalk it up as a lesson and remember it for the next time. Maybe sit down with your boss to gameplan how to handle the guy going forward.

Does your company have an HR group? If so, perhaps you can pull them into the loop. My sister-in-law works in HR (for an LGBTQ clinic in fact) and she deals with these situations daily.

It's a small business, according to the OP, 15 large.

I doubt they have formal HR procedures.

But a gameplan with boss is a good move, especially if you don't know this guy's intentions aren't to hold the company liable.

 

[Union Carbine]

It's a small business, according to the OP, 15 large.

I doubt they have formal HR procedures.

Ah, missed that.

But a gameplan with boss is a good move, especially if you don't know this guy's intentions aren't to hold the company liable.

Not that it shouldn't be a concern but most people aren't super litigious. However, he might want to be sensitive to how the employee handles things going forward because, while one issue may have been solved, others may have been created.

 

[EatinOlives]

My wild theory is that he wants to get fired then turn around and claim it was discrimination against him. I don't know why anyone else would blatantly say that shit and then acknowledge that he's sexually harassing his co-workers.

 

[CarpeDeezNutz]

Man, this is just like that episode of King of the Hill where Hank ends up jamming a bar of soap in a guy's mouth for his raunchy humor.

 

[wsoxfan1214]

Shame on you for not addressing it IMMEDIATELY when you became a manager.

This is not acceptable in any workplace in any circumstance.

The fact that its condoned by your boss is not an excuse. Go above your boss if you have to and get this taken care of immediately... because it WILL come back to you.

I had an employee of mine make lewd comments from time to time but it was just around me and this other guy we work with. One day we brought on a new associate (female) who really wasn't getting along with the rest of the team.

One day she went to HR and said that this coworker was making lewd comments and I was just sitting there and laughing about it.

I got written up for SEXUAL HARASSMENT. That is on my record permanently... do you know how that ruins a career? I had to leave the company.

The truth... I never even heard the guy say what she alleged he said, "That sandwich I had for lunch was so good I wanted to stick my dick in it!." I didn't even hear him say it. And HR knew she was a problem employee. So HR said to me, "We believe you, thats why we AREN'T FIRING YOU. We are just putting you on final warning."

The should have just fired me, its the same shit. I had to leave the company anyways.

Uhhh. I'd look for a legal recourse there. That's horseshit.

 

[stn]

Regardless of his sexual orientation, this guy should not be working around children.

 

[Mister Wilhelm]

I would've stopped this shit the second I became a manager and went above my boss's head as well.

 

[victreeb3l]

You waited too long OP. You should have written him up much earlier, and spoke to your boss about firing him. Stuff like that is not okay.

 

[davepoobond]

Regardless of his sexual orientation, this guy should not be working around children.

"I want to put a penis in my mouth!"

Later that day:

3 year old: "mommy what is a penis"

 

[Choppasmith]

also, in what kind of tone did he say "I know"?
"hell yeah I know, and its great!"
or "yeah I know, it's bad, I'm sorry"

I'm wondering this as well. Please clarify OP. Hope things work out for you.

 

[Ferrio]

I was accused of being sexually harassed once. Someone actually called the higherups on "my behalf" to report sexual harassement. I was actually pissed because of it. They called me up, I had to go through all this bullshit paper work since a simple "No I wasn't harassed" wasn't enough.

All because some woman had a grudge against another woman who cracked a joke. The joke? "Is your girlfriend in there with you?" When I went into a side room to get something, but took too long.

 

[Mammoth Jones]

We are not a corporation. We are a small store front.

Do sexual harassment laws not apply to small store fronts? No? Well then same rules apply...

 

[Choppasmith]

I was accused of being sexually harassed once. Someone actually called the higherups on "my behalf" to report sexual harassement. I was actually pissed because of it. They called me up, I had to go through all this bullshit paper work since a simple "No I wasn't harassed" wasn't enough.

All because some woman had a grudge against another woman who cracked a joke. The joke? "Is your girlfriend in there with you?" When I went into a side room to get something, but took too long.

Reminds me of something that happened to me a year ago, not at work, but at my Doctor's office. I went in for a basic checkup and asked him about a sore groin muscle I kept getting. That was it. I then get a letter about a month later from some medical law firm that they believed my doctor did something to me and that I needed to file a claim against him. They included a questionnaire, but it had no option allowing me to deny the claim so I just ignored the letter. They sent it again a couple times warning me that my benefits could be at risk if I didn't file a claim. Still ignored it. I never bothered asking my doctor when I had a chance, and now he's gone. Just very strange.

 

[Dark_AnNiaLatOr]

Sounds the Plato's ring of gyges could put to very good use here.

 

[Alcotholic]

I talked to him privately about his behavior. I apologized for putting him on the spot and told him that his aggressive behavior is unacceptable for the work environment. He seemed dismissive and smug. I mentioned previous complaints and he said, "well if someone said something earlier I would have stopped." which is true, but I would also think that it's pretty easy to get a hint when no one finds any of it amusing.

 

[DoktorEvil]

I talked to him privately about his behavior. I apologized for putting him on the spot and told him that his aggressive behavior is unacceptable for the work environment. He seemed dismissive and smug. I mentioned previous complaints and he said, "well if someone said something earlier I would have stopped." which is true, but I would also think that it's pretty easy to get a hint when no one finds any of it amusing.

That's not your fault. That's your bosses fault for not taking your gripes sooner.

Good luck in future managerial spats.

 

[kirblar]

I talked to him privately about his behavior. I apologized for putting him on the spot and told him that his aggressive behavior is unacceptable for the work environment. He seemed dismissive and smug. I mentioned previous complaints and he said, "well if someone said something earlier I would have stopped." which is true, but I would also think that it's pretty easy to get a hint when no one finds any of it amusing.

Some people have to be hit by a mack truck, dinosaur, and the BFG before they figure out that they're the problem, not everyone around them. And sometimes even the BFG doesn't do it because they're just a total narcissist.

 

[PartTimeWarrior]

Ben sounds like a real dick

 

[Karsticles]

Some people have to be hit by a mack truck, dinosaur, and the BFG before they figure out that they're the problem, not everyone around them. And sometimes even the BFG doesn't do it because they're just a total narcissist.

These are also the worst kind of students.

 

[daycru]

Wow I can't believe you kept your cool together that long. I had a drunk gay guy sexually harrassing me at a football game last weekend and I was about to lose my shit. I was going to make a thread about it but decided against it since that's a touchy subject here.

Had a transgirl constantly grabbing my ass at a party a few weeks ago. She had great free weed and booze, so I stayed in the room, but voiced my displeasure. Tough line to walk, because you don't want to come across as a phobe, but at the same time, fuck, stop it.

 

[Fewr]

I had recently considered talking to Ben in private and giving him a warning, but I couldn't find the time.

??
Just say "Hey Ben, please come with me to Starbucks for some coffee". Then you talk to him about it on the way there and on the way back. Easy.

 

[Mononoke]

Some people have to be hit by a mack truck, dinosaur, and the BFG before they figure out that they're the problem, not everyone around them. And sometimes even the BFG doesn't do it because they're just a total narcissist.

Lol so true. But I still think the boss failed miserably here. Kind of crazy he not only knew about this unprofessional behavior in his work place but that he actually laughed at it.

 

[Rest]

Your Ben sounds like a jerk OP. Hopefully you won't have more problems with him after this, but if you do, don't go soft on him. If he makes others uncomfortable you have to deal with it, especially if it's just him being inconsiderate.

 

[DoktorEvil]

Your Ben sounds like a jerk OP. Hopefully you won't have more problems with him after this, but if you do, don't go soft on him. If he makes others uncomfortable you have to deal with it, especially if it's just him being inconsiderate.

He's more immature than a jerk, I'd say.

 

[Rest]

He's more immature than a jerk, I'd say.

Immature would be talking about sex stuff at a formal party, doing it at work makes him a jerk in my book.

 

[Order]

I can't even blame you for calling him out in front of everyone OP. No grown ass adult should act like that in the workplace.