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Should I be worried here?? (potential affair)

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mysticstylez

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Ok I think my wife may be or soon to be having an affair with someone. Now I came to this conclusion because 2 weeks ago while online to pay our cell phone bill, I noticed she went over her text limit. So i checked to see why, and she had a bunch of texts from this one specific number. I'm talking like 30 times a day kind of texts from this number.

Now here is where it gets worse, the last few days I've checked online and she is still texting this person. This morning my wife left her cellphone on her desk, and me being nosey decided to look at her messages. Every message from this number wether they were sen't or recived was not there. However some that we're sent to my number and others where still there. For example 2 days ago they texted each other 25 times, and during that span I was texted too. However on her phone only mine is showing up. So now I ask myself why would she delete all history from this one number if she isn't hiding something. What is even worse is that I found out who it is, and it is a guy, and they work together.


Now let me ask you, would you think something might be going on here?
 
mysticstylez said:
Ok I think my wife may be or soon to be having an affair with someone. Now I came to this conclusion because 2 weeks ago while online to pay our cell phone bill, I noticed she went over her text limit. So i checked to see why, and she had a bunch of texts from this one specific number. I'm talking like 30 times a day kind of texts from this number.

Now here is where it gets worse, the last few days I've checked online and she is still texting this person. This morning my wife left her cellphone on her desk, and me being nosey decided to look at her messages. Every message from this number wether they were sen't or recived was not there. However some that we're sent to my number and others where still there. For example 2 days ago they texted each other 25 times, and during that span I was texted too. However on her phone only mine is showing up. So now I ask myself why would she delete all history from this one number if she isn't hiding something. What is even worse is that I found out who it is, and it is a guy, and they work together.


Now let me ask you, would you think something might be going on here?
Click to expand...
I personally would think something is going on and would confront her.
Gaf will bitch about you going through her phone, but fuck gaf.
You have enough evidence to be curious but not to accuse. So simply tell her exactly how you came to the conclusion of your curiosity.
 
Uncle said:
Can you check to whom the other number belongs?
Click to expand...


I know who it belongs to, a dude she works with. Some other thing I didnt' mention, they were texting each other during a work day, yet they are on the same team, and sit close by each other.
 
oneHeero said:
I personally would think something is going on and would confront her.
Gaf will bitch about you going through her phone, but fuck gaf.
You have enough evidence to be curious but not to accuse. So simply tell her exactly how you came to the conclusion of your curiosity.
Click to expand...

Probably the most sensible advice I've seen.
 
mysticstylez said:
I know who it belongs to, a dude she works with. Some other thing I didnt' mention, they were texting each other during a work day, yet they are on the same team, and sit close by each other.
Click to expand...


Yeah, you should talk to her.
Edit: oh you said this in the OP. I skipped a line apparently.
 
yeah in a sitcom world she'd just be planning your surprise b-day party, but in real life I'd be seriously worried. Talk to her ASAP.
 
Hourly updates please. All kidding aside, you might want to figure out what that number is before talking to her. Perhaps it is just her co-worker/assistant at work or something and there is just a high level of chatter due to an approaching deadline, who knows.
 
Um, talk to her friends.
See if they know anything.

Also, If you're going to confront her,
Make sure your speech skill is at least 50.

But seriously, google the other persons number, and try to figure out as much as you can before you blow things out of proportion. You don't want your wife to think you doubt her faithfulness unless you're sure.

Edit: Also, if you know who this guy is, maybe talk to him before your wife? Just a thought.
 
Solideliquid said:
Hourly updates please. All kidding aside, you might want to figure out what that number is before talking to her. Perhaps it is just her co-worker/assistant at work or something and there is just a high level of chatter due to an approaching deadline, who knows.
Click to expand...


It's a dude she works with. I work with her, and we have access to IM's and we use them. I just don't know why when she sits by the person, and can talk with them at any time on an IM, why text?
 
ask her what the fuck is up with so many messages to that number and why she went over the limit again, because you noticed it while paying the bills. Then she will go uhhh, and then ask her who'se number it is, because you dont know it. She will either bullshit (and you will know she is lying) or she will tell you its that dude from work. Ask her why shes texting him so much. And thats how you will get her to admit and trip on her own sword without having you look like a creepo stalker. I love manipulation. Don't be angry, be very casual.

Double Flawless Victory.
 
mysticstylez said:
It's a dude she works with. I work with her, and we have access to IM's and we use them. I just don't know why when she sits by the person, and can talk with them at any time on an IM, why text?
Click to expand...

Edit: It's because he's sending her pictures of his penis. Can't do that on your office network without landing into some shit.

Put his number up on 4chan and let nature take its course. The internet is a community of altruistic individuals.
 
shuri said:
ask her what the fuck is up with so many messages to that number and why she went over the limit again, because you noticed it while paying the bills. Then she will go uhhh, and then ask her who'se number it is, because you dont know it. She will either bullshit (and you will know she is lying) or she will tell you its that dude from work. Ask her why shes texting him so much. And thats how you will get her to admit and trip on her own sword without having you look like a creepo stalker. I love manipulation

Double Flawless Victory.
Click to expand...
kinky
 
Talk to her directly and be honest.

She'll likely get mad at you for checking in on her texting, so get ready for that. Even if she is cheat, which she may not, she will get mad about this. I know it sounds stupid, but she will likely cling to this fact if she is in fact cheating, and will be the entire argument if she says she is not.

You need to be not going in with a confrontational attitude, walk into the conversation with your defenses down and anticipate what she is likely going to say before you have the talk so you can plan your reactions calmly beforehand.

Something this sensitive shouldn't just be run into without a plan.
 
shuri said:
ask her what the fuck is up with so many messages to that number and why she went over the limit again, because you noticed it while paying the bills. Then she will go uhhh, and then ask her who'se number it is, because you dont know it. She will either bullshit (and you will know she is lying) or she will tell you its that dude from work. Ask her why shes texting him so much. And thats how you will get her to admit and trip on her own sword without having you look like a creepo stalker. I love manipulation. Don't be angry, be very casual.

Double Flawless Victory.
Click to expand...
Sounds like a plan. NOW GO DO IT
and post results
 
shuri said:
ask her what the fuck is up with so many messages to that number and why she went over the limit again, because you noticed it while paying the bills. Then she will go uhhh, and then ask her who'se number it is, because you dont know it. She will either bullshit (and you will know she is lying) or she will tell you its that dude from work. Ask her why shes texting him so much. And thats how you will get her to admit and trip on her own sword without having you look like a creepo stalker. I love manipulation. Don't be angry, be very casual.

Double Flawless Victory.
Click to expand...

I for one second this opinion.
Asking her about why she went over the text limit and with who is a totally innocent question.
You've got your answer.
 
What a nightmare.

You have to ask her about it. Maybe don't mention that you looked at her phone but that you did notice the texts on the phone bill. If she gets attitude then you can bring up the erased text messages while yours was still there.

Good luck. Not a fun situation at all. Sorry
 
shuri said:
ask her what the fuck is up with so many messages to that number and why she went over the limit again, because you noticed it while paying the bills. Then she will go uhhh, and then ask her who'se number it is, because you dont know it. She will either bullshit (and you will know she is lying) or she will tell you its that dude from work. Ask her why shes texting him so much. And thats how you will get her to admit and trip on her own sword without having you look like a creepo stalker. I love manipulation. Don't be angry, be very casual.

Double Flawless Victory.
Click to expand...

Manipulation aside, this seems like a pretty good way to bring it up at least. Either way, you need to talk to her about it.
 
shuri said:
ask her what the fuck is up with so many messages to that number and why she went over the limit again, because you noticed it while paying the bills. Then she will go uhhh, and then ask her who'se number it is, because you dont know it. She will either bullshit (and you will know she is lying) or she will tell you its that dude from work. Ask her why shes texting him so much. And thats how you will get her to admit and trip on her own sword without having you look like a creepo stalker. I love manipulation. Don't be angry, be very casual.

Double Flawless Victory.
Click to expand...
I actually agree with this, though the answer doesn't look good you need to know. Good luck.
 
OP: I really hope your wife has a good explanation.

As others have said don't accuse her, but talk to her and ask her to explain the situation.
 
Hire a private investigator. House did and look how awesome that turned out. He got his best friend back.


OR this is your big chance to go wild and fuck anyone you want.
 
shuri said:
ask her what the fuck is up with so many messages to that number and why she went over the limit again, because you noticed it while paying the bills. Then she will go uhhh, and then ask her who'se number it is, because you dont know it. She will either bullshit (and you will know she is lying) or she will tell you its that dude from work. Ask her why shes texting him so much. And thats how you will get her to admit and trip on her own sword without having you look like a creepo stalker. I love manipulation. Don't be angry, be very casual.

Double Flawless Victory.
Click to expand...
.
 
just confront her with what you know. Don't call her a cheater or a whore or anything, but you shouldnt' have to be afraid to tell her that you did a little investigating considering how things look.
 
mysticstylez said:
It's a dude she works with. I work with her, and we have access to IM's and we use them. I just don't know why when she sits by the person, and can talk with them at any time on an IM, why text?
Click to expand...

Maybe because what they're saying on text is something that they don't want to take a chance of typing on their work computers. Maybe they think that their business can monitor the IMs?

Not looking good buddy.
 
It might not be as bad as you think. I send text messages to an old schoolfriend all the time. My gf really dislikes this friend so I delete the messages. I'm not trying anything I just don't want to upset my gf.
Do you know the guy? Does she know that you won't like him?
 
Seth C said:
She's either cheating already or rapidly approaching it.
Click to expand...

Calm down, this could all be a big misunderstanding.
We'll just wait and see.

OP: You've created a pack of hungry lions waiting to find out what's going to happen.
I truly hope you deliver something delicious.
 
Personally, I'd lay low and do more surveillance. Check web caches for any email usage at web email accounts. Learn more before jumping the gun.

The thing is, if she is cheating, you just want to end it. It isn't worth living in paranoia that she'll do it again. Been there, done that.
 
SundaySounds said:
Um, talk to her friends.
See if they know anything.
Also, If you're going to confront her,
Make sure your speech skill is at least 50.

But seriously, google the other persons number, and try to figure out as much as you can before you blow things out of proportion. You don't want your wife to think you doubt her faithfulness unless you're sure.

Edit: Also, if you know who this guy is, maybe talk to him before your wife? Just a thought.
Click to expand...



NO NO NO NEVER FUCKING DO THAT. Never go behind your wifes back to dig for information. Just ask your wife what the deal is and mention the bill as means of how you found out.
 
Jewbacca said:
NO NO NO NEVER FUCKING DO THAT. Never go behind your wifes back to dig for information. Just ask your wife what the deal is and mention the bill as means of how you found out.
Click to expand...
Not to mention that those friends may have her back over yours. They may warn her of your snooping and allow her to cover her tracks more fully.
 
Now if i could clarify, i sorta brought this up a few days ago, and she told me there isn't anyone else. Also they don't text on days they have off. Only on work days.
 
mysticstylez said:
Now if i could clarify, i sorta brought this up a few days ago, and she told me there isn't anyone else. Also they don't text on days they have off. Only on work days.
Click to expand...

Did you ask why she she was txting this person so much?
 
text that number from her phone and write "so about the other day, what did you think?" for extra sauce, add a winking emoticon.

and then see if the response is in any way flirty or kinky.


don't actually do this. just talk to her
 
mysticstylez said:
Now if i could clarify, i sorta brought this up a few days ago, and she told me there isn't anyone else. Also they don't text on days they have off. Only on work days.
Click to expand...
No telling who is in possession of the phone on the off days. It could be lying on the couch when *beep* Hey baby, what you doin'? Chillin' with Mr. Prematureejaculator, lol? Well, I gotta go, TTYL. They also run the risk of you asking, "who is that that has been texting you all day".

Pretty crafty, these two.
 
mysticstylez said:
Now if i could clarify, i sorta brought this up a few days ago, and she told me there isn't anyone else. Also they don't text on days they have off. Only on work days.
Click to expand...
You should have brought up the "going over the text limit" and why it's the same number.
 
mysticstylez said:
Now if i could clarify, i sorta brought this up a few days ago, and she told me there isn't anyone else. Also they don't text on days they have off. Only on work days.
Click to expand...

Others have said it as well: just confront her.

They may just be really good friends or may even have feelings for one another, but it's impossible to tell if anything has happened just by looking at text-message usage.

Civilly express your questions and hope that she honestly answers them.
 
I agree with the double flawless victory motive. It is legitimate, your intent (in reality) was not to find out if she was cheating but, why is your phone bill over the limit. From that you found the number. The fact that she deleted just those messages make this look really bad.

1. I'd address it simply as a financial issue.
2. NEVER ask her friends shit! They have no reason to value your relationship with them and if this doesn't pan out you look like a super dick.
3. I'd look at the times of the text messages, are they between work hours? If so they may just be chatty. If you have text messages outside of the 8 to 6 especially odd hours. Then you may need to find a good lawyer.
4. What is the state of your relationship (in your mind) has there been signifigant changes in the way you all communicate or are intimate with one another?
5. Are you cheating yourself (or have you in the past)? Is there anything going on with you that may have changed the game. Not an anwser for GAF but, make sure you are in the clear before you storm off with the phone bill screaming I GOT YOU NOW BITCH!
 
That's really fucking suspicious and definitely justifies confrontation, but you never know, there could be an innocent excuse behind it all.
 
You crossed the line when you snooped into her phone. At least that is the stance she will take, and she will attempt to make you seem like the bad guy for not trusting her. Then she will get much more sneaky because she knows you are on to her. She may react by becoming more affectionate towards you, to try and hide the fact (if it is a fact) that she is having at least an emotional affair, if not a physical affair. Or she may retreat into a shell when you are together and go to this other guy for emotional support.

Either way, I don't think you should confront her just yet, even though it will be very hard I know. You might mention that she is texting an awful lot and ask her what's up with that without mentioning that you looked through her phone. But make sure you watch how she reacts very carefully so you can objectively gauge her responses.

Good luck.

..She might have been talking to the guy about a Christmas gift for you or something, so careful about flying off the handle and accusing her of cheating. It will drive a pretty significant wedge between the two of you.
 
If the guy is good looking there is an attraction at the very least.

How has your relationship been in the past few months?
 
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