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[Malleymal]

you need and i repeat YOU NEED to act like you didnt look through her phone..

i would say that i called the phone company about a discrepency in your bill and that you got pissed off with the customer service and they started going over the text frequency and a number that was text NUMEROUS times, yours and this other guy.... and that you are going to call that number... act like you dont even know who the guy is and you are gonna call rom her phone

 

[WickedAngel]

Not to mention that those friends may have her back over yours. They may warn her of your snooping and allow her to cover her tracks more fully.

Naturally...that's why they're her friends and not yours. You don't have to have four other people actively helping her to cover her tracks if you do overplay your hand. Asking her friends just means that she is going to have time to prepare before you even confront her about it because the first thing they're going to do is tell her you know.

 

[agrajag]

OP, we need updates, stat. And if it's the worst case scenario, I am here for you for beer and hugz.

 

[Sho_Nuff82]

Your best case scenario is that they're work buddies, and they just send each other silly jokes and complaints about their bosses all day. It's one of the few fun things she gets to do in an otherwise boring office, but she doesn't want to upset you so she deletes them so you'll hopefully never know.

That's... a stretch, but it is possible.

Just under worst case scenario is that the guy has been hitting on her, and she's being an attention whore and refuses to outright turn him down but hasn't really done anything yet. Emotional cheating. This is bad, but I think your relationship would still be salvageable.

Worst case scenario is she's a full-blown Cheatasaurus Rex. In which case, you'll probably have to end your relationship.

Really all you can do is ask her about the bill, if she gets defensive or just flat out lies you can assume the worst.

 

[Zilch]

you need and i repeat YOU NEED to act like you didnt look through her phone..

i would say that i called the phone company about a discrepency in your bill and that you got pissed off with the customer service and they started going over the text frequency and a number that was text NUMEROUS times, yours and this other guy.... and that you are going to call that number... act like you dont even know who the guy is and you are gonna call rom her phone

Never been in this situation, but I think if you're confronting someone about their dishonesty you shouldn't be dishonest in doing so. Admit to the snooping, explain that you thought there was good reason for you to be doing it. If it's all a big misunderstanding, take the heat you're gonna get from being nosey. That's what seems right and fair to me.

 

[Mason]

Yeah, I wouldn't mention that you looked on her phone. A ton of texts to/from one number on the bill is a completely legitimate concern and you didn't do anything snoopy in finding that out. The way she handles that question will probably be telling enough (whether she fumbles for an answer or is able to laugh it off immediately and tell you she just likes chatting with her co-worker, whatever).

And if, after you bring this up, texts to this number stop showing up, that may lend credence to your suspicions, because it might mean she got a prepaid phone or found some other way to stay in contact with him. I highly doubt she'd totally stop talking to him because you brought it up. If the number stops showing up, that's probably a bad sign.

And let's not forget, your wife isn't stupid. If she was really doing something devious, she would probably be smart enough not to text back and forth on her phone when she knows you have access to the bill.

 

[caffeinated]

oh man, ending a relationship sucks. it hurts like a son of a bitch. been there done that.

you always keep thinking you can never live without her.
just turn on the Obama's winning speech, shout out YES WE CAN. it helps sometimes.

 

[Sniper McBlaze]

 

[starchild excalibur]

And let's not forget, your wife isn't stupid. If she was really doing something devious, she would probably be smart enough not to text back and forth on her phone when she knows you have access to the bill.

I doubt most people would think about that fact, to be honest. If she didn't plan on going over the text-msg allotment then the thought of the OP checking the bill to see what caused it wouldn't even arise. I know sure as hell I never check the specifics on my bill unless I'm paying more than I expect to.

 

[Tommie Hu$tle]

Yeah, I wouldn't mention that you looked on her phone. A ton of texts to/from one number on the bill is a completely legitimate concern and you didn't do anything snoopy in finding that out.

This.

 

[Fatghost]

Even if they are just work buddies...deleting the texts is a little suspicious.

 

[Count Dookkake]

So, how dinky is your wang?

 

[SecretDestroyer]

How about getting over your schoolboy jealousies and exploring a more rational approach to human relationships.

EVERY person in EVERY relationship is sexually excited by people outside of that relationship, and most WILLl act on that at some point. It is completely natural.

I think it is cruel to impose a standard on a partner that requires they fight their natural urges and in the process create internal conflict and strife within themselves. Ultimately most will act on their urges and the sort of suspicion and hurt that causes is just not conducive to a healthy relationship.

The best approach is to simply be open and upfront about it. If she is interested in someone else, let her know it is OK for her to experiment.

If you can get over your jealousy issues you might even find yourself turned on by your partner being with someone else, her sexual arousal around other men.

 

[HurricaneJesus]

Dude, reading this makes me actually feel better about my woman dropping me after 5 years.

You need to find out why she would delete his texts if they are harmless. You both said your fucking vows, and this shit does not smell right.

If she is interested in someone else, let her know it is OK for her to experiment.

If you can get over your jealousy issues you might even find yourself turned on by your partner being with someone else, her sexual arousal around other men.

Dude they are fucking married. It is NOT ok to experiment. That is the whole fucking idea. I feel for the guy, I really do. He doesn't deserve this shit. No noe does.

 

[Sniper McBlaze]

How about getting over your schoolboy jealousies and exploring a more rational approach to human relationships.

Every person in every relationship is sexually excited by people outside of that relationship, and most will act on that at some point. It is completely natural.

I think it is cruel to impose a standard on a partner that requires they fight their natural urges and in the process create internal conflict and strife within themselves. Ultimately most will act on their urges and the sort of suspicion and hurt that causes is just not conducive to a healthy relationship.

The best approach is to simply be open and upfront about it. If she is interested in someone else, let her know it is OK for her to experiment.

If you can get over your jealousy issues you might even find yourself turned on by your partner being with someone else, her sexual arousal around other men.

Are you his wife?

 

[deadbeef]

Are you his wife?

SecretDestroyer
Member
(Today, 12:50 PM)


Obviously he's the other dude

 

[Cooter]

How about getting over your school boy jealousies and exploring a more rational approach to human relationships.

Every person in every relationship is sexually excited by people outside of that relationship, and most will act on that at some point. It is completely natural.

I think it is cruel to impose a standard on a partner that requires they fight their natural urges and in the process create internal conflict and strife within themselves. Ultimately most will act on their urges and the sort of suspicion and hurt that causes is just not conducive to a healthy relationship.

The best approach is to simply be open and upfront about it. If she is interested in someone else, let her know it is OK for her to experiment.

If you can get over your jealousy issues you might even find yourself turned on by your partner being with someone else, her sexual arousal around other men.

:lol

Your solution is for his wife and him to become swingers. It takes a special breed to pull that off without problems.

 

[Sho_Nuff82]

If you can get over your jealousy issues you might even find yourself turned on by your partner being with someone else, her sexual arousal around other men.

It's true, this man has no penis.

 

[Shirokun]

Never been in this situation, but I think if you're confronting someone about their dishonesty you shouldn't be dishonest in doing so. Admit to the snooping, explain that you thought there was good reason for you to be doing it. If it's all a big misunderstanding, take the heat you're gonna get from being nosey. That's what seems right and fair to me.

Ideally, yes, you should be honest, but sadly, we don't live in an ideal world. This is not how the game works. I agree with the rest here in saying that you should try to avoid the fact that you looked through her phone, otherwise she'll try to turn it around on you, and it may end up blowing up in your face.

Good luck, friend.

 

[SecretDestroyer]

:lol

Your solution is for his wife and him to become swingers. It takes a special breed to pull that off without problems.

It's not "becoming" anything, it's just letting go of another destructive mythology like many people do with religion.

This is the same sort of sexual taboo that causes people to feel guilty about masturbating.

 

[Uncle]

:lol

Your solution is for his wife and him to become swingers. It takes a special breed to pull that off without problems.

Or maybe he has a cuckoldry fetish.

 

[Cooter]

It's not "becoming" anything, it's just letting go of another destructive mythology like many people do with religion.

I don't think it's society stopping my wife from not wanting me to fuck other women but I could be wrong.

 

[Druz]

I wouldn't confront anything until you know what's going on for a fact. By asking her now you'd be letting her deny everything with little backlash since you don't even know for sure, AND letting her know she's not being sneaky enough and she'll try harder next time.

 

[mysticstylez]

Sorry that i've been gone so long I'm at work. I wont see her for 6more hours. It's weird cause I have access to everything she has. She leaves her myspace open, she leaves her gmail open, she asked me to sign into her AIM to check something. If I never stumbled up looking why there were so many texts, I'd be fine cause nothing else she does is suspicious.

Also when we talked about it she was very convincing that there is nobody else. She comes home from work the same time she did before all this happened. Plus the fact she left her phone on her desk while sleeping. It wasn't locked or anything like that.

My nerves have never been this shot before.

 

[Coal]

person in EVERY relationship is sexually excited by people outside of that relationship, and most WILLl act on that at some point. It is completely natural.

Damn dude, I've been cheated on too but you are fucking full of bitter.

 

[Soul4ger]

You kinda have to say you looked at her phone. The main point of contention is that she's DELETING the texts, right? If they were still on there, it wouldn't really be cause for concern, but she's eliminating all traces of her talking to this guy.

 

[Tntnnbltn]

OP: Look on the bright side. She deletes this other guys text messages, yet cherishes yours so much that she keeps them.

Spoiler

:/

 

[Uncle]

Plus the fact she left her phone on her desk while sleeping. It wasn't locked or anything like that.

Well she knew that the texts weren't there anymore.

 

[Sho_Nuff82]

Sorry that i've been gone so long I'm at work. I wont see her for 6more hours. It's weird cause I have access to everything she has. She leaves her myspace open, she leaves her gmail open, she asked me to sign into her AIM to check something. If I never stumbled up looking why there were so many texts, I'd be fine cause nothing else she does is suspicious.

Also when we talked about it she was very convincing that there is nobody else. She comes home from work the same time she did before all this happened. Plus the fact she left her phone on her desk while sleeping. It wasn't locked or anything like that.

My nerves have never been this shot before.

You've already confronted her, or have you guys previously had an unrelated confrontation about her infidelity?

 

[SecretDestroyer]

I don't think it's society stopping my wife from not wanting me to fuck other women but I could be wrong.

You are going to want other women no matter, there is no stopping human physiology, so the decision she needs to make is whether or not she wants to impose guilt on you for your natural feelings.

 

[NomarTyme]

Put a wire in her phone and 2 unmarked vehicles for surveillances, so try to get enough evidences as possible.

 

[Zilch]

Ideally, yes, you should be honest, but sadly, we don't live in an ideal world. This is not how the game works. I agree with the rest here in saying that you should try to avoid the fact that you looked through her phone, otherwise she'll try to turn it around on you, and it may end up blowing up in your face.

Good luck, friend.

She'll turn it around on you just as she should, since you were wrong to do that (or does NeoGAF logic dictate that the guy is never wrong?).

Just think of it like this, if he makes up a story about how he found out about the texting/the other guy and it turns out to be some misunderstanding, he'll be the only liar in that relationship.

 

[HurricaneJesus]

Sorry that i've been gone so long I'm at work. I wont see her for 6more hours. It's weird cause I have access to everything she has. She leaves her myspace open, she leaves her gmail open, she asked me to sign into her AIM to check something. If I never stumbled up looking why there were so many texts, I'd be fine cause nothing else she does is suspicious.

Also when we talked about it she was very convincing that there is nobody else. She comes home from work the same time she did before all this happened. Plus the fact she left her phone on her desk while sleeping. It wasn't locked or anything like that.

My nerves have never been this shot before.

Dude you need to ask about all the texts. You are married, so you should be able to let her know how you feel. If it is making you feel fucked up, then you need to let her know. Fucking women are all the same. Always looking for something else. The grass is always greener and all that shit.

If you aren't going to confront her, then do a bunch of nice shit for her, and maybe it will make her think about the choices she is making. Send her flowers to her work, make her a special dinner, take her out somewhere as a surprise. Show her that you love her more every day you are together. You still have a chance to fix your marriage.

Just think of it like this, if he makes up a story about how he found out about the texting/the other guy and it turns out to be some misunderstanding, he'll be the only liar in that relationship.

His reason for this is all the messages she is sending from her phone, which showed up on the bill. If she hadn't gone over, he wouldn't have noticed. I think she wants to get caught. She wants you to make her feel special again. Women are fucked up.

 

[Tntnnbltn]

Now if i could clarify, i sorta brought this up a few days ago, and she told me there isn't anyone else. Also they don't text on days they have off. Only on work days.

It's weird cause I have access to everything she has. [...] Plus the fact she left her phone on her desk while sleeping. It wasn't locked or anything like that.

So basically... 'Don't text me unless I'm at work. My husband has access to my phone'?

If you aren't going to confront her, then do a bunch of nice shit for her, and maybe it will make her think about the choices she is making. Send her flowers to her work, make her a special dinner, take her out somewhere as a surprise.

She'll probably think he's cheating.

 

[mysticstylez]

You've already confronted her, or have you guys previously had an unrelated confrontation about her infidelity?

Yeah I did sorta, i didn't go into detail, but that issue came up. To be honest when i brought it up, she didn't get upset or anything just reassuring that there is nothing going on.

 

[Cooter]

You are going to want other women no matter, there is no stopping human physiology, so the decision she needs to make is whether or not she wants to impose guilt on you for your natural feelings.

What about her though?

There are sexual feelings and then there ae emotional feelings. If you can keep yourself from developing emotional feelings to another while married you can manage your physical desires.

I'm on the more liberal side of the sexual scale but I'd have a tough time watching my wife get plowed by some other dude.

 

[Ninja Scooter]

Your best case scenario is that they're work buddies, and they just send each other silly jokes and complaints about their bosses all day. It's one of the few fun things she gets to do in an otherwise boring office, but she doesn't want to upset you so she deletes them so you'll hopefully never know.

That's... a stretch, but it is possible.

.

 

[Always-honest]

call that number.... (with someone elses phone)

edit: ^ouch

 

[Uncle]

call that number.... (with someone elses phone)

Why?

 

[The_Inquisitor]

Call Cheaters?

 

[mysticstylez]

Call Cheaters?

See the problem is that I can't think of anyway that she does this. She never is late coming home from work. Plus on her days off she doesn't really go anywhere.

 

[Ninja Scooter]

See the problem is that I can't think of anyway that she does this. She never is late coming home from work. Plus on her days off she doesn't really go anywhere.

you said they work together...ever heard of lunch break?

 

[crowphoenix]

See the problem is that I can't think of anyway that she does this. She never is late coming home from work. Plus on her days off she doesn't really go anywhere.

Then she might not be cheating. He might be texting her a bunch and she's just being polite.

 

[The_Inquisitor]

See the problem is that I can't think of anyway that she does this. She never is late coming home from work. Plus on her days off she doesn't really go anywhere.

Do you see any new shortcuts for instant messengers or anything or your computer?

 

[mysticstylez]

you said they work together...ever heard of lunch break?

I work in the place they do, and we have mutual friends too. plus everyone knows we are married, so it'd be hard to hide it at work.

 

[Darklord]

EVERY person in EVERY relationship is sexually excited by people outside of that relationship, and most WILLl act on that at some point. It is completely natural.

Bullshit. Only the weak willed morons do. The natural thing for humans now is to find someone, fall in love and become soul mates. Having a completely open relationship rarely works and most people wouldn't want it.

Our nature might want us to fuck everything in sight, it doesn't mean we should. That was for a million years ago when sex meant breeding and survival, not love, relationships and pleasure.

 

[deadbeef]

See the problem is that I can't think of anyway that she does this. She never is late coming home from work. Plus on her days off she doesn't really go anywhere.

It doesn't have to start out as a physical affair. It can start with just talking and laughing and having a good time together.

 

[SecretDestroyer]

What about her though?

There are sexual feelings and then there ae emotional feelings. If you can keep yourself from developing emotional feelings to another while married you can manage your physical desires.

Why deprive her of fully enjoying the only life she will ever have by imposing unnecessary rules. People can manage complex webs of sexual relationships just as easily as they can non-sexual relationships once all of the silly taboos and dogma are removed.

Telling my spouse he could not mess around with people he was turned on by would be equivalent to telling him he could not eat food that was prepared by other people.

I would also feel similarly deprived if my spouse held such a standard for me.

 

[Ninja Scooter]

I work in the place they do, and we have mutual friends too. plus everyone knows we are married, so it'd be hard to hide it at work.

3some by the copy machine?

holy crap though you really are Roy.

 

[crowphoenix]

Why deprive her of fully enjoying the only life she will ever have by imposing unnecessary rules. People can manage complex webs of sexual relationships just as easily as they can non-sexual relationships once all of the silly taboos and dogma are removed.

Telling my spouse he could not mess around with people he was turned on by would be equivalent to telling him he could not eat dinner with anyone but me.

Uh huh. Well, I'm glad everything is working out so well for you.