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Should I Feel Bad for Rejecting a Present?

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$200 for one good gift isn't that pricey depending on the job situation of the boyfriend.

I also am of the mind that the Vita is pretty disappointing in 2012. Maybe its situation will get better but it doesn't look like a great buy right now.

I think rejecting a gift you don't want or don't feel comfortable receiving is fine. I see a lot of "he listened to you and you rejected a thoughtful gift???" in this thread, but it sounds to me like the boyfriend only listened halfway and researched the gift in a subpar fashion. She said she wanted a Vita one day when there were good games for it, not that she wanted a Vita. Listening to what a significant other wants requires more than just picking up on key words.

Plus, weren't brand new Vitas bundled with Assassin's Creed Liberation and more goodies included on sale recently for $180? That's getting a bit off point I guess but honestly it sounds like he could've listened better to the girlfriend in this instance.
 
Well, it's one thing if you rejected it because you're afraid he's being reckless with his money. However, it's another if you're merely uncomfortable accepting an expensive gift from him, since that suggests that you're essentially uncomfortable with being in the kind of intimate relationship where expensive gifts are given.

So, basically, you need to reassure him that, in refusing the gift, you're not rejecting him and/or expressing doubts about the longevity of your relationship. Or, alternatively, you should discuss with him why you're feeling such doubts in the first place, if in fact you are.
 
I don't like gifts either. But it's poor form to reject one, especially when they nailed that shit. Sounds like the perfect gift.
 
I think him taking a loss on the rejected gift is worse than the rejection. Its like having the other team run in for the touchdown after you fumbled the ball after running into your lineman's butt.
 
I wouldn't feel comfortable with my SO spending $200 on a used Vita. That's a terrible deal. Could have gotten it for $150 easily.
 
Ya dun goofed, OP. But you probably already realized this, so there's really no point in me telling you. Next time just take the darn thing and be grateful.
 
2 years dating and you don't want to accept his gift? You probably want to seriously consider your commitment to him. If you're not comfortable with that kind of intimacy after all of that time, one can't help but wonder why?
 
I was given an iPad for my birthday. I bawled my eyes out because I hated the fact that someone spent that much money on me, but your damn right I accepted it and was grateful as hell. I never would have bought one for myself.
 
What an idiotic thing to say. I'm really baffled how someone could be that insensitive. I'm pretty sure even someone like Ace Bandage would've handled getting a Vita better than that.
 
I could understand if he bought you something expansive that you have absolutely no intention to use, but making him resell a freaking gift you asked for? The fuck OP.

Re-selling it on ebay too, he's probably gonna get robbed.
 
Soooo..... you rejected a gift because it was expensive, you don't have that much money and after all that he sold it at a loss..

He got his feelings hurt and lost money

Yeah... :(
 
Two years and you won't take a Vita from him? That sounds like commitment issues to me OP. What if it had been an engagement ring?
 
The Vita curse, even when someone wants it they ultimately end up reject getting it anyway.


You shouldn't have rejected it so apologize.
 
GAF relationship counselors are out in force.

Take it, OP. You wanted it, it's the holidays, he wants to give it to you.

Or is being gay preventing you from accepting gifts?
Just thought mentioning it was random.
 
LordCanti said:
Two years and you won't take a Vita from him? That sounds like commitment issues to me OP. What if it had been an engagement ring?
Click to expand...

Agreed. If that's not the case, you should look into why you don't feel deserving of something like that, bud. Guy obviously just cares for you.
 
LordCanti said:
Two years and you won't take a Vita from him? That sounds like commitment issues to me OP. What if it had been an engagement ring?
Click to expand...
What if it were an engagement ring featuring 3g broadband internet brought to you only by the good folks at AT&T?

So quiet you can hear a pin drop.
 
G0523 said:
So, my boyfriend surprised me when he bought me a used PlayStation Vita last week off of eBay for about $200 for Hanukkah/Christmas/New Year's. I've been mentioning that I want one...one day, when the price drops, if there are more exclusive games for it.

And when he gave it to me, I told him that I didn't want it. I told him that I didn't feel comfortable having him spend that much money on me and that I didn't really have any incentive to own one right now. He said that it was okay and he sold it back on eBay at a minor loss but he later said that he felt a little hurt. I feel really bad for putting him through this when he was just trying to do a nice thing for me and I don't know how to make it up to him, if I can.

Is there a way I can make it up to him so that neither of us feel bad about this situation or are we doomed to remember this?

EDIT: We've been dating for two years. We're both men.
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kyrvQ.gif
 
I think you should have given the present at least a month or two before reselling it. Maybe you should buy yourself another one?

edit- do you suffer from depression at all?
 
I had a similar gift gaffe with an earlier relationship... I really regret it. But live and learn.

There might be a skillful way to reject the gift if you express huge gratitude, and later confess that you feel it is much... but I don't know if it's worth it. Not over a $200 item, anyway.
 
Ugh, my ex used to do that all the time. I'm not a gift giving person really, but when I found something that she actually wanted to have but couldn't (not even stuff that expensive) and she just came out and said outright she didn't want it, it fucking sucked. Guess what, I didn't like that strawberry cake you baked once, but I still ate it. Just lie to me a little at least. Shows you care.

OP, sometimes it's not that big of a deal. I agree with the comments that state that if it is not a situation in which the money is an issue (like, if he's short on rent money for example) and it's a nice gesture of something that you really wanted I don't see why you would do that. I won't claim to know your bf or you better than you do, but sometimes even if you know the other person well, it's hard to find something to give that you know the other person will appreciate in that moment.

If you really feel bad about it, just talk it over. I think he will be understanding if you just explain your reasons and future expectations more clearly.
 
G0523 said:
So, my boyfriend surprised me when he bought me a used PlayStation Vita last week off of eBay for about $200 for Hanukkah/Christmas/New Year's. I've been mentioning that I want one...one day, when the price drops, if there are more exclusive games for it.

And when he gave it to me, I told him that I didn't want it. I told him that I didn't feel comfortable having him spend that much money on me and that I didn't really have any incentive to own one right now. He said that it was okay and he sold it back on eBay at a minor loss but he later said that he felt a little hurt. I feel really bad for putting him through this when he was just trying to do a nice thing for me and I don't know how to make it up to him, if I can.

Is there a way I can make it up to him so that neither of us feel bad about this situation or are we doomed to remember this?

EDIT: We've been dating for two years. We're both men.
Click to expand...

You told him you wanted one, he loved you enough to ignore the expense to get you one and you rejected it?

A little harsh I feel? A guess a mighty big and excited bubble got burst that day....
 
We're still okay, relationship-wise. We plan on moving in together in February. We're both 25 years old BTW. It might be commitment issues on my part though. That could be a very real possibility. He still hasn't my parents (that's more on the fact that they're still not accepting of me being gay but that's another issue entirely) and while I love him with all of my heart, I do wonder sometimes if we're right for each other. Logically it would seem so: We're both hardcore gamers, share the same stupid sense of humor, and have a ton in common. I know we both love each other but to be honest we're not entirely sure how long our relationship will last. If it'll last for the rest of our lives, that'd be great! If not...I'm not sure what we'll do.

We have brought up the marriage topic before and we both definitely don't want to get married anytime soon (doesn't matter since we legally can't in Ohio). I don't know. I think we're both just afraid of the unknown that is the future. I just finished up my Bachelor's degrees in Communication and English but he still has about two years left until he gets his, so I don't know if it'd be a good idea to stay in Cleveland with him and take a low-paying job in the meantime, or move out of Ohio and move on with my life. I'm unemployed at the moment while he's a third-shift manager at Walgreens so we see each other every other week or so. We've been trying to see each other more often but his job gets in the way a lot. I don't want to break up with him at all but I don't know why I'm having so much trouble with all of these stupid decisions.

Man, this turned into a serious discussion! I wasn't really expecting such a backlash towards me, although I was expecting a few scathing responses.
 
By you mentioning you wanted a vita he probably took it as you dropping hints.

Also refusing it when he bought it on eBay meant he couldn't return it, so that's another dick move.

Way to treat your bf like shit.
 
This happened to me before in a similar matter.

Girlfriend and I were browsing through jewlery catalog. She picks out a necklace she says she loves. Shes a big jewlery girl, so i see the obvious hint for what it is. I secretly rip the page out and keep it hidden in my wallet. A month or two later its almost our anniversary (its been a few years now) and I decide to jump on it. I grab the paper, go to the site. But the actual piece is crazy priced for what it is (a single gemstone necklace with small diamonds on the sides) so I look for alternatives instead. I find one, same color, look, shape, features and a fair price. Same gem too. Bam. Ordered.

Anniversary rolls around, I'm so excited. This is the culmination of months of me teasing about gifts and secretly knowing its exactly what she wanted. I put it in a nice little jewlery box and wait (we had a nice little date together). Finally, when the time comes, I'm practically giddy as I hand her the gift, she opens it, and nothing. It was so shitty feeling. She weakly smiled, giving me a look, and hesistantly said something along the lines of "its beatiful, really. But i have something exactly like it."

Long story short, she picks her own gifts now.
 
G0523 said:
We're still okay, relationship-wise. We plan on moving in together in February. We're both 25 years old BTW. It might be commitment issues on my part though. That could be a very real possibility. He still hasn't my parents (that's more on the fact that they're still not accepting of me being gay but that's another issue entirely) and while I love him with all of my heart, I do wonder sometimes if we're right for each other. Logically it would seem so: We're both hardcore gamers, share the same stupid sense of humor, and have a ton in common. I know we both love each other but to be honest we're not entirely sure how long our relationship will last. If it'll last for the rest of our lives, that'd be great! If not...I'm not sure what we'll do.

We have brought up the marriage topic before and we both definitely don't want to get married anytime soon (doesn't matter since we legally can't in Ohio). I don't know. I think we're both just afraid of the unknown that is the future. I just finished up my Bachelor's degrees in Communication and English but he still has about two years left until he gets his, so I don't know if it'd be a good idea to stay in Cleveland with him and take a low-paying job in the meantime, or move out of Ohio and move on with my life. I'm unemployed at the moment while he's a third-shift manager at Walgreens so we see each other every other week or so. We've been trying to see each other more often but his job gets in the way a lot. I don't want to break up with him at all but I don't know why I'm having so much trouble with all of these stupid decisions.

Man, this turned into a serious discussion! I wasn't really expecting such a backlash towards me, although I was expecting a few scathing responses.
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Idk what to say. Your selfish if you break up with him, yet your doing a disservice to yourself if you stay (given you have an opportunity somewhere else).
 
It was probably not the appropriate response. You could have accepted the gift because it was the gesture more than the actual gift that you rejected. The more difficult it was for your SO to get the gift, the more likely you caused some serious hurt because he went that much more out of his way to sacrifice to get something you liked.

What I'd recommend for the future is to accept the gift and say "hey, while I really do appreciate this *blah*" so that there is acceptance that he did something really nice, but an understanding that you don't want him to go overboard in the future. Though even still, its best to just accept gifts from SOs regardless.
 
G0523 said:
Man, this turned into a serious discussion! I wasn't really expecting such a backlash towards me, although I was expecting a few scathing responses.
Click to expand...

Nonsense. You probably subconsciously want GAF to scold you because your BF will be unable to do so after getting hurt so much. You want to be punished and who can do it better than Uncle GAF?
KuGsj.gif
 
I think you should move on.. but that was cold. I don't even understand your reasoning for rejecting it.. you should feel like shit.
 
Probably thinks you don't see yourselves being together for that much longer but is playing it cool. Good for him. You're a dumbass. You're going to have to put out a lot to convince them.

GG.
 
Wow, some of these stories are brutal. I've always faked it if it was something I wasn't 100% into. They went through the trouble, the expense, I'm not about to make them feel bad.

You should have just accepted the gift OP.
 
I understand the whole "I don't want you to spend too much money one me" POV. The gf and I share the same view. Although, rejecting the present is kind of bad. As someone also mentioned before, reading this even hurt me a little.

Gotta make it up to him. And TALK to him about it and you know... say that you were sorry and that you didn't mean to sound meh and whatnot.
 
Always be happy for gifts, or atleast act as if you're happy. I thought everyone was taught that an early age.
 
As a few other have brought up my wife and I have this issue, we both like to get each other things and neither of us likes to receive gifts(drives our friends crazy) for us very early on we just learned to except it and to maybe tone down the gift giving a bit(in terms of expense) We also never out right rejected a gift cause just saying we wish the other hadn't spent money does hurt.

I think the best thing to do has already been said, talk to him and be honest(also be honest about everything if it hasn't already come up) and honestly if he does something like this again then just smile and nod and enjoy it.
 
I don't mean to add to the pile on OP, but you were a dick. Like others above me have said, he actually was listening to you. And was able to buy one. If I were in his shoes, I would feel shitty as fuck. In your shoes, horrible.

I think you should now turn this thread into a 'How do I make it up to my boyfriend' suggestion thread.

I will start, a whole day of doing whatever the fuck he loves. Ending in a crazy fill night of sex.
 
Yes, you should feel bad. He probably feels really weird right now. Not surprising that there are underlying issues and doubts about your relationship behind your refusal of his gift.
sersteven said:
"its beatiful, really. But i have something exactly like it."
Click to expand...
Fuck. Me. God damn son, god damn. Got. Dayumn. Got.... DAYUMN... I don't know what else to say... got dayumn son, got dayumn.
 
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