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Should I Feel Bad for Rejecting a Present?

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You know truthfully if you are asking others if you should feel bad, thats already the start of the problem...
 
Ya you should feel bad. I mean you two have been dating for years now. That and he figured you wanted one after hearing you mention it a few times.
 
He put time, money and effort in to that gift. Probably expected you to be very happy about it as well because you had asked for it before.

You crushed him probably.
 
Dude should split up with you really. You just showed him youre both nowhere near on the same page, and that you feel weird about gestures of being closer than you perceive yourselves as.

If you even wanted the thing at "some point" I have no idea why you'd turn it down right now when youre getting it for free negating the price point or any waiting for some exclusive game tipping point. Is this a console bias thing, because that would be even worse.
 
Never reject a gift. It's less about the gift and more about this person trying to present you with a material representation of their affection for you. To reject his gift is to reject him in essence.

Regardless of your intentions you didn't just reject the gift, you rejected him. I hope he can get over this but you've more than likely ruined this relationship.


Edit - I just picked up a vita off ebay for 160.00 for my stepson's christmas gift. Hope it wasn't yours.
 
GotEmRunnin said:
Never reject a gift. It's less about the gift and more about this person trying to present you with a material representation of their affection for you. To reject his gift is to reject him in essence.

Regardless of your intentions you didn't just reject the gift, you rejected him. I hope he can get over this but you've more than likely ruined this relationship.
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You don't know much about their relationship to suggest it's ruined.
 
As a boyfriend whose girlfriend of 7 years does the same damn thing over and over again I would tell you to just accept the gift as that would make him feel good.

As an owner of a vita I totally understand why no one would want that piece of shit machine right now.
 
Yeah, you fucked up. Monetary value is nothing to some people as long as the other person gets what they wanted and is happy.

It's a gift. You never reject a gift, and in return you present a gift.

tycoonheart said:
As an owner of a vita I totally understand why no one would want that piece of shit machine right now.
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What the fuck does that have to do anything with the topic here?
 
Never reject a gift it will only end badly. Unless the gift is a dead cat.. then please feel free to reject it.
 
POWERSPHERE said:
I just imagine him all excited splurging on something to make you really happy then having that shattered.
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Yep :(

I mean, OP would've accepted a shitty present from him for the sake of being polite, I couldn't possibly imagine why he wouldn't accept this from his partner of 2 years.

He could have thanked him for it later that evening.
 
He spent a couple hundred dollars to buy a thing for YOU and you didn't accept it. I feel bad for him, you should, too :(

I guess your reasons aren't really malicious. But you should have thought more about your decision
 
I have a friend who rejected a present pretty badly a number of years ago. Her boyfriend woke her up on valentines day with a present- an expensive gift card to a nice spa for $200 or something like that. She looked at it and said in a dismissive tone, "...Isn't that what Rachel wanted?" Rachel is her boyfriend's friend. They got into a fight and she called me up for sympathy and I bitchslapped her through the phone.
 
grumble said:
Ouch. Op was a huge jerk. The worst part is that you actually wanted the system too, and threw it in his face anyways.
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I sort of understand where the OP is coming from...he had good intentions but executed them poorly.

He wanted to own a Vita but not for that price, regardless if he bought it for himself or his boyfriend bought it for him because he saw it as a waste of money.
 
Aaaaand this is why I hate receiving expensive gifts. I'd much rather have a 2€ card with a nice handwritten message than feeling like they're "buying" my friendship/love or trying to impress me with material things. Guess I'm the discordant piece of this discussion.

Edit: I had almost the same exact story but with a Dreamcast instead some years ago. I accepted it but felt like a spoilt piece of shit afterwards for quite a while and surely ruined the fun for some days.
 
Should have took the gift, splurging at Christmas is okay. But afterwards, lay out some ground rules about future spending.

edit:
My wife and I have agreed to not buy each other expensive Christmas gifts, but it's on for birthdays.
 
beje said:
Aaaaand this is why I hate receiving expensive gifts. I'd much rather have a 2€ card with a nice handwritten message than feeling like they're "buying" my friendship/love or trying to impress me with material things. Guess I'm the discordant piece of this discussion.
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The problem is with you or your relationship if you feel like you are being bought.
 
You may have had good intentions, but that was a terrible thing for you to do in rejecting the gift. Even worse is that he couldn't just return it, but had to go through the trouble of selling it on eBay for a loss.
 
J-Rod said:
You may have had good intentions, but that was a terrible thing for you to do in rejecting the gift. Even worse is that he couldn't just return it, but had to go through the trouble of selling it on eBay for a loss.
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:lol Seriously.

Did you at least pay him the difference?
 
OP, your BF opened up and let you know that it hurt him, so try to make it up to him. Apologize, emphasize that it's nothing to do with your relationship (if you want, might be something else there...looks like it), and move on. A gesture on your part SHOWING him that you care is good.
 
J-Rod said:
You may have had good intentions, but that was a terrible thing for you to do in rejecting the gift. Even worse is that he couldn't just return it, but had to go through the trouble of selling it on eBay for a loss.
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Imagine his boyfriend being a victim of the eBay abuse and not only lose the Vita but having to do a full refund of the money. That would have been devastating
 
Jburton said:
The problem is with you or your relationship if you feel like you are being bought.
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Sorry, but gifting material things never meant "I care for you" to me. That's the kind of stuff you show in other ways. I twitch and die a little bit on the inside every time somebody says "oh, my bf/gf gifted me *insert name of expensive merchandise* I love him/her so much". Yay, materialistic society.
 
OP, this is a terrible thing to do and you should feel bad.

I remember when I bought one of my first girlfriends a 'nice' gift. It was a promise ring made of silver (insert joke here) and I literally had to save up for it. She rejected it and it destroyed me for days. Not so long after that, the relationship ended.

I hope you feel terrible and are contemplating a way to make it up to him, if it's not too late. Good luck.
 
At first I was going to say your BF was dumb for paying $200 for a used Vita, but Vitas are still $250 new? Damn I really should have picked up that crazy ass $179 Amazon deal.

Anyway, yeah you should have taken it, but water under the bridge. You can apologize and tell him you feel really bad about it, and you can both move on. At the same time, you say you are unemployed and he works retail, and I imagine money isn't exactly flowing right now so maybe $200 for a gift is too much. Kind of on you for asking for one though, sorry OP.
 
demon said:
I have a friend who rejected a present pretty badly a number of years ago. Her boyfriend woke her up on valentines day with a present- an expensive gift card to a nice spa for $200 or something like that. She looked at it and said in a dismissive tone, "...Isn't that what Rachel wanted?" Rachel is her boyfriend's friend. They got into a fight and she called me up for sympathy and I bitchslapped her through the phone.
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What happened after that?
 
That's awful, come on man. You have to apologize profusely and say you were wrong.

I remember a few years ago I was at my brothers for Christmas and he got his wife something really expensive I don't remember what like a laptop or earrings or something and she said to take it back because it was too much. She literally asked if he still had the receipt while everyone was there watching her open the present. I was floored, it was so incredibly awkward for everyone. I don't know how people can reject gifts like that, you just don't do it.
 
After roughly 2 years of dating, my girlfriend (now wife) got me a PS2 for my 21st birthday. That's how I she knew was the one.

just kidding

kinda
 
I'd feel fucking hurt man. What a dick move. If I were to spent money, time and effort to buy a nice present for someone and he rejected it... Man that would suck biiiig time.

Edit: Unless it was bought from money you two share, even though $200 dollars isn't much. This would be the only acceptable reason to reject a present, but even that would suck.
 
My boyfriend and I exchange gifts every so often. It's not a big deal. It's just a nice thing we enjoy doing for each other. Sometimes the gifts are pretty big, other times not so much. My boyfriend once bought me this fantastic coat for... just because. I responded by buying a sexy outfit... for myself... to give to him.

And a few months later I bought him and I new phones.
 
beje said:
Sorry, but gifting material things never meant "I care for you" to me. That's the kind of stuff you show in other ways. I twitch and die a little bit on the inside every time somebody says "oh, my bf/gf gifted me *insert name of expensive merchandise* I love him/her so much". Yay, materialistic society.
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Certainly if it is the cornerstone of expressing 'love' in a relationship then I would agree, but if you are a happy and in love and show it in all ways then a gift is just a gift and not a replacement for love or anything else.
 
Ouch. I can imagine how happy he was to get you the thing you wanted when times were a little tight. He was evidently excited enough to give it you before Xmas and then: BAM. You clocked him.

Cold, OP. You're cold.
 
beje said:
Sorry, but gifting material things never meant "I care for you" to me. That's the kind of stuff you show in other ways. I twitch and die a little bit on the inside every time somebody says "oh, my bf/gf gifted me *insert name of expensive merchandise* I love him/her so much". Yay, materialistic society.
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Yeah they are shitty people that only see the material stuff, but believe it or not some people can show love and care in plenty of ways and still give presents just because they love the other person. That is what this gift was, giving him the Vita showed that he listened to him, that he took his thoughts in consideration (he bought it at a lowered price because he wanted to wait for a price drop) and he didn't buy it for him but for the OP

In fact the OP rejecting the gift shows that the unconsidered is him instead of the boyfriend
 
350454.jpg


You reject gifts when you want to make it abundantly clear the giver sailed clear past the line of appropriate gifts for your relationship. For example, a friendzoned guy or girl buying you something ridiculously expensive or intimate.

It can happen, I suppose, but the whole point is to throw cold water on the gift giver. Because that's what it does, inevitably. And thus, it's a terrible thing to do to your boyfriend unless he is waaay off on the status of your relationship, in which case you probably should have headed this off at the pass a while ago to spare him this.

Also, how do you know how much he paid and that he sold it back for a loss? Did you grill him on this?
 
You've been dating for two years, you should have accepted it. If you said two months then I would've understood and you should apologize if you haven't already.
 
GotEmRunnin said:
I just picked up a vita off ebay for 160.00 for my stepson's christmas gift. Hope it wasn't yours.
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Seriously?! Because that's exactly how much we resold it for, plus $5 shipping.

I've been thinking it over and I think maybe my boyfriend bought me the Vita (other than the fact that I said I wanted one, and because he loves me) as a way to make it up to all the shit I bought him over the past couple of years when he was tighter with money and I had a job. I remember last year I bought him the Metal Gear Solid HD Collection Limited Edition for Xbox 360. It was only $80 too, well before it got inflated. He accepted it and still has it actually. I also traded-in his 360 for him earlier this year when GameStop was having that great deal when buying a new PS3, so now we have both HD consoles (and it cost us like $50 after all the trade-in stuff). He was at work at the time so he asked me to do it for him. And the year before that I bought him Halo Reach (it was $30 on Amazon) and a $50 gift card to the local grocery store since he said he never had enough money for food. Plus there's all the dinners I paid for when we went out but now he does that since he has more money than I do.

I don't know, I think when money is involved in relationships it only creates trouble. I do feel bad for rejecting my boyfriend's present though. I'm definitely going to make it up to him but I'm not sure how.

Plus, I'm sorry for not being clear with everything. I tend to do that and then think of all the stuff I meant to add after the post goes up.
 
I get where you were coming from since it sets an expectation on how much you'll spend as well. If that wasn't an issue though, I think you probably should have graciously accepted it.
 
G0523 said:
So, my boyfriend surprised me when he bought me a used PlayStation Vita last week off of eBay for about $200 for Hanukkah/Christmas/New Year's. I've been mentioning that I want one...one day, when the price drops, if there are more exclusive games for it.

And when he gave it to me, I told him that I didn't want it. I told him that I didn't feel comfortable having him spend that much money on me and that I didn't really have any incentive to own one right now. He said that it was okay and he sold it back on eBay at a minor loss but he later said that he felt a little hurt. I feel really bad for putting him through this when he was just trying to do a nice thing for me and I don't know how to make it up to him, if I can.

Is there a way I can make it up to him so that neither of us feel bad about this situation or are we doomed to remember this?

EDIT: We've been dating for two years. We're both men.
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lol I haven't read through the thread yet but I wonder why that last part matters at all.

Two years. Get some self worth and accept the gift. Don't insult you BF like that.
 
G0523 said:
Seriously?! Because that's exactly how much we resold it for, plus $5 shipping.

I've been thinking it over and I think maybe my boyfriend bought me the Vita (other than the fact that I said I wanted one, and because he loves me) as a way to make it up to all the shit I bought him over the past couple of years when he was tighter with money and I had a job. I remember last year I bought him the Metal Gear Solid HD Collection Limited Edition for Xbox 360. It was only $80 too, well before it got inflated. He accepted it and still has it actually. I also traded-in his 360 for him earlier this year when GameStop was having that great deal when buying a new PS3, so now we have both HD consoles (and it cost us like $50 after all the trade-in stuff). He was at work at the time so he asked me to do it for him. And the year before that I bought him Halo Reach (it was $30 on Amazon) and a $50 gift card to the local grocery store since he said he never had enough money for food. Plus there's all the dinners I paid for when we went out but now he does that since he has more money than I do.

I don't know, I think when money is involved in relationships it only creates trouble. I do feel bad for rejecting my boyfriend's present though. I'm definitely going to make it up to him but I'm not sure how.

Plus, I'm sorry for not being clear with everything. I tend to do that and then think of all the stuff I meant to add after the post goes up.
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Not trying to beat up on you, but I note that you clearly didn't think money screwed up relationships when you had a lot of money and he had none. It's only now that you're broke and he's flush that you feel like spending money on each other makes things awkward. You didn't have a problem paying for him. You have a problem with him paying for you.
 
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