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Should I "redshirt" my preschool daughter?

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ColdPizza

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My 4 year old will turn 5 in early November so she'll be eligible for kindergarten next year. Her district's age cutoff is December 1st but her pediatrician is adamant about us holding her back. Not to succeed now, but so that she doesn't fall behind in 7th or 8th grade, particularly when math courses start to become more complex.

On top of that, even though I feel my daughter listens attentively (to teachers...to me and her mom, that's a different story, lol), can concentrate on work, and share, I feel she's still a bit emotionally immature. To be honest, she's not to much a girly girl and more of a tomboy.

Personally, my mother held me back a year as well and I feel this put me at an advantage grade-wise as well.

Thoughts? Any personal experiences one way or the other?
 
If your pediatrician is advocating it and you yourself feel it gave you an advantage, why wouldn't you do it? What are the advantages to not doing it?
 
My nephew was in the same boat and ended up having a very difficult experience, he then ended up repeating kindergarten. That was tough emotionally for him as all his friends moved on and he was left behind. He went from being somewhat excited about school, to really hating it. I think waiting is best, especially if you believe your daughter is not emotionally prepared.
 
Do what your pediatrician says.

If in doubt... ask another pediatrician!

My wife, being a kindergarten teacher, would thank you for holding your daughter back.
 
The Lamonster said:
Sounds like you should hold her back. No real negatives to doing so, right?
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She'll be a year older before she graduates and therefore probably a year older before she starts her career. It delays income, in a sense. She'll have roughly a year less to save for retirement. So, I'm not saying the OP should or shouldn't hold her back, but there are downsides to both choices.
 
"I feel she's still a bit emotionally immature. To be honest, she's not to much a girly girl and more of a tomboy."

Not sure why that matters. There's absolutely no relation between the two.

hold her back if you want, I guess.
 
The Lamonster said:
Sounds like you should hold her back. No real negatives to doing so, right?
Click to expand...

There really isn't. We had my daughter do kindergarten twice, because the first time was a fucking disaster.

If anything, the most obvious difference is in maturity level, at least in my experience. My oldest is 12 in 6th grade, and most of her peers are 11. It might just be her particular nature, but she seems far more worldly and erudite than her peers.
 
The Lamonster said:
Sounds like you should hold her back. No real negatives to doing so, right?
Click to expand...

Other than the daycare costs for another year.

I've read articles on redshirting, and it seems more parents do this as some ploy to turn their children into leaders or athletic phenoms by giving their children a leg up against their peers. That's not what I'm trying to do, but obviously I want to set her up for success.
 
We held our younger daughter back for an extra year of pre-k because she wasn't quite there with reading and math, and socially was a bit immature. She's in 5th grade now and while she's the oldest in the class (turns 12 this July), she's 80th-90th percentile statewide, well-adjusted socially and generally happier.

YMMV, but it was the right decision for us.
 
Soka said:
She'll be a year older before she graduates and therefore probably a year older before she starts her career. It delays income, in a sense. She'll have roughly a year less to save for retirement. So, I'm not saying the OP should or shouldn't hold her back, but there are downsides to both choices.
Click to expand...

Hm, I suppose it can delay full-time income, but no reason she can't get a part time job while still attending school if they really need the money flow.
 
Soka said:
She'll be a year older before she graduates and therefore probably a year older before she starts her career. It delays income, in a sense. She'll have roughly a year less to save for retirement. So, I'm not saying the OP should or shouldn't hold her back, but there are downsides to both choices.
Click to expand...
Do you really think this way? This is a child not an lifetime income spreadsheet.
 
This is very common. Lots of research shows holding your kid back a year before kindergarten helps them down the road.
 
Also keep in mind all those studies that say high schoolers are not old enough or mature enough to decide their life career at that age. I wish I would've taken a break in between high school and college to make a better decision for my major.
 
SomedayTheFire said:
"I feel she's still a bit emotionally immature. To be honest, she's not to much a girly girl and more of a tomboy."

Not sure why that matters. There's absolutely no relation between the two.

hold her back if you want, I guess.
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I called my district's main office to ask their opinion and she said the trend has been to hold back boys, and not girls, born in November-December because the boys tend to mature slower than girls. I'm just trying to express I feel my daughter isn't there yet. I've seen other girls her age that are very mature for their ages.
 
Our preschool teachers suggested holding our youngest back for the same reasons, despite her being light years ahead of her peers. We ignored their advice. She is currently in 3rd grade with discussion of her skipping 4th grade altogether since she is currently testing above 4th grade end of year goals. Incidentally, her sister is currently in 4th grade and struggling a bit, mainly with math. My youngest can run circlrs around her in every subject, which is pretty frustrating for her.

You know your child better than anyone. Deep down, you should already know the answer to your question.
 
Doesn't this entirely depend on how the kid is raised?

I started 1st grade at 5 years old and ended up fine. Everyone was 1-2 years older than me throughout elementary and high school, but no one really cared. Grades were good and socializing was normal.
 
darkistheway said:
Do you really think this way? This is a child not an lifetime income spreadsheet.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I guess it's unfair of me to be concerned about my child's future.

Are you kidding me? I'm not looking to make money off of my kid. I'm an adult that understands that most Americans fail to save enough money for retirement and even losing one more year of income can be significant. I'm just saying, it's not a 100% benefit to delay kindergarten - there are potential downsides, and it's important that the OP is at least taking a moment to assess potential negatives of his decision.

Again, I'm not saying delaying kindergarten is bad because it may delay future income. I'm saying it's worth taking a moment to consider the entire situation and how this could affect the kid 18 or 50 years from now, not just look at it as a one-time impact that'll never matter beyond kindergarten.
 
Soka said:
She'll be a year older before she graduates and therefore probably a year older before she starts her career. It delays income, in a sense. She'll have roughly a year less to save for retirement. So, I'm not saying the OP should or shouldn't hold her back, but there are downsides to both choices.
Click to expand...
This post is wild
 
It doesn't seem to me like holding her back a year would make that big of a difference, but if you don't think she's ready, then do it.
 
ColdPizza said:
I called my district's main office to ask their opinion and she said the trend has been to hold back boys, and not girls, born in November-December because the boys tend to mature slower than girls. I'm just trying to express I feel my daughter isn't there yet. I've seen other girls her age that are very mature for their ages.
Click to expand...

I mean the tomboy comment has no relation to that.
 
Soka said:
She'll be a year older before she graduates and therefore probably a year older before she starts her career. It delays income, in a sense. She'll have roughly a year less to save for retirement. So, I'm not saying the OP should or shouldn't hold her back, but there are downsides to both choices.
Click to expand...

Career wise (or really education wise) a year doesn't make that much difference in the end. It's not even close to possible to guess what her career will be right now, and starting your career a year later really doesn't make a difference. Hell, consider how many people change jobs/careers/spend a year travelling before/during/after college. Or switch studies/take a bit longer to graduate. None of that is really going to be a problem unless you push it to extremes (and a 4 year old starting early/late at school isn't that). Hell, almost everyone retires at a different age. Age is just a number and a couple of months really isn't going to make a difference at all on the large scale. Especially if she's going to be behind the rest of her class intellectually/emotionally putting her at a disadvantage career-wise if she goes too early.

I wouldn't put too much weight on this.
 
I am a bit confused. When does the school year start? Will she be four years old at the start of kindergarten?

Do you mind telling what country this is?
 
Soka said:
Yeah, I guess it's unfair of me to be concerned about my child's future.

Are you kidding me? I'm not looking to make money off of my kid. I'm an adult that understands that most Americans fail to save enough money for retirement and even losing one more year of income can be significant. I'm just saying, it's not a 100% benefit to delay kindergarten - there are potential downsides, and it's important that the OP is at least taking a moment to assess potential negatives of his decision.

Again, I'm not saying delaying kindergarten is bad because it may delay future income. I'm saying it's worth taking a moment to consider the entire situation and how this could affect the kid 18 or 50 years from now, not just look at it as a one-time impact that'll never matter beyond kindergarten.
Click to expand...

Thank you. Although I am inclined to hold her back I do like to hear both sides so I can weigh these things out. Though it could be argued by holding her back a year, if it helps her that much with grades and then potential job placement, that gap in wages for a year can be overcome and then some if you consider compounding in terms of raises, savings, and potential investments with a higher starting salary.
 
darkistheway said:
Do you really think this way? This is a child not an lifetime income spreadsheet.
Click to expand...

It's not a bad comment to make though. It's a tough call as it's the parent making a decision that the child won't be able to understand and it does have both positives and negatives associated with it.

It reminds me of the question of whether to go to "cram school" in Japan in that regard. There are clearly positives (getting into a better school), but you delay everything by a year to do so. Mentioning the negatives in a thread asking for opinions is not really a bad thing.
 
All the Europeans who don't understand the reference. It's kind of hilarious.

SillyEskimo said:
Our preschool teachers suggested holding our youngest back for the same reasons, despite her being light years ahead of her peers. We ignored their advice. She is currently in 3rd grade with discussion of her skipping 4th grade altogether since she is currently testing above 4th grade end of year goals. Incidentally, her sister is currently in 4th grade and struggling a bit, mainly with math. My youngest can run circlrs around her in every subject, which is pretty frustrating for her.

You know your child better than anyone. Deep down, you should already know the answer to your question.
Click to expand...

This would be a nightmare. Seems to me you'll destroy the oldest if you do what's best for the youngest. Talk about a major blow to her self esteem. She'd be forever known as the dumb older sister by all her peers (since they'd still be the same grade). And right in time for puberty. It'd be a hard decision. I'd probably not let the youngest skip ahead. It won't hurt her to wait and skipping ahead won't necessarily make her better off in the end. Better to be exceptional in your class than in the middle one above it.
 
My daughter was born on 20th July which, in the UK means that she is one of the youngest in her school year (cut off is 1st September) and nearly a full year younger than some of he class mates. She's six at the moment and whilst we did see a difference between what she could do and what her class mates can do initially, she has caught up and is now towards the top of the class (I think - teachers have become incredibly cagey about telling people about how their kids are doing compared to their class mates - but she seems to be in the more advanced groups for most subjects).

However, due to this I did take an interest in statistics about how kids at the younger end of the school year thing do later in life and it is a fact that in the UK at least, these children do tend to do marginally worse in exams and and also fare worse in sport by a larger margin (mainly because they tend to be smaller and less coordinated than their peers at an early age and tend to be regarded as "bad at sport".

We did not hold her back because she had made friends already with the children in her age group in the local area and it does not look to have been a mistake at this stage. However, if you think your child could be developmentally behind anyway (no shame in that, all kids develop at different rates) then this may exacerbate the problem. If you think she's bright compared to kids her own age, then I'm sure she will be fine.
 
ColdPizza said:
I'm in NY, USA, so the school year starts in early September. She'll be 5 in November.
Click to expand...

This is confusing. So she would be four when she starts. Kids don't generally start kindergarten until five and turn six during or after the school year. I don't think your choice is enrolling or red shirting but instead starting early or waiting until the normal age. This is coming from a Texas perspective.

Source: Gone to a ton of six year old birthday parties for friends of my Kindergartner who was born in December.
 
My wife and I held our daughter out until she was older. Her Birthday is in early September, and she would have just turned 5 had she started Kindergarten last year, but instead had just turned 6 this past fall. She seems much better off as a result. She was much more emotionally fragile a year ago and stuggled with listening attentively for the length of time required in even a kindergarten class. She would have been a real bear to deal with for a teacher and probably wouldn't have learned as much as she should have before getting to first grade.

Now she's reading, doing basic math very well, and is getting rather proficient at writing well formed sentences. I don't think she would have been capable of that a year ago.
 
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