Support NeoGAF

[Alienous]

It's possible your acquaintance knew your GF was cheating on you, but to tell you would mean risking blowing up his own relationship for your sake. And that's an unreasonable expectation to have of anyone other than a true best friend.

The difference is you have no cards left in the game. You can flip the table over and walk. And you'd be giving the acquaintance the opportunity to make an informed decision about his relationship also. They might still work it out, but he should get to have a say.

 

[BunnyBear]

One last thing, I love how she says 'I barely remember fucking him' because of her level of drunkeness, but can clearly remember that he come outside of her. Brilliant.

 

[LNBL]

I just thought of something. My ex told Kris she cheated on me. Kris knew for a long time. Maybe she told her boyfriend (the one she cheated on). Maybe he knew I was being cheated on and didn't tell me? Hmmm.

To be honest, I feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm so bitter at the betrayal and how I was lied to, even when I gave her so many outs. I can't believe she did it. I really do need to let all of this go or it's going to turn me insane. This will either have to be the final act, when I set fire to everyone's house, or I slip into the night. I'm fucking tired, I'm gonna sleep on it and decide in the morning. If I do it, I will document it.

Ps. This is the email I sent my ex last night when I found out about the cheating:



And this was her response:



I am clearly a bit torn up. Thoughts?

Lol at the " i did what i did to be forced to break up". You're better off without her OP

 

[Rushersauce]

One last thing, I love how she says 'I barely remember fucking him' because of her level of drunkeness, but can clearly remember that he come outside of her. Brilliant.

Just tell the guy already.

 

[BunnyBear]

Lol at the " i did what i did to be forced to break up". You're better off without her OP

I know! Incredible. What a fucking coward.

 

[kavanf1]

I am clearly a bit torn up. Thoughts?

Leave it there man. That's about as much in the way of closure you're going to get. If you keep poking that wound you'll get obsessed and that can't be good for you. Take the pain and use it to move on and find someone better.

And I still incline towards you having an ethical obligation to tell that guy to get himself checked out.

 

[Englebert3rd]

One last thing, I love how she says 'I barely remember fucking him' because of her level of drunkeness, but can clearly remember that he come outside of her. Brilliant.

Don't be torn up about it. Tell him.

 

[Shredderi]

One last thing, I love how she says 'I barely remember fucking him' because of her level of drunkeness, but can clearly remember that he come outside of her. Brilliant.

It's possible your acquaintance knew your GF was cheating on you, but to tell you would mean risking blowing up his own relationship for your sake. And that's an unreasonable expectation to have of anyone other than a true best friend.

The difference is you have no cards left in the game. You can flip the table over and walk. And you'd be giving the acquaintance the opportunity to make an informed decision about his relationship also. They might still work it out, but he should get to have a say.

This is well put. Just do that one last little thing and walk away. It's nothing to you anymore but it could be a lot to this guy.

 

[Principate]

One last thing, I love how she says 'I barely remember fucking him' because of her level of drunkeness, but can clearly remember that he come outside of her. Brilliant.

It happens keep in mind she has no reason to lie to her friend after telling this much. Your letting your bitterness cloud your perception of her.

 

[Servbot24]

It's better for you if you don't say anything.

That said I would be pissed off if I was being cheated on and someone else knew but just decided not to tell me.

 

[BunnyBear]

I'm gonna sleep on it and decide with a clearer head. I'm leaning towards telling him. Thanks for all the input and kindness, I feel better getting it all out there.

 

[Enter The 36 Chambers]

You won't get any comfort from telling him.

I don't even know why people make these threads.

Putting up her conversations and your emails on a public forum is such bad form imo.

I don't even know why I open these threads anymore.

 

[Jarmel]

[Why would I give up a perfect relationship to be single and struggle to find another guy or what??

Kinda says it all.

 

[Laughing Banana]

I just thought of something. My ex told Kris she cheated on me. Kris knew for a long time. Maybe she told her boyfriend (the one she cheated on). Maybe he knew I was being cheated on and didn't tell me? Hmmm.

To be honest, I feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm so bitter at the betrayal and how I was lied to, even when I gave her so many outs. I can't believe she did it. I really do need to let all of this go or it's going to turn me insane. This will either have to be the final act, when I set fire to everyone's house, or I slip into the night. I'm fucking tired, I'm gonna sleep on it and decide in the morning. If I do it, I will document it.

Ps. This is the email I sent my ex last night when I found out about the cheating:



And this was her response:



I am clearly a bit torn up. Thoughts?

Just go to sleep man. Clear your thoughts.

 

[pigeon]

I just thought of something. My ex told Kris she cheated on me. Kris knew for a long time. Maybe she told her boyfriend (the one she cheated on). Maybe he knew I was being cheated on and didn't tell me? Hmmm.

To be honest, I feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm so bitter at the betrayal and how I was lied to, even when I gave her so many outs. I can't believe she did it. I really do need to let all of this go or it's going to turn me insane. This will either have to be the final act, when I set fire to everyone's house, or I slip into the night. I'm fucking tired, I'm gonna sleep on it and decide in the morning. If I do it, I will document it.

Ps. This is the email I sent my ex last night when I found out about the cheating:



And this was her response:



I am clearly a bit torn up. Thoughts?

I mean, I think you should take the message here.

Your girlfriend told you twice that she wanted to sleep with other people while she was in London. You told her that you wanted to break up if that happened. So then it happened and she broke up with you. That...all seems correct?

I think the "five days of cheating" thing seems a bit ridiculous, frankly. It's not like you didn't have advance notice that she was interested in sleeping with someone else. She gave you kind of a lot of warning! You just fought about it and demanded that she choose between sleeping with somebody else and staying with you, and she chose the option you didn't like.

Like she says in the email, she's been wanting to be single for years. Which isn't too surprising, probably, because generally when people go on a year-long trip to a foreign country without their significant other and say they want to have a break, it's a pretty clear indication they're not happy in their current relationship.

I hate to say it, but your relationship's been dead since at least May. You just didn't take it off the machines until August.

 

[BunnyBear]

You won't get any comfort from telling him.

I don't even know why people make these threads.

Putting up her conversations and your emails on a public forum is such bad form imo.

I don't even know why I open these threads anymore.

Mate, I get it, you don't approve. I did it because I need the perspective, outside input, and also a way to unravel my thoughts about a traumatic situation.

I left out all names and changed the ones I needed to. And I'm not looking for comfort. I just know how it feels, how embarrassing it is that people knew months before me, and I don't want him to suffer the same situation I am now in.

 

[FF Seraphim]

I'm gonna sleep on it and decide with a clearer head. I'm leaning towards telling him. Thanks for all the input and kindness, I feel better getting it all out there.

Now are you doing this because you want to help a person out or are you doing this because its your EX's friend and your EX betrayed you and you want to get back at her in some fashion?
Honestly, I would just let it go and walk away or you will be pulled in to some sort of drama you clearly do not need. Cannot move on in life if you are anchored down by something in the past.

 

[Shredderi]

You won't get any comfort from telling him.

I don't even know why people make these threads.

Putting up her conversations and your emails on a public forum is such bad form imo.

I don't even know why I open these threads anymore.

It's not always about doing things to get comfort.

 

[pablito]

Telling the other guy isn't coming from the best place nor is it under the right circumstances, but you should still tell him. Dudes gf had unprotected sex with someone else. It could be a health concern.

I'd say do it with a dummy fb/email, but there's a very good chance the girls will find out where it came from. 100% if he explains to them what the evidence is.

 

[Alienous]

I do believe in soul mates and I still believe you are one of mine.

Ayy lmao

 

[Jarmel]

Ayy lmao

I never knew you could have multiple soul mates until now.

 

[Ocarina_117]

Sleep it off.

Then wake up and drop the truth. Cheaters should face up to what they've done.

 

[LookAtMeGo]

Change your passwords when you break up with people, people!

You could tell the guy, but you need to walk away from this ASAP. This whole thing can easily turn from her being unfaithful to you being a psycho that goes through her emails and shit. Its not like she just left it open and you happened to see it. You are purposefully going in there entering her passwords. Thats not healthy man. Tread carefully. You dont want to have that kind of reputation. This whole thing can backfire not in your favor.

That said. I just had my spouse leave me after 7 years for some fucking actual fedora wearing douchebag and it hurts like a motherfucker. Just get as far away as you can from all this.

 

[Barzul]

No Condom? Yeah I'd tell him, he'd want to know I would think.

 

[Tigress]

That convo sounds like it was a one time mistake that she really regrets. I wouldn't say it is evidence at all that she's done it before (she acts scared like she's never done it before and her friend acts like it is a new thing). Nor do I think it's evidence she'll do it again. In fact she may remember the guilt next time she gets tempted and not.

I'd already say leave it alone(and stop snooping). But that convinces me more to leave it alone. It sounds like it was a one time mistake and you're ruining something that may have no reason to be out of your own spite towards not even her but her friend (your ex). It just makes you look really petty (honestly the continued snooping and posting their fb convos here do as well).

(And honestly, if my husband made one slip and it was in the past and he considered it a mistake enough not to do it again I don't think I'd want to know. If he's not going to do it again why put myself through that stress?)

Now if it was an ongoing thing she was doing that the op found out about, I'd say there would be some moral reason to say something. But I still think he should stop snooping.

 

[StarCreator]

I don't know if it's been suggested, but I would probably actually go to Kris and tell her that you know and ask if she's told the boyfriend about it. You could even bring up the potential STD issue as a valid reason for him to know. It would be best for everyone involved if Kris were the one to confess to it; you telling the guy directly would probably destroy the relationship, and you don't really have the insight into the situation to know if this was a one time thing or if she is going to end up doing what your ex did to you.

 

[BunnyBear]

I mean, I think you should take the message here.

Your girlfriend told you twice that she wanted to sleep with other people while she was in London. You told her that you wanted to break up if that happened. So then it happened and she broke up with you. That...all seems correct?

I think the "five days of cheating" thing seems a bit ridiculous, frankly. It's not like you didn't have advance notice that she was interested in sleeping with someone else. She gave you kind of a lot of warning! You just fought about it and demanded that she choose between sleeping with somebody else and staying with you, and she chose the option you didn't like.

Like she says in the email, she's been wanting to be single for years. Which isn't too surprising, probably, because generally when people go on a year-long trip to a foreign country without their significant other and say they want to have a break, it's a pretty clear indication they're not happy in their current relationship.

I hate to say it, but your relationship's been dead since at least May. You just didn't take it off the machines until August.

I agree with the last par, but the rest, what? Her not being able to confront what she wanted is on her. I gave her the out, I suggested we end it, and she didn't take it.

If she had told me she'd met someone and it was over, I'd get it. But she didn't. She fucked this guy on the 12th. She sent me messages literally at the same time she's talking to the new guy. Asking how I am, saying goodnight, etc.

She then waits 5 days and then tells me she doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore. I ask her why and she says she wants to be free and that was it. Said she needed to believe we would be together if it was meant to be. She never mentions the real reason, or that she had already cheated on me.

After 8 years you don't think I deserve that honesty? And the Aug 12 thing is the only evidence I have. Who knows what they did before that.

 

[pigeon]

Change your passwords when you break up with people, people!

You could tell the guy, but you need to walk away from this ASAP. This whole thing can easily turn from her being unfaithful to you being a psycho that goes through her emails and shit.

Yeah, I mean, all it would take for it to be creepy is nothing other than the stuff OP has already done, screenshotted, and posted on an internet message board about video games.

 

[ClosingADoor]

I mean, I think you should take the message here.

Your girlfriend told you twice that she wanted to sleep with other people while she was in London. You told her that you wanted to break up if that happened. So then it happened and she broke up with you. That...all seems correct?

I think the "five days of cheating" thing seems a bit ridiculous, frankly. It's not like you didn't have advance notice that she was interested in sleeping with someone else. She gave you kind of a lot of warning! You just fought about it and demanded that she choose between sleeping with somebody else and staying with you, and she chose the option you didn't like.

Like she says in the email, she's been wanting to be single for years. Which isn't too surprising, probably, because generally when people go on a year-long trip to a foreign country without their significant other and say they want to have a break, it's a pretty clear indication they're not happy in their current relationship.

I hate to say it, but your relationship's been dead since at least May. You just didn't take it off the machines until August.

So she should have broken it up. "Warnings" do not matter. If you are still in a relationship, break it off before sleeping with someone else. She was in the wrong. It's pretty simple.

 

[hobblygobbly]

If you are purposefully snooping and this person is an acquaintance don't do it, don't get involved with other peoples business, it ultimately has nothing to do with you and you're invading their privacy when snooping like that irrespective of what they're doing being shitty as well.

It's a whole different matter when you walk in on a person cheating or something and the person being cheated on is your friend, etc, then you informing him/her is okay I feel.

 

[BunnyBear]

Yeah, I mean, all it would take for it to be creepy is nothing other than the stuff OP has already done, screenshotted, and posted on an internet message board about video games.

I'm not denying that I crossed the line. I'm actually worried about spiralling out over this. It's been the toughest three weeks of my life and I know I'm not acting rational. I just could not resist finding out the truth because I knew I was being lied to. And I was right.

I chose this outlet because there's no way to trace it back to anyone and I covered/changed all names

 

[LookAtMeGo]

Yeah, I mean, all it would take for it to be creepy is nothing other than the stuff OP has already done, screenshotted, and posted on an internet message board about video games.

Yeesh. I skipped the last 2 pages. This may not end well.

 

[Daffy Duck]

Nah, my ex promised her friend she'd delete the messages of the friend's confession back in May. She never did and I saw them a few days ago.

Evidence:

 

[LNBL]

Make a new fb account or burner email and tell him, then just avoid starting a discussion or conversation with him. Just block everyone and move on from that point.

You'll have done a good thing, he deserves to know just like you did.

 

[BunnyBear]

I don't know if it's been suggested, but I would probably actually go to Kris and tell her that you know and ask if she's told the boyfriend about it. You could even bring up the potential STD issue as a valid reason for him to know. It would be best for everyone involved if Kris were the one to confess to it; you telling the guy directly would probably destroy the relationship, and you don't really have the insight into the situation to know if this was a one time thing or if she is going to end up doing what your ex did to you.

I've also considered this too. It's one of three options. Tell him, make her do it, or run like the wind.

 

[LookAtMeGo]

Just post the conversation on Facebook and tag everyone involved in it. Jk.

 

[yukianderson]

Everyone is wrong in this. 8 year relationship over, because if lies and now you found your proof. If there's one thing that must be done is bring out the truth into the light. It won't make you feel better but it would be the right thing to do. Something good can come from so many bad things Un your story. If someone is remorseful like her friend said she would face up and tell her bf not hide it away. Every action has a consequence. If you do tell him you will also face them. That's why if you do decide to tell him change your number and block them all. Drop the nuke and walk away to find your peace. You can make a right out of all the wrongs that were made.

 

[E92 M3]

I've also considered this too. It's one of three options. Tell him, make her do it, or run like the wind.

Run like the wind and leave the trash behind you.

 

[Jupiter_Shrooms]

I'd tell him. The man has a right to be safe from STDs and his girlfriend is putting him at risk.

 

[Ryo Hazuki]

This line from the email made me a little angry to be honest

I do believe in soul mates and I still believe you are one of mine. I did what I did so that I wouldn’t have a choice but be forced to end it with you.

Multiple soulmates is hilarious, but doing it to have a reason to break up? Legit the most selfish, cowardly bullshit excuse I've ever heard.

If I was the guy being cheated on I'd want to know.

 

[Shredderi]

Everyone is wrong in this. 8 year relationship over, because if lies and now you found your proof. If there's one thing that must be done is bring out the truth into the light. It won't make you feel better but it would be the right thing to do. Something good can come from so many bad things Un your story. If someone is remorseful like her friend said she would face up and tell her bf not hide it away. Every action has a consequence. If you do tell him you will also face them. That's why if you do decide to tell him change your number and block them all. Drop the nuke and walk away to find your peace. You can make a right out of all the wrongs that were made.

I like this.

 

[Enter The 36 Chambers]

Run like the wind and leave the trash behind you.

Can't be said enough.

 

[Booser]

I know! Incredible. What a fucking coward.

Bullshit. It's amazing the mental gymnastics people will go through to convince you and themselves.

I think most of us have been here at some point. An ex of mine gave me the cold shoulder the weekend before we broke up. Turns out she was out meeting another dude. I was happy again after her, and you will too.

 

[yukianderson]

A person that has been cheated on only knows how it feels. He could get STD or worse marry a person base on lies. You can save a person years of trauma and ignorance by simply telling the truth. People wish to live on ignorance rather than the truth but is the only thing that will set you free. I rather know the truth than to live in ignorance. Besides a cheater is always one peoole don't change. She will do it again.

 

[Purkake4]

Further context. My ex's password was my first name and our anniversary date. I mean, fuck. You wouldn't think of changing that three weeks after the relationship had ended and you were fucking another guy?

At least over here this is an offence.

Your "context" is pretty much "she still keeps her key in the same place, so I was pretty much justified in looking in a few drawers. You wouldn't think of changing that three weeks after the relationship had ended".

Just don't.

 

[Kimawolf]

Yeah seeing those messages, definitely burn it all down. They all need to be dragged into the light.


They already ruined your life so why not throw a giant bomb on their shit too.

 

[Cymbal Head]

You're no longer even tangentially involved with these people, and even if you were I'd still say nah. Unless you get info about some kind of secret second family or something, let people's private lives be private lives.

 

[Shredderi]

A person that has been cheated on only knows how it feels. He could get STD or worse marry a person base on lies. You can save a person years of trauma and ignorance by simply telling the truth. People wish to live on ignorance rather than the truth but is the only thing that will set you free. I rather know the truth than to live in ignorance. Besides a cheater is always one peoole don't change. She will do it again.

Yep. Truth > Comfort.

You're no longer even tangentially involved with these people, and even if you were I'd still say nah. Unless you get info about some kind of secret second family or something, let people's private lives be private lives.

I just can't ever agree with this sort of thinking it seems. This is why people who do bad things get away with it: people don't do anything about them. Not even remotely just in relationships, but in general.

 

[ZombAid82]

I never knew you could have multiple soul mates until now.

Well, actually, I do believe you can have more than one soul mate.
That said, I would NEVER do that to either one of them!

Edit: Also, if I were that dude, I would want to know.
Tell him!

 

[Alec]

I'm gonna sleep on it and decide with a clearer head. I'm leaning towards telling him. Thanks for all the input and kindness, I feel better getting it all out there.

Tell him. I'd want to know.