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Sister is already dating. Only 11.

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You or someone else in your family needs to have "the sex talk" with her now. When you first found out about the boyfriend would have been best, but you need to have it now or bad things are going to happen. Probably soon.

And she may break up with this boyfriend if she respects you guys enough right now, but even if that happens I can guarantee that there will be another one in a year or two. I had a sister who started getting sexually active at that age, but thankfully for as overbearing as my parents could be, they were very liberal about sex with the both of us, so she was "relatively" smart about it and the only thing we had to deal with was pissed off teachers at her school (for getting caught doing "not all the way" things).

Gambit 1138 said:
How the hell would an 11 year old even know how to have sex
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You know all the free porn that everyone loves to consume and talk about? It's not age restricted.
 
Corronchilejano said:
That shouldn't be something you get from movies or tv. It's literally a responsibility of yours as a parent (not you, I mean, for parents).
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i dont know. i was a pretty quick kid growing up. i knew exactly how babies were made. it wasnt any secret but then i wasnt even thinking about it. id like to think exceptional child rearing in other areas by my parents was enough so that they didnt NEED to.

i suppose if my kids show any tendencies then i'll be forced to, but... im not planning on raising a dope, you know?
 
I don't know how I'd handle it, but it's a scary situation given her age. Screaming at her may not have been the best approach, and the same with making her break up with him (she likely would have and, if not, that could have been requested later). However, who am I to say anything?

I think that it was handled alright regardless of the above, but emotions got in the way and that's to be expected.
 
Did it occur to anyone at home that maybe the boy's parents might like to know what kind of messages their kid is sending girls? Not in an accusatory way but as a just so you know kind of thing.

I was lucky. My kid started "dating" not much older than that. But his girlfriend was online, so at least I didn't have to worry about sex.

params7 said:
I feel likes she's going to be more secretive now.
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She was already being dangerously secretive. the wwhole thing wasn't handled very well.
 
Maybe its different where you all grew up, but 6th grade was absolutely not 'early' in terms of knowing about sex. In fact that was right around the time young boys would lie profusely about all the girls they were getting. 99% of the time though its bullshit.

In any case, the best way to go about this is to talk with her, and make sure she understands things. Trying to break them up is hilariously silly and not going to work. Try thinking like a middle schooler, you are just pushing them to want to be together more. They don't understand.
 
You did the right thing. Your sister might hate you temporarily but it will get better over time. Just be there for her when she needs you and continue being a good older brother.

My little bro is 13 and he does stupid shit constantly. I get involved in his personal life if he does something stupid that I disapprove of. We get into fights, he hates me and never wants to talk to me again. Few days later, were broing out playing video games or going to the movies or something. Kids hate being told no, but they will realize sooner or later youre doing things for their best interest.
 
the least you can do is educate her about sex and dont put her into a tight leash as i think it will only do worse

im no a parent so i have no idea what im talking about.
 
EBE said:
i dont know. i was a pretty quick kid growing up. i knew exactly how babies were made. it wasnt any secret but then i wasnt even thinking about it. id like to think exceptional child rearing in other areas by my parents was enough so that they didnt NEED to.

i suppose if my kids show any tendencies then i'll be forced to, but... im not planning on raising a dope, you know?
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Sure, but if you catch your daughter in this situation, would you take that gamble? Or would you rather at least make sure she knows what's she's getting into and is well informed? This isn't bicycle riding (no pun intended).
 
I only have two olders sisters so i was able to avoid alot of this for most of my life. But now i have a niece growing up and even though she isnt even in Kindergarten yet its something ive been thinking about a decent amount lately and its actually fucking terrifying. I didnt get a phone until i was a Junior in high school and that was kind of the normal for the rest of the kids my age at the time. Now they are getting them at such an early age and i know the benefits of that but its still so crazy.

Im sure there are parental controls and things of that nature, but i was bypassing alot of those same things on the computer at that age. Kids always seem to find a way.
 
I can't offer much advice for the situation.

I am kind of amazed by today's youth though. I am really young, but I definitely wasn't thinking about stuff like that at 11.
 
This is what I'd do....

maxresdefault.jpg
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cEfznIiX9Iw
 
You handled this in the worst way possible. It's right to step in, but you completely blew it. I say this from experience and now as a father of a 3 and a half year old girl to which I dread the day that this will have to be acknowledged.

Sex is talked about in sixth grade. I had sex education in sixth grade. Heck I remember even someone asking why it gets hard as a question and everyone giggled. So kids in sixth grade new and this was in the 80s. They know more now than back then and they already knew plenty then. Blowing it off that she'll learn about it in school rather than talking to her about it was the wrong way to go.

I remember when I was in sixth grade, I had one of those kiddy relationships since everyone else seemed to be getting together. I told my mom I wanted to go somewhere to meet her. She asked who she was and then asked if she was my girlfriend. I told her yes, and then all I can remember was the laughing. To her it probably was just wow, I'm so young, and I've got a girlfriend, how adorable and cute. To me it devastated me. It embarrassed me. I ended up not going because I was so embarrassed. I never talked to my mother about relationships again because it was so embarrassing. It scarred me. You just did that to your sister.
 
Floored. At 11 I don't think I even had a fully fleshed out, conceivable notion about what sex was.

On another note, my household is similar. In fact, 19 now, my younger brother is 17, and neither of us have ever heard a word about it from my parents. Maybe that's a cultural/religious outlook on their part. What I know I've pretty much learned from middle school health class and onward. That kind of thing needs to change, clearly.
 
Omaha said:
Sexual Education courses back in my middle school days used to be a requirement for passing. Idk how it is now, but I hope there's strong emphasis on it.
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The way the US public school system works, there's really no accountability. The federal government has almost no control over cirricula, and many school boards opt for no sex ed whatsoever.

A friend of mine graduated from a high school in Central Texas with a 40% teen pregnancy rate. No sex ed, cultural biases against contraception, peer pressure, and (allegedly) a desire for green card babies turned her school into a giant maternity ward.
 
royalan said:
No offense, but you and your mother handled that terribly.

Yes, children that young know what sex is, talk about it, and even engage in it. Are they too young to fully grasp the consequences of it? Yes. But don't get caught up on the fact that your 11 year-old sister knows what sex is and talks about it with her peers. Of course she does.

But what you guys did here was take a moment that could have been used as a tool to educate her on the realities of sex, understand her and what's she going through with her peers better, and get closer to her in general, and used it to humiliate her and "tighten the reins" without making any attempt to understand her better.

Sometimes it's easy as parents (and older siblings) to just want to keep a child in a "child's place" because, ultimately, that what's easiest for us to do. But there are certain subjects, like sex, where I think it's best to approach young people as the young people they are, and not like the innocent children we want them to stay.
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Im gonna go with this
 
Why does an 11 year old have a phone? And holy fuck, a phone she can restrict parental access too?? ? ?

That was mistake number one.

11 is way way way too young.

I'd talk to the parents of the boy, and let them know what their kid is doing.

And if for some reason they don't care, let them know that 11 is rape and you will press charges and ruin their little shits life if they don't put a stop to things on his end.
 
The long way to handle this would probably have been better. If she doesn't want to break up with him, invite him over for dinner and evenings with the family and learn more about him (if he doesn't want to do it, then it's not serious so fuck him and break it off). Also, use the chance to confront the boy about the sexting and the sexual advances. Result: scares him off or sets him straight. It'll probably be the former.
 
maniac-kun said:
Just be sure its a boy her age and not some predator.
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Does it matter? At that age, she should be having sex with nobody. An 13-year-old can do the same damage as a 33-year-old. The only difference is that he won't go to jail if he gets her pregnant.

Cipherr said:
Maybe its different where you all grew up, but 6th grade was absolutely not 'early' in terms of knowing about sex. In fact that was right around the time young boys would lie profusely about all the girls they were getting. 99% of the time though its bullshit.
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In sixth grade, boys talked about sex, but only with each other. On one miserable PE field trip, a couple popular kids spent the whole time talking about the dozens of girls they'd totally actually had real sex with. This one 12-year-old fuck, Johnny Perez, went on and on about how, for his birthday, he and his twin brother "had sex with all these girls". He then made fun of his friend for "never seeing a real pussy".

Most other guys in my sixth grade class had no interest in girls their age. A lot of kids were really open about being into women, but they wanted to have sex with Megan Fox or the porn stars they'd stumbled upon. Not 12-year-olds in their class.

akira28 said:
yeah I feel like i wont get my kid a phone till she's 13.

she doesn't need one before then. I'll have a landline.
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That's a really bad idea. Give him/her a cell phone, but check their texts if you absolutely need to.
 
I don't think you handled this in the best manner possible. Instead of yelling at her, both you and your mother need to have a serious and calm talk with her about sex and the implications thereof.

Now normally I would have been against forcing the daughter to break up with the boy as she'll just see him behind your backs and it might escalate the situation, but the kid is 13. In which case, you watch her like a fucking hawk as he's trying to bust a nut into anything that moves.
 
jamesinclair said:
Why does an 11 year old have a phone? And holy fuck, a phone she can restrict parental access too?? ? ?

That was mistake number one.

11 is way way way too young.

I'd talk to the parents of the boy, and let them know what their kid is doing.

And if for some reason they don't care, let them know that 11 is rape and you will press charges and ruin their little shits life if they don't put a stop to things on his end.
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11 year olds having phones are quite common now. Everyone has them.
 
jamesinclair said:
Why does an 11 year old have a phone?

That was mistake number one.

11 is way way way too young.

I'd talk to the parents of the boy, and let them know what their kid is doing.

And if for some reason they don't care, let them know that 11 is rape and you will press charges and ruin their little shits life if they don't put a stop to things on his end.
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Modern culture and technology. We're in the 2010s. Nowadays some parents let their 5-6 year old children get a hold of iphones, androids and ipads. I didn't get my first phone until i was almost 13 yet my younger brother got his first one at 9 *he's 11 now*, and he didn't get a simple ass flip phone either.
 
Marty Chinn said:
11 year olds having phones are quite common now. Everyone has them.
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Nope. I just spent the holidays with my extended family.

Included four girls aged 9-11. None of them have a phone. Nor should they.

The 17 year old older sister has an ipod touch. Her parents will let her get a phone when she has a job to pay for it. I don't agree with that particular stance, but she's not pregnant so there may be some merit to it.
 
No way in hell I would let my daughter be talked to in that manner by anybody, especially at that age. I'd inform the boy's parents if I were you OP, they're both way too young and evidently he's the instigator.
 
Grakl said:
You can't stop your sister from having sex. She hella young, of course, but straight up forbidding things never works, and can make the situation worse. The best you can do is guide her to being safe.
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Forbidding things for good reason can work, yes. I was forbidden from things and I obeyed because they were for my own benefit. Forbidding your 11 year old from dating a sex-crazed boy is pretty reasonable to forbid.
 
What a terrible mess, the girl is going to feel so embarrassed and betrayed, if she talks to the boy, he may take advantage of the situation.
The best was, after calming down, to talk with her, explain everything, hoping she will understand, while at the same time, make sure she is not seeing this boy anymore, its more difficult, but at the end she will trust in her family more.
 
jamesinclair said:
Nope. I just spent the holidays with my extended family.

Included four girls aged 9-11. None of them have a phone. Nor should they.

The 17 year old older sister has an ipod touch. Her parents will let her get a phone when she has a job to pay for it. I don't agree with that particular stance, but she's not pregnant so there may be some merit to it.
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The smartphone is almost irrelevant here.

Back when I was that age we didn't have smartphones, period. But we did have AOL Instant Messager to satisfy our naughty, preteen communication needs.

Sheltering kids from technology won't stop them from talking about sex.
 
PK Gaming said:
Sex ed? I remember being taught that in Grade 5.
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How detailed was yours? What I got was just puberty. I was pretty perplexed about how sex worked in middle school, but I was also terrified of watching porn for fear of getting caught.

I didn't get any concrete "this is how sex works" education until I was 13 or 14, after most boys and some girls had been watching porn for ages.
 
jamesinclair said:
Nope. I just spent the holidays with my extended family.

Included four girls aged 9-11. None of them have a phone. Nor should they.

The 17 year old older sister has an ipod touch. Her parents will let her get a phone when she has a job to pay for it. I don't agree with that particular stance, but she's not pregnant so there may be some merit to it.
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Ever since 9/11, and all the prolific school shootings, it's way more common for kids to carry some sort of phone on them so parents can reach their kids. Since then, as time goes on, the age gets lower and lower and with smart phones being so common, they've become the norm of what they get. Often they get hand me downs from their parents. It is very very common these days. I was just at a family gathering a couple weeks ago and the topic came up of when to give their kids a phone because my cousin had kids in high school while my other cousin had a 5th grader. The 5th grader sometimes carries his dad's old phone, but it was more about when it was the right time to get them their own. Many get an iPhone since that's what a lot of kids have. It really is the norm these days.

Valhelm said:
How detailed was yours? What I got was just puberty. I was pretty perplexed about how sex worked in middle school, but I was also terrified of watching porn for fear of getting caught.

I didn't get any concrete "this is how sex works" education until I was 13 or 14, after most boys and some girls had been watching porn for ages.
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Ours was a pretty basic overview and then a Q&A. We got the gist of it and the discussion of protection. Again, this was in the 80s, so it's not even something that's recent.
 
She will eventually do whatever she wants, but she should at least know what's up. Definitely have a calm talk with her about everything that has to do with sex.. protection, pregnancy, peer pressure, etc.
 
Jesus, one of the reasons I hope I only have sons. I don't even know how I'd react to something like this.

My sister is only 11 and man am I glad she's turned out good... so far at least.
 
Dragonborn said:
Jesus, one of the reasons I hope I only have sons. I don't even know how I'd react to something like this.

My sister is only 11 and man am I glad she's turned out good... so far at least.
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If your 11 year-old son was talking about sex, I'd hope you'd be just as concerned as if he were a girl.
 
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