Support NeoGAF

[Marty Chinn]

Jesus, one of the reasons I hope I only have sons. I don't even know how I'd react to something like this.

The problem with having a son is he can still get someone pregnant and then he has no control over what happens next. My wife prefers a having a girl in that respect, but the reality is there are drawbacks to having either sex for a kid.

 

[Bio-Frost]

Jesus, one of the reasons I hope I only have sons. I don't even know how I'd react to something like this.

My sister is only 11 and man am I glad she's turned out good... so far at least.

This is so sexist I don't even know where to start. I hate this stereotype that boys can go out and fuck all they want but girls need to be "protected"

 

[Atraveller]

You should also alert the boy's parents.

 

[sappyday]

I should clarify that I did talk to her one on one afterwards. Every time I tried to talk to her about sex she would keep telling me she already knows what it is. I still told her that she didn't want to end up like some of the girls we knew who got pregnant early.

The reason why I never talked directly about it before is because I told myself she will learn about it the same way I did which was through friends (since my mom would only tell me to wear a condom and my dad has literally never talked to me about sex or girls even to this day). I see now how fucking stupid that was and it's what probably lead to this mess.

I still don't want her talking to the boy since this boy doesn't deserve to even speak to her if he's gonna talk like that with her.

 

[Dragonborn]

If your 11 year-old son was talking about sex, I'd hope you'd be just as concerned as if he were a girl.

Yea, but I feel I'd be much better suited to deal with it. At least I'd think so

As for having a cellphone, my brother and sister both have cellphones (10 and 11) but we keep track of what they're doing, has worked out pretty well so far.

 

[jamesinclair]

TALK TO THE BOYS PARENTS!

Seriously op.

 

[Valhelm]

whats so bad about it? what does she need a phone for?

I went to middle school in 2006-2009, and even then not having a cell phone was a handicap. A kid these days cannot be social without a cell phone. Nobody under 30 calls regularly, and if they ever need to get a ride, it's really awkward to borrow a stranger's phone to call home.

 

[TheOGB]

I know that situation can be scary, but that definitely wasn't the way to handle it. In these kinds of cases I think it's much more helpful to make sure the young person is informed so they can learn to make good decisions on their own. You gotta help them get ahead of the bullshit so they don't get caught up in the hype, y'know? They need to understand it for themselves. You or your mom yelling at her and forcing her to do this or stop that does not help.

It's difficult, but you can't let your fears impede her growth. I know it's been quoted a lot by this point, but royalan's post really was spot on.

No offense, but you and your mother handled that terribly.

Yes, children that young know what sex is, talk about it, and even engage in it. Are they too young to fully grasp the consequences of it? Yes. But don't get caught up on the fact that your 11 year-old sister knows what sex is and talks about it with her peers. Of course she does.

But what you guys did here was take a moment that could have been used as a tool to educate her on the realities of sex, understand her and what's she going through with her peers better, and get closer to her in general, and used it to humiliate her and "tighten the reins" without making any attempt to understand her better.

Sometimes it's easy as parents (and older siblings) to just want to keep a child in a "child's place" because, ultimately, that what's easiest for us to do. But there are certain subjects, like sex, where I think it's best to approach young people as the young people they are, and not like the innocent children we want them to stay.

 

[Valnen]

When it came to stuff like sex I would avoid it entirely. One time my sister asked me what sex was after she heard it said in the Family Guy intro. I told her she'll learn about it in school. I'm very aware this is very outdated standard of raising and most here would be open about it with kids at a young age, but I was just never comfortable talking about with anyone in my household. This could be a result of that but still..

"Could be"?

No, this is exactly why you have a problem now.

 

[Jarmel]

I would restrict the phone so that it can only call or text certain numbers/people.

Then try to put some sort of activity monitor on the phone so if she searches certain words like "sex" or "condoms", you have a headsup.

 

[sappyday]

TALK TO THE BOYS PARENTS!

Seriously op.

I will especially since my sister is the third girl he's been with this year according to her.

 

[ReiGun]

Maybe it's because my younger sister and I are only 2 years apart, but I never got the freaking out over your sister being sexual.

Now obviously, the age here is a concern. However freaking out and shaming/punishing her for it is not the way to handle things. The fact is, she's going to have sex one day. Better to take time to educate her, help her to understand why now is not an appropriate time, and what a responsibility it all is.

Basically, I agree with Roy.

 

[royalan]

I should clarify that I did talk to her one on one afterwards. Every time I tried to talk to her about sex she would keep telling me she already knows what it is. I still told her that she didn't want to end up like some of the girls we knew who got pregnant early.

The reason why I never talked directly about it before is because I told myself she will learn about it the same way I did which was through friends (since my mom would only tell me to wear a condom and my dad has literally never talked to me about sex or girls even to this day). I see now how fucking stupid that was and it's what probably lead to this mess.

I still don't want her talking to the boy since this boy doesn't deserve to even speak to her if he's gonna talk like that with her.

Don't beat yourself up too much. Even if you had talked to her, she'd still be encountering sex talk via her peers. That part is unavoidable.The important thing is giving kids a more mature perspective on sex than what their immature peers will likely be discussing. Also, 11 is still really young. A talk from big bro about sex would still be pretty effective.

 

[masud]

You know if you weren't such a narc of a big brother she would probably confide in you more making it easier for you to teach her stuff and keep her out of trouble.

 

[jamesinclair]

I will especially since my sister is the third girl he's been with this year according to her.

Good. That's not normal or acceptable.

And again, if the parents have a good for him attitude, remind them of rape laws and their consequences.

 

[akira28]

I went to middle school in 2006-2009, and even then not having a cell phone was a handicap. A kid these days cannot be social without a cell phone. Nobody under 30 calls regularly, and if they ever need to get a ride, it's really awkward to borrow a stranger's phone to call home.

no rides!! no socializing! go to school and get A's!!

you see tiger mom...now introduce you to lion father.

 

[ponpo]

Future Maury guest. RIP lil sis ;_;7

 

[Verelios]

Wow.

That was...weird. For the record, I think you did the right thing in the end OP. She's too young, explain why she shouldn't be doing these things instead of just no.

Why'd you get suspicious in the first place though? Distancing yourself from family is very natural at that age.

 

[Liamario]

 

[Strike]

 

[FinalStageBoss]

She's 11. Fuck that shit, you did good OP.

 

[sappyday]

Wow.

That was...weird. For the record, I think you did the right thing in the end OP. She's too young, explain why she shouldn't be doing these things instead of just no.

Why'd you get suspicious in the first place though? Distancing yourself from family is very natural at that age.

True but she was never the type of girl to be on her phone all the time. She's actually very opposed social media such as Facebook and Instagram because our mom is obsessed with that stuff. However, like I said she was on it all the time these past few weeks, ignoring everyone and being rude to everyone who tried to get her off the thing. Then she bought the hat.

 

[rezuth]

I think you had good intentions but it sounds like you handled it terribly. Invasion of privacy, lying, forcing her to break up with threats etc. I have no idea how you could feel what you did was good. It's only bound to come back and bite you in the ass.

 

[TuXx]

Don't feel bad OP. She's far too young to be having any type of a private life and the situation could have been a lot worse. Just be thankful it was some snot nosed 13 year old and not some creep.

 

[hodayathink]

And again, if the parents have a good for him attitude, remind them of rape laws and their consequences.

With those ages, I would think that statutory laws would cut both ways. I could see if he was something like 15-16, but at 13 I think they'd both be covered under the laws.

 

[pulga]

Teach your little sister about the benefits of holding out on the sex as long as possible, ie how she'll become a wizard.

 

[Nappuccino]

11 falls well within the "do what you must to protect them" age. Almost no one at age 11 is capable of making important decisions.

 

[Blablurn]

I'm sure she knows what she's doing.

 

[FriedConsole]

 

[norinrad]

Yep, kids these days.

 

[Verelios]

True but she was never the type of girl to be on her phone all the time. She's actually very opposed social media such as Facebook and Instagram because our mom is obsessed with that stuff. However, like I said she was on it all the time these past few weeks, ignoring everyone and being rude to everyone who tried to get her off the thing. Then she bought the hat.

Understandable then, since her behavior tipped you off. Hopefully she'll come around. Worst case scenario, she'll resent you for getting into her social life now, thank you a couple years later.

 

[ironmang]

My sister is a sex blogger for an esteemed university and went through quite a few sexual partners the last couple of years.

Nothing you can do, OP. Just make sure she understands safe sex and the importance of it. No reason for you to try and control her life. Don't worry about what she does, let her learn things on her own.

I'm sure you can see the difference between an 11 year old and your sister who is roughly twice her age. I don't think them pushing abstinence until she's at least a little older is wrong at all.

 

[Enco]

You did the right thing.

11 year olds shouldn't be messing with that shit.

Let's hope she doesn't go out and do it behind your back. More education and less shouting may have been good though.

 

[WickedLaharl]

Don´t let animeGAF know.

lol

 

[And_Gignac]

Jesus, one of the reasons I hope I only have sons. I don't even know how I'd react to something like this.

My sister is only 11 and man am I glad she's turned out good... so far at least.

So OPs sister hasn't turned out "good" because she has a crush? Damn prude and sexist logic right there.

Also OP, I think it was a mistake, the way you handle it. You and your mom need to lighten up a little with the drama. It won't help anyone in the family to make such a big deal out of this.

Sit down and have a conversation about sex. Your sister is about to enter puberty so it would be a perfect time.

 

[Coriolanus]

Y'all asking why the fuck an eleven year old would have a smartphone are being purposefully obtuse or something? You forgetting how mean kids are? The fuck you think will happen to a child when he's the only one in class without a phone?

Yes, peer pressure is a thing, and burying your head in the sand sure as fuck won't help. Just do what a responsible parent should and install a hidden tracker on that thing that also supports message reading and keylogging. Never tell them that they've zero privacy or let them find out.

Never quite saw the point of letting people know that they were being tracked. All you'll do is get tainted results.

 

[Sn4ke_911]

I'm sure she knows what she's doing.

I don't think she does, way too young. You did good OP. Now talk to the boys parents.

 

[Alienous]

Did you have no concept of what sex was at 11? 12, perhaps, when you were smoking weed?

Good on you for protecting your sister but this is an opportunity to explain to her why you think engaging in those activities is wrong at that age, and make her understand how she can be pressured into doing something that she would likely grow to regret. But if you leave it at a "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" reaction I don't know how much that will help.

 

[Al-ibn Kermit]

Yeah you had to get her to break up with a guy like that but you should also tell the boys parents since that's not acceptable at that age. I didn't think of dating until high school but she probably feels pressured to do it to fit in so just explain to her from your own experiences.

It does sound like you and you're family are a lot more strict or maybe religious than most though based on the swearing thing in which case you have to accept that she might not end up agreeing with your views but you just have to explain to her that there's a lot you have to learn from the experience of growing up and not from what she hears in fiction/other classmates.

Y'all asking why the fuck an eleven year old would have a smartphone are being purposefully obtuse or something? You forgetting how mean kids are? The fuck you think will happen to a child when he's the only one in class without a phone?

Yes, peer pressure is a thing, and burying your head in the sand sure as fuck won't help. Just do what a responsible parent should and install a hidden tracker on that thing that also supports message reading and keylogging. Never tell them that they've zero privacy or let them find out.

Never quite saw the point of letting people know that they were being tracked. All you'll do is get tainted results.

Probably because if you're kids don't trust you they won't listen to you...

 

[Spineker]

In theory, you probably did the right thing, OP. However now your sister will try and fuck as early as possible just to spite you.

 

[Easton Dark]

Education instead of condemnation next time.

You should have a heart-to-heart talk to win back her trust if you can, so that if she has any other problems, she feels safe bringing them to you.

 

[Soulflarz]

Educate her next time, but uh
Yeah, sex at 11 probably isnt a good idea for her.

 

[Dorimukyasuto]

Thank fuck my little sister goes to an all girl's catholic school. What the fuck is with kid's these days? I went to a fucking ghetto as fuck school and noone was having sex at 11. I saw some ghetto shit (including a kid getting his head bashed in and bleeding everywhere) but nobody was having sex. Except for that teacher who they had fired for molesting kids.

#HoodLife
#INeverLearnedAlgebra

 

[LookAtMeGo]

Have her watch a video of a real birth.

 

[Soulflarz]

Thank fuck my little sister goes to an all girl's catholic school.

You see, my friends who are older than me joke about catholic school girls because the idea is that they go crazy in college from it (as in sex+drugs constantly), obviously its a stereotype, but yeah, at least nothing from her school?

 

[Zoolader]

Not surprising. My little 7 year old niece watches the Disney channel and all of the current shows have little kids dating.

 

[Piston Hyundai]

so I'm a little lit (happy new year and all that) and I apologize in advance for this but

"my dick is super big."

good god almighty I am howling

 

[Jezbollah]

Not sure what to say but abstence only teaching almost always results in early sex and pregnancy. You guys need to sit her down and tell her how to be safe. When I was in middle school there was two girls knocked up in 6th grade. Yeah she is young but just screaming at her is not going to help.


EDIT,my fiancee is throwing in her two cents. When she turned 10 her mom told her if she ever needed to get put on birth control to tell her. She didn't want her having sex but if she was going to she wanted her to be safe. She never took her up on it till she turned 15 but treating her and talking to her like in adult was the right thing to do. Support not screaming at her. Her best friend was knocked up at 14 and her other friend at 16. We are still child free. You need to tell her how to be safe.

^^ this.

If this is her first crush, you need her to feel supported, not to feel constricted.

 

[SamVimes]

Nope. I just spent the holidays with my extended family.

Included four girls aged 9-11. None of them have a phone. Nor should they.

The 17 year old older sister has an ipod touch. Her parents will let her get a phone when she has a job to pay for it. I don't agree with that particular stance, but she's not pregnant so there may be some merit to it.

having phones as teenager will get you pregnant, you heard it here first

 

[Log4Girlz]

Teach her about safe sex. Because if she does it, and does it safely, there is a much lower chance of pregnancy.