Support NeoGAF

[Dorimukyasuto]

You see, my friends who are older than me joke about catholic school girls because the idea is that they go crazy in college from it (as in sex+drugs constantly), obviously its a stereotype, but yeah, at least nothing from her school?

Well, the public schools around here are notoriously poor and dangerous so a lot of people go to Catholic school (not me though, lel) but most of the girls from catholic school around here are like married at 20 anyway.

I'm pretty sure that whole "sex is for marriage" type deal has a part in that.

Can't really say though, because when I was 11 I was sitting in between two 300lb kids named Jamal and DeMarcus on the school bus just trying to get home to my N64.

 

[metalslimer]

having phones as teenager will get you pregnant, you heard it here first

I really don't get people with an aversion to giving kids phones. They are such a useful thing that can be lifesaving in certain circumstances. In fact, an iPad touch is an much bigger waste of money compared to a phone.

 

[Soulflarz]

Well, the public schools around here are notoriously poor and dangerous so a lot of people go to Catholic school (not me though, lel) but most of the girls from catholic school around here are like married at 20 anyway.

I'm pretty sure that whole "sex is for marriage" type deal has a part in that.

Can't really say though, because when I was 11 I was sitting in between two 300lb kids named Jamal and DeMarcus on the school bus just trying to get home to my N64.

Actually, I go to a Christian school, and I know a lot of people who basically agree with this logic- a lot of people I know will be marrying the first girl they kiss.

Hell, my teachers talk about it- dont get married for sex. If youre going to stay true to the idea of sex after marriage, you cant just be thinking "well, we really want to have sex now. I guess we have to get married" because thats a terrible reason to decide to be with someone on a long term commitment compared to other reasons.

 

[Opus Angelorum]

No offense, but you and your mother handled that terribly.

Yes, children that young know what sex is, talk about it, and even engage in it. Are they too young to fully grasp the consequences of it? Yes. But don't get caught up on the fact that your 11 year-old sister knows what sex is and talks about it with her peers. Of course she does.

But what you guys did here was take a moment that could have been used as a tool to educate her on the realities of sex, understand her and what's she going through with her peers better, and get closer to her in general, and used it to humiliate her and "tighten the reins" without making any attempt to understand her better.

Sometimes it's easy as parents (and older siblings) to just want to keep a child in a "child's place" because, ultimately, that what's easiest for us to do. But there are certain subjects, like sex, where I think it's best to approach young people as the young people they are, and not like the innocent children we want them to stay.

Great post.

This was (and still could be) an opportunity to educate your sister.

 

[Ryaaan14]

Don't worry, she'll continue doing it, she'll just be way more secretive.

Great job.

 

[GreenRobot]

Kids are more disgusting and completely liberal in the wrong ways today.

OP you did the right thing. When she leaves she is free to do as she pleases, but for now, she should act in a manner that is respectful to her family.

Astonishing to me some people are criticizing the OPs mom. What the hell is a mother to do? Say, " Sure, my 11 year old girl, go ahead and start fucking!" Many mothers would've snuck a in a few choice blows as well as a yelling.

OP, if I were you, I'd gather my buddies up and give this little punk a beating.

 

[Soulflarz]

Kids are more disgusting and completely liberal in the wrong ways today.

Many mothers would've snuck a in a few choice blows as well as a yelling.

OP, if I were you, I'd gather my buddies up and give this little punk a beating.

What the hell did I just read.

 

[Amir0x]

There are nuanced approaches to issues like this, GreenRobot. And almost all the solutions ITT sure did not approach telling the Mother to say "sure, my 11 year old girl, go ahead and start fucking!" That's a strawman and not particularly constructive.

Royalan made a pretty good post about the importance of treating someone at this age for the emerging teenager/adult they are becoming, making this a teachable moment instead of one laced with humiliation. She is now far more likely to go right back to doing something like this only in a far more dangerous/secretive fashion.

It's important to not let our emotional feelings to protect someone override the rational reality of which solution works best.

This:

OP, if I were you, I'd gather my buddies up and give this little punk a beating.

Is also supremely offensive and, frankly, goes to show that you should not be indulging in advice giving to anyone here. I had to grow up a lot over the past decade on GAF. It's clear you now have to do some growing up of your own.

 

[Messofanego]

What the hell did I just read.

A wanting to end up in jail.

 

[GreenRobot]

What the hell did I just read.

Well, his sister is 11. Trying to have sex with her, is trying to rape her as she is too young to consent. Is it really that hard to believe a brother would want to save his sister from rape?

 

[akira28]

What the hell did I just read.

someone who plays by different social mores.

 

[LookAtMeGo]

OP, if I were you, I'd gather my buddies up and give this little punk a beating.

Beating up the kid is terrible advice on its own but getting some buddies together for a gang beating?

 

[v1lla21]

Idk man, you kind of blew it. I know you wanted to help, but you went about it the wrong way. I bought my sister a cellphone 2 years ag (she was 12 then) and last year I kind of went through the same thing you went through. I never went to my parents about it because they both would've reacted how your mom did. You can still make it better, man. Talk to her.

 

[DontBeThatGuy]

I was dating at 11, going to the movies/rollerama, holding hands, shit like that, even a quick peck on the lips. I can't say I ever mentioned the size of my dick though, because that's something I just wasn't well equipped to back up.

 

[Persona7]

I doubt she will ever trust you again. You handled this situation poorly. You should be fostering trust and knowledge but it's too late now.

 

[studyguy]

Least she won't be a wizard, right GAF?
Kids make poor decisions OP. I can't fault you.

 

[i_am_ben]

You handled it very very poorly.

Also, the fact she has very little knowledge about sex ed should be very concerning to you.

 

[Sakura]

Dammit these 11 year olds have more experience than me.

 

[Soulflarz]

Well, his sister is 11. Trying to have sex with her, is trying to rape her as she is too young to consent. Is it really that hard to believe a brother would want to save his sister from rape?

Legally rape...yes
The issue is you're using rape in the sense of hes forcing sex on her.
Because she cannot consent means he legally raped her, but if she wants to have sex with him -which we don't know- please for the love of God don't be throwing the word rape around, as in society we don't take it as a legal term but as a term for "forced sex against her will"

Second, you fail to solve this situation rationally. Violence isn't a good solution, and you need to reevaluate your methods. Let alone violence towards a 11 year old, who in this scenario would be your sister.
And beating someone up for wanting sex as they are going through puberty is borderline dangerous to them when they're going to end up associating it with fear or a taboo of sorts.

Lastly, if an 11 year old girl wants to have sex, how does one come to the conclusion that grabbing a your older friends and beating her up is a logical solution? You've suggested ganging up on a junior high student and beating her up. I don't think one has to provide a reason as to whats wrong with this?

 

[Comfort Jones]

Sounds like a symptom that you're already being too overbearing.

Was literally cringing at "my dad hit me when I cursed so I don't do it". That is garbage tier logic that makes me want to puke. Oh god, not bad words! A grown man being unable to handle his kids stupidly using a bad word shows just how immature and not ready for kids he actually is. You almost speak of this like it was a positive act so I can only imagine you're seriously fucking up with certain things and making your daughter really iffy on viewing you as an actual source of wisdom.

 

[Spinluck]

My sister is 16 and dating.

It's whatever though.

 

[Brazil]

Jesus Christ, OP sounds like a horror story. Way to fuck up your sister's sexuality before it's even properly developed.

The girl probably doesn't trust her family anymore and won't for a good time.

Wailing at her instead of counseling her and sheltering her instead of properly educating her on sex... If she gets out of this unharmed it'll probably be a miracle.

 

[Marvel]

Don't worry, she'll continue doing it, she'll just be way more secretive.

Great job.

Indeed.

 

[Coriolanus]

Well, his sister is 11. Trying to have sex with her, is trying to rape her as she is too young to consent. Is it really that hard to believe a brother would want to save his sister from rape?

You are concocting a scenario where an eleven year old is raped to justify beating the shit out of a thirteen year old.

The fuck is wrong with you?

 

[akira28]

hey, old enough to fuck, old enough to get fucked up.

they actually cover that in today's sex ed courses.

 

[Wiktor]

Only one solution now..it might be few days after Christmas, but make this a late gift:

 

[v1lla21]

Only one solution now..it might be few days after Christmas, but make this a late gift:

This looks like a fun post for Instagram.

 

[mrklaw]

I have no idea how I'm going to handle this sort of thing when my daughter gets older. Right now, my only thought is 'not well.'

Especially at 11.

Same, my daughter is 10. The whole thing about 'he was just joking' was scary. Because you know that him saying it is joking is just softening her up to hear those phrases, and then at some point he won't be joking anymore.


While I'm all for being understanding etc, she isn't a teenager or a young woman. She's 11. 'Tweens' is annoying enough as a term, but what kind of slippery slope has us treating 11 year olds like we would a 14-15 year old in terms of sex etc? If they're 13+, maybe you talk about safe sex. If they're 10-11, it isn't wrong to say 'no' as a parent.

 

[Log4Girlz]

I doubt she will ever trust you again. You handled this situation poorly. You should be fostering trust and knowledge but it's too late now.

He could have been the cool bro

 

[enzo_gt]

You did the right thing, OP. Might look harsh now, but she's 11 for crying out loud. At the very worst this opens up potential for a dialog, learning and sex talk with her. I think people are overrating the negative outcomes a bit, especially considering she's only 11 and clearly has some level of respect for you. Even if she doesn't get it now, she'll understand when she's mature that you did this in fear for her safety. And God knows who this dude is or what his intentions were or how educated on sex he would be either, so I think the precaution is warranted at this age.

 

[Sn4ke_911]

Beating up the kid is terrible advice on its own but getting some buddies together for a gang beating?

Exactly, wtf is wrong with you GreenRobot? beating up a 13 year old kid and if that wasn't enough you would call your "buddies" to help? what kind of fucking coward are you? You don't even have the balls to do shit yourself but have such a big mouth, unbelievable.

You represent everything wrong with kids these days, grow the fuck up.

 

[Messofanego]

Can't wait for the day that good sexual education is so widespread that it'll become acceptable for children to not hide those kind of things from their loved ones in fear of the response and rather have a healthy discussion of an inevitable part of someone's life.

 

[Yaphett Kotto]

So not only did you frag your relationship with your sister, she will now be more covert with her relationship with the boy and, assuming you want to keep her "innocent image", she will end up discovering the shit on her own if no one in the family bothers to. What a terrible method of handling the situation.

Royalan said it best. That presented a perfect way to teach her about sex and getting to know her and the boyfriend better. Behavior like this leads down to broken family ties and more shady activities from the one being kept in the quiet about her curiosities.

OP, I think you should apologize for the unneeded exposure and forcing her to break up with someone who potentially was a good kid (just making some bad decisions like any kid) and teach her a few things about sex and why she cannot do those activities at her age. Lack of sexual education is going to lead to some surprising events for you and the family if it stays that way. I have three cousins who can attest to that.

 

[coleco]

It's normal. I was the same at her age 25 years ago so I can only imagine things are faster now.

 

[Kotetsu534]

I think you were right to intervene, but probably wrong to break her trust and tell mum anyway. I'd definitely apologise for that. A trusting, close relationship with you is the best long-term protection you can give her, especially if your mum is the type to yell/scream when she gets news she doesn't want.

 

[Easton Dark]

The gang beating of a 13 year old is preferable to talking to both about safe sex?

Abstinence is scary.

 

[SamVimes]

You did the right thing, OP. Might look harsh now, but she's 11 for crying out loud. At the very worst this opens up potential for a dialog, learning and sex talk with her. I think people are overrating the negative outcomes a bit, especially considering she's only 11 and clearly has some level of respect for you. Even if she doesn't get it now, she'll understand when she's mature that you did this in fear for her safety. And God knows who this dude is or what his intentions were or how educated on sex he would be either, so I think the precaution is warranted at this age.

How does this open potential for dialog? Him finding the texts should have been that, but instead of communicating properly he went around her.

 

[GamerJM]

I don't think the OP did the right thing but I also don't think that what he did was terrible either. He should have talked to his sister about it and had a conversation. Maybe tell the parents in private if he thought he needed to. That being said it could have gone worse and I think the most important thing, above all else, is that he's trying to prevent a potential pregnancy or scaring relationship.

I went to middle school in 2006-2009, and even then not having a cell phone was a handicap. A kid these days cannot be social without a cell phone. Nobody under 30 calls regularly, and if they ever need to get a ride, it's really awkward to borrow a stranger's phone to call home.

Eh, I went to Middle School then and didn't have a phone and did fine. But then again I hardly have any friends. Even now I basically don't text or use my phone.

 

[Jackpot]

I knew damn well it wasn't just a friend.

So today I did something I do regret doing and am oppose of in the general sense which is make her give me the code to the phone and show me who she was talking to. My mom joined me as well since she also wanted to know. She begged and screamed no but we threaten to take the phone away for good if she didn't cough it up. She eventually broke down in the sole promise that I only I read it.

This shit broke me man. Growing up, one of values were to never say anything vulgar/bad in the household.

When it came to stuff like sex I would avoid it entirely.

I showed it to mom afterwards and she overreacted as though her only daughter at that age is already contemplating sex.

After my mom settled down from screaming her lungs out at my sister, I told her I would handle the situation. So I go talk to my sister alone and pretty much tell her that I want her to break up with the guy, that she's too young for this, that her top priority is school.

You are a terrible person. I can only imagine the long-term effects it'll have on her.

Only way it could be more like something from a bad tv drama is if you beat her whilst shouting bible verses then ending the scene with a close-up of your aroused face.

 

[fertygo]

Shit's not right for me, but yeah you fucked up OP and could handle this better.

 

[sirap]

Welcome to the future. Kids are getting introduced to sex at a super early age. It's inevitable when you have smartphones and easy access to the internet.

I knew kids that were having sex at 13. I was in that age group when I started as well.

 

[TheLostBigBoss]

Welcome to the future. Kids are getting introduced to sex at a super early age. It's inevitable when you have smartphones and easy access to the internet.

I knew kids that were having sex at 13. I was in that age group when I started as well.

You act like this is a new thing in human history.

 

[Gintamen]

Kids are more disgusting and completely liberal in the wrong ways today.

OP you did the right thing. When she leaves she is free to do as she pleases, but for now, she should act in a manner that is respectful to her family.

Astonishing to me some people are criticizing the OPs mom. What the hell is a mother to do? Say, " Sure, my 11 year old girl, go ahead and start fucking!" Many mothers would've snuck a in a few choice blows as well as a yelling.

OP, if I were you, I'd gather my buddies up and give this little punk a beating.

Well, his sister is 11. Trying to have sex with her, is trying to rape her as she is too young to consent. Is it really that hard to believe a brother would want to save his sister from rape?

That's a complete mess you put there together. Oh boy.

From reality to you: Kids go through puberty and have been thinking about sex since the beginning of men. You did, your parents did, your grandparents did. There is a little percentage of humanity that does not.

It's not about prohibiting it, it's about educating a child as royalan already explained. And tell/educate him too how it's too early yet. She's eleven, he's thirteen, ages that people actually get together and start forming greater bonds than simple friendship. I don't believe she's mentally mature enough yet, not for a couple of years, that wouldn't turn it into any form of rape though, unless he's coercing her to do so in that situation.

And damn beating up a thirteen year old child with your, to him, very old friends for seeking what his body and mind is slowly growing him to do naturally, simply disgusting. Feels like you are the child that has to grow up still. Take a moment and think you have suggested there. What would you learn if some 18+ year old guys beat the shit out of you for liking that sweet girl one or two classes under you?

He could have been the cool bro

Forever a baka oni-san.

 

[peanutbutterlatte]

"Oh it's 11 year olds, they're probably just exchanging love poems... OP is being totally over...

Shit. Unless you want to be an Uncle by 2015, I suggest you step in.

 

[SirJackDaniels]

No offense, but you and your mother handled that terribly.

Yes, children that young know what sex is, talk about it, and even engage in it. Are they too young to fully grasp the consequences of it? Yes. But don't get caught up on the fact that your 11 year-old sister knows what sex is and talks about it with her peers. Of course she does.

But what you guys did here was take a moment that could have been used as a tool to educate her on the realities of sex, understand her and what's she going through with her peers better, and get closer to her in general, and used it to humiliate her and "tighten the reins" without making any attempt to understand her better.

Sometimes it's easy as parents (and older siblings) to just want to keep a child in a "child's place" because, ultimately, that what's easiest for us to do. But there are certain subjects, like sex, where I think it's best to approach young people as the young people they are, and not like the innocent children we want them to stay.

Completely agree. You lost power OP.
You could have come out stronger. I really hope it doesn't backfire.

Remember she is a teenager and is going through puberty. This is the first time she behaved like this and you shut her down instead of embracing the change.

 

[GreenRobot]

You are concocting a scenario where an eleven year old is raped to justify beating the shit out of a thirteen year old.

The fuck is wrong with you?

I'm not concocting anything. Did you not read the OPs story?

I am not saying the OP should kill this boy. Perhaps, he need not attack him at all, just scare him. Give him a talking to. If physical confrontation is what the OP feels is needed a few shoves should settle the matter.

Maybe I was quick on the draw, but a 13 year old kid trying to bang an 11 year old one is rape. Him even sexting this girl is sexual harassment depending on which state the OP is in. This is a serious matter, that could ruin the lives of all involved.

I don't possibly know how a mother could've possibly reacted any differently. If the mother didn't punish the daughter, I doubt the daughter would've ever respected her mother. She would certainly have no reason to fear shaming her mother, if the mother gave her consent for her 11 year old prepubescent to be raped by a teenager.

OP, I know you feel like perhaps you should've remained silent, but you did the right thing. Any caring mother would at the very least yell at their daughter for such actions.

 

[Yaphett Kotto]

Shit. Unless you want to be an Uncle by 2015, I suggest you step in.

Before anyone think this is just some exaggeration, this shit can happen.

 

[Soulflarz]

I am not saying the OP should kill this boy. Perhaps, he need not attack him at all, just scare him. Give him a talking to. If physical confrontation is what the OP feels is needed a few shoves should settle the matter.

Maybe I was quick on the draw, but a 13 year old kid trying to bang an 11 year old one is rape. Him even sexting this girl is sexual harassment depending on which state the OP is in. This is a serious matter, that could ruin the lives of all involved.

[it would be like] if the mother gave her consent for her 11 year old prepubescent to be raped by a teenager.

Quoting the parts that I'm having trouble with...you don't physically touch a 13 year old, nor do you try to scare him. That's not legal, you're the one harassing him. Since you're so insistent on using legality, I'm going there.

Secondly, stop making this a legal issue regarding sexual harassment and rape. What I mean by this is....stop calling it rape. When you use the terms "he raped her" no one is going to jump to the idea of "two individuals wanted sex and weren't of the age of consent" and you know it. People instantly go to the idea of forcing someone to have sex.

 

[fawaz]

I have 5 brothers most of which are much younger than me, so I am pretty sure I would know how to handle a teenaged son. However, I have no sisters to that are younger than me, so the idea of raising a teenaged daughter kinda scares me. For example I would not know how to handle the situation in the op.

 

[Messofanego]

This 1957 video on sex education is surprisingly good, even if a bit dry with the outdated acting.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxDOHHROZhI