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[Daedardus]

And that's the reason we had sex education in the third grade (Germany). I was able to talk to my parents about sex even before. Blowjobs were a thing before the seventh grade, but I can't remember a single girl that got pregnant in before the Abitur (grade 11-13).

Even that is too young. If you can't properly care for the child financially/emotionally there's no point in raising one.

That said, OP, you shouldn't discourage sex. But you should give a good sex education and encourage to have safe sex if she has it. Although I agree that 11 is too young to start the birth control pill and I don't know if she knows how to properly let him use a condom. That's the actual reason she's too young for sex and she should wait a while. Also, if you're open about sex, the magic disappears and she will experiment a lot less. But it should always seem like it is her decision, or else she will always feel slightly discomfortable with it.

 

[Monocle]

don't beat him, spank him. parental discipline, in place of his parents.

Because hitting is such a great way to impart life lessons. If you want to screw up a kid, just treat them like a dumb animal.

 

[MultiCore]

When my oldest daughter was 8, she was playing with some neighborhood kids of varying ages.

A boy of similar age straight up propositioned her for intercourse. She had no idea what he was talking about, wound up asking my wife about it.

Suffice it to say, we were floored, and she didn't get to be around that kid again. We have moved since then, but I'm sure that's not the last story I'll have to tell as my daughters grow up.

 

[maniac-kun]

German GAF: When I was in school some girls started having sex at 12 (2 in my class) while others waited until 16 or later. Iam 31 now. Well this generation has the internet even on their phones so who knows how all that is influencing them.

 

[Messofanego]

Because hitting is such a great way to impart life lessons. If you want to screw up a kid, just treat them like a dumb animal.

Hey, worked for the OP!

Growing up, one of values were to never say anything vulgar/bad in the household. I one time said "you fucking bitch" as a kid and my dad heard it and hit me for it. I haven't said one word of profanity since then. I taught my sister the same.

 

[Shyakugaun]

Having a Daughter should be every mans nightmare smh

 

[Jezbollah]

"Resent it for the rest of her life" seems like vast, vast, and I do mean vast exaggeration.

You really dont understand how much a big memory as your first boyfriend is to a girl, do you?

 

[The Smoking Bun]

Having a Daughter should be every mans nightmare smh

Only if you expect them to be a subservient and caged human who is raised only through television

Personally, I would have sat both my sister and her BF down and had a long talk.
Screaming and shouting never helps and people always over-react in situations like this
Education and awareness are always the best solutions but nah let's get physical!

 

[TronLight]

This shit broke me man. Growing up, one of values were to never say anything vulgar/bad in the household. I one time said "you fucking bitch" as a kid and my dad heard it and hit me for it. I haven't said one word of profanity since then. I taught my sister the same. When it came to stuff like sex I would avoid it entirely. One time my sister asked me what sex was after she heard it said in the Family Guy intro. I told her she'll learn about it in school. I'm very aware this is very outdated standard of raising and most here would be open about it with kids at a young age, but I was just never comfortable talking about with anyone in my household. This could be a result of that but still..

"I don't want you to do something I've never told you about, you just don't do it even if you don't know what it is, why it is and how and why you should avoid, just don't ok?!"

If this episode happened somewhat recently, she may have asked you because the kid already asked her for sex, and by dodging the question, you just left her without any support. And if you overreacted I mean not by screaming at her but by making her feel like she should never talk about it with anyone you just made the situation worse.
Lack of communication hurts kids more than anything else.

My two cents.

 

[Valravn]

WTF when i was eleven all i could think about were cartoons, super nintendo and other kids stuff.

 

[Sho_Nuff82]

Contrary to conservative opinion, ignorance does not lead to abstinence. It leads to bad choices.

You and your parents are wrong to keep your sister in the dark. It's also probably wrong to have a zero boyfriend policy. Kids have casual dating relationships in middle school. I never did at that age, and I felt like in was missing out, even back then.

You can't censor her from the world. What's going to happen is that she'll start being even more secretive, because you know you don't respect her privacy and she knows you'll flip out over even the smallest thing. The best course would be to talk to her about making good decisions and the realities of pregnancy, not to try to force her into a nun's habit. Good luck with the latter.

 

[Prophet Steve]

WTF when i was eleven all i could think about were cartoons, super nintendo and other kids stuff.

That really isn't the case and this isn't only a recent thing. Sexual attraction starting around that age. And in my case I also really doubt I was an early bloomer.

 

[Randam]

WTF when i was eleven all i could think about were cartoons, super nintendo and other kids stuff.

yeah, I couldn't even spell Sex when I was eleven.

 

[GodofWine]

I'd probably take the phone to the boys parents and show them it as well, of course I'm the father of a 6yr old girl

 

[Crossing Eden]

Only if you expect them to be a subservient and caged human who is raised only through television

Personally, I would have sat both my sister and her BF down and had a long talk.
Screaming and shouting never helps and people always over-react in situations like this
Education and awareness are always the best solutions but nah let's get physical!

More like I would sit down with the kid and his parents and forbid him from speaking to my daughter, that kinda talk is unbelievably disrespectful especially to someone who's not even a teen yet and possibly not even going through puberty yet. No woman in my family would allow a man, or in this case boy, speak to them any kinda way or talk about how big his dick is.

 

[Comfort Jones]

That really isn't the case and this isn't only a recent thing. Sexual attraction starting around that age. And in my case I also really doubt I was an early bloomer.

Yeah first time I kinda thought about sex was 12 and I didn't turn out to be some crazy sexual deviant.

OR DID I???

 

[Daweex]

Americans are so weird when it comes to young people and sex.
Yet, you seem to have no problems with a 11 years old using a gun, why is that?

 

[Comfort Jones]

Americans are so weird when it comes to young people and sex.
Yet, you seem to have no problems with a 11 years old using a gun, why is that?

Sick drive by strawman, dude.

 

[Char Aznable]

damn kids these days...

 

[Cardigan]

People are surprised that 11-13 year old kids are interested in sex/horny? I was wanking into oblivion at that age.

 

[Daweex]

Sick drive by strawman, dude.

I was speaking in general obviously, but that's the impression I've got.

Exposure to guns = fine
Exposure to anything sex related = not fine

 

[kirby_fox]

People are surprised that 11-13 year old kids are interested in sex/horny? I was wanking into oblivion at that age.

If I was given the chance to privately message a girl I was dating at 13 I'd probably say the exact same thing and say it was a joke too. Biology and what not made me want to bang every girl around at that age, and the second you had a chance with a girl for a relationship you tried to get sex. I knew a guy who swore he had sex at 10 with a girl a couple years older.

Sadly this isn't anything new, it's just way easier thanks to texting. The pressure is a lot higher, so proper education and what not.

 

[Crossing Eden]

Americans are so weird when it comes to young people and sex.
Yet, you seem to have no problems with a 11 years old using a gun, why is that?

Is there a single post in this thread that says that they'd be ok with an 11 year old holding, owning, or using a gun? Such an unbelievably irrelevant driveby post.

 

[Mammoth Jones]

More like I would sit down with the kid and his parents and forbid him from speaking to my daughter, that kinda talk is unbelievably disrespectful especially to someone who's not even a teen yet and possibly not even going through puberty yet. No woman in my family would allow a man, or in this case boy, speak to them any kinda way or talk about how big his dick is.

This.. Sorry maybe I'm old school but there will always be thirsty dudes. And what she chooses to do at 17 is a fuck ton different than what she chooses to do at 11.. At that young age I'm putting little man on blast and his parents too.

My daughter is due in March.. Shit like this got me concerned.. I'm not down with that new age "if she gonna fuck she gonna fuck don't worry about it". Not at 11.

 

[The Smoking Bun]

More like I would sit down with the kid and his parents and forbid him from speaking to my daughter, that kinda talk is unbelievably disrespectful especially to someone who's not even a teen yet and possibly not even going through puberty yet. No woman in my family would allow a man, or in this case boy, speak to them any kinda way or talk about how big his dick is.

Well the boy is only thirteen right? He probably got influenced by older kids or the internet into thinking saying things like that is cool and will get you lot's of friends.
My suggestion was mostly teach them both what they were doing wrong and if the boy turns out to be an ass well all the more reason for my daughter to avoid him. And yes, we should involve the boy's parents

This.. Sorry maybe I'm old school but there will always be thirsty dudes. And what she chooses to do at 17 is a fuck ton different than what she chooses to do at 11.. At that young age I'm putting little man on blast and his parents too.

My daughter is due in March.. Shit like this got me concerned.. I'm not down with that new age "if she gonna fuck she gonna fuck don't worry about it". Not at 11.

If by "on blast" you mean give him a stern talking then sure. Let's hold both responsible and not act like the evil boy was preying on the poor innocent young girl

 

[TheContact]

Op needs to talk to that boys mother, not scold your sister.

 

[NaM]

She's not going to become a wizard, that's for sure.

 

[MasterOfPastures]

 

[triplestation]

Why does she have a phone at 11

 

[lacinius]

TALK TO THE BOYS PARENTS!

Seriously op.

I will especially since my sister is the third girl he's been with this year according to her.

Depending on how this goes down I would suggest you be prepared for this to backfire against your sister because middle school is a small slice of hell on earth, especially if he is one of the "popular" boys. It won't be fair and it won't be right, but middle school rarely is.

 

[Crossing Eden]

This.. Sorry maybe I'm old school but there will always be thirsty dudes. And what she chooses to do at 17 is a fuck ton different than what she chooses to do at 11.. At that young age I'm putting little man on blast and his parents too.

My daughter is due in March.. Shit like this got me concerned.. I'm not down with that new age "if she gonna fuck she gonna fuck don't worry about it". Not at 11.

Almost literally my entire immediate family is women, my aunt has five kids, four girls, I have a sister, my uncle has three daughters, it's a wonder I was born a male. It's highly likely that my child will be a girl. And yes, 17 is a way different ballpark that i'd be ok with as long as she's safe and if he's not a few years older. The main main issue here is the fact that she's only 11 years old and clearly being taken advantage of by a "popular" boy.

 

[John Kowalski]

I bet his dick isn't even that big.

 

[Coreda]

Don't feel too bad OP. Many kids I remember at 11-12 had sex on the mind, so it's not surprising. Most adults have no idea what kids at that age are talking about/doing.

 

[CapitalismSucks DonkeyBalls]

Why does she have a phone at 11

Kids that young deserve a flip phone and nothing else. For emergency calls only. Let them text when they get a part time job and can afford it. It helps curb issues like this.

 

[Gintamen]

You did the right thing, OP. She's too young to be bothering with that topic.

Girls grow up earlier and faster. Being bothered by it?Don't try to tell me that you think only boys masturbate at a young age. She's got to somehow learn what happens to her body and how to react and live a normal life. Tip: She will start having her period one day, that's the latest moment to start the big talk.

 

[John Kowalski]

Kids that young deserve a knee long skirt and nothing else. For family social outings only. Let them buy miniskirts when they get a part time job and can afford it. It helps curb issues like this.

I agree.

 

[nateeasy]

Beat him up

 

[Brian Fellows]

Half the girls (and none of the boys) in my class had had sex by the time we finished the 7th grade but damn 11 is a year or two below that even.

 

[Mammoth Jones]

If by "on blast" you mean give him a stern talking then sure. Let's hold both responsible and not act like the evil boy was preying on the poor innocent young girl

Agreed.

 

[Sesuadra]

Let's hold both responsible and not act like the evil boy was preying on the poor innocent young girl

this is actually a really important part that a lot of people forget.

 

[Jenenser]

lol, the whole story is a mess.
nothing to be proud of, you handled everything wrong. your relationship to her will never be fixed and she is still dating that guy. (guess what she will do next, just to give you and your parents a big middlefinger)

simplest thing that you couldve done is, go to him, and beat him up (or worse show the texts to his parents)

hilarious part that i dont understand, what exactly did she wrong?
ask that yourself and than think about all the damage u caused.

 

[dokish]

No offense, but you and your mother handled that terribly.

Yes, children that young know what sex is, talk about it, and even engage in it. Are they too young to fully grasp the consequences of it? Yes. But don't get caught up on the fact that your 11 year-old sister knows what sex is and talks about it with her peers. Of course she does.

But what you guys did here was take a moment that could have been used as a tool to educate her on the realities of sex, understand her and what's she going through with her peers better, and get closer to her in general, and used it to humiliate her and "tighten the reins" without making any attempt to understand her better.

Sometimes it's easy as parents (and older siblings) to just want to keep a child in a "child's place" because, ultimately, that what's easiest for us to do. But there are certain subjects, like sex, where I think it's best to approach young people as the young people they are, and not like the innocent children we want them to stay.

Beautiful.

 

[Hazanko]

I'd have been pissed off too but calmly talking about things would have been better. Also talking to the boy's parents.

 

[wildfire]

You made the right call to be intrusive. Just don't stop there.

Talk with her again to confirm you are there to help her. Don't mess around because you find the topic uncomfortable. Let her know you will always be there for her and that you aren't judging her bit protecting her.

Your parents need to talk with the other kid's parents. They need to know how their son is acting. He won't learn if you ignore him. He might mess up his life or any girl's life with that level of immaturity.

You need to do both of these.

 

[Ennosuke]

Having sex with the age of 11. I know this happens, but when I think back at that age, this is just unreal. I had different thoughts at that age, even a few years later.

 

[Pai Pai Master]

Considering how it came about, I don't know if I could have handled the situation any better.

But you should take this as a chance to educate her properly about sex. She is very young but don't only chastise her for what she was doing. Make sure she knows that she can come to you and your parents if she has questions. "You'll learn about it in school" is not good enough because abstinence-only sex ed is not good enough.

It's gross and icky to think about your sister having sex, but she's going to do it eventually and you're not going to be able to stop it. Now is your chance to do everything in your power to make sure she is properly educated and equipped to handle a more adult early-teenage life than most of us experienced. She needs to understand that not all boys around that age are going to be "joking" about it. Most are going to expect some pretty extreme things of her as she really does start dating more. And just as important as understanding what sex is and how to practice safe sex, she needs to learn to say no to things she doesn't feel comfortable with doing.

 

[-Pyromaniac-]

The risk with confronting them too harshly is now they might have "nobody can stop our love sex".

Totes serious.

 

[CarpeDeezNutz]

Why does she have a phone at 11

Parents are buying 8 year olds phones. Phones going off cos a kid forgot to silence them in their backpacks is a thing, and I am talking in elementary school.

 

[Kinyou]

yeah, I couldn't even spell Sex when I was eleven.

I didn't even have a penis when I was eleven

 

[Death Metalist]

You did the right thing OP. Kids these days, I didn't even own a phone until I was 14 and it was a shitty ass fuck one at that. My biggest concern was what cartoon to watch when I'm eating.

EDIT: I don't think mom did the right thing though with all the yelling.