I've been in several long distance relationships. Most of them lasted pretty long and ended on good terms. It can work, so long as you're confident, know what you're getting into (with a plan, though winging it did work for me too) and you know how to maintain a healthy bond with your SO.
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So GAF, about long distance relationships
- Thread starter Peterthumpa
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MarkMclovin
Member
In most cases I've heard about long distance relationships, including my own when I was young, almost never work out.
However they do seem to work when the couple are already invested in eachother, like after marriage/kids etc.
Good luck though OP.
However they do seem to work when the couple are already invested in eachother, like after marriage/kids etc.
Good luck though OP.
Phone calls and skype dates are super important. It gets really difficult but it definitely helps if you're calling and texting each other throughout the day (good morning/night texts are everything!). I'm pretty insecure but it was always reassuring to have my boyfriend available on the other line 
Like most are saying you need a plan. If you really care for this relationship to work you have to be selfless, and you both have to work outside of your comfort zone to make it a smooth move. I was a bit unhappy leaving my home city, but living with my SO now has been the best thing that happened to me. I really love him and I can't imagine living apart again.
Like most are saying you need a plan. If you really care for this relationship to work you have to be selfless, and you both have to work outside of your comfort zone to make it a smooth move. I was a bit unhappy leaving my home city, but living with my SO now has been the best thing that happened to me. I really love him and I can't imagine living apart again.
I've been in one for about two and half years. Things can work if you have long-term goals that both of you can agree on, the most important being to close the distance (and where to live). So far we're headed in the right direction. It's not easy, but the prospect of reaching our goals keeps us going.
One of the best feelings was meeting her in person for the first time and finding out that we were just as close and great together in person as we were online.
One of the best feelings was meeting her in person for the first time and finding out that we were just as close and great together in person as we were online.
Garrett 2U
Member
I've been in a long distance relationship for about a year and a half now.
It works for us because we have a lot of similar interests that we are able to do together, even though we're many miles apart.
I've always planned to move out to her area, before I knew her. So we have a plan to eventually be around each other, which helps as well.
It works for us because we have a lot of similar interests that we are able to do together, even though we're many miles apart.
I've always planned to move out to her area, before I knew her. So we have a plan to eventually be around each other, which helps as well.
kavanf1
Member
It can work, as long as you have an end state you're both aiming for where you end up together. I met my wife in the US when we were both on a working holiday. We both went back to our respective countries at the end of the summer, and did the long distance thing for about 8 months. It sucked as internet communication was still relatively immature (no Skype or the like), and phone calls cost a fortune. Eventually we threw caution to the wind and she moved to Ireland to be with me. A few years later we moved to Scotland, where she's from. We'll have been together 17 years this year.
The way I look at it, if you're right for one another, you'll make it work. Unfortunately you'll only find this out by trying, so the question becomes about how much short term sacrifice you are willing to make to achieve longer term happiness. If you're not willing, that's no bad thing. Just be honest with yourself.
The way I look at it, if you're right for one another, you'll make it work. Unfortunately you'll only find this out by trying, so the question becomes about how much short term sacrifice you are willing to make to achieve longer term happiness. If you're not willing, that's no bad thing. Just be honest with yourself.
Entered a long distance relationship four and a half years ago with one of my best friends of 6 years (at that time).
I was initially aversive since I'd been in one already that didn't work out, and I was afraid that it was gonna be even less successful due to the even longer distance. But both of us gave it a shot.
It was some really circumstantial and lucky breaks that allowed us to close the gap but we've lived together for a long while now and are happy. It's possible to make it work. Two of my best friends managed to make a long distance relationship work and they're both married.
That said it takes a whole lot of devotion, sacrifice and effort to make it work. It's a very long-term battle you're facing. You need to be sure it's the right choice to do and that the two of you can go toughen through all the hoops involved. From my experience it's easier to ease into it the longer you've been close to someone - more so if they've been a very close friend for an extended time.
I was initially aversive since I'd been in one already that didn't work out, and I was afraid that it was gonna be even less successful due to the even longer distance. But both of us gave it a shot.
It was some really circumstantial and lucky breaks that allowed us to close the gap but we've lived together for a long while now and are happy. It's possible to make it work. Two of my best friends managed to make a long distance relationship work and they're both married.
That said it takes a whole lot of devotion, sacrifice and effort to make it work. It's a very long-term battle you're facing. You need to be sure it's the right choice to do and that the two of you can go toughen through all the hoops involved. From my experience it's easier to ease into it the longer you've been close to someone - more so if they've been a very close friend for an extended time.
Currently in one for a year, another year to go before she moves back and I took some advice from Gaf in the dating thread a bit back. We're still going as strong as ever.
Some advice I can give.
1. Plan times to talk, dates, etc. Use a bit of everything. Facebook helps, facebook stalking doesn't. Sometimes I post something on her wall, send messages daily, we do the pokes. We also use a phone App called Couple and have Skype session. All of this is used.
2. You need to make plans and commitments too. I'm spending 1.8k to visit her this winter and to go on a small vacation with her. She is spending some 1k to come back this summer to visit me. I've already planned out an event or two with friends such as a beach day.
You're saying its a lot. Yes it is. I don't spend much money anymore so I can save for these things. I stopped eating out, going to movies weekly, buying as many games, etc.
3. You need to have your own life too. Not hobbies. Not friends. But goals you are working too. This is something people misunderstand. Hobbies and friends do not replace your own desires and motivations. You need something else you are working on to achieve. Be it school, work, etc. Something that is important to you and with no real basis to her.
4. End game, what is the goal? If the goal is not living together in the end. Quit now.
5. See each other once every 6 months at least.
6. Send letters, packages, postcards, etc. Little stuff. I send funny videos, new articles, and other things online too. It isn't just ask her how her day is... some times it's me just sending dick pics or stupid videos of myself.
Now you want to know the positives to it?
1. You will have a lot of free time. It's actually relaxing to be honest. No obligations outside of talk times. If you are self motivated, it does something for you. It allows you to really work on yourself. For me, I started to workout again, learn a new language, actually decide to finish up school, etc. I have the time now. She is doing her thing, I'm doing mine.
2. The first few months were bad, it's only gotten easier. I miss her like hell... but a lot of those little trust issues, doubts, and everything slowly went away. On both our sides. I still have my doubts, but I've probably grown more in this year than most do in a decade.
3. Guess what, long distance relationships are the same as every other one. They have the same chance to succeed as any relationship. What does that mean to you? If the problem is there, it will manifest. It's all going to be the same on how you handle it and if you two truly do want to be together. There is no reason one would fail just because it is a long distance.
Some advice I can give.
1. Plan times to talk, dates, etc. Use a bit of everything. Facebook helps, facebook stalking doesn't. Sometimes I post something on her wall, send messages daily, we do the pokes. We also use a phone App called Couple and have Skype session. All of this is used.
2. You need to make plans and commitments too. I'm spending 1.8k to visit her this winter and to go on a small vacation with her. She is spending some 1k to come back this summer to visit me. I've already planned out an event or two with friends such as a beach day.
You're saying its a lot. Yes it is. I don't spend much money anymore so I can save for these things. I stopped eating out, going to movies weekly, buying as many games, etc.
3. You need to have your own life too. Not hobbies. Not friends. But goals you are working too. This is something people misunderstand. Hobbies and friends do not replace your own desires and motivations. You need something else you are working on to achieve. Be it school, work, etc. Something that is important to you and with no real basis to her.
4. End game, what is the goal? If the goal is not living together in the end. Quit now.
5. See each other once every 6 months at least.
6. Send letters, packages, postcards, etc. Little stuff. I send funny videos, new articles, and other things online too. It isn't just ask her how her day is... some times it's me just sending dick pics or stupid videos of myself.
Now you want to know the positives to it?
1. You will have a lot of free time. It's actually relaxing to be honest. No obligations outside of talk times. If you are self motivated, it does something for you. It allows you to really work on yourself. For me, I started to workout again, learn a new language, actually decide to finish up school, etc. I have the time now. She is doing her thing, I'm doing mine.
2. The first few months were bad, it's only gotten easier. I miss her like hell... but a lot of those little trust issues, doubts, and everything slowly went away. On both our sides. I still have my doubts, but I've probably grown more in this year than most do in a decade.
3. Guess what, long distance relationships are the same as every other one. They have the same chance to succeed as any relationship. What does that mean to you? If the problem is there, it will manifest. It's all going to be the same on how you handle it and if you two truly do want to be together. There is no reason one would fail just because it is a long distance.
LucidMomentum
Member
Yeah that was one of the main reasons my Ex and I broke up. She was on the coast and I was further inland. Both of us seemed in a spot where we enjoyed each other's company but didn't really want to move closer.
Shy Fingers
Banned
I can't tell if this is trying to be cute or sad.
Long distance relationships can work if both people have the right mindset! If you knew each other before it became long distance then that's a lot better too. What often doesn't work is when the relationship starts as long distance and stays that way for a long period of time. People are usually a lot different when you meet them in person than over text, phone or even skype. It's a very risky move, but if you want to invest time into that then good luck. I've seen it work, but it rarely ever works out smoothly
MultiJhonny
Banned
I am going through this right now. It just started actually. My girlfriend went to the Philippines for 2 months to visit her mom she hasn't seen for 3-4 years so I am okay with it. I know she is coming back as well so it isn't as drastic as a lot in here which is nice, still sucks though as I miss her greatly, and these 2 months will go by quite slow. The good thing is though that we have great communication and we both feel so strongly for each other that I am quite confident that it will work out, and it is only 2 months.
Stallion Dan
Member
Open the relationship up a little, keep it going but allow the itch to be scratched, that way when it is scratched...and it will be...it isn't an excuse to give up on the long distance thing.
Oh boy. This is going to be a semi long reply and im going to jump here and there but im just going to let u know how its been with me.
I've been with my girl for 10 years total were 5 of those years have been in a long distance. Its very very very very VERY tough specially in fights. You both need to make sure you guys always talk about everything, always make sure you're there for each other and please make sure you see each other constantly. I am 3k miles away from my girlfriend but whenever I have a chance to travel and go see her, I always do. I just came back from a 3 day trip to celebrate her birthday. I surprised her by showing up a day early and we had a lot of fun. Make sure U do things like that because itll always make the relationship better and heal it when theres a problem. Whenevr she doesn't have enough money to pay for her flight, I always help out to make it happen. The thing is to always find a way to see each other constantly at least twice a year because Skype, Whatsapp, sms, email, phone calls...they get boring rather quickly after a while when theres nothing physical going on.
Find it in your heart to always apologize whenever you know ure at fault with something and don't show an ego to not talk to her whenever shes at fault but she doesn't apologize. You can always just let her know without insulting her or anything like that. I never let her go to bed without telling her that I am sorry and that I love her. Always listen. Try not to fight back just because you want to win an argument. Sometimes women just want to be heard..
Don't let the flame die out. Meaning, if you were one type of person when she fell in love with you, try to be that same person thought all this process. She will notice when ure not the same and call you out. She might start thinking that you're seeing someone else or that you're giving up.
Man, there are so many things that I could tell you but they're just going to make this post so long. Just hang on! Its going to be tough but if shes the one its gonna be sooooo worth it.
I am going to help her purchase a ticket so she can come in December. When she comes, im going to ask her to marry me and demolish this distance for once and for all!!
Good luck!
I've been with my girl for 10 years total were 5 of those years have been in a long distance. Its very very very very VERY tough specially in fights. You both need to make sure you guys always talk about everything, always make sure you're there for each other and please make sure you see each other constantly. I am 3k miles away from my girlfriend but whenever I have a chance to travel and go see her, I always do. I just came back from a 3 day trip to celebrate her birthday. I surprised her by showing up a day early and we had a lot of fun. Make sure U do things like that because itll always make the relationship better and heal it when theres a problem. Whenevr she doesn't have enough money to pay for her flight, I always help out to make it happen. The thing is to always find a way to see each other constantly at least twice a year because Skype, Whatsapp, sms, email, phone calls...they get boring rather quickly after a while when theres nothing physical going on.
Find it in your heart to always apologize whenever you know ure at fault with something and don't show an ego to not talk to her whenever shes at fault but she doesn't apologize. You can always just let her know without insulting her or anything like that. I never let her go to bed without telling her that I am sorry and that I love her. Always listen. Try not to fight back just because you want to win an argument. Sometimes women just want to be heard..
Don't let the flame die out. Meaning, if you were one type of person when she fell in love with you, try to be that same person thought all this process. She will notice when ure not the same and call you out. She might start thinking that you're seeing someone else or that you're giving up.
Man, there are so many things that I could tell you but they're just going to make this post so long. Just hang on! Its going to be tough but if shes the one its gonna be sooooo worth it.
I am going to help her purchase a ticket so she can come in December. When she comes, im going to ask her to marry me and demolish this distance for once and for all!!
Good luck!
Peterthumpa
Member
That's super cool of you. Here's hoping for the best for you both!
Also, thanks for the comments (and everybody else). TL,DR: it's hard, but doable if there's real commitment from both.
cj_iwakura
Member
My gf moved to NY(due to some extenuating circumstances), and I wanted to maintain it, but she said she couldn't. I'm not sure if we could've maintained it, but I'd like to think so.
nephilimdj
Member
Back in my IRC days, tons of people I chatted to made it work in Europe. Seems like when there is a ocean involved, kinda never works unless one has the money spare to travel.
Plus Immigration is so fucking expensive in 2016
Plus Immigration is so fucking expensive in 2016
Morrigan Stark
Arrogant Smirk
No? We're offering a counter-anecdote to your anecdote. Why does that make you so annoyed?
nintendork666
Member
I don't see the point. I need dat physical contact on the regular.
Otherwise i'd rather be single.
Otherwise i'd rather be single.
LDR can be tough and confusing. I thought mine was going pretty well. The hardest thing was getting sponsorship for work in the US, it was dragging out to the point we were both resigned to the fact it could take a year or so. I had problems in getting a tourist visa owing to my visit to Iran just before visiting her. I think that kinda panicked her a bit.
When I got over there she acted like a totally different person to the one I was speaking to the previous week. I told her I couldn't take a huge risk uprooting my entire life for someone who wasn't sure about the relationship, so we broke up. Then she kinda blamed it all on me for leaving. Weird.
I think the issues there were more to do with her own attitudes towards relationships. Her parents went through a VERY messy divorce (death threats) and ever since she has kept guys at arms length. I was still committed to the relationship so I think it probably could have worked eventually, but you both need to be on the same page and have a healthy attitude towards relationships.
The girl I'm dating now, her flatmate has a bf living in Germany and they have no plans to ever live together. She visits him every two weeks or so, he never flies over here.
When I got over there she acted like a totally different person to the one I was speaking to the previous week. I told her I couldn't take a huge risk uprooting my entire life for someone who wasn't sure about the relationship, so we broke up. Then she kinda blamed it all on me for leaving. Weird.
I think the issues there were more to do with her own attitudes towards relationships. Her parents went through a VERY messy divorce (death threats) and ever since she has kept guys at arms length. I was still committed to the relationship so I think it probably could have worked eventually, but you both need to be on the same page and have a healthy attitude towards relationships.
The girl I'm dating now, her flatmate has a bf living in Germany and they have no plans to ever live together. She visits him every two weeks or so, he never flies over here.
IlGialloMondadori
Member
Worked for me. We were together for about 4 years, lived together for two of them. She always talked about doing her masters at her ideal school where many of the leaders in the field taught at, so I encouraged her to do it immediately before marriage or kids - yes, we had talked about marriage at that point, so we were very much on the same page, which I think is the most important part.
It honestly wasn't that bad. We'd text very short messages regularly, and we'd have skype dates on the weekends where we'd just hang out and do things while being on skype. The most important things were trust, communication, and support. Went over there a few times, and she visited a bunch.
She got an amazing job offer post grad, so I moved. We're now married for a few years, baby on the way, she's got a killer job, and so do I. It's been great. I think I need to reiterate, though, that we were very, very much committed and had very frank, open conversations about what that meant, so the base was there for success - there was complete trust on both sides.
It honestly wasn't that bad. We'd text very short messages regularly, and we'd have skype dates on the weekends where we'd just hang out and do things while being on skype. The most important things were trust, communication, and support. Went over there a few times, and she visited a bunch.
She got an amazing job offer post grad, so I moved. We're now married for a few years, baby on the way, she's got a killer job, and so do I. It's been great. I think I need to reiterate, though, that we were very, very much committed and had very frank, open conversations about what that meant, so the base was there for success - there was complete trust on both sides.
RoadHazard
Gold Member
Nope, doesn't work. Sorry.
EDIT: Didn't for me, at least. And that wasn't even in a different country or anything, just in different cities, so meeting on weekends wasn't too hard.
EDIT: Didn't for me, at least. And that wasn't even in a different country or anything, just in different cities, so meeting on weekends wasn't too hard.
Met my now husband on a FF forum when I was 16. Moved from Australia to England at 18. Then we moved to Australia. Been married 1.5 years now and together 7.
It can work. You just have to make solid plans and sacrifices. I dropped out of uni to move there as I had just started and he was in his final year. I'm just going back now.
If you lack those it won't work.
It can work. You just have to make solid plans and sacrifices. I dropped out of uni to move there as I had just started and he was in his final year. I'm just going back now.
If you lack those it won't work.
Two whole times? Amazing. How many relationships do you think people go through on average in their lives? Meanwhile, outside the bubble of ignorance there are many people who make a long distance relationship work.
Chuckie
Member
The exact same thing happened to a couple on a FF forum I used to visit hahaha. But that cannot have been you because I think that was longer than 7 years ago.
That's so odd! It wasn't TFF was it?
Chuckie
Member
Haha, no FFWA
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