SomedayTheFire
Member
Ok.
-
Hey Guest. Check out your NeoGAF Wrapped 2025 results here!
Straight people in gay bars
- Thread starter Spoiled Milk
- Start date
- Status
TheSpoiler
Member
You are more infuriated over the fact that he supposedly implied that we haven't made progress over the fact that society is still shitty to the LGBTQ community?
Cindi Mayweather
Member
What.
forgive us if we're a little exclusionary in our safe spaces towards people that are abusing and murdering us
It's even worse when you consider that gay women exist and maybe go specially to gay bars/clubs not to get harassed by men. I always felt so much respect and appreciation when that happened to me or my girlfriend !
Holy shit!!! Fucking awful
zorlaczerohero
Banned
I'm straight, 44 years old and have been going to gay bars for 24 years. I was a male nurse who worked in HIV so I suppose my choice of venue was dictated by my peers. But if I go to Sydney for the day alone and want to stop for a drink I'll always head to a gay bar over a shitty chain pub. Just like the atmosphere and company.
One time. It was alright.
The alcohol was really strong, so I appreciated that. I felt weird being there. Not because it was a gay bar, but because it was a bar. I don't dance, nor like crowded places full of strangers, so I just kinda stood there. Talked to one of my friends friends for a while about videogames and other nerd stuff, so that was fun.
The alcohol was really strong, so I appreciated that. I felt weird being there. Not because it was a gay bar, but because it was a bar. I don't dance, nor like crowded places full of strangers, so I just kinda stood there. Talked to one of my friends friends for a while about videogames and other nerd stuff, so that was fun.
Well, gay clubs are about the opposite of what you are talking about. If gay people were (or felt) accepted everywhere they wouldn't need a safe space for them to go and meet other gay people (aka gay bar/club). It has been explained a thousand times in this thread why having groups of straight people invading these spaces is frowned upon by some of the LGBT+ communit (and I'm not going to mention the straight people that go to gay clubs to feel good about themselves for being so oh open minded and progressive while just stereotyping the hell out of every single gay guy in the room).
I'm sorry you find it hard to discover you are not welcome somewhere. But this is what some of us go through everyday. Leave those few spaces where we feel welcomed and safe alone, please.
My sole purpose wasn't to pick up women,it was to have fun. That it was easier to pick up women well that's just the way it was.
Saying it's "not my space" is ridiculous sorry.
And_Gignac
Member
I don't think the straight people that go to gay clubs are homophobic conservatives that go there to abuse you.
I have plenty of straight friends that LOVE to go to gay bars. We have a blast when we go, and they even get some. I don't feel bothered by it or my identity being invaded.
Maybe my view is skewed because I now live in a big city (where you can walk hand to hand in public without a single person giving a fuck) and the dynamics of urban centers are different to small towns where gay bars are still low key places. But I doubt straight people in small, conservative towns would want to go there in the first place.
I see them as just bars. I'm very equality minded where serving of alcohol in concerned.
Main comments would be they're more fun and the guys dance better than regular bars.
I did get a tongue stuck in my ear once but hey I can live with that.
Oh and I did see some poor bloke in a suit once endlessly circling around in one before rushing out. Looked like he was bi-curious and panicked poor sod.
But yeah, I have zero hesitation as a straight guy drinking in gay bars and have been in them fairly regularly particularly if socializing with a group that contains gay friends.
Main comments would be they're more fun and the guys dance better than regular bars.
I did get a tongue stuck in my ear once but hey I can live with that.
Oh and I did see some poor bloke in a suit once endlessly circling around in one before rushing out. Looked like he was bi-curious and panicked poor sod.
But yeah, I have zero hesitation as a straight guy drinking in gay bars and have been in them fairly regularly particularly if socializing with a group that contains gay friends.
SomedayTheFire
Member
Your anecdotes and experience do not define the world and our experiences.
I have to stop going to a certain gay bar because my lesbian friends are uncomfortable because straight men use them as pretty much hunting grounds. Of course they follow up their rejection with "oh well you're an f word anyway"
So yeah...
Cindi Mayweather
Member
Drag queen at bar I go to was murdered by a straight club goer just the other year.
No, it's not ridiculous. If someone who is a minority says to you "Hey you're cool and everything, but this is for us" you can't fault them. While I'm straight, I get where folks are coming from. Gay bars and other areas where gay people can congregate in an assumed safe area is different than what happens everywhere else. They don't have to worry about straight people ridiculing them and whatnot. Shit ain't ridiculous at all
One unfortunate incident doesn't mean that every straight man that goes to a gay club is going to murder someone.
Imagine living in san Francisco and banning straight people from the gay bars....besides the fact there'd be no straight bars to go to they'd all suck lol
If you live in a city with a pretty strong LGBT community influence it'd be kind of difficult to tell straight people go somewhere else. Statistically im a minority, i wouldn't tell my non minority friends they can't come to the Hispanic bar because they're white.
clearacell
Member
Yep, they are fun to go to since even though it's a sausage fest, it's meant to be a sausage fest.
This is kind of the issue. It doesn't matter what you think personally. Us queer people need a safe space and while I don't think we should bar straight people from entering, just know that this place is for US, not you.
Cindi Mayweather
Member
Also remember that gay bars are not only for gay people. All people of lgbtq bent go to them. Can you imagine being a trans woman in a place where you feel is a safe place for you to be and a straight man cops you up, or finds out you're trans after flirting with you and gets violent? In a place where you should feel safe? These places are beyond gayness.
SomedayTheFire
Member
I'm thoroughly unsurprised some straight folk here are having trouble with the notion of a safe space. EVERYWHERE is a safe space for a straight person when it comes to their sexuality. We do not have that luxury,whether you think we've made "progress" or not. The world still looks down on us.
Good for you, that's you. Not everyone is like you. If I'm goin somewhere and it's for black people and a good safe space for us, imma tell my white friends no because it ain't for them.
Extra Sauce
Member
Went to a gay bar once and was hit on by a guy.
Went to "regular" bars more times than I can count and was never hit on.
Heterosexuality sucks.
Went to "regular" bars more times than I can count and was never hit on.
Heterosexuality sucks.
And honestly considering the recent tragedy how could they be so daft. It's an especially tense time to be LGBT in the US.
Cindi Mayweather
Member
SomedayTheFire
Member
I don't understand how people can be over it already. I was devastated and angry and I'm not even part of the LGBTQ community. I was pissed that my friends who are can't even feel fucking safe anymore in areas they believed to be safe for em. Was pissed my fears I have for my friends the moment we leave school are gonna be realized.
And_Gignac
Member
I want to believe my straight friends don't look down on me for being gay. Or that we haven't move forward to a point where we can be more relaxed about our sexuality and how society at large see us. I think we can have gay cultured bars where we can welcome anyone. Because gay is more than just our sexuality, is also a political statement against heteronormativity. If straight people want to join in the fun, the more the merrier.
I am sorry if your experiences have been this negative. Mine haven't, and I think they are as just as valid. Straight people in gay bars are not invaders, they can make you feel as safe precisely because they are straight people that are welcoming of your gayness, the big thing we need to end homophobia.
What qualifies as "straight looking"? Like if a bar bans someone who looks straight, is there like some sort of checklist they use? Just feel like it could be abused because they just don't like a particular person, or maybe they're not attractive enough or something.
I just saw someone mention that a page or two back and figured I'd ask, just curious
I just saw someone mention that a page or two back and figured I'd ask, just curious
Cindi Mayweather
Member
I was told this a day after the attack too.
SomedayTheFire
Member
Can't speak for the other poster, but from what I've seen its usually "regulars only" and by proxy people with them.What qualifies as "straight looking"? Like if a bar bans someone who looks straight, is there like some sort of checklist they use? Just feel like it could be abused because they just don't like a particular person, or maybe they're not attractive enough or something.
I just saw someone mention that a page or two back and figured I'd ask, just curious
I never said "BAN HETEROS" I said why I, and others, can feel uncomfortable with the growing amount of straight people at gay bars.
And I thought my fears were going away for the time being ya know, got a year left before we part and go our seperate ways to college and shit, but now I'm more terrified. I'm used to being scarrd everywhere I go because niggas are crazy/racist and it pissed me off that I have to be scared for my friends who are LGBTQ because of that shit. Thankfully we live in a more Progressive city but I was still scared when the Gay and Lesbian center here had a vigil. Scared some redneck fuck would do something.
Cindi Mayweather
Member
What I try to tell myself is that he was an outlier and this won't happen but I'll be honest, I'm terrified going to Pride this year but I feel it's an obligation to go because if I don't, then that fucker will have won and I refuse to let that happen. Be strong.
Randomizer
Member
I've been to lots of gay bars. It's very good for your self esteem lol.
That's what I told my friend. Told her she has to still go out and have fun and don't stop going out because if she does then they win. The ignorant ass niggas out there win and that can't happen.
The Abominable Snowman
Member
Do you look like an easy lay or something? lol
On the one side, I do not want to agree with this sentiment, I mean, I wished there were just "bars" with no consideration of sexual orientation.
On the other side, as a gay man, single and looking, If I go to a gay bar, flirt and get rejected with a "sorry dude, I am straight", I'd be very pissed,
I'd think "do you REALLY have to come here and deceive all of us with your damn presence? we can't flirt at work or anywhere, this is one of the very few places we can try to get sex/love without fear of getting punched in the face by doing so, could you please make our path of finding said love/sex easier and go to a damn straight bar??"
Neuromancer
Member
One of my ex-girlfriends had a group of gay friends and I went to a gay clubs with them a couple of times. It wasn't a big deal at all. In fact I got hit on a couple times which was a refreshing change of pace.
If you aren't going to be a nuisance, then I don't have much of a problem with it. I don't think people should have their queer/ally credentials checked at entry. But it's like... The notion of some people invading our safe spaces because all the heteronormative haunts are shit kind of bugs me. If you want to be part of the community and everything, great. But if you're dropping in as an outsider out of pure self-serving convenience, then maybe you deserve shit bars and clubs.
Even if they were lying, if a someone were to say to me "I'm not gay or trans or anything else, I'm just here because I support the community", I'd say "Oh, cool." But if someone said they were there so arseholes didn't hit on them or their partners I'd probably have to stop myself from saying "Who the fuck do you think you are?"
Even if they were lying, if a someone were to say to me "I'm not gay or trans or anything else, I'm just here because I support the community", I'd say "Oh, cool." But if someone said they were there so arseholes didn't hit on them or their partners I'd probably have to stop myself from saying "Who the fuck do you think you are?"
- Status