Messofanego
Banned
Can we form a consensus that if you're a hetero dude going to gay clubs (a rare safe space for LGBT minorities) to pick up women, you're not welcome?
-
Hey Guest. Check out your NeoGAF Wrapped 2025 results here!
Straight people in gay bars
- Thread starter Spoiled Milk
- Start date
- Status
SecretMoblin
Member
preach
Doesn't bother me at all and i'm Bi. Have yet to see any people being assholes or using the bars as means to go try to hit on girls. Granted that might be a rarity and those are just my experiences from where I live. I absolutely love the variety of people you can meet, the friendliness, and how everyone gets along despite gender or sexual orientation. Never there was a moment I didn't feel accepted or safe. Starting to try to exclude people just seems like it would work against that; no judgement, no people looking at you weird because of you who are are the best things that these bars have. I understand you had different experiences and all that, but I simply can't agree with a blanket "Straight people shouldn't go to gay bars period"
If the dude is there intentionally for that purpose, yeah, i'd say they shouldn't come. One of the reasons girls like the bars so much is that they don't have to fight sexual harassment and predators eyeing them out all night. But if the hetero dude comes just to have fun and just naturally ends up hooking up with a woman, that's not a issue.
Yeah, that's pretty shitty, seeing as straight women go there to avoid men endlessly hitting on them.
I'd have said mostly lesbians but sure.
freenudemacusers
Member
I mean can you truly and empirically state you are 100% straight until you've sucked a few dicks? It would be like dismissing the order 1886 without playing it first just because the majority didn't like it.
Spoiled Milk
Banned
re: your title, what account suicide?
Shy Fingers
Banned
My stance is that I don't mind if I've got straight friends tagging along with, but I don't like it when loud ass drunk white girls go and destroy the place, or when dudebros go for CHICKS BRO. We don't really have spaces where we can feel truly comfortable and free to be ourselves, so as long as people realize this is *our* one safe haven from the nonsense of the real world, I'm fine. Also, if you are a straight dude in a gay bar and get hit on, be respectful and don't be a douche.
Well, guys like that will try that at well.
I've been to some gay bars here in Toronto because of friends. The porn on the TV was a little odd at first. The beer is definitely less watered down. I am already really awful about getting hit on by girls as I'm super oblivious, even more so the times I went to these bars, I thought people were just being really nice, then my friends told me they were hitting on me.
As long as you aren't oblivious like I am and just say thank you to the compliments and say you're straight if you get hit on, people at gay bars are just like anyone else, just there to have fun.
As long as you aren't oblivious like I am and just say thank you to the compliments and say you're straight if you get hit on, people at gay bars are just like anyone else, just there to have fun.
hmm... no?
I don't mind, and it's extremely disappointing so many other gay people having a problem with it. I have a problem with people being douches, that isn't limited to straight or gay or cis/trans people though. Like, if a guy throws a fit if he gets hit on a lot then he can go screw himself, or if he creates expectations with people and flirts only to amuse himself he can also go screw himself, but mind you, gay people also do that. If the guy is just there looking for girls and acts cool about the bar and patrons why would I have a problem with that? If anything I would be happy my female straight friends can have a chance too if they want.
I know I'm sadly a minority, most of my friends don't like it basically because they have less chances to hookup, I also find that BS, I actually prefer the night in my local bar when there are more straight people, the environment is far more relaxed.
adamantypants
Member
I went to a gay club with some friends and wasn't ashamed to scream lyrics to Britney Spears songs at the top of my lungs
I went to Montreal this past summer and they had the same thing. Even I was taken aback. That is not a common thing in the US.
umop_3pisdn
Member
I've only found it annoying when drunk straight women from a stagette party or something make the night entirely about them/don't act like guests. Or when straight guys are visibly just there to pick up women, I mean that can be a reason why you're there, but prowling machismo almost singlehandedly makes straight bars lame, so keep that sort of thing there imo.
You do have a point.
You do have a point.
Might seem crazy to you but gay women actually would like to be left in peace in gay bars of all places. Unbelievable that the first women we think about when speaking about lgbt spaces are straight women.
Darth Ghandi
Banned
Not a lot now, but it happened back while I was single.
adamantypants
Member
Go to more dive bars. I've been to more than a few bars in my city showing porn on TV
Heteronormativity going full on, as usual.
But we should let straight people have fun. They just want to have fun.
I've seen it at plenty of gay bars in the LA area.
Shy Fingers
Banned
No I don't think is crazy.
It's all about how you approach people, if the guy is being obnoxious and assume all the girls there are straight and should respond to his advances he should never go to a gay bar, obviously. Again, just don't be a douche.
Some pretty willfully ignorant straight people in this thread and this is coming from a straight person. Some of you don't seem to realize how foolish you look going on about going to a gay bar to pick up women. Ever cross any of your arrogant condescending minds that maybe some of those women are gay? Surprise and even if they weren't, a lot of straight women probably don't want you hitting on their asses when they're at gay bar. Seriously some of you people make me shake my fucking head.
EpicallyBald
Member
Lady friend and co. wanted to go in as we walked by, place was packed, people having fun, gay straight didnt matter. Had a lot of fun. Bartenders were also very generous with drinks. This was the same night as Orlando but in California.
perfectchaos007
Member
Try the reverse litmus test. If a homosexual went to a hetero club to find homosexuals to dance with, should he/she be made to feel unwelcome?
oh you're one of those.
A lot of hetero bars in certain areas might do a lot worse than make them feel unwelcome for even looking a little flamboyant, let alone hitting on anyone. Lets not think a gay man or woman can just walk into any bar and be gay and announce it to the world. Its naive to think that is true and disingenuous to state it otherwise. What about a transgender person? They can often face extreme violence or worse if they're found out by someone who can't handle it.
stufte
Member
You monster.
Messofanego
Banned
Isn't he already? By being beaten the shit out of for thirsting on hetero dudes? How are people ignoring the disproportionate abuse and violence against gay people, as if we're in a perfect utopia where this equivalence can be made?
umop_3pisdn
Member
Lol.
Straight bars get to just be called "bars".
Gay bars don't, because we have to carve out our own niche.
stufte
Member
Gay guys don't go to regular bars?
CHEEZMO
Obsidian fan
I exclusively go out in Manchester's (UK) gay village, and I don't really have strong feelings one way or the other. It is funny how easy straight people are to spot tho. Not really that many straight men around, except when the city is very busy for one reason or another, or they are with their partners.
Straight women is a lot more common, especially hen nights which can get quite annoying sometimes. Not uncommon to encounter several a night, or even have more than one in the same bar/club at the same time and they can get quite rowdy.
Not to generalise but something I've noticed personally is how straight men and women seem to get a lot more drunk and (men especially) can be more belligerent than queer folk. Like I said, I exclusively go out in Village and like it partly because the atmosphere is a lot nicer. Can count on my fingers the amount of times I've seen any sort of altercation, and many of those were with young straight men who were drunk and aggressive.
Straight women is a lot more common, especially hen nights which can get quite annoying sometimes. Not uncommon to encounter several a night, or even have more than one in the same bar/club at the same time and they can get quite rowdy.
Not to generalise but something I've noticed personally is how straight men and women seem to get a lot more drunk and (men especially) can be more belligerent than queer folk. Like I said, I exclusively go out in Village and like it partly because the atmosphere is a lot nicer. Can count on my fingers the amount of times I've seen any sort of altercation, and many of those were with young straight men who were drunk and aggressive.
They do but their sexuality could get them in trouble with the wrong crowd of something far worse.
Cindi Mayweather
Member
There's always some special snowflake who is like "it doesn't bother me..." When it bothers the majority of the community. Dios mio.
While it's hard to come up with exact figures given hesitance to identify, differences in methodology, etc., if we assume that 5% of the US population is LGBT, that's 16 million. The best surveys I've seen put anti-LGBT violence in the thousands of incidents (example, here.) Even accounting for the fact that I'm sure some level of violence is underreported, and that certain groups (such as transgendered individuals) face much higher rates of violence... that's a 1 in 1600 chance overall, less likely than you knowing someone who will get struck by lightning this year.
This isn't disputing that gay people will be on the receiving end of harassment, or that they aren't made to feel unwelcome in non-violent ways. But in some respects it's a fear that's not borne out by the stats. You might be more worried about a mob stomping you in a bar for hitting on them, but not the more likely chance someone robs you.
Regardless, the equivalencies are weird anyhow because we're likely still going to have gay bars in any future genderless utopia anyhow, because unless homosexuality really is catching they're always going to be a minority, unlike virtually any other fraught social issue I can think of (the white population is shrinking, and gays are universally a minority as opposed to other countries where there might be majority black, majority Asian, majority Latino, etc.) Especially when it comes to a fundamental part of the human experience, dating and relationships, there are always going to be places for people to meet like people.
I'm no special snowflake, I'm just a minority. It's not like this is a huge terrible problem, I live in Brazil so maybe in the US is different? I just feel sad for anyone who flat out rejects straight people in a gay bar.
Freudian slip?
Honest question, what is the consensus on a straight person going to a gay bar if their gay friend/s invite them there? Is the straight person not welcome? Are their gay friend/s terrible/inconsiderate for inviting them to a gay-safe space?
I am very lucky to live in a very welcoming community and I have never once felt unwanted at a gay bar/event/club/home/etc.
I am very lucky to live in a very welcoming community and I have never once felt unwanted at a gay bar/event/club/home/etc.
umop_3pisdn
Member
I think straight people are welcome in gay bars whether they are invited or not, just have more of an attitude of being a guest there than you might at another bar.
SomedayTheFire
Member
It's fine, just be considerate that they are LGBT+ safe spaces.
Again no one is advocating that straight people be banned from bars or anything even close to that.
It's super cool at every bar I've been too.
The biggest thing is straight men and women don't just feel it's okay to flirt with the other sex because you think they are hot. Talk and if you find out they are gay/straight/bi then maybe but don't assume.
Cindi Mayweather
Member
It's fine. Straight folks going to bars is cool, just be respectful and remember that you're a guest.
Hm. I've been to bars throughout the country and have never seen this. Guess I have to up my game.
Oh yeab, fuck people with different opinions, they are not part of the community!
Where I live I never saw anyone reacting negatively against someone straight even if they came by themselves with no gay friends. You do you, the whole thing that makes it great is the friendliness of everyone, no judgement and just having fun.
Meanwhile , in years and years of clubbing, I never had a negative interaction with straight people, yet I can recall two interactions with gay guys that were assholes; one told me I was a "gay in denial" because I said I was bi. In another occasion other said to me, after me refusing his advances and endong up hooking later with a girl, he came to me to say I was "fake" and that I was pretending to be bisexxual to pick up chicks. All of this talk about not telling straight people to stay away and that a LGBT+ exclusive place is required for people to be accepted and not having fear of people judging about who you are just seems weird to me. The only cases where I ever felt unaccepted on those bars were those, where two gay guys didnt accept me as who I said I was.
meltingparappa
Member
Buh. That's a whole other bigger ugly issue, regardless if it was meant to come across as a playful joke or not.
Talk about violating safe spaces.
SomedayTheFire
Member
Why do you keep saying this? I don't like repeating myself but you're clearly not reading properly. No one has said straight people should be banned. No one has said gay bars should be exclusive. We have said why we are uncomfortable with the growing number of straight people going to bars and making them less of a safe space for LGBT+ people. You're deliberately confusing that point.
Cindi Mayweather
Member
Yes, because this is totally what I said.
Definitely not a playful joke. We were flirting, things were going well, until that came up, he called me that and that he "couldnt deal with it" and left my table without another word.
What I have read was people saying "if you're straight dont come to gay bars". That's the sentiment I was addressing. Its not outright banning? No, of course not, but it accomplishes the same in the end, by telling people you don't accept them and they aren't welcome and shouldnt come. I made many friends throughout the years in those clubs and bars , many gay, many bi, many straight. The straight people never made me feel less safe, and I didn't ever heard someone feeling negatively about them(not that those feelings dont exist, just that I didn't ever heard so in conversation). If the straight friends I made from them were met with a atmosphere of people who didn't want them there, i'd likely wouldn't have ever met them.
Oh yes, being condescending and calling him a "special snowflake" because he didnt agree with you its totally okay!
- Status