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Stupid things your bosses have said

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ScrabbleDude said:
Boss: Can you spend your morning putting custom firmware on this PSP I just bought?
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This.

I'm a game dev. You know, I work in studios where we make games?

Studio president: Hey man, you know what time it is!
Me: Huuuh... no?
Studio president: It's time for you get me all these games, pirated!
<hands me a huge list of games he wants me to download for him>

I was all... seriously? You're making, what, 200k a year, as a VIDEO GAME STUDIO PRESIDENT, AND YOU WANT ME TO PIRATE YOU ABOUT 800$ WORTH OF GAMES?

He also asked me to buy him a DS flash cart and load it up with games.

I don't get it.
 
Me: Ok the update is installed, I just need to reboot the PC
Boss: I know how to do that!
*he turns the monitor off and then on*
Boss: Done!
Me: Uhh...
 
"I'm too busy to do my job."

My boss said that earlier this year after letting the employees know each day there would be an assistant supervisor responsible for the crew and workload that day. The problem is that we don't get paid to do supervisor work, yet we are forced to do it.
 
TimeKillr said:
This.

I'm a game dev. You know, I work in studios where we make games?

Studio president: Hey man, you know what time it is!
Me: Huuuh... no?
Studio president: It's time for you get me all these games, pirated!
<hands me a huge list of games he wants me to download for him>

I was all... seriously? You're making, what, 200k a year, as a VIDEO GAME STUDIO PRESIDENT, AND YOU WANT ME TO PIRATE YOU ABOUT 800$ WORTH OF GAMES?

He also asked me to buy him a DS flash cart and load it up with games.

I don't get it.
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Oooooooooh yea. Ditto on this one.
 
I had a cool boss that whenever I thought I was in trouble I would change the subject to sports and talking shit about our wifes. I miss that.
 
I have been writing these on another gaming forum for some time now. They are both boss and employee related. True stories all, as damn unbelievable as they can appear at times. Its an incredible place to work but the stuff that happens there boggles my mind. A friend set up a blog for me to post as they occur instead of opening a thread.

geniuswrangler.blogspot

I have maybe another 60 stories from my 3 years and going on 4 years at this current job. Hope you enjoy:)
 
Hahaha. After posting here I had over 400 views. Someone needs to make a crazy coworker thread stat! :lol
There has got to be people here with more stories.
 
BreakyBoy said:
7AM? That's it? I generally had to be there at 3:30AM. Managers were there earlier on Black Friday. 7AM is when we opened. We had massive prep to do in the morning, and people to handle the enormous lines so there wasn't a riot.

Pfft. 7 AM. You don't know how good you had it.
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Yup I was there at 4 three years in a row. Screw that shit.
 
I had a boss once who made me reinstall Windows every time my PC crashed and I hit reset, since I must have obviously "corrupted the windows install". This happened early every single day.
He was a reviewer for one of the big three technology review sites
 
For his name on his cell phone voicemail, my boss recorded himself saying "Leave a message." So when you call him and he doesn't answer, his voicemail says "You have reached... Leave a message." Or when he calls and leaves a message, it says "You have one voice mail from... Leave a message."
 
I was working in a supermarket. Counting glass jars of pickles and stuff during stocktake.

Boss walked down the aisle and asked me if I was fucking brain-damaged. Count faster. Be fucking finished when I come back.

Knocked a whole lot of jars of pickles off the shelf. In retrospect, I should have just ignored the douchebag.
 
Boss: "Everyone this year has to work on Thanksgiving 1pm-11pm"
CoWorker- "That doesnt even give us time to eat with our families or anything"
Boss: "You'll just have to do it Wednesday."
Everyone: "WTF?"
 
Not things he said, but my old boss at my first job took some pretty retarded decisions.
I was working as a salesman at a small office supplies shop in Quebec. We had direct competition from Staples, which was located on the other side of the road. Financially we were in trouble.

He printed out huge signs advertising the "back-to-school" period. Where did he put them? Inside the shop, over the aisles. Not towards the windows or anything. It cost the company around a thousand bucks, which was a lot for them.

Also, the slogan they put on the signs was "La place pour la rentrée". It is pronounced the same way as "La place pour la rentrer", which loosely translated in English means "The place to put it in". The boss never got the penile reference.

Now for a thing he said.
Me: *putting stuff on shelves*
Boss: Doing a great job there...Come see me in my office in 5 minutes
*5 mins later*
Boss: You're fired. You're not doing a good job (wut?), not working enough and you're too negative.

For the "not working enough" part, my supervisor often ordered me to do nothing. We had little clients. I replaced all missing items on shelves, arranged them properly, swept the aisles. Everytime someone came in, I welcomed them and offered them assistance. After that I asked my supervisor what I could do, and he said "Well...can't do much now can ya?"

As for the negative part, I said "fuck" at a shitty copy machine we had. The client was in a hurry, and the paper got stuck 4 times. I think it was understandable that I was mad.
 
I have just thought of one. When talking to the assistant manage who was over for the evening that it was a bad idea to lock up all the Neosporin in the store (Someone managed to steal every last one :/ ), because we would just flat out lose customers over having to go though the effort to track down a member of management to just grab a thing of Neosporin out of the store's safe (I kid you not).

His response? It was the future of retail, that eventually all products would be locked up behind the counter. He didn't seem to want to listen to the argument of "That was the OLD way of retail, which was abandoned due to the current system being much more popular with customers." Didn't care.


Also, some dumb things they used to do were also locking all the SD cards and CR 2032 Batteries in the stores safe (Yes, the same one they keep the money in), and every carton of cigarettes locked up in a valuable cage in the back of the store, just slowly kill our customer base with unneeded hassle (Only the assistant managers and above could get to these things, and there tended to just be one such person in the whole store, and they are not that fast to respond). Luckily when we got a new store manager at least she had the common since to realize that we were losing more money over lost customers due to efforts to reduce shop lifting (And possibly employee theft) then we were saving with less merchandise stolen.
 
ronito said:
Boss: I am ordering you to stop working on project x.
Me: But that's all I have to work on.
Boss: Don't do any work for project x.
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reminds me of
Bill_Lumberg.jpg
 
As a student teacher, my supervising teacher -- an ENGLISH teacher -- would routinely refer to genre as "john-DRUH."

When it came time for me to teach this woman's class, I had to explain there's no "D" sound in genre.

THERE'S NO "D" IN GENRE!
 
*watches food cook in the fryer and rotates as necessary.

Boss: You're not gonna learn anything if you're going to stare at the food.


I was confused. What did he want me to do stick my hand in there?
 
Noez said:
"The fuck you say. I am not a magician." :lol

Do you actually swear at your co-workers?
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Yes:)
Though the place is crazy and I swear every story is true, the very reason I get away with talking like that is the BOSS himself is sometimes acts that dumb and sometimes he sees his workers do it. And in the long run, so do they, cuss I mean. Matter of fact some of them are just stone cold stupid and mean. A bad combo in my book.
I got the job due to how I work and the fact that I can identify a box of forks without a description:)

I posted a couple new ones on the blog. Its pretty crazy lately.

Today's involved a coworker trying to theft-proof his bike with damn almost fatal results. I could barely stop from falling down I was laughing so hard. I am posting it a bit later tonight or tomorrow.
 
I swear some of these post are stolen directly from Dilbert..
 
MC Safety said:
As a student teacher, my supervising teacher -- an ENGLISH teacher -- would routinely refer to genre as "john-DRUH."

When it came time for me to teach this woman's class, I had to explain there's no "D" sound in genre.

THERE'S NO "D" IN GENRE!
Click to expand...

Being an English teacher doesn't magically cure you of an accent..

Kind of like the people who say warshington instead of washington..
 
bucknuticus said:
Boss: "Everyone this year has to work on Thanksgiving 1pm-11pm"
CoWorker- "That doesnt even give us time to eat with our families or anything"
Boss: "You'll just have to do it Wednesday."
Everyone: "WTF?"
Click to expand...

I had something somewhat the same.
Boss comes in, mandatory shutdown this Thanksgiving.
Everyone cheers as thats 2 days off and its forced, which means no one else will be working to fill our inboxes with email.

So I am at home, feet up talking to the family when my phone rings.
Boss: "Uhm. I was trying to find you at your desk. Did you go home at lunch?"
Me: "No...its 9am.'
Boss: "Breakfast?"
Me: "What?"
Boss: "Arn't you coming in?"
Me: "It was a mandatory shutdown."
Boss: "Oh...sorry. Ya but that didn't mean you."
Me: "Uhm ok...can I eat first?"
Boss: "Sure I will just see you at say..1100?"
:D

I went in. He asks me where the vacuum is and where the tools are to fix a chair. I spend an hour at my computer...
He stops by.."Oh your still here. You can go. Thanks for the company!"

FUCK
 
Blackace said:
I swear some of these post are stolen directly from Dilbert..
Click to expand...

I get that shit all the time. I think it makes sense. Half the shit in Dilbert happened.

I know that all my coworkers probably equal 1 normal person hahaha.

A friend on a forum made my blog purely because he couldn't imagine the stories just being on our little website. And thats the same thing that everyone says. DILBERT or the office.
 
Blackace said:
Being an English teacher doesn't magically cure you of an accent..

Kind of like the people who say warshington instead of washington..
Click to expand...
That just reminds me I recently figured out why its called Washington D.C., since its the City of Washington in the District of Columbia.

What, sometimes people miss obvious things :lol
 
the funniest thing my boss has done was put a cardboard cut out of brad pitt in front of his webcam during a teleconference and then came down to the pub with us for lunch.

He doesnt do anything really stupid and has the full respect of the 50 people he manages. I have never heard anyone say a bad word about him.
 
cHaotix8 said:
Dear lord, I would of been throwing tables in a lot of those situations. What do you do? I'd say baby-sit if I didn't know better.
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I really don't talk exactly about what I do(exact job). Currently I have 3 jobs at the location. Building Operations, Technology Management, Incoming Client Support Director.

The people I work with are VERY intelligent with NO common sense. So I got picked for more jobs that I expected when I started. Within 6 months I went from 1 job to 3. And that has given me an insane insight into the craziness of people who have degrees and no real world experience.

And yes all the stories are 100% real. It all started with me venting to friends on a forum for 2 years and then blew up into that blog. Real life is so much better than fiction.
 
Working in hospital, I heard shit like:

"You need to close the window, the patient might catch a cold from the cold air."

A 15 minute-discussion about that you catch a cold because of viruses followed..


Also, in highly dangerous situations for patients:

"I don't know how this works, but we'll see."


"The patient has the flu, he needs antibiotics!!"

The difference between bacteria and viruses and which one of those can actually be influenced by antibiotics, seems to be not that much common knowledge..



And most of the time:

"You don't need to know that."

Makes me want to punch that person whenever I hear that sentence.
 
Boss: I believe that the retail space for renting movies is where we should be investing our money.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Boss: I believe that we gain a competitive advantage in owning Circuit City

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Boss: Why would we ever want to get out content off Windows Media, we have a good relationship with Microsoft
 
Cyan said:
Boss: You know who's really successful? Google. We need to be more like them.
Me: Yeah? In what way?
Boss: Well, I heard Google uses cubicles instead of offices, which helps them spread ideas and encourages creativity!
Me: We do accounting and finance. We want to avoid creativity.
Boss: Yeah, this will be great. We're putting you in a cubicle starting next week!

*sigh*

My boss still thinks this was brilliant.
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Start spending 20% of your time doing something other than your job. When he complains, tell him that's the way that Google works to spread ideas and encourage creativity and innovation.
 
holy shit, i can relate to mostly everything in this thread. FML.


Boss: Hey what are you working on.
me: This XXXXX project.
Boss: Well thats not important, i need this done before you leave.
me: I have to leave in 30min, i wont have time to finish this, are you going to pay me overtime for the extra time i work on this?
Boss: No, not my problem, get it done.
me: O...K...

needless to say i dont get it done, he ends up doing it himself.

Happens all the time.
 
Mikasangelos said:
holy shit, i can relate to mostly everything in this thread. FML.


Boss: Hey what are you working on.
me: This XXXXX project.
Boss: Well thats not important, i need this done before you leave.
me: I have to leave in 30min, i wont have time to finish this, are you going to pay me overtime for the extra time i work on this?
Boss: No, not my problem, get it done.
me: O...K...

needless to say i dont get it done, he ends up doing it himself.

Happens all the time.
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nm.
 
Phoenix said:
Start spending 20% of your time doing something other than your job. When he complains, tell him that's the way that Google works to spread ideas and encourage creativity and innovation.
Click to expand...
:lol

This is awesome.
 
ronitoswife said:
nm.
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Hes my boss for another company, he regular forgets that the contract we work doesnt allow me to work overtime, and usually when something like that comes up its on a friday afternoon and my time sheet was already submitted to my company.
 
On a character design:

-He doesnt look black enough

-His clothes are too nice for a black guy

Ah, Utah
 
Me: You know, this market really wants another X product. I know we can't make it anymore but they want something in that price range with similar features.
Boss: yeah yeah, what I was thinking is that Y product could work for them, it's got this and that.
Me: That costs twice as much and they won't use it for what it was designed for.
Boss: I don't know what to tell ya.


/////

Everyone is working overtime, they are all salary so no OT pay.
Boss screams: No one gives a fuck about this company but me.

/////
Boss.: We need to do more marketing. I've got this twitter account, we should get customers to subscribe.
Me: Well, you know we sell to companies products that are technical. They aren't for consumers or anything isn't that more for like-
Boss: It's free advertising, it will be great.



There many more, not as funny as OP but still...
 
I worked for a French-Canadian reinsurance company as the head of IT for a few years, and I had a boss named Serge who was physically incapable of pronouncing several words. Rather than definitely, he said defensively.

The best part, though, is he pronounced cubicle as if the first syllable was a tiny bear. I went out of my way to make him talk about the cub-icles, because it was hilarious.

He was also a cheap as fuck bastard that tried to keep an entire office on Windows 95 in the year 2002. We're talking 100-300MHz machines. Took me six months to convince him that it was time for new equipment, and I wound up having to keep detailed logs showing that the users were losing an hour of productivity a day from reboots and lock-ups.
 
I've actually done OK in not having idiots or jerkasses as direct supervisors. I think there's some disconnect between my department and the upper echelons of management that generates some bad decisions and situations, but nothing on the level that everyone else here seems to have.
 
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