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The Atlantic: My Family’s Slave

Yeah this is very common in the Philippines, even if you are middle or lower middle class. We had several girls and women from my mom's provinces, including some of her cousins spend a year or two with us at a time to help around the house back in Manila when we were still living there. The difference is that we didn't see them as slaves, but as helpers and family. My parent's paid them wages, sent them to school (with everything paid for) and slept in the same bedrooms as us and ate the same food, etc. We treated them as family and I saw them as aunts and or cousins. Many of them literally had nothing in thier future other being being farmers or worse, poverty stricken in the provinces.

What the parents' author did is slavery through and through, though and I actually shed a tear while reading it. Good on him for standing up to her and making her last years very comfortable and happy.
 
tearsintherain said:
Fantastic story, thanks for posting it. My wife's mother had a similar story about her upbringing, while it wasn't a slave it was a bunch of servants who were paid very little but this happened in China and the communist revolution really did completely change that way of life for everyone involved, it went from a medieval society to a modern society over the span of a year or two. My best friend growing up was second generation Indian and he would go back to India every year to visit relatives, invariably a ton of servants were always around and treated badly but it was interesting to hear how every year the number of servants also decreased as standards of living for everyone got better.

For people who grew up in America its definitely weird and fascinating this kind of thing, it occurs a LOT more often in almost every other part of the world than people think.

Also people get boiling angry at the whole idea of "how the fuck can you let evil like this happen in your life", but it really is sort of the banality of evil this article points out: when you get used to something, even though you know its wrong, it doesn't feel that evil.
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Getting paid "very little" is not slave. However, Tibet had unfree labor as remnant of serfdom system until the communist takeover. So we are taking some cases of slavery up to beginning of 20th century and serfdom until about 1950s. It was more severe in Bhutan than Tibet.
 
NYCmetsfan said:
the women was enslaved. I'm not going to get into the "complexities of a certain culture." Slavery is bad, not paying for work is bad, not letting someone leave is bad, transferring a person to another is bad. Full stop.

the author admits this was a moral failing. and your still backhandedly defending the practice.
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You're essentially demonizing the author for growing up in that situation.

"He discovered at 11 what she was". Oh okay, let's just have a boy walk up to the police station and say "hey we have a slave". Police go to the family, Dad gets out of it, author gets an ass beating. Or even if this did set Lola free. Then what? Everyone gets deported, parents throw the author out on the street. End of story for him.

It's never that cut and dry and there's no way I'm defending the actions of his family. But what I can do is read this article and see the complexities and the dynamics between the author, his mother, and Lola.

It's sad on all fronts and particularly that "Lola" basically means grandmother. And I can see in how the author describes her that she basically was his grandmother. A fucked up verison, yeah, but you coming in so blunt about the situation really undermines what I think the piece is going for.
 
titiklabingapat said:
Yeah this is very common in the Philippines, even if you are middle or lower mode class. We had several girls and women from my mom's provinces, including some of her cousins spend a year or two with us at a time to help around the house when we were still living there. The difference is that we didn't see them as slaves, but as helpers and family. My parent's paid them wages, sent them to school (with everything paid for) and slept in the same bedrooms as us and ate the same food, etc.

What the parents' author did is slavery through and through.
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And therein lies part of the issue in how easy it is to obscure. When domestic servitude is common, it's easy to obscure someone working in another's household under more suspicious conditions. It also creates an expectation that yeah, people of importance and power have servants. So what do you do if you can't actually afford servants, or don't want to pay for them? Well...

Shit sucks.
 
We had live in helpers in my home country of Nigeria. It was nothing like this though, this seems incompatible with my experience. Basically distant relatives would send their children (in teenage years) to live with us, usually the daughters. They would do chores (mostly helping my mom in the kitchen) and stuff but we still had our chores. My folks would help pay their way through school and eventually college if they stayed with us that long and they were always free to visit family and leave if they wanted to. They also got allowances.

titiklabingapat said:
Yeah this is very common in the Philippines, even if you are middle or lower middle class. We had several girls and women from my mom's provinces, including some of her cousins spend a year or two with us at a time to help around the house back in Manila when we were still living there. The difference is that we didn't see them as slaves, but as helpers and family. My parent's paid them wages, sent them to school (with everything paid for) and slept in the same bedrooms as us and ate the same food, etc. We treated them as family and I saw them as aunts and or cousins. Many of them literally had nothing in thier future other being being farmers or worse, poverty stricken in the provinces.

What the parents' author did is slavery through and through, though and I actually shed a tear while reading it. Good on him for standing up to her and making her last years very comfortable and happy.
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This is more in line with my experience. What the author wrote was incredibly sad and moved me to tears I'll admit...that someone was subjected to that.
 
eggandI said:
the complexities of executing drug users in the streets and keeping slaves in your household
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It kinda is self-evident in modern societies, for the most part. But if modern moral behavior were such a clear deal for our species, we would not have been doing things that were far worse in the last hundreds of thousands of years.
 
killertofu said:
You're essentially demonizing the author for growing up in that situation.

"He discovered at 11 what she was". Oh okay, let's just have a boy walk up to the police station and say "hey we have a slave". Police go to the family, Dad gets out of it, author gets an ass beating. Or even if this did set Lola free. Then what? Everyone gets deported, parents throw the author out on the street. End of story for him.

It's never that cut and dry and there's no way I'm defending the actions of his family. But what I can do is read this article and see the complexities and the dynamics between the author, his mother, and Lola.

It's sad on all fronts and particularly that "Lola" basically means grandmother. And I can see in how the author describes her that she basically was his grandmother. A fucked up verison, yeah, but you coming in so blunt about the situation really undermines what I think the piece is going for.
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bullshit

he found out about it at eleven and was complicit till his mother passed
 
Let's face it. The author was complicit, he is aware of his guilt and admits it. I don't he's even asking for any kind of forgiveness either. There's a reason this was released after his death.
 
PSqueak said:
Absolutely no one is saying this, no one is saying that the author has his hands clean, no one is saying that he suffered more than lola, no one is saying that lola's suffering is minimized compared to the author.

What people are telling you is that the author is a lesser degree of of a victim of the despicable culture ingrained by his parents, his complicity came from ignorance, fear and indoctrination and he couldn't gain the means to realize the crime he had been accomplice to until he was a teen and he couldn't get the means to fight it until even later when he became an adult, what we're saying is not that he is free of sin, but that his complicity and his actions are much more complex than just straight up being a despicable piece of shit like his dad, grandpa and mom.

Do you not understand how hard is for a person to be "deprogrammed" and be introduced into an entirely different paradigm of ethics and moral?
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the absolutely are but writing an entire post defending the author and not even feigning concern for the woman.

its not complex. The author was an adult, living on his own and the women was still enslaved by his mother. The author admits she was enslaved UNTIL HE WAS 40! (he was born in 1959, discovered she was a slave in 1970 and she didn't leave and become free untill 1999). He did nothing to free them in the interim.

I understand that his circumstances are different but he let this continue far longer than he had to. Theres no need to defend this.


killertofu said:
You're essentially demonizing the author for growing up in that situation.

"He discovered at 11 what she was". Oh okay, let's just have a boy walk up to the police station and say "hey we have a slave". Police go to the family, Dad gets out of it, author gets an ass beating. Or even if this did set Lola free. Then what? Everyone gets deported, parents throw the author out on the street. End of story for him.

It's never that cut and dry and there's no way I'm defending the actions of his family. But what I can do is read this article and see the complexities and the dynamics between the author, his mother, and Lola.

It's sad on all fronts and particularly that "Lola" basically means grandmother. And I can see in how the author describes her that she basically was his grandmother. A fucked up verison, yeah, but you coming in so blunt about the situation really undermines what I think the piece is going for.
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She wasn't free till he was 40. Stop defending him and this practice.

to the second bolded: you are
 
PSqueak said:
What kid has at 11 the means to do something without fucking over everyone involved including Lola and Himself?
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he let this go on till he was 40.

stop pretending like we demanded he do something at 11.

at 18? at 19? at 20? at 21? after his first job? after he got married? 30? 31? 32? 39?


and lets stop with "this is common in the Philippines" defense. this continued into the states. she was brought over here and they illegally keep her here, in the united states, for 20 YEARS even while she asked to go home.

I mean read this passage
Lola's mother, Fermina, died in 1973; her father, Hilario, in 1979. Both times she wanted desperately to go home. Both times my parents said "Sorry." No money, no time. The kids needed her. My parents also feared for themselves, they admitted to me later. If the authorities had found out about Lola, as they surely would have if she'd tried to leave, my parents could have gotten into trouble, possibly even been deported. They couldn't risk it. Lola's legal status became what Filipinos call tago nang tago, or TNT—"on the run." She stayed TNT for almost 20 years.
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The parents are illegally keeping a slave, deny her the right to say good bye to her parents for selfish reasons.
 
It's a little worrisome that people either can't seem to empathize with difficult situations or have this unrealistic self-image that "if I were in that situation, I would totally liberate her and throw my parents under the bus." Real people don't behave like that, real situations don't work like that. Hell even the supposed victim didn't want it like that.
 
Somnid said:
It's a little worrisome that people either can't seem to empathize with difficult situations or have this unrealistic self-image that "if I were in that situation, I would totally liberate her and throw my parents under the bus." Real people don't behave like that, real situations don't work like that. Hell even the supposed victim didn't want it like that.
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Unrealistic self-image that at 30 in 1990's in the united states I wouldn't try to free a slave?
 
PSqueak said:
What kid has at 11 the means to do something without fucking over everyone involved including Lola and Himself?
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again after he realized what Eudocia was he stood by and did little to nothing, long after he'd moved out, long after he had his own damn kids

i'm not blaming him for not doing anything as soon as he found out, i'm blaming him for decades of being complicit
 
NYCmetsfan said:
he let this go on till he was 40.

stop pretending like we demanded he do something at 11.

at 18? at 19? at 20? at 21? after his first job? after he got married? 30? 31? 32? 39?
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This is what we're saying his hands are not clean, we know what he did is fucked up and it took too long for him to even attempt to make things right, the author is not a paragon of goodness, his redemption is questionable although the intention is noted, but on the other hand, he's also not as bad as some people on this thread, such as yourself, are going at him.

And ultimately this is why people were sad (your original question), because this guy took too long to attempt to do the right thing and its arguably too little, too late.
 
PSqueak said:
This is what we're saying his hands are not clean, we know what he did is fucked up and it took too long for him to even attempt to make things right, the author is not a paragon of goodness, his redemption is questionable although the intention is noted, but on the other hand, he's also not as bad as some people on this thread, such as yourself, are going at him.

And ultimately this is why people were sad (your original question), because this guy took too long to attempt to do the right thing and its arguably too little, too late.
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i mean being complicit in slavery is probably one of the worst crimes I can imagine. I have no idea why there is some idea to exonerate this guy or downplay his crimes. he help steal a human being's life. because he writes well?
 
Barzul said:
Let's face it. The author was complicit, he is aware of his guilt and admits it. I don't he's even asking for any kind of forgiveness either. There's a reason this was released after his death.
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I think the author clearly expressed his great shame and how he and his siblings never did anything about it.

But this was scheduled to be published while they thought he would be alive, and they decided to put it on the cover the day of his death before they knew he had passed.
 
Barzul said:
Let's face it. The author was complicit, he is aware of his guilt and admits it. I don't he's even asking for any kind of forgiveness either. There's a reason this was released after his death.
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Iirc.. he was writing this, then passed unexpectedly? I was listening to a story on this. Fuck him and his slave owning ass family.

This is disgusting. So are the awww's. Shits still happening right now too.
 
NYCmetsfan said:
i mean being complicit in slavery is probably one of the worst crimes I can imagine. I have no idea why there is some idea to exonerate this guy or downplay his crimes. he help steal a human being's life. because he writes well?
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He turned out to be dead, but personally i was actually expecting the article to end with him doing time or some legal ramifications of sort.
 
cartographer said:
I think the author clearly expressed his great shame and how he and his siblings never did anything about it.

But this was scheduled to be published while they thought he would be alive, and they decided to put it on the cover the day of his death before they knew he had passed.
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I get the idea that he attempted to do this but he never really understood the great crime he was a part of (initially through no fault of his own).

He attempts to forgive himself but I get the sense he knew he never could.

I mean this framing is all kinds of fucked up

The day before Mom died, a Catholic priest came to the house to perform last rites. Lola sat next to my mother's bed, holding a cup with a straw, poised to raise it to Mom's mouth. She had become extra attentive to my mother, and extra kind. She could have taken advantage of Mom in her feebleness, even exacted revenge, but she did the opposite.

The priest asked Mom whether there was anything she wanted to forgive or be forgiven for. She scanned the room with heavy-lidded eyes, said nothing. Then, without looking at Lola, she reached over and placed an open hand on her head. She didn't say a word.
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this women is a slave and the author praises her for not insulting her master in front, for all she knows, her future master?
 
I heard about this story this morning on NPR. I'm not glad that this still happens, but I am glad that someone with such a personal, complex story was able to tell it in a compelling way. It's an interesting look at an uncomfortable dark side to a culture.
 
it is rather problematic that the author let this go on for 30 more years after he got old enough to understand her role in the household. He sort of acknowledges this as well
 
NYCmetsfan said:
Unrealistic self-image that at 30 in 1990's in the united states I wouldn't try to free a slave?
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And the slave in question is held by your family, whose services you unwittingly abused ever since you were born, where your family would almostly certainly face criminal charges for their actions, and your family comes from a culture where loyalty to family is one of the most commonly stressed things in said culture?

Such is part of why modern slavery persists, sadly. Those who might be able to speak out either don't know what to look for, or are rendered simply uncomfortable by the inconvenience of doing the right thing. Especially if they come from a source culture where such is much, much more common.

Edit:
NYCmetsfan said:
I get the idea that he attempted to do this but he never really understood the great crime he was a part of (initially through no fault of his own).

He attempts to forgive himself but I get the sense he knew he never could.

I mean this framing is all kinds of fucked up



this women is a slave and the author praises her for not insulting her master in front, for all she knows, her future master?
Click to expand...

I would suspect it's an attempt to paint how good Lola was as a person, and subsequently, extra highlight the tragedy of her servitude. That said, the whole 'demure slave looking past their master's crimes' archetype is certainly a fraught one that people too easily lean into.
 
NYCmetsfan said:
I get the idea that he attempted to do this. but he never really understood the great crime he was a part of (initially through no fault of his own).

He attempts to forgive himself but I get the sense he knew he never could.
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I definitely don't think he had a complete understanding. Some of that likely willful. He understood enough to be ashamed, but I don't think he could reconcile what his family did to this woman with how he saw himself.

And rightfully so. They owned another human being.
 
NYCmetsfan said:
I get the idea that he attempted to do this but he never really understood the great crime he was a part of (initially through no fault of his own).

He attempts to forgive himself but I get the sense he knew he never could.

I mean this framing is all kinds of fucked up



this women is a slave and the author praises her for not insulting her master in front, for all she knows, her future master?
Click to expand...

IMO his mother bear majority of the blame, say 90%. Plus he did argue with his mother on behave of that woman. I don't see he can be convicted of any crime in a court of law. You can argue morally he is in the wrong, but that's about it.
 
Barzul said:
Let's face it. The author was complicit, he is aware of his guilt and admits it. I don't he's even asking for any kind of forgiveness either. There's a reason this was released after his death.
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No, there isn't. His death was sudden and occurred on the day they were going to tell him it was the cover story.
 
What a fucked up situation. I'm pretty sure the author was willing to accept any criticism and judgment of his actions or lack there of, or else he wouldn't have written such a detailed and personal article.

You guys can go hard and demonize him or be more compassionate and try to see things from his perspective, I really don't think there is a right or wrong. I personally see him as being complicit and while I'm grateful for his courage in writing this, he's getting no fucking sympathy from me.
 
NYCmetsfan said:
Unrealistic self-image that at 30 in 1990's in the united states I wouldn't try to free a slave?
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You're trying to remove the complexities with this statement but I could put money on it, you would struggle for far longer than you think. There are so many situations where someone talks up their hypothetical prowess, how often do you actually see it happen?
 
Yeah... I'm not getting the "deep sorrow and regret at what I was complicit in" from that article. The asshole has the gall to complain that Lola was mentally damaged and not a great houseguest after, you know, being enslaved for the vast majority of her life. He chose to end it with a "boy it's great I brought her ashes back here" hurrah.

I mean, it reminds me nothing so much as the people in the antebellum and reconstruction periods (and even goddamn today) who said that the blacks needed slavery, and the worst thing that happened to them was their freedom, because they were like children who couldn't function outside bondage. "Haha, we destroyed this person so now she has no purpose in life but taking care of my family. But let her be."
 
JonnyDBrit said:
And the slave in question is held by your family, whose services you unwittingly abused ever since you were born, where your family would almostly certainly face criminal charges for their actions, and your family comes from a culture where loyalty to family is one of the most commonly stressed things in said culture?

Such is part of why modern slavery persists, sadly. Those who might be able to speak out either don't know what to look for, or are rendered simply uncomfortable by the inconvenience of doing the right thing. Especially if they come from a source culture where such is much, much more common.

Edit:

I would suspect it's an attempt to paint how good Lola was as a person, and subsequently, extra highlight the tragedy of her servitude. That said, the whole 'demure slave looking past their master's crimes' archetype is certainly a fraught one that people too easily lean into.
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Yes I would report my parents crimes if they held slaves. He admits he knew she was a slave. He admits he told her mom that he thought she was a slave.

He did nothing.

andythinkpad said:
IMO his mother bear majority of the blame, say 90%. Plus he did argue with his mother on behave of that woman. I don't see he can be convicted of any crime in a court of law. You can argue morally he is in the wrong, but that's about it.
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I'm glad he argued and then did nothing.
 
Fascinating article. A lot of former slaves in America had the same issues (what to do? where would I go?) that kept them working for their former masters long after slavery ended.

Was interesting to see how the family eventually turned on each other over Lola (among other things), but no amount of defending her from their parents could give Lola her 70 years back. The parents did her wrong to the end of her days and I hope they are somewhere paying for it. She got robbed of her life, of her chance to love, to have a family of her own. Robbed. She died never truly feeling free or knowing freedom despite late efforts to help her enjoy herself and do what she wanted to do. Alex feels like a piece of shit too, to be honest. I have no tears for him in his passing either.

Nothing here feels good. Though I assume that was part of the point. Fuck that whole family, actually.

And yes, slavery is alive and well.
 
sooperkool said:
I always forget how some of the posters on GAF are paragons of virtue, justice, and righteousness.
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I mean, I have faults.

I'm not a slaveholder or defender of one though. I feel thats a pretty easy one to be paragons of virtue about.

I mean seriously, furiously condemning slaveholders is now self-righteousness?
 
Incredible read. Very sad for Lola, she sounded like an incredibly patient and kind person. Unfortunately these 'domestic servants' (aka slaves) are very common still, especially in places like Dubai where the abuses are well known.
 
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