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[Pau]

Well, what does your experience say exactly? What more could have been done? Not to be a jerk, but this is a bit of a pet peeve me of mine: Either elaborate or don't say anything at all. To simply suggest you know more things, is useless in furthering a conversation.

You are kind of being a jerk to be honest. I didn't know if anyone even really cared to go down that route of "What could have been" so I didn't clarify.

With financial, emotional, education, and systematic support, I've seen domestic workers who were in very similar situations, including the abuse and working with these families since they were barely teenagers, become independent. It starts with investing in their education, making sure they have enough money to be financially independent if they ever decide they want to leave, and teaching them how to commute in a city without a car or driving (and helping out with transport until then).

In this situation, it sounds like it would also start with giving her the choice to move out from the mother's house. (I can't say if she would take it but that's not the point.) There isn't any mention of the siblings even trying to do something like this until the mother's death. Hell, even the situation with the teeth, the author couldn't ask Lola if she wanted to go herself and he would take her? Letting the mother control everything and treat Lola like property was not inevitable even if it was normalized.

Was the extent of their greatest relationship being some guy you thought was cute, handed your shovel back?

They stole everything away from her. Everything, she was abused and sold into believing this was her family.

Greatest sexual/romantic relationship? Yes. In many situations, the domestic workers I know had never had anything beyond that (or even including that) until they were given the support to stop working the family that they moved over with.

 

[Tagyhag]

There is going to be a movie about this made

 

[Skux]

What a heartbreaking story. I welled up when the author asked Lola if she wanted to go home.

It's disappointing seeing the lack of empathy and self-righteousness on display in the comments here. It's so easy to sit at your computer and judge the author, and proclaim you would have done the right thing unflinchingly and without question. So you turn your family in and get Lola freed. What then? What happens to your family? Your future? What happens to Lola? You could lose them all. Your instinct for self-preservation can easily overcome your sense of morality. Many choose to live in shame and guilt and regret, because the other option of admitting it is far too risky.

It isn't as black and white as "the author is an asshole". People are far more complex than that.

 

[Nepenthe]

It isn't as black and white as "the author is an asshole". People are far more complex than that.

You can be complex and still be an asshole.

 

[Massive Duck. C.M.]

What a heartbreaking story. I welled up when the author asked Lola if she wanted to go home.

It's disappointing seeing the lack of empathy and self-righteousness on display in the comments here. It's so easy to sit at your computer and judge the author, and proclaim you would have done the right thing unflinchingly and without question. So you turn your family in and get Lola freed. What then? What happens to your family? Your future? What happens to Lola? You could lose them all. Your instinct for self-preservation can easily overcome your sense of morality. Many choose to live in shame and guilt and regret, because the other option of admitting it is far too risky.

It isn't as black and white as "the author is an asshole". People are far more complex than that.

It's also easier to have empathy for a slave than for the person who enslaved then ran away only attempting to ameliorate the abuse after there were no more barriers

 

[Mister Wolf]

There is going to be a movie about this made

She'll probably always be smiling, imparting words of wisdom, and have magical powers.

 

[Not]

That author is one complex asshole

 

[ChubbyHuggs]

What a heartbreaking story. I welled up when the author asked Lola if she wanted to go home.

It's disappointing seeing the lack of empathy and self-righteousness on display in the comments here. It's so easy to sit at your computer and judge the author, and proclaim you would have done the right thing unflinchingly and without question. So you turn your family in and get Lola freed. What then? What happens to your family? Your future? What happens to Lola? You could lose them all. Your instinct for self-preservation can easily overcome your sense of morality. Many choose to live in shame and guilt and regret, because the other option of admitting it is far too risky.

It isn't as black and white as "the author is an asshole". People are far more complex than that.

It's​ weird that they were technically related, but his mother didn't see it that way. Considering he was raised by her, she was always family to him. I feel like it adds a lot more to the situation of what becomes of the family as a whole. His mother would have been jailed and Lola would have been deported back to a country were most of her other side of the family was dead.

 

[Raven117]

Edit: Such a sad situation.

 

[Keri]

You are kind of being a jerk to be honest. I didn't know if anyone even really cared to go down that route of "What could have been" so I didn't clarify.

With financial, emotional, education, and systematic support, I've seen domestic workers who were in very similar situations, including the abuse and working with these families since they were barely teenagers, become independent. It starts with investing in their education, making sure they have enough money to be financially independent if they ever decide they want to leave, and teaching them how to commute in a city without a car or driving (and helping out with transport until then).

In this situation, it sounds like it would also start with giving her the choice to move out from the mother's house. (I can't say if she would take it but that's not the point.) There isn't any mention of the siblings even trying to do something like this until the mother's death.

Sorry, it frustrates me when someone suggests I'm wrong, without explaining why and letting me consider their position. I understand your hesitation now and I really appreciate the thoughtful response.

I think the clearest way to help Lola, was to offer her a place to live away from the mother and it does seem like the author could have done that, before the mother died. He wouldn't have been able to do that in his early adulthood, but he already had an established house, by the time his mother died. So, I think it's fair to criticize him for that. It does sound though, like he tried to help her in other important ways - he tried to teach her how to drive and helped her get citizenship.

Honestly, after reading the whole article I walked away feeling like Lola had a really meaningful relationship with the children she helped raise, including the author. It makes me feel like, in the end, even though she experienced a lot of hardship that she shouldn't have had to go through, she may have had a more meaningful life than both of the author's parents.

 

[Widdle Puppy]

I think the term "grayness" doesn't fit with describing the whole situation. I think everything about Lola's role in their family was immoral. That is black and white. I do however think this situation is much more complex that I am not surprised the author or his siblings did not become liberators as they came to age. I would say that there are a number of factors that might have influenced his behavior from panning out how many might think it should have. Never the less it is unfortunate that it didn't and I would be interested in reading more about his rationalization of Lola as he realized she was a slave, and what he imagined his options were, did he even think he had any power in changing it?

 

[Diprosalic]

damn.

very glad she had a good decade at the end there. i hope she enjoy some of it.

 

[Snowman Prophet of Doom]

Calling a situation where someone's agency and freedom is taken away from them as "grey" should be unarguably perceived at humanizing the oppressors

Oppressors are humans.

Is Downfall an immoral movie because Hitler is both a raving lunatic and a charming, likable guy at various points in it?

There's no "gray" in the evil, here, but there is complexity and the failings typical of human behavior throughout history.

 

[1044]

Here is a more recent photo of her.

Very sad and disturbing story. I'm not even sure how the author processed this as he became an adult.

The PuppetMaster of the Alt-Right?

 

[Technosteve]

I cried

 

[Deepwater]

Oppressors are humans.

Is Downfall an immoral movie because Hitler is both a raving lunatic and a charming, likable guy at various points in it?

There's no "gray" in the evil, here, but there is complexity and the failings typical of human behavior throughout history.

You're arguing something I'm not.

If a critic review of Downfall praised it for showing a different side of Hitler in an attempt to humanize him, then yes _that_ would be immoral.

 

[Karkador]

This was a difficult read.

One thing I find remarkable is that this is a story he could have taken to the grave, as shameful as it is, and yet it somehow escaped death, as if the story itself was too important to be lost.

I am still at a loss for words about Lola's life. It's a tragedy. It's profoundly sad, but also sometimes not. I'm not sure if I want to cry more about the misery in her life, or the small moments where it seems like she's trying to scrape together some sort of happiness. The photos tear me apart. Everything about it tears me apart. This is a story that shouldn't have happened, but the world needed to hear it.

 

[EdibleKnife]

Jesus that was tough to read. I'm glad she got some measure of happiness in her last years at least. Hard to judge the author too much, no idea what I would do in that situation.
It's really heartbreaking to think of how many people don't even get a chance at the kind of life they want.

Edit: Wow, there's a lot of armchair moralizing towards the author ITT. Obviously things could have been handled better but let's not any of us pretend we can really understand what it's like to be in that situation.

Here's the thing, surprisingly, I actually do kinda know what it's like to be in the author's situation. One to one? No. But as a boy in a particularly regressive, "traditionalist" African extended family who's basically part of the first generation of family members born in the US, I have indeed come across my fair share of women from Nigeria and elsewhere who seek to better themselves in the US only to be used as unpaid housemaids for people I considered aunts and uncles throughout my life. My family has taken in these women once or twice as a friendly rest stop before they're passed to the next family "willing to take them in"; working odd jobs when they can to earn a pittance and coming to "homes" only to be treated like shit and told they should be grateful they're getting a roof over their heads. Thankfully, the few that have kept in touch have managed to strip themselves from such immoral situations though miraculous opportunities and their own immense efforts.

The fact that these sorts of set ups happen within my family were enough to make me sick and Lola, at least from experiences I was privy to, somehow managed to have it even worse. As someone whose seen a more than a glimpse at what women like that go through, my personal internal struggle in the face of seeing people I love use another human as an appliance means jack squat. Their stories of giving up their autonomy and dignity, sleeping only a handful of hours a week and working themselves to the bone for the sake of eking out a modest existence are worthwhile without the bigger framing story of how I felt about it.

 

[Raven117]

Calling a situation where someone's agency and freedom is taken away from them as "grey" should be unarguably perceived at humanizing the oppressors

Interesting comment. I mean....they are human. Any act done by any human is human.

I actually think the whole idea of "humanizing" "dehumanizing" is silly and is intellectually lazy if not lying to oneself of what "we" are.

Humanizing vs. Dehumanizing or whatever necessarily assumes that "humanity" is somehow an ideal devoid of "evil" devoid of the ability to cause atrocious and heinous acts to other humans.

Like it or not, humanity is capable of truly nightmarish acts...and I would further argue that it was done BECAUSE they were human. Not because they weren't.

 

[g23]

People in these kinds of conditions can't just walk away. There were never many physical barriers or shackles stopping Lola from leaving, it was psychological codependency. She couldn't stop cleaning, it became pathological.

Tizon could have removed Lola from her mother's house. He could have gotten her therapy. He could have gotten her a place to live instead of deciding "she likes taking care of people!" and having her perform the exact same function for his own family. He could have done this stuff without even getting into the fact she was an illegal immigrant (though given that she was brought here against her will she would have a strong case for asylum.)

Please understand Filipino culture before throwing out bullshit like what you're spewing. Filipino's are very family oriented, for the most part and in most cases the family unit and by extension, the household helpers are viewed as "part of the family" in most Filipino households. Now obviously this abusive household was the exception to that, however we can't really ignore that abusive household's are a real problem in Filipino society because it is.

Understand that to Lola, the author's household WAS her family. Why would he just uproot her out of his own house and kick her off into the streets when as stated in the article, she had no real social network or skills to survive outside of the home that she has only known all her life.

They kept her within the family because they loved her not because he was just a "problem" they inherited. Now if the author was just as abusive as his parents then things would be different, but I'm sure if Lola had a choice she would have wanted to stay with the author and his family because she had nobody else out there that remotely cared for her. You act like everything is black and white in saying that some therapy and a place of her own would have magically solved all her problems when really there's a lot of shades of gray in this situation. She was never "forced" to take care of the family when she came to live with the author, and as stated in an earlier post, the author did his best to treat her as part of the family and give her whatever freedoms she wanted after his mother passed.

 

[DJ_Lae]

Great read, and incredibly sad.

Parts of it also seemed very familiar, as my wife's family is Filipino and there are definitely aspects of their own move to Canada that mirror this (even if no one was treated as outright poorly as Lola in the article).

 

[Deepwater]

Interesting comment. I mean....they are human. Any act done by any human is human.

I actually think the whole idea of "humanizing" "dehumanizing" is silly and is intellectually lazy if not lying to oneself of what "we" are.

Humanizing vs. Dehumanizing or whatever necessarily assumes that "humanity" is somehow an ideal devoid of "evil" devoid of the ability to cause atrocious and heinous acts to other humans.

Like it or not, humanity is capable of truly nightmarish acts...and I would further argue that it was done BECAUSE they were human. Not because they weren't.

Yes, Humans are bad. This is not a new concept. Nobody is saying that the author's family isn't Human because of what they did. I used "humanizing" not to withhold their actual humanity, but because portraying this issue as "grey" implies that they are not completely fucking wrong for what they did.

I even said before in my first post ITT that the author is probably a nice guy. But we don't have to sugarcoat or muddy his complicity in Lola's enslavement. What he did was wrong. It's certainly a complex situation, but necessarily a "grey" one.

 

[LegendofLex]

Please understand Filipino culture before throwing out bullshit like what you're spewing. Filipino's are very family oriented, for the most part and in most cases the family unit and by extension, the household helpers are viewed as "part of the family" in most Filipino households. Now obviously this abusive household was the exception to that, however we can't really ignore that abusive household's are a real problem in Filipino society because it is.

I'm not Filipino, but I know many people who are. People are definitely underestimating how much power family culture had in this scenario.

The fact that the author challenged his mother at all at age 23, even if it didn't result in him actually doing anything to free Lola, would very likely have been seen as really, really extreme in and of itself. Hell, some of my Filipino friends in 2017 - not the 1980s, as would have been the case for Tizon, but 2017, the age of millennials - struggle with trying to assert their own independence, much less that of a slave being kept by their family, something that I'm reasonably sure no one in this thread would be at all equipped to deal with in 20th century America, Filipino or otherwise, without an extensive network of support.

That's another layer of horror in this story, because this kind of family dynamic carries with it traps that make it difficult to break out of. There's an immense sense of cultural pressure and familial obligation that lingers long into adulthood. It's not as if turning 18 or 20 or even 45 or whatever suddenly breaks the curse and decades of family pressure lose their power. Tizon wasn't trapped in the way that Lola was, and he could have done something about it, sure. We don't need to forget that. But we also don't need to equate this situation as one that any of us could relate to.

 

[Pau]

Their stories of giving up their autonomy and dignity, sleeping only a handful of hours a week and working themselves to the bone for the sake of eking out a modest existence are worthwhile without the bigger framing story of how I felt about it.

That's another tragedy. The people who have stories like Lola's are far less likely to be given the chance to tell those stories themselves through avenues like The Atlantic.

 

[Kayhan]

Like, the author was clearly a decent guy.

Yeah, no.

"Let me just pick up this Pulitzer real quick while my family has an actual modern day SLAVE."

Jesus Christ.

 

[Raguel]

Yeah. Fuck the author.

 

[Principate]

What a heartbreaking story. I welled up when the author asked Lola if she wanted to go home.

It's disappointing seeing the lack of empathy and self-righteousness on display in the comments here. It's so easy to sit at your computer and judge the author, and proclaim you would have done the right thing unflinchingly and without question. So you turn your family in and get Lola freed. What then? What happens to your family? Your future? What happens to Lola? You could lose them all. Your instinct for self-preservation can easily overcome your sense of morality. Many choose to live in shame and guilt and regret, because the other option of admitting it is far too risky.

It isn't as black and white as "the author is an asshole". People are far more complex than that.

Errrr you realise there's more than one way that could have been approached rather than keeping her a litteral slave. How about sending her back like she wanted, actually her paying her, getting her a job somewhere.

The fact you seem to think that people are being unnaturally self righteous about his actions are highly disturbing.

 

[Pau]

Understand that to Lola, the author's household WAS her family. Why would he just uproot her out of his own house and kick her off into the streets when as stated in the article, she had no real social network or skills to survive outside of the home that she has only known all her life.

They kept her within the family because they loved her not because he was just a "problem" they inherited.

I think you're making it pretty black and white too. There were other options besides throwing her out to the streets. And they kept her within the family under such conditions ultimately because it was the easiest thing to do.

 

[Massive Duck. C.M.]

Tizon himself admits that what his parents did to Lola was fucked up and that he was weak for running away from the problem initially so I really don't know what posters kicking that "you wouldn't have been able to help your family's slave either" static think they're doing

 

[Raven117]

Yes, Humans are bad. This is not a new concept. Nobody is saying that the author's family isn't Human because of what they did. I used "humanizing" not to withhold their actual humanity, but because portraying this issue as "grey" implies that they are not completely fucking wrong for what they did.

I even said before in my first post ITT that the author is probably a nice guy. But we don't have to sugarcoat or muddy his complicity in Lola's enslavement. What he did was wrong. It's certainly a complex situation, but necessarily a "grey" one.

I know what you meant. You were using "humanizing" in the way its popularly used. I was just taking issue with the way its popularly used for the reasons I already stated.

Im with you though as I think the vast majority of posters here are as well. But thats easy. Its easy (and correct) to say that this situation is bad...slavery is bad.

IMO, there is insight into humanity to be gained by exploring how and why things happened the way they did. This inquiry on its face does not imply what they did was not "fucking wrong." Its moving past the initial moral conclusion and delving deeper into the minds of these humans and how they could justify such atrocious acts.

 

[Deepwater]

Tizon himself admits that what his parents did to Lola was fucked up and that he was weak for running away from the problem initially so I really don't know what posters kicking that "you wouldn't have been able to help your family's slave either" static think they're doing

because people ultimately want to feel better about being complicit in harmful systems they did not construct.

I know what you meant. You were using "humanizing" in the way its popularly used. I was just taking issue with the way its popularly used for the reasons I already stated.

Im with you though as I think the vast majority of posters here are as well. But thats easy. Its easy (and correct) to say that this situation is bad...slavery is bad.

IMO, there is insight into humanity to be gained by exploring how and why things happened the way they did. This inquiry on its face does not imply what they did was not "fucking wrong." Its moving past the initial moral conclusion and delving deeper into the minds of these humans and how they could justify such atrocious acts.

I don't believe the author was attempting to move past the moral conclusion, but rather his own grappling with how he didn't do more to stop it. Multiple times he talks about how wrong his family was and how his own complicity contributed to it.

 

[g23]

I'm not Filipino, but I know many people who are. People are definitely underestimating how much power family culture had in this scenario.

The fact that the author challenged his mother at all at age 23, even if it didn't result in him actually doing anything to free Lola, would very likely have been seen as really, really extreme. Hell, some of my Filipino friends in 2017 - not the 1980s, as would have been the case for Tizon, but 2017, the age of millennials - struggle with trying to assert their own independence, much less that of a slave being kept by their family, something that I'm reasonably sure no one in this thread would be at all equipped to deal with in 20th century America, Filipino or otherwise, without an extensive network of support.

As a Filipino millennial myself and also as someone with Filipino friends, I wholeheartedly agree with you.

Going against your family in Filipino culture is the ultimate taboo. People gotta understand that the author was in a really conflicted state of mind, as much as everyone wanted the author to just boot up GAF/Reddit and be enlightened by all these Internet social justice warriors....it's really not that simple.

 

[Massive Duck. C.M.]

because people ultimately want to feel better about being complicit in harmful systems they did not construct.



I don't believe the author was attempting to move past the moral conclusion, but rather his own grappling with how he didn't do more to stop it. Multiple times he talks about how wrong his family was and how his own complicity contributed to it.

I feel like some of these people would throw rotten fruit at abolitionists

 

[Mister Wolf]

As a Filipino millennial myself and also as someone with Filipino friends, I wholeheartedly agree with you.

Going against your family in Filipino culture is the ultimate taboo. People gotta understand that the author was in a really conflicted state of mind, as much as everyone wanted the author to just boot up GAF/Reddit and be enlightened by all these Internet social justice warriors....it's really not that simple.

No one said it was simple. People are responsible for their choices no matter how difficult.

 

[Raven117]

I don't believe the author was attempting to move past the moral conclusion, but rather his own grappling with how he didn't do more to stop it. Multiple times he talks about how wrong his family was and how his own complicity contributed to it.

This was my impression as well.

I meant the message board discussing the article.

 

[Tangled Up in Blue]

Please understand Filipino culture before throwing out bullshit like what you're spewing. Filipino's are very family oriented, for the most part and in most cases the family unit and by extension, the household helpers are viewed as "part of the family" in most Filipino households. Now obviously this abusive household was the exception to that, however we can't really ignore that abusive household's are a real problem in Filipino society because it is.

Understand that to Lola, the author's household WAS her family. Why would he just uproot her out of his own house and kick her off into the streets when as stated in the article, she had no real social network or skills to survive outside of the home that she has only known all her life.

They kept her within the family because they loved her not because he was just a "problem" they inherited. Now if the author was just as abusive as his parents then things would be different, but I'm sure if Lola had a choice she would have wanted to stay with the author and his family because she had nobody else out there that remotely cared for her. You act like everything is black and white in saying that some therapy and a place of her own would have magically solved all her problems when really there's a lot of shades of gray in this situation. She was never "forced" to take care of the family when she came to live with the author, and as stated in an earlier post, the author did his best to treat her as part of the family and give her whatever freedoms she wanted after his mother passed.

You are literally rationalizing and excusing modern day slavery while simultaneously absolving the cowardly author of any responsibility whatsoever. All in the name of "culture."

Congratulations. This is the single most fucked up post I've ever read on GAF. Maybe for an encore, you can tell us about how the American Civil War was fought over "states' rights" and how forcing Japanese Americans into concentration camps was a "necessary evil."

 

[Pau]

As a Filipino millennial myself and also as someone with Filipino friends, I wholeheartedly agree with you.

Going against your family in Filipino culture is the ultimate taboo. People gotta understand that the author was in a really conflicted state of mind, as much as everyone wanted the author to just boot up GAF/Reddit and be enlightened by all these Internet social justice warriors....it's really not that simple.

What do Internet Social Justice Warriors even have to do with this?

 

[Gearless]

I couldn't read the full article, the story is just too much for me. This line stuck out to me:

She was 18 years old when my grandfather gave her to my mother as a gift, and when my family moved to the United States, we brought her with us.

I don't know how to feel and I'm sure I'll forget this story by the next day, but it's heart breaking to read such a line.

Alex Tizon left us a hard hitting article.

 

[Massive Duck. C.M.]

I love my mom but if she gleefully told me about how she made our slave (red flag) take a beating (red flag) in her place (red flag) some of those love strings would snap

 

[Skux]

As a Filipino millennial myself and also as someone with Filipino friends, I wholeheartedly agree with you.

Going against your family in Filipino culture is the ultimate taboo. People gotta understand that the author was in a really conflicted state of mind, as much as everyone wanted the author to just boot up GAF/Reddit and be enlightened by all these Internet social justice warriors....it's really not that simple.

I'm Filipino as well and agree. We're talking about a different culture, decades before the internet. It's easy to look back in hindsight and see every single thing Tizon did wrong and judge him for that. It's harder to be there in that situation and try to go against a system where this kind of slavery is ingrained and normalised, where going against the orders of your family is the worst thing you can do, and where attempting to fight it could lead to you losing everyone you love and everything you have.

 

[Pau]

I'm trying to think of realistic situations in which you'd see slavery in your family and it wasn't normalized. Even today.

 

[Massive Duck. C.M.]

I'm trying to think of realistic situations in which you'd see slavery and it wasn't normalized. Even today.

Pretty sure I knew slavery was wrong before I had AOL too.

 

[nitewulf]

I read it at work...it's heart wrenching. I feel so bad for Lola.

 

[cameron]

Read it earlier.

Alex Tizon's family and the Atlantic editors calling this "his" story. From the way it was written, the story was about Alex Tizon reflecting on an internal inconvenience -- struggle is overstating the issue -- to reconcile him and his family owning a slave with the fact that he's obviously a good person and didn't like her situation. It was Alex's story of Alex's conflicts and confusion and (unforgivably delayed) redemption. Lola the Slave was just a side character and vehicle for the author's journey.

He's dead but he can get proper fucked regardless.

.

 

[Pau]

I definitely think that family culture is a part of what made it hard for the author to do anything besides what he did, but let's not pretend that slavery ever really exists outside of cultural norms that help (even twisted to) perpetuate it.

 

[Burbeting]

What a heartbreaking story. Lola is the only person in this story with no blame.

 

[Skux]

I'm trying to think of realistic situations in which you'd see slavery in your family and it wasn't normalized. Even today.

What? Slavery has been normalised for thousands of years of human history and still is today.

 

[mantidor]

What a heartbreaking story. I welled up when the author asked Lola if she wanted to go home.

It's disappointing seeing the lack of empathy and self-righteousness on display in the comments here. It's so easy to sit at your computer and judge the author, and proclaim you would have done the right thing unflinchingly and without question. So you turn your family in and get Lola freed. What then? What happens to your family? Your future? What happens to Lola? You could lose them all. Your instinct for self-preservation can easily overcome your sense of morality. Many choose to live in shame and guilt and regret, because the other option of admitting it is far too risky.

It isn't as black and white as "the author is an asshole". People are far more complex than that.

Pfft please, every 11 year old could have handled that easily, what an ass *rolls eyes*


The story is absolutely about Lola, and the author intended it that way, for me it's obvious the author never resolved his guilt around his own family, even when he did everything he could, or thought he could do, people are really easy to judge.

 

[Pau]

What? Slavery has been normalised for thousands of years of human history and still is today.

That's my point. It is normalized even today. When is it not?

 

[mantidor]

That's another tragedy. The people who have stories like Lola's are far less likely to be given the chance to tell those stories themselves through avenues like The Atlantic.

That's what the author did.

I mean it's impossible for him to separate his own being from her life, but she is clearly the protagonist, people taking away anything else are too clouded by their anger.