I think there's something to be said about people telling their own stories and not exclusively or mostly be told by people who are in dominant positions of power. Sure, hearing the story from him is better than not hearing the story at all.
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The Atlantic: My Familys Slave
- Thread starter LordOfLore
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Snowman Prophet of Doom
Member
I don't have a problem with the story being from Tizon's perspective because it's ultimately more instructive to see how a seemingly regular person could tie themselves up in the mental knots that allow them to remain complicit with evil than it is to simply share Lola's story. That slaves exist is, unfortunately, not news in and of itself, given it is common knowledge, and she had her life snatched from her such that her story is likely incredibly delimited, a catalog of horrors and indignities intermixed with a few moments of warmth felt toward het captors. Her "great romance" is a brief encounter with a boy in a field, for God's sake. It would blend into the background white noise that is the never-ending catalog of human perpetrated horrors without the hook of a seemingly regular, Pulitzer Prize-winning author being one of the perpetrators in this instance, and that almost necessarily has to entail him focusing primarily on his perspective because that is what he has access to. I would argue that if even one person in a similar situation reads this and does the right thing when they see this man in his late 50s never escaped these demons, it will have been worth it, but even if they don't, I think EviLore is basically correct that this is a perfect example of why many modern systemic horrors, ones that require much less cognitive dissonance on the part of the perpetrators to enact, continue.
Yeah I'm Filipino and my aunts and uncles have a similar helpers. But damn reading that article was brutal.
Thank you OP for sharing. A very hard story to go through.
For those living in a first world country, empathizing with the author may be a daunting task, I understand. As someone who lives in a third world country myself and knowing how this kind of thing goes I completely empathize with him and appreciate the fact he didn't want the article published until after his passing.
Lola's story is an extremely sad one. I'm glad that it at least ended the way it did. May she rest in peace.
For those living in a first world country, empathizing with the author may be a daunting task, I understand. As someone who lives in a third world country myself and knowing how this kind of thing goes I completely empathize with him and appreciate the fact he didn't want the article published until after his passing.
Lola's story is an extremely sad one. I'm glad that it at least ended the way it did. May she rest in peace.
helpers or slaves?
Damn, that's a heavy story. Really had to reflect. Good on the author for sharing it, easy as it was to take to the grave, it's something that needs to be shared.
The guy's parent's were fucking monsters. So was his grandfather. So was Ivan. I don't think the author was a monster, but I do think he was certainly immoral, and complicity in slavery. I also think he would ultimately agree with me was he still alive.
To some degree we're all responsible for the evils of this world, whether we would like to admit it or not. Same as the author, I am responsible for a number of people being slaves today. All so I can live privileged lifestyle in a 1st world country. Every single person in this thread is responsible for modern day slavery as well, to some degree or another. In owning a PS4 and smartphone, for instance, I have supported slaves in mines in Africa, slaves in southeast Asian countries, and everywhere in between. In exchange for that evil, I can have fun playing a game for a little while, and I can browse GAF on my phone and laptop. Incredible to think about. The biggest difference between me and the author is that I can't see the consequences of my actions, and that I can do less than the author could have.
Should the author have done more? Yes. Do I think less of him for not doing more? Absolutely. But we all get caught up in these mind games excusing our horrible fucking actions. It's not *us* that are owning slaves, we tell ourselves. We make up excuses for all the different things that we could fuck up in trying to solve the problem, or think that there's nothing we can do. Those excuses are bullshit. And I know it. I know there is no defense for my actions. I do not act as much as I could solely out of laziness, and cowardice, and complacency. The author probably thought time and time again about turning in his parents, having them deported and trying, even if failing, to make things better. But he never did. Nor did any of his siblings. There is no excuse for any of their actions either.
Would anyone in this thread have acted differently? Would I have acted differently? I don't know. I don't think anyone else knows either. Anyone who says they would have 100% certainly stepped in and stopped what was going on needs to take a hard look at themselves and what they are and are not doing to stop modern day slavery. Because I guarantee it could be a lot more.
As I said at the beginning, I'm glad the author wrote the article. It was the absolute least he could have done to make up for his actions. I hope it gives someone else reading it the courage to step up and face some of the injustice in this world. At least then, it will have done some good.
RIP Lola. God knows you deserved a better life. I'm sorry the author and his family let you down. I'm sorry we all let you down, in our own little way.
The guy's parent's were fucking monsters. So was his grandfather. So was Ivan. I don't think the author was a monster, but I do think he was certainly immoral, and complicity in slavery. I also think he would ultimately agree with me was he still alive.
To some degree we're all responsible for the evils of this world, whether we would like to admit it or not. Same as the author, I am responsible for a number of people being slaves today. All so I can live privileged lifestyle in a 1st world country. Every single person in this thread is responsible for modern day slavery as well, to some degree or another. In owning a PS4 and smartphone, for instance, I have supported slaves in mines in Africa, slaves in southeast Asian countries, and everywhere in between. In exchange for that evil, I can have fun playing a game for a little while, and I can browse GAF on my phone and laptop. Incredible to think about. The biggest difference between me and the author is that I can't see the consequences of my actions, and that I can do less than the author could have.
Should the author have done more? Yes. Do I think less of him for not doing more? Absolutely. But we all get caught up in these mind games excusing our horrible fucking actions. It's not *us* that are owning slaves, we tell ourselves. We make up excuses for all the different things that we could fuck up in trying to solve the problem, or think that there's nothing we can do. Those excuses are bullshit. And I know it. I know there is no defense for my actions. I do not act as much as I could solely out of laziness, and cowardice, and complacency. The author probably thought time and time again about turning in his parents, having them deported and trying, even if failing, to make things better. But he never did. Nor did any of his siblings. There is no excuse for any of their actions either.
Would anyone in this thread have acted differently? Would I have acted differently? I don't know. I don't think anyone else knows either. Anyone who says they would have 100% certainly stepped in and stopped what was going on needs to take a hard look at themselves and what they are and are not doing to stop modern day slavery. Because I guarantee it could be a lot more.
As I said at the beginning, I'm glad the author wrote the article. It was the absolute least he could have done to make up for his actions. I hope it gives someone else reading it the courage to step up and face some of the injustice in this world. At least then, it will have done some good.
RIP Lola. God knows you deserved a better life. I'm sorry the author and his family let you down. I'm sorry we all let you down, in our own little way.
I think the article is pretty complex when it comes to the relationship between the author and Eudocia, and what he could have done realistically. It seems relatively clear from the piece that the author grew up in a fucked up household, with possibly emotionally abusive parents, and Eudocia was likely the closest thing he had to a mother; similarly, the author and his siblings are likely the closest thing Eudocia has to children, and grandchildren.
It's pretty easy to sit on a high horse, and talk about how you definitely would have done the right thing, but fucked up shit like this is happening all around us, we just don't see it. There are people suffering right now, all around you - and yet, is it so easy to go up to them, even just one of them, and lift them out of the situation? If you knew the author and Eudocia personally, what would you have done? Report her to the authorities? In the 70s? The 80s? The 90s? The police probably wouldn't treat an undocumented immigrant who has a shaky command of English very well back then. Would it be something she wants? Would it be better for her? Is there a path to freedom that will give the now-liberated person the resources they need to survive and thrive? I don't feel like there are obvious solutions in our fucked up culture. The author absolutely could have done more, and he is definitely complicit in slavery. Still, I can recognize that the path to Eudocia's freedom is not as easy as people make it out to be.
And that's the insidious thing about it. If there are people being kept as slaves around us, what can we do to help them? How can we stop these social practices that exploit these people and steal their lives? If we know that someone is being kept as a slave, how can we help them from the situation, while according proper respect for what they want? This is something that's all around us in different forms, but it's so ingrained in our society and supply chains. How do we free slaves?
It's pretty easy to sit on a high horse, and talk about how you definitely would have done the right thing, but fucked up shit like this is happening all around us, we just don't see it. There are people suffering right now, all around you - and yet, is it so easy to go up to them, even just one of them, and lift them out of the situation? If you knew the author and Eudocia personally, what would you have done? Report her to the authorities? In the 70s? The 80s? The 90s? The police probably wouldn't treat an undocumented immigrant who has a shaky command of English very well back then. Would it be something she wants? Would it be better for her? Is there a path to freedom that will give the now-liberated person the resources they need to survive and thrive? I don't feel like there are obvious solutions in our fucked up culture. The author absolutely could have done more, and he is definitely complicit in slavery. Still, I can recognize that the path to Eudocia's freedom is not as easy as people make it out to be.
And that's the insidious thing about it. If there are people being kept as slaves around us, what can we do to help them? How can we stop these social practices that exploit these people and steal their lives? If we know that someone is being kept as a slave, how can we help them from the situation, while according proper respect for what they want? This is something that's all around us in different forms, but it's so ingrained in our society and supply chains. How do we free slaves?
Mister Wolf
Member
Do these helpers get paid? Do they have free will to leave at any time?
I don't wanna imagine a world where the bar is so low that being against domestic slavery is "being on a high horse"
if you empathize with the author, thats on you, not the rest of us
Absolutely. Sadly it would have been impossible for Lola to share it, she barely learn to read in her 70s. Even when the author tried to grab some bits of her life she was just baffled anyone would be interested in it.
It's such an important reading, slavery is so simplified in the almost caricature of the white plantation owner who is a sadist and overall indefensible person. Here it was the author's mother, a nurse that helped people, someone who had to endured her own hardships in life, and to top it all they were all people of color! someone who was forced to accept slavery as an institution from a young age as well. How shocked she was someone dared to call her a slaver was so telling. It just grounds it all as something awfully, disgustingly real, and not some myth of a distant past or some fairytale of "good vs evil".
I emphasize with the author because I too am complicit in today's injustices by living in a first world country, owning all these game systems and gadgets, produced by people in slavery. There are people all around me suffering, in the back of restaurants, in the food I eat, in the clothes I wear.
Of course I am against domestic slavery. But I can see that slavery as a whole is something that we're all guilty of taking advantage of. And I think in the case of the author, it's fraught by the slave in question being practically his mother, and the slavemaster's son being the closest thing the slave has to a son.
Massive Duck. C.M.
Banned
Tizon is being more honest about what happened and his role in it than those saccharine posts are.
there is a world of difference between owning and buying consumer electronics and being raised by a enslaved person and letting that person be enslaved into your adulthood.
Both are bad but the former has absolutely nothing to do with the latter in the context of this thread so I don't see your point of throwing that around to make a moral point
Reminds me of White feminism.
I think a lot of people are over looking this fact and it's really important that we not diminish this. The author wasn't perfect by any means and some criticisms are fair, but to try to re-characterize their relationship or diminish it as being simply a continuation of slavery, does a true disservice to Lola. In the end, Lola said it was him, his children and his siblings, that gave her life meaning. The author clearly loved Lola and she clearly loved him.
Arkage
Banned
I really don't get people posting about how slavery is unethical, which is an obvious moral truth nobody would argue in this entire thread, but then proceed to claim that every kind of slave owner, regardless of culture or treatment or pain, is equally evil. This claim makes no rational sense. There are degrees of suffering in slavery, and one can say one form is less bad than another, without then jumping to the "some kinds of slavery is good!" bullshit.
GifGafIsTheBestGaf
Member
i wasnt ready for this
Yep. They regularly call family, have their own rooms, and can go whenever afaik. Not sure of the exact details for one particular family member but she's had helpers come and go. And I've been there enough to see no they're not anything like what was described in the article. Yeah first thing I thought was what I've seen from my family. And in particular my aunt and uncle went broke awhile back and couldn't afford to pay their helper but she stayed on anyway and is pretty much family. Her daughter and grandson visit whenever, they throw bdays for her and she's had no obligation to stay.
But yeah I never thought much of this until I read this article since I grew up with random Filipinos being in extended family's households and if it wasn't non family taking care of kids, grandparents usually lived with their kids and helped take care of the grandkids.
I'm gonna make a thread about the antebellum south and how the founding fathers treated their slaves humanely and nobody better say shit to me
So for me, what I took away reading this article isn't just judgment of the author, but recognition of how insidious slavery can be, how we can be socialized into accepting types of exploitation as 'normal', and how the path to freeing slaves isn't so cut and dry. I feel like the article shows a pretty emotionally complex situation here, where the path to freedom isn't so clear, because the author and Lola seem to share a sort of parent/child bond.
I think this goes on to relate to slavery as a whole, when it comes pretty much everything around us, in what we consume. Like, we're all in this fucked up situation built on the backs of human beings. And that it isn't easy, even if we know and see slaves around us, to free them. They might not even be that invisible - they could be in the back of restaurants, or in nail salons.
Like, I can emphasize with the author because I wish I could do more, but it's too big. Sure, it's not like, I know what the author feels, or that it's a one to one match. I don't get to see the people that made this laptop, and I certainly don't have the close bond with them that the author does. But on an abstract level? When it comes to this kind of self-serving evil, and for being brought up in a society that socializes forms of exploitation that I take for granted as being 'normal', I can emphasize with that.
Arkage
Banned
I will say shit, because you're making the exact jump I said has no reason to be made. Claiming there are degrees of abuse does not logically lead to the claim that some types of abuse are actually good.
Mister Wolf
Member
Thats good your aunt and uncle sound like good people who understand human beings aren't property.
what is there to be gained from differentiating degrees of slavery?
edit: and by that I mean in the context of this thread. I don't see any reason to bring it up if not to absolve the author of the shame he's getting from other people.
was his family whipping Lola day in and day out? no
Does that change the numbers of "fuck them" I have for them? also no
seriously, there's absolutely nothing to be gained by proclaiming that Lola (forcibly) became their family so that makes it _marginally_ better
Poor GRIMES
Banned
I don't think katulongs are slaves, to be honest
Mister Wolf
Member
There is no grey area in regards to slavery. The person is either held against their will or not. There should be no excusing of individuals who participate in it.
They're not; not by definition, anyway. In my experience they were paid for their services or were basically boarders who did housework in lieu of paying rent. However, there's almost no regulation and the "system", such as it is, is ripe for abuse as we see in the case of Lola who was absolutely enslaved.
Arkage
Banned
What is there to be gained from differentiating degrees of any form of suffering? We could just condone any and all suffering as equally evil, but that that doesn't help us actually make judgements on punishments, or what we should spend time trying to stop or change, which is the most pragmatic reason to differentiate. Owning and killing 100 slaves is objectively more unethical than owning and befriending 1 slave. Condemnation of the act should reflect the ethical character of the individualized act, not the generalized premise of "slavery=bad, therefore say 'fuck him' a lot." I'm sure you disagree, but this is my perspective.
Edit: If you think there's nothing to be gained from any of the surrounding context, then instead of writing this story I suppose this author should've just typed out a thing saying "I didn't free a slave, I am a piece of shit, fuck me. The end." And that would've been just as meaningful, since the context of their relationship and history is completely irrelevant compared to the ethical imperative to say 'fuck off' to slave owners?
This is what I was talking about in my earlier comment. I think you do a disservice to Lola and her life, when you refuse to acknowledge that she was family to the children she raised and was loved, by them. This is why some of the criticisms of the author have been rubbing me the wrong way. If you want to reduce him to just being a slave owner, without any differentiation, you're basically taking away the last meaningful thing in Lola's life.
Mister Wolf
Member
Stockholm syndrome.
Massive Duck. C.M.
Banned
Alex Tizon's parents abused Lola physically and mentally until his mother died.
The children loved Lola because she raised them in his parents' stead.
She loved them because they were the only people she knew who showed them any affection.
Lola had her life stolen and your attempts to downplay what was done to her make me sick. Tizon himself fully recognized what happened.
This is insulting to Lola, as well.
You're downplaying the rest of her life and trying to characterize it, as if you're championing her interests. You're also deluding yourself into thinking I'm defending slavery, because it makes it easier for you to imagine your position is completely morally justified.
You're basically saying that her life had no meaning, beyond being a slave, because even though she raised multiple children from birth and had close and significant relationships with them, it was all an illusion - Really, she was just a slave who had no choice but to pretend she felt love.
Mister Wolf
Member
Doesn't mean its not the truth she wouldn't be the first case. I have a great deal of sympathy for Lola's plight but I'm gonna call it like I see it.
I'm fine with the author writing the piece. I think it's completely okay that a lot of people aren't having a high opinion of him because of it. But no, just because there's a story behind this shit doesn't make them marginally more ethical, and even if they did, who cares? If I stick a knife in your back 9 inches instead of 10, should I think better of you for treating me like a golden piece of shit instead of a bronze piece of shit?
And just for the record, this article does literally _nothing_ most of us. It's very much a conduit of guilt expression the author has over his complicity. There's absolutely no point in finding the romanticization of his family's story to have any value. It doesn't change the gravity of what they did just because at some points of his life the author believes they were all one big happy family.
The condemnation is the same just like it would be for all other acts of slavery, I don't give a fuck about how nice they were.
Massive Duck. C.M.
Banned
Feel free to say whatever you feel is true
Arkage
Banned
Well, I'll end this agreeing with your point that not having a high opinion of him is clearly warranted due to his unethical inaction as an adult.
Well, I'll take a step back. I think there were definitely elements of Stockholm Syndrome, when it comes to the Author's mother. At the end, Lola commented about hating how mean she was...but still missing her. So, yeah. I can see the analysis there.
But I don't think her relationship with the children can be so easily reduced. I feel like, in doing so, you really diminish what it means to raise a child. She loved these children like her own, not because she was a slave and had no choice, but because she raised them. She loved them, for the same reasons any parent loves their child. If that's Stockholm Syndrome then all parents have Stockholm Syndrome.
"Thanks Lola for raising some kids against your will"
And for the record. The worst people in this story are his parents. Someone earlier in the thread already posted about his Mom's work history, she quite figuratively, was no angel. I think the author is only marginally less worse than his parents.
But again, he was complicit in it, his siblings were complicit in it. And I don't think it's as simple as "setting her free". I don't think the author did enough to right the wrongs but you're crazy if you think attacking him is somehow harming the memory of Lola
Mister Wolf
Member
Lola's was forced to raise her slaver's children like a lot of slave women. That they didn't harm or hurt the children is a testament to their character. Im not saying she didn't love him but isn't that love kind of warped when Lola had no real choice in the matter. The author loved Lola but not enough to have her freed. I think back on slavery in the south how certain whites had enough love for their fellow man to risk their lives to have them freed. That's bravery I commend something the author was lacking but I guess shades of grey right.
Seriously. People need to read the obituaries that got linked to several pages back. Gives a revealing look into Tizon's frame of mind at the time Eudocia Pulido died (I use her full name since "Lola" was literally a slave name in her case) in 2011.
http://www.seattletimes.com/seattle-news/lola-pulido-lived-life-of-devotion-to-family/
Tizon admits that the bolded wasn't true in his piece for The Atlantic, written six years later, so clearly something he grappled with his entire life.
Hard to describe someone as a protector when they were forced to take a punishment in a slave-owner's place.
I think this article is a cautionary tale about the blinkering, mind-warping affects of privilege and how little difference good intentions make when you're literally dealing with the problem of a person being enslaved. I certainly don't claim to be immune from privilege or the mental biases and fallacies that come with it, but I don't think that the "nobody's perfect" argument that has been raised is a valid reason to not criticize defending and whitewashing a slave-owner (Tizon's mother), especially when that involves pretending that the horrific abuse of thousands of disabled people in the institution where his mother worked never happened.
That was the worst part of the story for me. Absolutely horrendous.
KuwabaraTheMan
Banned
God, everything in this is so fucked up.
I'm glad that she got to return home before the end, and was able to reunite with some surviving family. But everything about how she could no longer even feel at home there or anything is just awful. And the abuse she suffered for her entire life.
I'm glad that this story came out, but Tizon was absolutely complicit in what went on with her. Not as a kid, no, but definitely later in his life. Far too much of this story seems to be him trying to come to terms with himself rather than telling her story.
I'm glad that she got to return home before the end, and was able to reunite with some surviving family. But everything about how she could no longer even feel at home there or anything is just awful. And the abuse she suffered for her entire life.
I'm glad that this story came out, but Tizon was absolutely complicit in what went on with her. Not as a kid, no, but definitely later in his life. Far too much of this story seems to be him trying to come to terms with himself rather than telling her story.
Get out of here with the "complex culture" argument.
"Culture" doesn't explain slavery. Full stop.
This is no more right than what Jaycee Dugard went through.
Some of the reactions in this thread can feel a little sanctimonious because no one really knows exactly how they would have acted in the author's situation and because there is always more that could and should have been done to help victims of oppression. But, I think even the author himself would agree (if he could) that he was complicit and deserves condemnation. The article reads very much like a grapple with and confession of guilt. The tone of the condemnation in this thread, and the policing of it, feel irrelevant.
Eudocia was an angel of a human being and a victim of one of the worst possible crimes. That family, and probably most of the world, did not deserve her presence and certainly no one but her deserved to own her life. She is the type of person who makes me hope for a heaven so that she may receive some form of meager recompense for such incredible strength under such great suffering.
Eudocia was an angel of a human being and a victim of one of the worst possible crimes. That family, and probably most of the world, did not deserve her presence and certainly no one but her deserved to own her life. She is the type of person who makes me hope for a heaven so that she may receive some form of meager recompense for such incredible strength under such great suffering.
I don't think anyone is trying to diminish her work in raising these kids or trying to say her love for those kids was fake and worthless. At the end of the day however, those kids were also raised to think of her as lesser than all the other members of the family. To think that her wellbeing, desires, and independence were subservient to everyone else's. That does not create a healthy foundation for a relationship.
If you're calling it like you see it, I would suggest going to an optometrist because Stockholm Syndrome doesn't actually have consensus as a legitimate psychiatric condition.
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