Hey Gaf,
Does anyone usually get this feeling?
Im in high school and have mild anxiety as well as OCDd so I feel it everyday. Every mistake I do makes me break down and think the person involved now hates me. Does anyone here also feel hated at times?
Maybe we can help each other out?
This used to be a huge problem for me. I suddenly got the most real feeling that I can almost hear the thoughts of people around me and all was about them hating me and me being worthless. It was like I was bombarded with these thoughts from other people and they felt absolutely real. And I thought it was all deserved. I didn't blame the people I thought hated me. I thought they were right.
Whenever that happened I had to make excuses to leave the place. The rest of the day was me feeling emotional pain which always turned into physical feelings too.
It became gradually worse year by year.
There were three things that helped me:
1) I realized that I'm actually pretty shitty to automatically think some people would have negative feelings about me. At first that made me feel even worse because now I was blaming myself of thinking bad about others. But there still was something in the core of that thought that I felt helped me a bit. It was basically me giving a bit of perspective to things.
2) I realized that "so what?"
So what if they hate me? They probably all don't really hate me but some might hate me. But so what? I can't force anyone to like me. I can't stop anyone from hating me. It's within their rights to think of me the way they want to think. I'm not entitled to have everyone love or like me. Life goes on.
3) I read Anthony De Mello's Awareness. Tons of great philosophy in that book. Some of it feels pretty harsh but it was a huge eye opener for me.
4) I eventually met my first and so far only girlfriend. Tons of awkward moments, like when she told me she thinks she likes me more than as just a friend it took me half an hour to reply anything to her. She just sat beside me and looked at me being awkward as hell. I was 21 years old then.
I still have some problems perhaps maybe once a year and I don't think I ever get fully rid of that problem but it's a far cry from the days I couldn't get up from the bed and cried every single night. I still can't be around a big group of people though. Not because I feel they all hate me but I feel this huge pressure in my head if there are lots of people around me and I feel like I'm going to faint.
I'm now 35 and I think I'm pretty ok with myself now.