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The morality and ethics of being a home-wrecker
- Thread starter Kraftwerk
- Start date
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Not likely to happen, unless the children are infants and can't recall much of anything when both parents were together. Even if they are adult children, they will likely hold a grudge against the parent who broke up their family.
Omegasquash
Member
There aren't many who would disagree with you. I certainly don't disagree with the sentence above.
You propose to enforce your views on a population that doesn't agree with you. It puts you on a moral and ethical high ground...that doesn't work in reality. The fact that you're two steps shy of the scarlet letter is what's scary.
There are plenty of couples who (gasp) work through their issues and understand that adultery is about any number of issues between the couple, not the kids. In fact, some couples even come out of it stronger than before, becoming better parents, spouses, lovers and contributors to the family as a whole.
Your stance on there being criminal or legally imposed punishment with this is arcane, and it is also morally and ethically wrong.
Captain_Spanky
Member
Your divorce can be contested and you can be forced to live with someone you want as far away from you as possible due to economic and legal concerns. What then? Black and white only works for photos and film, not thinking.
The Albatross
Member
Sure, "time heals all wounds" and people feel fine about consequences of an action from years earlier, but during those times -- 20 years before or whenever -- it's absolute hell for people involved.
I say, home wrecking is bad. I don't think it's as bad as cheating, but it's up there.
I say, home wrecking is bad. I don't think it's as bad as cheating, but it's up there.
Happened to a friend of mine. His wife left him and their 2 boys ages 10 and 12 and moved in with another guy. That lasted about a month before new boyfriend kicked her out and then she came crawling back on her hands and knees begging him to forgive her. He told her to fuck off and they got divorced. He and the boys moved on while her life is still a total wreck a year later.
I don't blame him for not taking her back. You could never fully trust someone like that again.
I'm also curious as to what makes a homewrecker think that the person you are cheating with will remain faithful to them. Clearly, the person has the propensity to cheat and has no problems breaking up his/her family to get what they want, so what the hell makes a homewrecker think that it won't happen to them at some point in the future? You think all of a sudden a magical moral compass will appear on this person once they get with you?
nVidiot_Whore
Banned
Humans gonna human.
I have no qualms with the "homewrecker" in any given scenario. They aren't obligated to uphold someone else's bond.
However, honesty is obviously an issue.. and if the person they are after is being dishonest with their S/O, that's something they should take into account.
Black and white statements like "If they cheated on **** they'll cheat on you".. or "once a cheater, always a cheater" however are silly.
Sometimes it's just how people find love.. through making mistakes.
People make mistakes.. not every relationship is the same.. sometimes people in unhappy relationships have trouble ending them, etc.
It's something to take into account for sure.. but it's not like people can't change.. and when someone cheats, it's often about the relationship they are in.. not just simply some "propensity to cheat."
I'd say the biggest concern would be that the person is willing to stay in relationships they clearly aren't happy in. A lot of cheaters surprise the shit out of their significant others because they also lied about their level of happiness.
I have no qualms with the "homewrecker" in any given scenario. They aren't obligated to uphold someone else's bond.
However, honesty is obviously an issue.. and if the person they are after is being dishonest with their S/O, that's something they should take into account.
Black and white statements like "If they cheated on **** they'll cheat on you".. or "once a cheater, always a cheater" however are silly.
Sometimes it's just how people find love.. through making mistakes.
People make mistakes.. not every relationship is the same.. sometimes people in unhappy relationships have trouble ending them, etc.
It's something to take into account for sure.. but it's not like people can't change.. and when someone cheats, it's often about the relationship they are in.. not just simply some "propensity to cheat."
I'd say the biggest concern would be that the person is willing to stay in relationships they clearly aren't happy in. A lot of cheaters surprise the shit out of their significant others because they also lied about their level of happiness.
ClovingWestbrook
Banned
And its disgusting that there are people who are actually cheering him on. If it was anyone else, people would be calling that person out.
SirChained
Banned
lol...
Oh, and I'm a home-wrecker. Still with the girl who's 'home' I wrecked. They weren't married though. Just dating for a while.
mugurumakensei
Member
My views are, as the home-wrecker, that I'm not the one who took a vow or committed.to a relationship with some dude I probably won't meet. Though, I will say I would never have a long term relationship with a married or otherwise taken person.
Skellig Gra
Member
Fair enough but there is a big difference between being married and cheating and just dating and cheating.
ClovingWestbrook
Banned
In this situation, it's not being involved with someone who is in a relationship, its bragging about it and then having people on the forum praise it. As I said,
imagine if someone else admitted to it, people would be going off.
Anticitizen One
Banned
Aren't homewreckers worried that the significant other would come after them violently? That was always a big concern for me as to why I wouldn't do it.
Just have the scars and bruises that go with advanced training in martial arts
nVidiot_Whore
Banned
It certainly happens.
I would never go after some dude for hooking up with my girlfriend.. so it's not something on my mind.
But I've been attacked for it before.. more than once. But I'm 6'4" and pretty beefcake, so it hasn't always turned out too well for the guys attacking me.
mugurumakensei
Member
Son, that's what we use hotels for. The dude's unlikely to find out unless he's the obsessive, controlling type. However, it's then likely the relationship is doomed anyway so you could probably just wait it out in that case.
I was actually attacked by my SO's former boyfriend.
Keep thinking that until Richard Gere shows up at your apartment and hits you in the face with a snow globe.
Even if, in the future, the children seem "happy" you will never have any way of knowing how your actions may have effected their lives. It's undeniable that you will have made their lives more difficult for at least a portion, and probably lead to at least a temporary measure of suffering.
GungHo
Single-handedly caused Exxon-Mobil to sue FOX, start World War 3
What size and what brand? If he's got itty bitty foot-binding feet, then that might be a problem.
If a guy finds out you are cheating with his wife, he could find out a lot of things about you before you even know. He could know what you look like, where you live, what you drive and you probably don't even know his name unless your fucking your buddies wife or girlfriend.
Think about it. If you don't think the majority of guys would act violently to someone fucking their wife I think you are probably mistaken and if you think they will never find out unless they're obsessive I think you're wrong about that too.
Its pretty easy to slip up and get caught if you live with someone. Act a little different and he might get suspicious.
Think about it. If you don't think the majority of guys would act violently to someone fucking their wife I think you are probably mistaken and if you think they will never find out unless they're obsessive I think you're wrong about that too.
Its pretty easy to slip up and get caught if you live with someone. Act a little different and he might get suspicious.
FallingEdge
Member
link to the post?
good to see traditional christian family values are in full effect.
anything other than being legally married=just dating. no biggie.
VelvetMouth
Member
And you do know that the guy your girl is going to cheat on you with is probably going to say the same thing about you.
It's easy to say that, but without knowing the particulars of the situation you really don't know. It may be that way in the future, but right now I'm quite happy and she's quite happy. *shrug*
VelvetMouth
Member
I hope it works out for you but that's how cheaters rationalize their cheating, it's the other persons fault, I had reasons to cheat only to go on and cheat again because it was so easy the first couple of times they did it.
ClovingWestbrook
Banned
Lol what
Deified Data
Banned
There is no such thing as "home wreckers". One partner always chooses to abandon their commitment to the other. The blame always lies with the party who breaks their commitment.
nVidiot_Whore
Banned
People who cheat, aren't likely to have been in some healthy relationship in the first place.
I grew up with 2 parents who probably should have divorced long before they did.. my Dad apparently cheated on my Mom when I was a kid even, but neither of them wanted the "shame" of a divorce.
Their unhappiness contributed to years of mental and physical abuse of their children, which they had very little ability to comprehend. It was only after they divorced that they (well at least my Dad) was able to look back and recall and realize how much damage his unhappy ass had done "staying with" my Mom so many years.
My point being: it's really just not that black and white.. simply "staying together" doesn't necessarily do something great for your children. Cheating should be avoided obviously, and on it's own is clearly an immoral act, but that doesn't make it morally wrong to express interest in someone who is married, or in particular if they have kids.
Those actions could be a catalyst for change.. and that change can result in numerous side effects.
Anyone becoming a parent should be PREPARED to handle a potential change in their relationship status with the other parent involved.. and should really keep a keen on on ensuring they are in a HEALTHY relationship with that person, not just ensuring they stay in the SAME relationship with that person.
There was no cheating involved though.
The dude is unlikely to find out if he's a complete fucking idiot when it comes to today's technology.
I have another friend who caught her husband AT the motel with another woman. She suspected for a while that he was cheating on her, so she hid her iPhone in the trunk of his car for a couple of days and tracked him with the Find My iPhone app from her iPad. Took her right to the hotel where they were at and she saw his car in the parking lot.
It's cheating to admit to someone other than your partner that you have feelings for them? (but not act on it?)
I agree that the likely result that follows from these events is either going to be cheating, or a bumpy road for the existing relationship (including a probable reevaluation of the relationship or a breakup). But I mean, there's something profoundly sad to me about two people who legitimately wind up feeling something strongly for each other not being able to think about things and change the course of their futures without it being regarded as cheating.
People fall in and out of love all the time. The responsible thing to do is respect the rules of your existing relationship and be honest with your partner if something's changed.
I agree that the likely result that follows from these events is either going to be cheating, or a bumpy road for the existing relationship (including a probable reevaluation of the relationship or a breakup). But I mean, there's something profoundly sad to me about two people who legitimately wind up feeling something strongly for each other not being able to think about things and change the course of their futures without it being regarded as cheating.
People fall in and out of love all the time. The responsible thing to do is respect the rules of your existing relationship and be honest with your partner if something's changed.
There is no cheating going on in the OP's scenario.
I personally say, tell her your feelings. Life's too short not to follow your heart. Chances are she is happily married. If she is interested then she needs to get her relationship status, etc. completely in check before you take any further actions.
That being said, I would certainly check your feelings and be sure that you aren't enamored, infatuated, or whatever before possibly throwing a wrench into the lives of a family with children.
I personally say, tell her your feelings. Life's too short not to follow your heart. Chances are she is happily married. If she is interested then she needs to get her relationship status, etc. completely in check before you take any further actions.
That being said, I would certainly check your feelings and be sure that you aren't enamored, infatuated, or whatever before possibly throwing a wrench into the lives of a family with children.
Is it possible for someone to be in love with more than one person? Of course.
TheChewyWaffles
Member
I'm not sure I agree with this. Cheating spouses are usually unhappy spouses. What if the spouse was treated like dirt before the cheating incident and this poor treatment, to some degree, precipitated the affair?
Edit: As left-leaning as GAF tends to be is I'm honestly shocked that so many consider "cheating" immoral. Certainly seems odd to me.
Alligatorjandro
Banned
Homewreckers are despicable.
SirChained
Banned
Always gotta blame the third party huh
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