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[iavi]

Alright, cool. I'll have the new thread up in a bit. I'm going to try for a banner this time.

 

[Amir0x]

damn i'm new to these topics. I didn't realize the vote deadline was so brief too. I would have voted for Boootay, Miri and Plywood.

 

[ResidentDante]

Utøya

I don't know. It may be too soon but I'm struggling to think of anything else today.

I'm from Norway, this was nice. I liked the ending. I don't think it's too soon, many people have written words and even songs already, I think it's a nice way to honour the victims.

 

[iavi]

I'm from Norway, this was nice. I liked the ending. I don't think it's too soon, many poeple have written words and even songs already, I think it's a nice way to honour the victims.

I actually got this a bit after the fact. My crit doesn't really stand anymore.

 

[Tim the Wiz]

Congrats Miri. Hit me with that new theme already!

I'm from Norway, this was nice. I liked the ending. I don't think it's too soon, many people have written words and even songs already, I think it's a nice way to honour the victims.

I'm glad you thought so. You can't help but share in the connection of such a human tragedy--even from as far away as I am.

 

[ThLunarian]

Hi, I don't have an on-topic poem. I'm a newb and want to share something I just wrote, but I'm too self conscious to create a separate thread, and I couldn't find one for general critique. Hope you guys don't mind:

What's the difference between hope and moving on?
Is it found in the chorus of a top 40 song?
Is it the look in her eyes when she tells you that it's over
That suggests she'll realize if you can only show her
How perfect you could be, if she just gives you a chance
Patience was never your strong suit, but you always showed romance.

What's the difference between hope and moving on?
Can you find it in the hospital when you're trying to be strong?
Is it determination in your father while he's fighting to survive
And even if he lives, you can't help but to strive
To find some answers as you face your own god damn mortality
Way too early to be fair - you just barely turned twenty.

What's the difference between hope and moving on?
Can you find it in the knowledge that you're right and she is wrong?
Is it the guilt in her voice when you confront her for leaving
Your dad and brother by themselves, when your brother isn't even
An adult, and your father doesn't know how to deal
So he turns to alcohol to numb the pain that he feels
And suddenly your family's a thousand pieces broke
And just when your dad seems better, he has a massive stroke.

What's the difference between hope and moving on?
When you're a child and your mom has cancer, does hope exist at all?
When you don't know any better and you think cancer never spares
But you don't say it because you don't want your family to get scared 
And later when you know the truth, and your mom turns out okay
You never forget how it felt to think that she would pass away.
(end)

It's only a rough first draft, and I think the tempo toward the end could use some work. Im proud of it though. Any advice or critiques are welcome, thanks.

 

[iavi]

The new thread is up! http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=438759

THlunarian, cross post that into the new one. You'll get more eyes.