Isn't it more that abusers were often sexually abused themselves rather than abused people often becoming abusers? I don't know if that one is a myth as well or if it's true, but the former sounds more legitimate than the latter, for sure.
Right, and one theory is that it might have some sort of genetic component to pedophilia. The myth is awful because it demonizes the victim. Being molested doesn't turn you into a child molester. I fucking hate that myth.
I try to remain a tolerant person, I really do. I read up on touchy subjects even if I don't like to comment, I try to understand the ways in which I've failed. As I've grown up, I've learned to put myself in the shoes of other people. On some level, I can understand and even sympathize to a degree those who are sexual predators, because I honestly don't think having that affliction is a choice for these people. I would think having such thoughts would drive me to suicide, honestly.
Where it breaks down and I become a hypocrite is that I can never forgive those sorts of people. I know it's me continuing a cycle of hatred and failing, but I can't get passed it. The urges they can't deny, but to act upon those urges was their choice. I hold these people fully accountable, and I truthfully don't want them on this planet with me and my siblings.
That some think one can be turned into one of these monsters by being a victim is infuriating to me. It gets my blood fucking boiling.
Very sad thread. I'm sorry for all the pain some of you have had to go through.
As a father of two (soon to be three) young daughters, I am so paranoid about their well-being. I am overprotective often times but I know I can't protect them 100% of the time. I'm glad my wife understands my paranoia. What else can you do?
I understand the difficulty people have in replying to these kinds of issues, but at least for me personally I've never had anyone acknowledge me when I've tried to discuss it and it makes me wonder if I am the one in the wrong, like do I actually have a right to be hurt when other people have been through so much worse? Or maybe the people I am talking to just see my issues as stupid? Like I get not wanting to giving meaningless platitudes but not saying anything is an issue in itself.
Yes, you have right to be hurt. I mean, to transform it into the physical world, if you have the flu and see somebody who has the black death, that doesn't make you any less ill.
And especially mental injuries are so, so much more complex than just physical injuries or illnesses.
If you were raped, sexually assaulted, or whatever you want to classify it as, you have right to feel violated. Because you WERE violated. Don't let anybody tell you different. Not even yourself. What happened to you was terrible.
I wanted to chime in and say everyone who shared, whether anonymously or not, is incredibly brave. My heart goes out to all of you. I wish I had more to contribute, more to add to this discussion, because I do believe that discussion is necessary for both the victims and for our society at large, but I am at a loss.
I will just leave a link to one of my favorite comics, which covers the topic. Be warned, the entire story is one big trigger, but it is amazing.
Very sad thread. I'm sorry for all the pain some of you have had to go through.
As a father of two (soon to be three) young daughters, I am so paranoid about their well-being. I am overprotective often times but I know I can't protect them 100% of the time. I'm glad my wife understands my paranoia. What else can you do?
1 in 6 women will experience a sexual assault attempt in their lifetime. Of the women in my life I've opened up to who have reciprocated, that figure is disturbingly accurate. You are right to worry for your daughters.
What can be done is what is being done - remove the stigmatize of coming forward. Talk about this with your daughters, let them know this happens. Silence is what harbors that "these things happen" mentality that my mother went through when she was assaulted as a young woman.
bringing this stuff to light makes the entire situation better. Laws get stricter, penalties harsher. Gives these fucking assholes a reason to think twice before acting upon their urges.
I decided that I'd never have children, because I'd read that molested children grow up to be molesters. It was one of the reasons I wanted to die. I was terrified that some day, something would take over and make me molest a child. And since I'd rather be dead, I just decided I'd never have children and would spend no time around children.
I thought about just turning this in anonymously, but the older that I get the less I feel like I care about how it comes off, so what the heck. In someways it's rather freeing to be at the point with it where I can just discuss it without it having to be this big stressful horrible secret reveal. Honestly sounds pretty similar to several other stories that I've seen posted already.
When I was about in the 6/7 age range I was repeatedly molested by an older relative in my extended family. After this happened a few times (we'd see that side of the family only every so often) we saw then again when I was more like 9 or so. This time I woke up while they were attempting to take off my clothes while I was sleeping. At this point I had more of a clue what was going on, and that it was wrong, so I hit them in the face and then ran and hid in the bathroom.
More than the actual molestation what came after that was actually what was the hardest to deal with over time. As probably others in this thread can attest at this point I had no proof and lots of shame so I didn't tell anyone in the family. And then we continued to see that family. I could tell that this person was occasionally trying to isolate me away from the rest of the family, so I'd do whatever it took to stay away from them. Then I was also so scared at night that they would try to come for me when I was sleeping again that I refused to sleep in an unsafe location. I'd pretend to sleep, then sneak out of my room and either stay awake the entire night or if I started to fall asleep I'd lock myself into a bathroom and sleep on the floor. If someone knocked on the door of the bathroom and woke me up I'd just pretend that I'd gotten up to use the restroom. It's that stress and fear that I still recall the most today. That and also the first time that I told someone which was my girlfriend (now wife). I was so worried about what she would think about me, luckily she was, and still is, totally awesome.
Now as an adult I don't think any of this messed me up to much. I'm happily married (going on 10 years very soon) and aside from a few quirks I don't think that it's had any really frighting effects on my emotions, sex life, or anything like that. If anything I sometimes get a bit paranoid that it didn't effect me more, like am I just repressing stuff that I should be dealing with? But I don't think that's the case here. I'm a bit ashamed of this now, but I do think that it contributed to me having a bit of homophobia in my teen years, which honestly took a while to get over. Not homophobia where I insulted, attacked or mistreated anyone, but a real phobia of fear. I think that I just saw gay men as being predatory due to what happened to me. Unfair I know now, but I felt that way at the time.
Even given my experiences as a child/teen, until fairly recently (within the last 10 years), I viewed female on male rape as something that was not really rape or was somehow not as bad. I am ashamed of this since I now look back and wonder if there might have been anyone in my life that I somehow alienated or hurt, unintentionally, through a joke or snide remark. That I may have caused pain to someone in my life (or a stranger) instead of being a good friend and being an available ear or source of emotional comfort and safety.
Thank you everyone, both open and anonymous, for sharing your stories. I hope you are able to overcome your experiences and are able to find comfort and happiness, if you haven't already.
This is touching. The ending is the truth. You can see in a few people's posts in this thread the fear instilled by that hurtful myth. It really needs to be stamped out.
But I don't think that's the case here. I'm a bit ashamed of this now, but I do think that it contributed to me having a bit of homophobia in my teen years, which honestly took a while to get over. Not homophobia where I insulted, attacked or mistreated anyone, but a real phobia of fear. I think that I just saw gay men as being predatory due to what happened to me. Unfair I know now, but I felt that way at the time.
Just for the record, and I told besada the same: in my case, I sorta buried it very deep into my memory and tried to forget it. It always had been there, and it likely always will be. I never thought much about it, because in my country's law and language, rape is considered to be a more violent act (for in German, the word for rape, "Vergewaltigung", contains the word for violence "Gewalt"), but I wasn't subject to actual violence from my rapist.
The stories here made me realize that what happened to me was rape. That I was subject to it, and that the feelings of fear and violation I had and still have from it were not wrong. So thank you all who shared their stories and emotions.
I thought about just turning this in anonymously, but the older that I get the less I feel like I care about how it comes off, so what the heck. In someways it's rather freeing to be at the point with it where I can just discuss it without it having to be this big stressful horrible secret reveal. Honestly sounds pretty similar to several other stories that I've seen posted already.
When I was about in the 6/7 age range I was repeatedly molested by an older relative in my extended family. After this happened a few times (we'd see that side of the family only every so often) we saw then again when I was more like 9 or so. This time I woke up while they were attempting to take off my clothes while I was sleeping. At this point I had more of a clue what was going on, and that it was wrong, so I hit them in the face and then ran and hid in the bathroom.
More than the actual molestation what came after that was actually what was the hardest to deal with over time. As probably others in this thread can attest at this point I had no proof and lots of shame so I didn't tell anyone in the family. And then we continued to see that family. I could tell that this person was occasionally trying to isolate me away from the rest of the family, so I'd do whatever it took to stay away from them. Then I was also so scared at night that they would try to come for me when I was sleeping again that I refused to sleep in an unsafe location. I'd pretend to sleep, then sneak out of my room and either stay awake the entire night or if I started to fall asleep I'd lock myself into a bathroom and sleep on the floor. If someone knocked on the door of the bathroom and woke me up I'd just pretend that I'd gotten up to use the restroom. It's that stress and fear that I still recall the most today. That and also the first time that I told someone which was my girlfriend (now wife). I was so worried about what she would think about me, luckily she was, and still is, totally awesome.
Now as an adult I don't think any of this messed me up to much. I'm happily married (going on 10 years very soon) and aside from a few quirks I don't think that it's had any really frighting effects on my emotions, sex life, or anything like that. If anything I sometimes get a bit paranoid that it didn't effect me more, like am I just repressing stuff that I should be dealing with? But I don't think that's the case here. I'm a bit ashamed of this now, but I do think that it contributed to me having a bit of homophobia in my teen years, which honestly took a while to get over. Not homophobia where I insulted, attacked or mistreated anyone, but a real phobia of fear. I think that I just saw gay men as being predatory due to what happened to me. Unfair I know now, but I felt that way at the time.
For some people, they are lucky and wind up relatively unscathed later in life. You shouldn't feel worried that you're not affected enough, like you didn't suffer enough for what you went through. You should instead go through life with the realization that you are incredibly strong - you survived one of the worst things a person can go through relatively unscathed. Don't feel guilty for that, instead try to remain a source of inspiration for others who have gone through the same sorts of terrible things.
Find a new therapist. They're human, and sometimes they suck. So the only thing you can really do is to move on to another and hope for better luck. When I had my breakdown and went to therapy for the first time, the first guy I saw was fucking atrocious. He was less interested in my problems than he was in peddling some MRA-level bullshit. So I moved on until I found someone I could build a rapport with.
Thank you for sharing, and I'm terribly sorry that you and your cousins have had to go through this.
One thing I struggled with after that was if talking about everything really helped me at all. I thought I had a good connection with my last therapist but he pretty much gave me an ultimatum and that was it. Well, I'll definitely check out some other places, thanks for the encouragement.
I can't imagine going through my entire childhood and adolescence carrying something like this alone. You're incredibly strong and inspiring. Thank you for sharing it.
To be honest, it was always there but it never felt bad until I got older. Maybe I was too young to process all that it was but I thought it was no problem to keep it a secret. It definitely opened a door though. I continued to fool around with kids my age, oral stuff pretty much. I definitely remember seeking sex out, though.
When I was about 9 I started to have sex with a boy a few years older than me. He was pretty developed and I feel that really shaped the person I am today when it comes to sex. I want to open up about a lot of things that happened in my past but saying it out loud makes it sound so far-fetched that I'm afraid I'll be accused of making it up. Heh, thinking about all this has my stomach is a knot. I have to go but maybe I will post more tonight.
1 in 6 women will experience a sexual assault attempt in their lifetime. Of the women in my life I've opened up to who have reciprocated, that figure is disturbingly accurate. You are right to worry for your daughters.
What can be done is what is being done - remove the stigmatize of coming forward. Talk about this with your daughters, let them know this happens. Silence is what harbors that "these things happen" mentality that my mother went through when she was assaulted as a young woman.
bringing this stuff to light makes the entire situation better. Laws get stricter, penalties harsher. Gives these fucking assholes a reason to think twice before acting upon their urges.
To those who have posted their stories, there is a great deal of bravery in each and every one of you whether your story was anonymously posted or not. Take note of that and remember that you all are courageous people for enduring and surviving for this long with that kind of pain. My heartfelt sympathies to all of you.
It's halloween and the stories posted here are scarier than any movie or tale traditional to the day. I'm simply baffled. I admire the strength of all of you, who had to deal with something as awful as this. You're all amazing people.
Thank you all for sharing your stories. Let me tell you guys are not alone, and that its OK to be angry. Hell I am angry at humanity more today because of this thread.
I also have my own minor story to tell, given this happened long before I came out of the trans closet.
When I was around 8, one or a pair of older girls successfully pulled off my trousers and underwear in the school playground in front of a crowd or other people. It was only a few short seconds, but fucking hell I swear those few seconds will live with me for a long time. I'm reluctant to bring it up these days a) because it feels so irrelevant next to what others have been through*, especially next to my boyfriend, and b) I'm worried people will turn around to me and say "oh, you're just ashamed of your body as the result of a traumatic event" and hold that against me as a transwoman.
*: I should note that I am aware that this is a negative thought pattern, but when I went through similar feelings with my simple cancer treatment and then again currently with my transition, it's a very hard thought pattern to shift.
In this current culture of guys going to jail because the girl may have shown some sign of unwillingness, i always think back to my 1st time being bottom. I definitely said no about a hundred times coz it hurt like hell, but my partner just overpowered me and kept going.
Pleasure and fear were mixing through my body at incredible rates.
I remember this feeling of sick in the pit of my stomach and when it was over I ran to the toilet thinking I needed to puke, but never produced anything.
I've asked myself over and over if what happened was actual rape, and as I had mentioned I had a therapist kinda say that it wasn't rape.
Ok, so it wasn't rape but it was sexual assault, but who cares - it messed me up and has hurt my relationship with myself. Mostly because I hate myself. That's who I am angry at. Because I was powerless to stop it. And in my everyday dealings I am still powerless after 30 years. I'm afraid of people and interactions and conflict. I'm afriad of ordering food, jesus.
I'm not angry at other people I'm angry at myself.
Maybe it isn't the center of all my problems. Maybe it happened because I was afraid. Because I was weak?
It was all so random. Maybe today I got in trouble for not having friends, maybe everything was good the next day, maybe I got punched in the mouth for getting a bad grade.
Jesus fuck. Now I bet you all can guess which story is mine but who cares I'm just a picture on a message board.
Edit and then I read the stories above mine and my problems are dumb.
I've asked myself over and over if what happened was actual rape, and as I had mentioned I had a therapist kinda say that it wasn't rape.
Ok, so it wasn't rape but it was sexual assault, but who cares - it messed me up and has hurt my relationship with myself. Mostly because I hate myself. That's who I am angry at. Because I was powerless to stop it. And in my everyday dealings I am still powerless after 30 years. I'm afraid of people and interactions and conflict. I'm afriad of ordering food, jesus.
I'm not angry at other people I'm angry at myself.
Maybe it isn't the center of all my problems. Maybe it happened because I was afraid. Because I was weak?
It was all so random. Maybe today I got in trouble for not having friends, maybe everything was good the next day, maybe I got punched in the mouth for getting a bad grade.
Jesus fuck. Now I bet you all can guess which story is mine but who cares I'm just a picture on a message board.
Edit and then I read the stories above mine and my problems are dumb.
Bro, it's ok to be angry, but at yourself? C'mon, how old were you when those things happened? Were you able to even think clearly? Did you have the tools, the experience, the knowledge to deal with properly? Of course not! Don't be so harsh on your past self. I'm sure you did the best that you could under the circumstances. You're different now, stronger, you know better, you won't let it happen again. IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT.
And fuck your shrink for telling you that it wasn't rape, c'mon, maybe he was trying to downplay it so you could downplay it too but obviously it's still a big deal for you and that's what matters, way more than a definition. Now you know better, it's time for you to get better. And it won't be easy AT ALL but it's very worth it. I'm not sure if I'll get 100% over what happened to me - fuck, I still have this stupid stutter I can't control and it sometimes makes my life and social interactions hell - but I'm not gonna let something that was done to me 35 years ago still have a negative effect on me, I have the right to have a decent life and be fucking happy, and so do you.
I've asked myself over and over if what happened was actual rape, and as I had mentioned I had a therapist kinda say that it wasn't rape.
Ok, so it wasn't rape but it was sexual assault, but who cares - it messed me up and has hurt my relationship with myself. Mostly because I hate myself. That's who I am angry at.
And this is one of the reasons why, even as we work to change the legal definitions behind words, that it's horrible when people come into a discussion, or say to someone, "Well, it wasn't legally rape..."/"It's not considered rape here..."
1) It should be
2) Saying that - among other things - can cause these sorts of thoughts and feelings in someone who has gone through something like this
I apologize for going off that post on a more general point.
But, more specifically, please don't beat yourself up over it because people are telling you "Well, it wasn't rape."
Thank you to everyone who has shared a story. It's been a difficult read and I can barely imagine what it was like to live these. I don't have anything else to say but my heart goes out to everyone.
I've been following this thread since it was made this morning, and I'm actually very surprised at the sheer number of guys on GAF who have been raped. It's quite the shock.
I'm very sorry that all of you had to go through that, and it's absolutely horrible. I have nothing but total respect to all of you who managed to share, considering how difficult it must be.
Some of the story is real hard to read. Thank you for sharing.
I remember my friend from junior high school. A guy. He was watching porn with his friend brother (i know him as well), when suddenly the brother ask my friend to suck his dick and kinda force him on it. Luckily my friend able to resist and punch his dick as hard as he can, then run away. He told me the story at school. At the time, i don't know what to say. He told me he don't want to get pregnant from drinking someone sperm (he's not exactly the brightest kid, but at the time, i guess 11-12 years old still new to this pregnant, sex thing). I remember saying that it's impossible, and we had some argument about it. It's kinda messed up when i think about it. I never told anyone that story. And in hindsight, i probably should tell adult about it.
Now this is something that I do have experience with.
Don't really want to get too in detail with it, but, things did go relatively alright for me with that. I called up 911, the police came, took her, she was released the next day since things were relatively alright, court date a few weeks later, was given the opportunity to discuss things privately with the judge in case there was something I wasn't comfortable saying, but didn't press any charges or anything.
Definitely not an ideal situation for me, but, as far as the legal/reaction from those involved on the legal side of things, it went "well."
I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you but I'm glad it was handled well legally. This thread is heart breaking but I'm glad there is a place where we can share stories.
I've been following this thread since it was made this morning, and I'm actually very surprised at the sheer number of guys on GAF who have been raped. It's quite the shock.
I'm very sorry that all of you had to go through that, and it's absolutely horrible. I have nothing but total respect to all of you who managed to share, considering how difficult it must be.
The surprise I have is at the amount of people who have been willing to share.
Unfortunately, it's no surprise at all that there are so many instances of it - and likely even more where the person wasn't comfortable sharing, even anonymously.
It's a much more pervasive issue than it's usually given credit for.
I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you but I'm glad it was handled well legally. This thread is heart breaking but I'm glad there is a place where we can share stories.
Yeah, I know it's nothing compared to the stuff going on in the thread, and obviously every situation's different, but, it did make me feel good that it was actually taken seriously - since it was a serious issue, and I didn't quite know what to expect.
i was molested by my mom when i was 11 or 12, im not really sure if this fits in with the topic of the thread, but its something that ive always had to deal with because i never really told anyone.
I cant recall the events that lead up to what happened, but ill never forget the pressure on my private parts as my mom grabbed and groped my groin and never let go. Ive lived with that memory forever and even now im hesitant when my wife tries to touch me intimately. I feel like its a secret where ill have to carry the burden with forever because i dont want to rip my family apart if the news were to get out.
i was molested by my mom when i was 11 or 12, im not really sure if this fits in with the topic of the thread, but its something that ive always had to deal with because i never really told anyone.
I cant recall the events that lead up to what happened, but ill never forget the pressure on my private parts as my mom grabbed and groped my groin and never let go. Ive lived with that memory forever and even now im hesitant when my wife tries to touch me intimately. I feel like its a secret where ill have to carry the burden with forever because i dont want to rip my family apart if the news were to get out.
It's fairly easy for a male to get an erection, willingly or not. Unless you have iron will control, it is likely that a minute or less of applied action can result in one. If someone has an erection, it doesn't mean they are a willing participant or have given consent.
i was molested by my mom when i was 11 or 12, im not really sure if this fits in with the topic of the thread, but its something that ive always had to deal with because i never really told anyone.
I cant recall the events that lead up to what happened, but ill never forget the pressure on my private parts as my mom grabbed and groped my groin and never let go. Ive lived with that memory forever and even now im hesitant when my wife tries to touch me intimately. I feel like its a secret where ill have to carry the burden with forever because i dont want to rip my family apart if the news were to get out.
I'm sorry and thank you for sharing. I hope you are able to find peace with yourself at some point. This is somewhat the way I felt before I finally opened up. Our two families were pretty close so I never said anything until they were well moved away. I thought that people would see it as my fault for causing a rift and blame me for tearing our family friendship apart. As it is, I've never really discussed it beyond the first time or two it was brought up. I don't know if it makes my brother or mother uncomfortable, or that they simply don't think about it. Our relationship is healthy, but outside of therapy and the occasional dump like this thread, it's just a series of experiences from my past.
I've been thinking about looking around for volunteer work like maybe a crisis center or some other organization where I could talk about my experiences, if only in a broad sense, to try to help other people reach a place in their life where I am. I feel like I could turn the tragedy of my past into a positive in my life by helping others and help empower myself. I'm already at peace with that whole period, but it would be empowering to turn that overwhelmingly negative point in my life into a personal strength.
Been working up to this for a few hours. Wondering how to word it. Should it be anonymous? All that shebangle. Reading everyone else in this thread has strengthened my belief that, should I ever raise a child, I will be open to all topics to be discussed, nothing will be too embarrassing or to taboo for me. I never want somebody to be ridiculed at something that made them feel awful.
Reading a lot of stories, it saddens me to see this happened to a great many younger boys. But the question on some peoples minds (be lurkers or people who have actually asked) how is it possible for men to be raped? Hope your stomachs are tough, cos mine certainly isn't.
2 things you have to keep in mind before I begin:
1: From the ages of 15+ I was very very very angry.
2: I always considered myself to be invincible.
I will not discuss why I was this way.
When I was 20, I had no job and was living at home with mother, so I was given the opportunity to travel for a year, and that is what I did. I went to many countries, before stopping in Australia. I lived there for a year, but I was alone. Built up a social life, but my time was limited so I rushed things, which people scared away due to my... forwardness and eagernesss.
Anyways, 8 months into this I start a job at a place called Hungry Jacks (Australian Burger King) and did the weekend overnights every week. Every saturday evening, about 11.30PM, 2 ladies would come in. Big ladies with a very outgoing personality. I'll always remember them because the first time I met them there was a drunk guy next to them who insulted them, and the taller lady (6 feet and 9 inches easily) nearly decked him. luckily we had indoor security that escorted him out of the premises, but he was gone before I could give him his change for his order. So I gave his change to the smaller, but rounder, lady who had shockingly pink hair and said 'Courtesy of that gentlemen'. They had a good laugh and I ended up looking forward to their visits each saturday. Eventually I got their numbers and they invited me out to a pub, I was over the moon. I met their friends and they seemed really cool, and I thought 'this is living the life!' I must have seen the bigger lady knock out 4 guys trying to start a fight in this time.
So about a month into doing this, the pink haired lady sends me a text one day out of the blue basically asking me if I liked her. I naively said sure, and she replied with something like that's great, you showed all the signs. I like you too. That's when a bell rang, I thought nah, that isn't what I meant, I tried to clear it up but she had gotten it stuck in her mind that we were basically gonna have sex now. I liked her as a friend, but I was not attracted to her. (Keeping in mind they were both in their mid 40s.)
Whatever, couldn't change my fun nights out I foolishly thought. Besides I was clammering for the friends who actually were willingb to go as fast as I did, not all good things came easily, and having her fancy me wasn't so bad I kept telling myself.
So she keeps sending me texts that basically stemmed down to how we were gonna make us work, where we should do it, things that just didn't make me feel right. So one day I said I didn't think it was all gonna work, and she casually 'reminded' me (See: Threatened) that she knew where I worked and her friend had a huge temper. I think fuck, what to do? If I broke up all ties, they'd know just where to come find me. I thought let's just try and keep it at arms length and continue having fun nights out.
Now we've reach the night in question.
I want to state I've been staring at my screen for 20 minutes here. I don't know how to continue.
Okay, little fast forward here to keep me going. I've told this particular night of what happened to friends and family. They all laughed and said 'you silly boy, it's your own fault'. Which can't be to blame, I always told the story in a comedic way as a ways to cope. In fact I have a close friend who posts here on GAF, no idea if he'll read this. Probably call me a faghot. (It's our thing).
Alright here we go. So we're all at the pub (I want to point out that at this point I had never consumed alcohol in my life so just had coke) and the really big lady is really raring to go. She was doing karaoke and I could tell she was waiting for a heckler, luckily it never came. So pink haired lady told me to follow her outside, I said it was cold, she said not for long. So I did, and she led me to the parking lot. And we both got in her car. I wanna say here that bigger lady had taken out people my height and build, so I thought if I physically fought back I would be utterly broken and beaten by both of them. She kept on trying to start things with me, I said I really didn't want our first time to be in a car, trying to remain tactful you know? Fuck does it sound like I'm excusing her?
At this point I tell my family that she ended up giving me a handjob, that was interrupted by somebody coming over to the car. What she did. Sorry if I'm using full stops a lot, I am literally pausing each time trying to get the words right.
Alright so people wanna know how men can be raped? Here's what happens: I've spoiler tagged this as it is quite explicit. I hope I'm not breaking the ToS with my graphicness.
you go limp, as in your whole body. You get a weak semi boner as she fondles your crotch, the kind you get when you wake up with morning wood and have to force it to retract so you can take that morning whizz.
She thinks to herself 'wow, he's not very big' as she takes her pants off and gets on top of you. Each time she tried to penetrate herself there was a slight fuck up, as in I was not hard enough to remain straight, so it looks like a deflated bouncy hopper. Eventually it goes in, and it burns. Like rip your foreskin back really fast burn. Your hips ache, your scared, and you use your entire conscienceness to make sure you don't go fully limp and she thinks you find her ugly and gets her friend to kill you for playing with her feelings. About 5 minutes into it you go into this semi catatonic state where you wish it would just end. It doesn't feel good. It just burns and you're uncomfortable because there's so much weight on your legs and hips and your in a car. You fake an orgasm at this point, and say that the juice (pre-ejaculation) is it. She is dissappointed and leaves, and you stay in the car as you realise your dick is bleeding and you feel weak, ashamed, and realise you are not almighty.
You zip up, go back in the pub, and pretend to enjoy your evening, you go home, you have a shower, you get out of the shower, you still feel dirty, so you have another one. You think to yourself how did you just let that happen? Say you were gay! Tell her outright you weren't attracted to her, big lady wouldn't beat you up simply because you only wanted to be her friend. All the solutions come after the deed is done.
So ironically after this, I actually felt the need to improve as a human being. I wasn't angry anymore, and I certainly didn't feel invincible. But I wasn't scared enough not to tell anyone, yet for some reason I held off actually saying something until I returned to England 3 weeks later. Yes it was 50% the reason of why I returned a bit premature than I hoped. So when I said it, I realised I could not make myself seem weak, so I made it sound like it was an awful sexcapade encounter where I kept on digging myself a bigger hole. Maybe I did. I don't know, I was scared at the time. Nobody has actually realised just how much it affected me. The person I am now, the man with a good flat, a great girlfriend, good job, and balls to actually admit all this, is a direct result of me being forced into something I didn't have to balls to get out of. I am critical of others not helping themselves because, I guess in a way, theres always a way out, and I get reminded of that stupid angry naive boy who couldn't find a way out of his problem.
I felt violated, disgusted with myself, and physically and emotionally hurt for months. And I'm a better person because of it. What do you think that makes me feel? Please let me know because I haven't figured it out yet.
despite never really doubting myself that this happened, my mom vehemently denying this happened is why ill take it to the grave with me. So yes, you are right there.
Man the stories posted here make me feel guilty for asking in the first place. I'm the type of guy who has to pay for any chance to get laid, so this concept was really alien to me.
I'm sorry and thank you for sharing. I hope you are able to find peace with yourself at some point. This is somewhat the way I felt before I finally opened up. Our two families were pretty close so I never said anything until they were well moved away. I thought that people would see it as my fault for causing a rift and blame me for tearing our family friendship apart. As it is, I've never really discussed it beyond the first time or two it was brought up. I don't know if it makes my brother or mother uncomfortable, or that they simply don't think about it. Our relationship is healthy, but outside of therapy and the occasional dump like this thread, it's just a series of experiences from my past.
I've been thinking about looking around for volunteer work like maybe a crisis center or some other organization where I could talk about my experiences, if only in a broad sense, to try to help other people reach a place in their life where I am. I feel like I could turn the tragedy of my past into a positive in my life by helping others and help empower myself. I'm already at peace with that whole period, but it would be empowering to turn that overwhelmingly negative point in my life into a personal strength.
You are a much stronger person than I. A crisis center sounds like a great idea, despite this happening 15 years ago ive yet to really find peace with myself on the issue but feel like i can offer sound advice when i eventually come to terms. Perhaps making that first step and trying to help someone else can accelerate that process.
I was 13 or 14 at the time. I lived near a local little league field and my mom worked there so I was there every day and knew most of the kids that played. One kid in particular moved down the street and we became friends even though he was a couple years younger than me and went to a different school. We'd hang out and play sports or go fishing and do whatever boys do. This kid in particular had a habit of exposing himself almost like a joke or for shock value or whatever. It was funny I suppose the first time he did it but after a while it got weird.
One time I remember we were hanging out at my house playing video games or something. We were just hanging out and all of a sudden bam this kid is whipping out his junk right in front of me. I just sort of wondered to myself what the hell this kid was doing. I mean he had to be maybe 11 or 12 years old. Nothing ever happened. I told him that he needed to leave and he did. But reading about everything in this thread makes me realize that something definitely could have happened even though I was older and probably bigger at the time. I've never really told anyone about it because it seemed almost insignificant at the time. My 13 year old brain didn't really comprehend what could have happened. It didn't really have much of an impact on me though.
Just read some of these stories and just need to say how incredibly brave and necessary it is for people to be able to talk about these things. I wish I had the words to explain how much this thread has made me feel about the community here and the support people have shown.
despite never really doubting myself that this happened, my mom vehemently denying this happened is why ill take it to the grave with me. So yes, you are right there.
I don't personally have much to add here. I've been sexually harassed and what not, but nothing on the level of most people in this thread.
I can say, however, that since college has started for me I've heard about way, way to many men being raped on campus. Not just my own campus, but friends' too. It's pretty much always a guy being drugged at a party and taken advantage of. And no matter what I do, I can not get people to take it seriously.
One of the guys had his girlfriend break up with him afterwards because she saw it as cheating, not rape. I had to convince her and all her friends that what happened there absolutely was rape, and that the girl who raped him is a menace. But, of course, she got away with it. And she's probably raped other men since then too, considering how casual the whole thing was for her.
I don't want to go on a whole tirade here, but nothing gets me mad like topics like this. Disgusting.
Good on every man who was willing to share in this thread. It's not easy, but hopefully the discussion here helps you at least a little bit.
One of the guys had his girlfriend break up with him afterwards because she saw it as cheating, not rape. I had to convince her and all her friends that what happened there absolutely was rape, and that the girl who raped him is a menace. But, of course, she got away with it. And she's probably raped other men since then too, considering how casual the whole thing was for her.
This, this right here is the most damning thing of them all. A guy got raped by a girl, and just in the moment where he would've needed his SO's support the most, she not only breaks up with him, but she blames him for getting raped. I can't imagine how the guy must've felt at that moment, I hope he found support with someone else.
This, this right here is the most damning thing of them all. A guy got raped by a girl, and just in the moment where he would've needed his SO's support the most, she not only breaks up with him, but she blames him for getting raped. I can't imagine how the guy must've felt at that moment, I hope he found support with someone else.
To be fair, she did eventually come around after I talked to her. I guess it was just a moment of extreme frustration, and she wasn't sure what to do. When she saw how her boyfriend was traumatized by the whole thing I think it was definitely eye opening to her. Despite that, I don't think she ever was able to see the girl as the rapist she was, so nothing was ever really done about it on that end.
The most frustrating part was that her and her friends are all super liberal feminist art majors and I had to basically spell out to them that, in this moment, by downplaying rape and even semi-blaming the victim, you have become everything you hate.
I guess that's why we try to repress our memories, to keep ourselves sane. Like when I was sexually abused back in Saudi Arabia by an uncle at 13 years of age. I would be watching TV, he was the only relative in the house, and he'd pull my pants down and start stroking my penis. I feel a bit nauseous recalling as I write this. Darkly comedic thing, but I thought I was getting a disease because it would get red and I had no clue what was going on. Even back then in a non-Western country before Chris Hansen, I knew that kind of thing was wrong and needed to be told to everyone, but when it's a relative, parents can get cagey about wanting to break ties with them forever. We did eventually completely cut off from them, but didn't report him to the police; this was back when that kind of thing was put under the rug rather than become a media event. I just have kept that to myself ever since because who really needs to hear this kind of thing.
Thankfully, I made it through those events and can look back on it with a healthier mind. Maybe it explains why some people use comedy to get through trauma, and why I'm into dark comedies. Happiness is one of my favourite movies which dealt with that theme. So fucking uncomfortable, Todd Solondz movies, but there's always the one punchline that has me laughing so bad.
While acknowledging the fact that all rape is horrible, and that obviously certain types of much more comman than others, it has always bothered me how the idea that a man can be raped by a woman is basically just ignored or discounted by so many people. Or, worse, made it so that the man should be happy about it, because of course all men want sex all of the time..
I'm still trying to wrap my head around this. Was banned not long ago for a while for making condescending remarks towards a male gaffer who claimed to be raped by a woman while he was drunk. I found it hard to comprehend because for me personally if I don't want to have sex then it's not going to happen: A girl can grind or do oral on me as much as she wants if my mind says no then I'll just stay limp.. And when I'm drunk I even have trouble getting it up if I do want it. But I guess it's diferent for everybody, I've learned that now
Man the stories posted here make me feel guilty for asking in the first place. I'm the type of guy who has to pay for any chance to get laid, so this concept was really alien to me.
I'm still trying to wrap my head around this. Was banned not long ago for a while for making condescending remarks towards a male gaffer who claimed to be raped by a woman while he was drunk. I found it hard to comprehend because for me personally if I don't want to have sex then it's not going to happen: A girl can grind or do oral on me as much as she wants if my mind says no then I'll just stay limp.. And when I'm drunk I even have trouble getting it up if I do want it. But I guess it's diferent for everybody, I've learned that now
To be fair, she did eventually come around after I talked to her. I guess it was just a moment of extreme frustration, and she wasn't sure what to do. When she saw how her boyfriend was traumatized by the whole thing I think it was definitely eye opening to her. Despite that, I don't think she ever was able to see the girl as the rapist she was, so nothing was ever really done about it on that end.
The most frustrating part was that her and her friends are all super liberal feminist art majors and I had to basically spell out to them that, in this moment, by downplaying rape and even semi-blaming the victim, you have become everything you hate.
