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The worst game-based fan fiction (Enter at your own risk)

FoneBone

Member
If this qualifies as OT, then move it.

http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1905449
ECLIPSE
WARNINGS: This contains rather explicit YAOI (male/male) sexual scenes. If you do NOT appreciate homosexuality, the mention of certain appendages and what can be done with them, GO AWAY. I cannot stress ENOUGH how much you should piss off if you do NOT LIKE HOMOSEXUALITY and/or SEXUAL CONTENT. Also, if you find the idea of Link/Sheik/Dark Link being homosexual disturbing (although, you’ll notice, there’s not one scene in Zelda that defines their sexuality) ALSO GO AWAY. If you find Sheik x Dark Link disturbing ALSO GO AWAY. If you continue reading after this and flame me, that means you’re an illiterate idiot. Ha.

AN: Erm. I sounded evil, didn’t I? I’m just sick of being flamed. Anyway…one day, as per usual, I was browsing through kacfrog’s Deviantart site, and I noticed a certain comment; Dark Link x Sheik is so sexy! And you know what? That’s ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!! YAY-…sexy…ahem. tries to stop drooling Non con Dark Link x Sheik (Rape, if you’re mentally challenged). Heavy Link Sheik, most of the basis of the “plot” (or what my sadistic mind thinks is mildly plot-like). I just thought this was a new pairing (I’m not too keen, I’m a Shink-shipper, people) and it was a new idea. Probably one shot, kind of angst-y, probably gore…did I mention that this had sex? Sex? SEX?Er…anyway, if I get enough reviews I may think of doing a few more chapters to wrap it up (damnit, this is looking so very likely). Sorry to scare everyone…looks around…notices everyone has run screaming from non con Yaoi Ooh, and Sheik is SHEIK, not Zelda, he’s all man, baby! -

DISCLAIMER: Words are mine. Wow. Nintendo is not mine. Wow. SHEIKISMINE-cough, I mean, none of the characters are mine.

<-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->

The morning sun had just begun to filter through the bedroom window of Lon Lon Ranch. The gentle rays were comforting, caressing the soft, tan skin of Sheik’s face. He quietly groaned, before turning over, nestling into his lover. Sheik was a notoriously heavy sleeper, Link had been known to awaken the lithe Sheikah with icy cold water, unceremoniously dumped on his honey coloured hair.

Thus, the warm sunlight was not nearly enough to wake Sheik, the handsome harpist, the poet of Shadows…the heavy sleeper. A gentle smile was curving his lips, he appeared peaceful in his sleep, a change to the tense warrior Link, the rest of the world even, was used to. It was secret, no-one knew who always graced his dreams…with the exception of the Hero of Time. It was Link himself who starred in the every thought of Sheik.

From the moment ruby had met sapphire in the Temple of Time, Sheik had been infatuated with the Hylian. It was the rare mixture of innocence and maturity that had caused Sheik to fall in love with Link…and the aura of justice that radiated from him…not to mention he had a very pleasant body to look upon. Sheik smirked, even in his slumber, and his arm wrapped itself around the Hero’s waist.

http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1773393
Something special? Knuckles grunted and gripped his head with one hand as the headache increased. He was so drunk last night he actually had let himself be dragged off into Sonic’s place. But what did Sonic mean with ‘giving him something special’? He didn’t know but he wanted to get out of here right away. He’s been in body contact with that Hedgehog long enough and that’s the least he wanted. As he tried to move, his body began to remind him how sore he was actually.

His eyes went wide when a certain question came into his mind. Why was he so sore in the first place? That doesn’t come naturally. And the fact that he was in bed with someone…

//No…// Knuckles’ mind raced through. //Please no…//


http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1523865
Ridley's thoughts on the upcoming gruesome torture were interrupted by a tap on his knee. Looking down, he saw that Samus wanted his attention. "What do you want?" he queried.

"Wanna...play around?" she asked, a certain look and lilt in her eyes and voice.

"What...what do you mean?" Ridley asked, perplexed.

"You know, a little," she paused to wink seductively. "...fun?"

Ridley was speechless. Unless his years of studying humans had been one big utter failure, Samus was coming onto him.

A human female. Was sexually attracted. To a dragon male.

While such things weren't unheard of, interspecies relations was universally taboo. While Ridley didn't apply to the rules of the Federation, which governed a great deal of civilized planets including Earth, he would be rejected by his fellow Dragons. Even brother Kraid, the mindless fool, would prefer to remain a lump of genes in that jar than be the living brother of the human-fucker. Yes, that's what the rest of the universe would call him. Human-fucker.

He wouldn't even be accepted among humans. They would perceive it as rape -- and it would be, since technically Samus wasn't of sound mind. Thus, they would attempt to destroy him.

On the other hand, he could literally fuck Samus Aran. Imagine if she got her memory back at height of orgasm!

Besides, he could just snap her neck and leave her here on the planet afterwards. Nobody would ever find out.

After thinking about it for a second, he made his decision. "Sure."
And that was just an edited version of this.

Even worse (already posted in OT, but I'll repost it here):
http://reallybadfanfiction.com/Fanfics/Masterstouch.txt
(Warning: contains Link/Epona bestiality. Not safe for your sanity.)

Fanfiction.net and the Godawful Fan Fiction Forums are both treasure troves for this kind of shit. It's both disgusting and unintentionally hilarious at the same time!
 

Fusebox

Banned
I've got two 13 year old cousins (girls, twins) who downloaded a whole bunch of Yugi-Oh fiction and I had to spend an hour explaining to them why Yami and Yugi kiss and stammer and get nervous every time they're near each other.

There was no swearing, or explicit gay porn or anything, but there was an unmissable gay theme running through nearly each story of theirs that I checked (and I checked good) ;)

Now I still let them download them but if they get me to print them out at work and they're gay themes again I tell them when I get home, I give them their print-outs and say "now you do realise that they're gay in this story again, not that theres anything wrong with it, if you're cool with reading about boys kissing boys then so am I" and they have a little giggle, get it out of their system (which is good because they're still young) and everthings cool.
 
Years ago on the Something Awful forums I read some Parappa the Rapper sexual fanfiction. The difference is that instead of finding it on the internet on some sick fuck's website, it was made for comedy reasons by one of the goons.

"Stick stick stick my dick into your hole"

It was brilliant, easily one of the funniest things I've ever read on the internet.
 

Sho Nuff

Banned
My friend actually wrote that Parappa fanfic. I can no longer find it, and if anyone can dig it up, I want your manbabies.

It had the following line:

"Kick, punch, follow my direction
You'll be f**king Sunny with your doggy erection.
Ram her hard, ram her hard, blow your load,
Do it right and her p***** will explode!

Thrust thrust ram!
Now cooooome!"

BTW, the worst I've read was "CRAZY SEX TAXI" but I can't find that one either. :(
 

Kai Dracon

Writing a dinosaur space opera symphony
Random philosophical pondering:

It's interesting how "perverted slash" if presented as a satire is brilliant comedy, and if presented "straight" is sick depravity.

Of course, the only thing about the quoted passages up there that made me cringe was bad writing. The actual sex parts were kind of amusing, if rather silly in concept. Sonic characters, far from being erotic to me, are practically asexual ^^

Eh; there's much worse fanfic on the net.
 
Sho Nuff said:
My friend actually wrote that Parappa fanfic. I can no longer find it, and if anyone can dig it up, I want your manbabies.

It had the following line:

"Kick, punch, follow my direction
You'll be f**king Sunny with your doggy erection.
Ram her hard, ram her hard, blow your load,
Do it right and her p***** will explode!

Thrust thrust ram!
Now cooooome!"

BTW, the worst I've read was "CRAZY SEX TAXI" but I can't find that one either. :(

OH MY GOD! YES! I remember that part. Damn I thought I'd lost it forever. Well I guess technically I have because you don't know where it is either. Pure genius. My manbabies are also up for grabs if somebody finds the whole thing.
 

BuddyC

Member
Alright, this is NOT cool. Sorry about the image size, but I'm at work, so no Photoshop.

whoa.jpg
 
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