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Top 30 Facts About Chuck Norris

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In a hostile conversation between Chuck Norris and Vin Diesel, Chuck was quoted saying, "Vin, why don't you walk back into your house, go into the pantry, pull out a bag of 'fuck off' chips, open the package, decide you need some dip, then open the refridgerator and grab some extra spicy 'eat shit' dip, and eat the whole lot, you fucking asshole." Norris later remarked that though his comments were harsh, he meant what he said and he does not regret it. He continued on to say, "I hate that pansy, I mean he can't even grow a beard, for fuck sakes!"


The Total Gym is built entirely of Chuck Norris' pubic hair. If woven correctly, it rivals the strength of titanium.

:lol :lol
 
Mr. Rellik said:
In a hostile conversation between Chuck Norris and Vin Diesel, Chuck was quoted saying, "Vin, why don't you walk back into your house, go into the pantry, pull out a bag of 'fuck off' chips, open the package, decide you need some dip, then open the refridgerator and grab some extra spicy 'eat shit' dip, and eat the whole lot, you fucking asshole." Norris later remarked that though his comments were harsh, he meant what he said and he does not regret it. He continued on to say, "I hate that pansy, I mean he can't even grow a beard, for fuck sakes!"


The Total Gym is built entirely of Chuck Norris' pubic hair. If woven correctly, it rivals the strength of titanium.

:lol :lol
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This one really had me rolling. MORE! I demand more!
 
Chuck Norris can pull his foreskin over his body to assume the persona of Michael Jackson. While in this guise he typically spends his days masturbating with little boys. The real Michael Jackson is totally straight. He hasn't come forward out of fear.

absurdity +1 :D
 
:lol :lol
my stomach hurts!

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
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Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
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Chuck Norris is the reason staples come stuck together in semi-long rows.
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Chuck Norris is the only person to ever beat Kobayashi in a hot dog eating contest. Chuck Norris won by picking up the whole table of hot dogs and eating them all in one bite, leaving none for his competition. To help the hot dogs go down easier, he ate the 400 pound fat guy next to him. Chuck Norris was then banned from eating hot dogs or fat people ever again.
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Everytime a waitress doesn’t return with your food ontime, its because Chuck Norris is secretly having sex with her -- and all of the other waitresses -- in a back room. That’s also why the food tastes extra good when it finally arrives.
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Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
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When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
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Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
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:lol :lol :lol
 
Chuck Norris is everywhere!

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/damianmarley/welcometojamrock.html

DAMIAN MARLEY LYRICS

"Welcome To Jamrock"

Welcome to Jamrock, camp whe' the thugs dem camp at
Two pounds a weed inna van back
It inna your hand bag, your knapsack, it inna your back pack
The smell a give yah girlfriend contact
Some boy noy notice, them only come around like tourist
On the beach with a few club sodas
Bedtime stories, and pose like dem name Chuck Norris
And they don't know the real hardcore
 
Nothing beats being tied upside down from your feet, hands tied, a burlap sack placed over your face with a starving rat, and you coming out the winner with your teeth clamped down on the rat's jugular.
 
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Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
 
Gandhi used to be a Nazi until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face, showing him that violence is not the way.
 
I'm re-reading all these facts again and they're still fucking funny as hell.

I printed this list out and posted it at my cubicle. Needless to say, everyone was over here laughing their asses off.
 
Mr. T's hair style is actually a complex array of antennas that can triangulate the exact location of any fool in the universe. His gold chains can then transmit pity to those coordinates.
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:lol
 
The Chuck Norris facts site is by far one of the funniest sites ever. Any other stars other than Vin Diesel and Mr T? While Mr T is cool, most of his seem lame.
 
New ones made the top 30.
One day Chuck Norris looked in the mirror and said "No one outstares Chuck!" He is still there to this day.
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Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
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*bump*

Jesus owns and wears a bracelet that reads, "WWCND?"

Chuck Norris refers to himself in fourth person.

Chuck Norris has publicy admitted to having a threesome with the Olsen twins.

One drop of Chuck Norris' semen is so powerful he single-handedly repopulated Zion following the fall of the One.

Chuck Norris once began his own random fact generator after finding out Vin Diesel had one. This is yet another of a series of such incidents, including his writing of a script for a movie called YYY and his attempt to shave himself bald, which worked for less than eight minutes.

Chuck Norris beat world 8-4 in Super Mario Bros the first time he ever played the game.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan.

It is impossible for Chuck Norris to rape anyone because who would turn Chuck Norris down?

Chuck Norris hates midgets and is developing a special lower version of his roundhouse kick just for them.

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

:lol LOL. I keep checking back at that site now. Nothing as great as the first day i read it... but its still good
 
Wow.... I'm incredibly late to this thread. I was wondering why it was getting so many replies, and all I have to say now is :lol
 
These truly are :lol

The Vin Diesel facts can die; Vin has got nothing on Chuck. The Rock might be able to rival him... no beard, though.
 
When Chuck Norris saw Pay it Forward, he hated it so much he gave Haley Joel Osment AIDS. Then he told him about it on national TV.
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:lol The national TV part tops this one off. Hadn't seen this one before.
 
One time in an airport a guy accidently called Chuck Norris "Chick Norris". He explained it was an honest mistake and apologized profusely. Chuck accepted his apology and politley signed an autograph. Nine months later, the guy's wife gave birth to a bearded baby. The guy knew exactly what had happened, and blames nobody but himself.
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It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
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Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
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:lol :lol :lol
 
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