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[Shiv47]

http://blogs.miaminewtimes.com/riptide/2012/01/paul_perito_urologist_with_che.php

The next time you're thinking about driving drunk, consider the plight of a man we'll call Hank. In 2006, a police officer found him passed out behind the wheel of his pick-up truck in a Florida trailer park. Roused from his slumber, he blew a .081-- just over the legal limit-- into the cop's breathalyzer. Because Hank already had three DUIs on his record, he was sentenced to three years in prison.

Two years in, Hank's story became the stuff of nightmares. A mysterious penis affliction landed him in the care of Dr. Paul Perito, the chair of urology at the Coral Gables Hospital. After a series of apparently botched operations, while bouncing between Miami-area hospital, Hank was forced to undergo a "partial penectomy."

Which means his penis was amputated.

In November, Hank-- whose identity we're not revealing because of the humiliation associated with his saga-- filed suit against Perito, five other doctors, the Florida Department of Corrections, and Larkin Community Hospital.

But loyal readers of Riptide will recall that Perito has been accused of going down this road before. Two years ago, he was sued by a Coral Gables man who claimed his penis was amputated after a botched penile implant surgery.

And in 2004, Perito was hit with dozens of criminal charges related to the alleged sale of diluted or counterfeit prescription drugs from his Goulds strip club, Playpen South. A law enforcement affidavit even quoted witnesses who claims that the urologist had a "special K" habit, snorting ketamine and sharing it with strippers-- even the night before he was due to perform surgery.

The charges were eventually dismissed, as Perito entered a pre-trial program and paid thousands of dollars in fines.

In a recent court filing, Perito broadly denied that he was at fault for Hank's missing manhood. Both he and his attorney, William L. Petros, have not responded to several messages seeking comment. But in 2010, he did beckon this reporter to his office, where he angrily waved a penile implant and declared: "My reputation right now should be exonerated!"

"I just piss out of this little baby hole that I got," Hank told us in a teary interview. "I have to sit down like a woman. When I stand up, it squirts everywhere."

Like we said: Don't drive drunk.

Pun-GAF, go to town. And while this prisoner was a shithead for driving drunk, losing your dick is a pretty horrible fate. Check out the link for the party-doc's mug shot.

 

[ViewtifulJC]

What a dick!

 

[Ferrio]

Wonder what the mysterious penis affliction was.

 

[bigtroyjon]

lol

I just piss out of this little baby hole that I got

 

[Half and half]

What a major cock up.

 

[RedShift]

I think its time the hospital gave him the shaft.

 

[Gattsu25]

What a snarky article.

 

[daw840]

I think it's bullshit that you can go to jail for simply being behind a wheel drunk. Sounds like this guy was trying to sleep it off before driving.

Yes I know he's had 3 priors, that's fucked up too.

 

[Gaborn]

Wonder what the mysterious penis affliction was.

The blog linked to another story (with more details) apparently which says

Today, Hank's saga must stand as the worst punishment ever received for taking a boozy snooze at the wheel of a vehicle. Because three years ago, Hank developed blisters on his penis, launching a series of botched operations at a roulette wheel of hospitals, culminating with him having his penis amputated.

 

[NoRéN]

Wonder what the mysterious penis affliction was.

Probably stuck it in a bluewaffle.

 

[xbhaskarx]

the alleged sale of diluted or counterfeit prescription drugs from his Goulds strip club, Playpen South.

Never go to a doctor who owns a strip club.

he did beckon this reporter to his office, where he angrily waved a penile implant and declared: "My reputation right now should be exonerated!"

"I just piss out of this little baby hole that I got," Hank told us in a teary interview. "I have to sit down like a woman. When I stand up, it squirts everywhere."

Why can't Hank just get one of these penal implants?

 

[ezrarh]

Talk about phallure on the doctor's part.

 

[echoshifting]

he did beckon this reporter to his office, where he angrily waved a penile implant and declared: "My reputation right now should be exonerated!"

This image kills me. :lol

 

[Amagon]

Talk about phallure on the doctor's part.

0/10

 

[Kinyou]

 

[Alrus]

There are penile implants? How the hell does that work?

 

[mysticwhip]

Jesus christ i feel bad for that guy, i'd prolly kill myself if I had my dick amputated.

 

[Rocket Punch]

Why can't Hank just get one of these penal implants?

Uhhh, you think it works and feels the same??

I'm a fairly easy going happy go lucky kinda guy but it I had to get Willy cut out I'd probably kill myself.

 

[echoshifting]

There are penile implants? How the hell does that work?

http://www.webmd.com/erectile-dysfunction/guide/penile-prosthesis

It isn't a replacement penis, guys. It's an implant, not a prosthetic.

That link has no pics. But it's a good explanation of how these things work for the curious.

 

[Red]

Jesus christ i feel bad for that guy, i'd prolly kill myself if I had my dick amputated.

I am trying to consider the situation. I am telling myself, "it wouldn't be worth it, there are more important things in life." But then, myself knows that that is a lie.

 

[Stet]

http://www.webmd.com/erectile-dysfunction/guide/penile-prosthesis

It isn't a replacement penis, guys. It's an implant, not a prosthetic.

That link has no pics. But it's a good explanation of how these things work for the curious.

New game: how long can you read that link before you wince. I made it to "malleable rods."

 

[echoshifting]

New game: how long can you read that link before you wince. I made it to "malleable rods."

Just ever so slightly longer, I can get to the end of that sentence but that's when my legs cross.

 

[daw840]

New game: how long can you read that link before you wince. I made it to "malleable rods."

OMG...I made it to "merely needs to be lifted or adjusted into the erect position to initiate sex"

*shudders*

 

[Volimar]

I read the title as "Urologist wrecks patient's second penis".

Leaving disappointed.

 

[CornBurrito]

I think it's bullshit that you can go to jail for simply being behind a wheel drunk. Sounds like this guy was trying to sleep it off before driving.

Yes I know he's had 3 priors, that's fucked up too.

Are you saying his other DUIs are fucked up (as in bullshit charges) too? Do you know the circumstances behind them?

 

[daw840]

Are you saying his other DUIs are fucked up too? Do you know the circumstances behind them?

Eh, no....I meant it's fucked this guy had 3 DUIs. As in, that's fucked up.

My point is, regardless of history, if you're not DRIVING you shouldn't charged with DRIVING under the influence. Merely sitting in your car, sleeping, should not be cause to jail you and ruin your life.

 

[Ether_Snake]

Pretty sad for the guy

 

[Dead Man]

He went to jail for sleeping in his truck while drunk? The fuck? I mean, the guys sounds like a dick, and had priors and all so not really to much sympathy for his particular case, but that still sounds like rubbish.

 

[daw840]

He went to jail for sleeping in his truck while drunk? The fuck? I mean, the guys sounds like a dick, and had priors and all so not really to much sympathy for his particular case, but that still sounds like rubbish.

It is. It's fucked up and it's wrong. A cop can come up to you, sleeping in the bar parking lot, with your car on to heat the interior, and fuck your entire life up. You might as well just chance driving home at that point. A cop is definitely going to come and check on a running car in a parking lot if he sees it, you may not be hassled if you just drive home.

 

[Trojita]

You can be charged with a DUI if your key is in the ignition I believe. Which is kind of dumb, but whatever.

 

[daw840]

You can be charged with a DUI if your key is in the ignition I believe. Which is kind of dumb, but whatever.

No, the outrage on this forum over much lesser things is crazy. This is fucked up beyond belief. If I got a DUI right now, it would quite literally ruin my life. At this point, if I tried to sit in my car and sleep until I was OK to drive. It's nearly certain that a cop would see this and come to investigate sometime during the evening. What this boils down to, is I'm MORE likely to get hassled by the police and given a DUI if I pass out in my car than if I drive home.

 

[GatorBait]

You can be charged with a DUI if your key is in the ignition I believe. Which is kind of dumb, but whatever.

It's called "actual physical control" of a vehicle, and under its definition, it is even possible to get a DUI if your keys are in your pockets.

 

[Atramental]

I'd probably resort to heavy drug use if I got my dong chopped off.

 

[Grinchy]

I'd probably resort to heavy drug use if I got my dong chopped off.

I've resorted to that anyway. I don't know what I'd do if my dong was chopped off.

 

[FirewalkR]

Perito means Expert in portuguese.

 

[kehs]

New game: how long can you read that link before you wince. I made it to "malleable rods."

Just ever so slightly longer, I can get to the end of that sentence but that's when my legs cross.

OMG...I made it to "merely needs to be lifted or adjusted into the erect position to initiate sex"

*shudders*

You guys are easily aroused.

 

[ZAK]

No, the outrage on this forum over much lesser things is crazy. This is fucked up beyond belief. If I got a DUI right now, it would quite literally ruin my life. At this point, if I tried to sit in my car and sleep until I was OK to drive. It's nearly certain that a cop would see this and come to investigate sometime during the evening. What this boils down to, is I'm MORE likely to get hassled by the police and given a DUI if I pass out in my car than if I drive home.

Not that this isn't a nonsensical thing to be charged for, but what if you didn't sleep in the driver's seat? Backseat's the best place for a nap, IMO.

 

[daw840]

Not that this isn't a nonsensical thing to be charged for, but what if you didn't sleep in the driver's seat? Backseat's the best place for a nap, IMO.

Agreed, I still think you can get popped if the cop is a big enough douche.

I have done this on a few occasions and turned the car on for 20 or 30 minutes to warm up. Then you wake up when your cold and turn the car on again. Probably not the safest thing in the world, but better than driving drunk I think. It's too bad that it's better for MY LIFE to just drive home drunk.