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Viewing someones social media site that recently passed

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SkyMasterson

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Just found out that I guy I had gone to Middle school/High school('96 - '02) with passed away over the summer. I remember our conversations about video games and stuff, but other than that, never talked to him that much. Saw him a few times around post High School out and about, but that was it.

Went to his Facebook profile to pay my respects and to see if there was any information on his passing.

Now, this isn't new to me. I remember back in the day going to someones Myspace after they had passed. I always found it super depressing, reading someones post, seeing there pictures and comments from other people and then they're gone.

I guess I really don't have much to say on it really, other than people are welcome to post there experiences.

Just a really strange feeling. I think seeing people FB's and Twitters gives us more insight into someones life and makes their death seem that much more impactful. Any experiences with this? How did you feel after visiting said site? Do you write something on there wall?
 
Sorta different, but same root in curiosity
On FB, had a friend of a friend who had almost killed someone (it was all over the news here). Was interesting to read the wall posts, but I didn't know the person so I closed out.

Since then I admit to checking to see if someone has an account if they did something stupid to see the responses (ones I can think off the top of my head are the woman who killed someone over a college football/Miami Heat game and the person who tweeted something about drinking and "you can't stop me" before killing someone while driving drunk).
Does one unfriend someone that they know who committed a heinous crime? What makes someone keep them around?
 
I've been in a similar situation. A girl I went to high school passed away two years ago. While I wasn't close, the story was confusing so I would check her page for more info on what happened. I was kinda disgusted by the grief hawks, but I was also deeply saddened by her life long best friend posting each day on her wall as if nothing happened. As if her coping mechanism was just outright denial of her death.

I would say death and your remnants on the internet is a pretty interesting psychology thesis waiting to be written.
 
My best friend died right before I started college. I don't see his Facebook as him though. Its a reflection, but so is everything that person touched before they died. Its a mixture of happiness and sadness to be able to revisit our friendship but be reminded that you will never be able to continue the journey.
 
I did this too, we were in the same class during college we always hang out together back then mostly playing video games and Dota. Really decent guy and smart too. Passed away unexpectedly back in july.

Really made me depress when I see his page, where his last post was him, his wife and their 1 year old daughter taken like 2/3 weeks before his passing.
 
This wednesday a guy I studied with in high school, my age, died from a massive heart attack.

Its funny, to me the strongest memories are his taste in music, he was very passionate about the bands he liked, and all this week I couldn't stop listening to the songs he liked. Its a mixture of "damm, he was my age, I better take care of myself"and "I haven't talked to him in years, I wonder if he still considered me a friend"

Certainly made me want to revisit old friends, and star exercising
 
Off-topic, but "passed" is my least favourite euphemism. People don't pass, they die.
 
I had a friend who killed himself a couple of years ago and I've still got him on Xbox Live. He's the only person on my friends list who hasn't been active recently because I usually prune the list occasionally, but I can't bring myself to delete him.

I've got him on Facebook still, and his best friend always posts something on his birthday and the anniversary of his death. Quite touching.

Transhuman said:
Off-topic, but "passed" is my least favourite euphemism. People don't pass, they die.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I hate it too.
 
SkyMasterson said:
Just found out that I guy I had gone to Middle school/High school('96 - '02) with passed away over the summer. I remember our conversations about video games and stuff, but other than that, never talked to him that much. Saw him a few times around post High School out and about, but that was it.

Went to his Facebook profile to pay my respects and to see if there was any information on his passing.

Now, this isn't new to me. I remember back in the day going to someones Myspace after they had passed. I always found it super depressing, reading someones post, seeing there pictures and comments from other people and then they're gone.

I guess I really don't have much to say on it really, other than people are welcome to post there experiences.

Just a really strange feeling. I think seeing people FB's and Twitters gives us more insight into someones life and makes their death seem that much more impactful. Any experiences with this? How did you feel after visiting said site? Do you write something on there wall?
Click to expand...

Story sound similar to mine even the years the kid died of cancer the scary thing was seeing some of his posts about his fight with it and how it wasn't going to defeat him :'(.
 
You know, it was really odd for me to see those posts about how great I was and to keep on fighting when I ended up in the ICU a couple of years ago. Being badly sick and being helpless on a bed but completely aware of my surroundings was impact, but not as much as the palpable panic and even dread in some of the stuff that was written on my facebook wall.

I still read those messages every once in a while.
 
Yeah, rereading their tweets make me thinking about my life.
Am I good? Am i bad? what would people think about me when i died? etc
 
A good friend of mine (WWII Veteran) had a FB page up for a while after his death. For a while it served as a nice reflection on good times. Later on it started to get weird when friends who had lost contact started posting like he was alive :/. I managed all his tech for him so it was difficult breaking the news each time. I eventually decided to just disable it.

I've lost contact with a lot of good friends growing up in a Navy family and constantly being posted around the world. I'm afraid of who might be dead if I dig a little. I know there's a couple I can't find online in any capacity.
 
pestul said:
A good friend of mine (WWII Veteran) had a FB page up for a while after his death. For a while it served as a nice reflection on good times. Later on it started to get weird when friends who had lost contact started posting like he was alive :/. I managed all his tech for him so it was difficult breaking the news each time. I eventually decided to just disable it.

I've lost contact with a lot of good friends growing up in a Navy family and constantly being posted around the world. I'm afraid of who might be dead if I dig a little. I know there's a couple I can't find online in any capacity.
Click to expand...

Yeah shame there isn't a way to get a death date to appear on their profile, that way this situation of people leaving comments not aware that the person has died could be avoided.
 
I've lost 4 close friends since graduating high school in 2003, 2 died prior to FB/Myspace being a big deal so they have no pages to go to. The other 2 I still have saved in my friends list and I usually visit them once in a while and it does make me feel sad when I look at postings prior to their passing away and remember my interactions with them.
 
I had a friend who died back in January. We wern't very close but he was a nice guy. Anyway a couple of days ago somehow his twitter account got one of those viruses that spam links on your feed, and seeing tweets from someone that had been dead for the best part of a year shocked me so much I felt ill. It was the strangest thing

I think social media is nice because you can go back and look at things you've said and pictures of everything
 
Span said:
I've been in a similar situation. A girl I went to high school passed away two years ago. While I wasn't close, the story was confusing so I would check her page for more info on what happened. I was kinda disgusted by the grief hawks, but I was also deeply saddened by her life long best friend posting each day on her wall as if nothing happened. As if her coping mechanism was just outright denial of her death.

I would say death and your remnants on the internet is a pretty interesting psychology thesis waiting to be written.
Click to expand...


You go to someone's grave and chat to them, I don't believe the friend was in denial.
 
pestul said:
A good friend of mine (WWII Veteran) had a FB page up for a while after his death. For a while it served as a nice reflection on good times. Later on it started to get weird when friends who had lost contact started posting like he was alive :/. I managed all his tech for him so it was difficult breaking the news each time. I eventually decided to just disable it.

I've lost contact with a lot of good friends growing up in a Navy family and constantly being posted around the world. I'm afraid of who might be dead if I dig a little. I know there's a couple I can't find online in any capacity.
Click to expand...

You can ask Facebook to memorialise a dead person's profile: https://www.facebook.com/help/contact/305593649477238
 
It either becomes a living guestbook for remembrance or the family contacts the site to close it out of respect. Depends on the culture.
 
My friend passed over the summer and for the next couple months would get text messages from mutual friends saying they were sorry. Really dragged it out and randomly bummed me out. Fuck that stuff
 
Two different occurrences for me:
1. A guy I didn't know real well ended up showing up at a house party I was at. We chatted a bit and added each other on facebook. A year or two later I found out he drowned and I checked his fb for details. The weirdest part is seeing what their last status update was. Like, they have no idea what's coming and it's very unsettling.

2. Not death, but a neighbor I had on facebook was arrested and charges for selling/distributing child pornography. I remember him being very active on fb and then for the couple of days his page was still around, just nothing. Once again, you become curious about what they post, trying to see the signs of who he really was.
 
When I was a junior in high school, a friend of mine who was in my English class killed himself. We were never super close, but his passing affected me enough that I broke down crying at his wake. Sometimes I still go to his page and try to remember him, like his voice and his mannerisms and such.

Every time I look at his photos, I can't help but ask why.
 
The mom of my best friend throughout primary school passed away suddenly about 3 years ago. By that time I didn't keep in touch that much, but she had become my mom's best friend. She keeps posting on her facebook page from time to time, and it destroys me, and has made me really think about what instructions I should leave about handling my online remnants after I'm gone.
 
Sethista said:
This wednesday a guy I studied with in high school, my age, died from a massive heart attack.

Its funny, to me the strongest memories are his taste in music, he was very passionate about the bands he liked, and all this week I couldn't stop listening to the songs he liked. Its a mixture of "damm, he was my age, I better take care of myself"and "I haven't talked to him in years, I wonder if he still considered me a friend"

Certainly made me want to revisit old friends, and star exercising
Click to expand...

Damn, how old was he?
 
Just recently people who I never knew, but knew of, died. They both lived nearby, went to the same school, around my age.

It was weird to see friends of mine on Facebook post about it, at least to me. Posted on his wall on his birthday, and another in an event for the guy's death.

What really hit me is that I knew of these guys, had my opinions on them. One had a disease that he had since childhood- and I remember him because of that. I had always felt indifferent towards him, despite him standing out like a sore thumb. It was interesting to me to learn he was very religious and kind and knew he was dying. He lived life to the fullest, and hearing his story makes you realize how much little time we have.

And then compare that to the other guy. He was a druggie and in a group of bar dwellers. If I remember right, his death was a bad mix of alcohol and prescription pills. He lived nearby me, I always saw him walking the streets with baggy pants and a cigarette in his mouth- a look of not-giving-a-fuck on his face. I wouldn't doubt he was the kind of person to also sell drugs, because I don't think he worked. And yet, all these people still posted on his wall about missing him at the bar and trying to get a fund for his family going. It made me realize that while we see people as jackasses or low life douches, they're probably not like that to everyone.
 
So I have a friend who died almost immediately following Highschool, we were both 18 and in college. I got pretty close to the guy since the majority of my friends split off to other colleges. Anyhow, he was always a super nice guy, sort of an introvert.

Guy got shot going to a party in memory of another guy who got shot two years prior due to gang violence. Ironic right? The worst part is he never went out to parties and somehow he got pulled out to that one. Apparently some people rode up on the party and he tried to run since he was on the grass outside when it happened.

This was during the Myspace era as it was in decline, no one knew his password so it became an odd sort of memorial. I visit it every so often, but it's clearly been less and less frequented in the passing years.
 
SkyMasterson said:
Just found out that I guy I had gone to Middle school/High school('96 - '02) with passed away over the summer. I remember our conversations about video games and stuff, but other than that, never talked to him that much. Saw him a few times around post High School out and about, but that was it.

Went to his Facebook profile to pay my respects and to see if there was any information on his passing.

Now, this isn't new to me. I remember back in the day going to someones Myspace after they had passed. I always found it super depressing, reading someones post, seeing there pictures and comments from other people and then they're gone.

I guess I really don't have much to say on it really, other than people are welcome to post there experiences.

Just a really strange feeling. I think seeing people FB's and Twitters gives us more insight into someones life and makes their death seem that much more impactful. Any experiences with this? How did you feel after visiting said site? Do you write something on there wall?
Click to expand...


I see what your saying, i think its cuz they use to post on their fb and now there are no status updates or anything, just people leaving messages paying their respects
 
I saw the same thing, a guy I went to highschool with who I was really good friends with died in a motorcycle accident over the summer and his facebook page had posts right up until a couple days before his death. It's really weird and unsettling to see this time capsule of a person who is completely gone.

People still post to his page, and someone recently posted a picture of his parents with his dog who they are now taking care of, some seriously sad shit.
 
As soon as I saw this I instantly thought of my good friend Patrick who died a few years ago. We were close friends while I was in high school but once I moved away to attend college we didn't hang out nearly as often and mostly only kept up through AIM (heh) and social media. After I left he got pretty bad into drugs and ended up having a really bad trip that led to him hanging himself in his own home.

It was a rough experience because I always felt like maybe things could have been different if I had still been around to keep him out of that trouble. But, more than anything I just miss him. He was an awesome guy. I still go to his Facebook page from time to time but it always leaves me feeling so empty.
 
teruterubozu said:
My dad's FB page is still up. He died 3 yrs ago. I look at it from time to time. :(
Click to expand...

I kind of wish my dad had made a page. He was totally against Facebook/Myspace. He liked his privacy. I don't have a page I can visit, but I did upload a memorial video on youtube complete with music that I ocassionally visit. I don't think I'll ever be able to get through that video without crying.
 
My manager at work (26) passed away in June and at his funeral his mom read out all of her favorite messages and stories that people had posted on his Facebook after he died.

She said it was a really nice way for her to cope with everything and to see how much people really loved and cared for him.
 
Derrick01 said:
I made the mistake of doing this after my mom died in October. There's nothing that can be gained from it but more sadness.
Click to expand...

I'm sorry for your loss. It's easier said than done, but it is best to find respite for one coming into being over remorse that they are no longer here in the present. That's how I cope.
 
This is going to get really weird as people with very large followings die and we see the cannibalization [read: opourtunitization (not a word... yet!)] of their channel.
 
A high school classmate of mine died after we started college, that was probably my first experience with something like this so it was a little hard to deal with.

But after a few months, his parents started updating his facebook for him and sending people messages, pretending that he was sending "pokes" and posting on people's walls from heaven. I guess it was part of their coping process but my friends and I all found it sad but kind of strange. They still do it to this day.
 
Pai Pai Master said:
A high school classmate of mine died after we started college, that was probably my first experience with something like this so it was a little hard to deal with.

But after a few months, his parents started updating his facebook for him and sending people messages, pretending that he was sending "pokes" and posting on people's walls from heaven. I guess it was part of their coping process but my friends and I all found it sad but kind of strange. They still do it to this day.
Click to expand...

That's some strange shit.
 
My boyfriend died last year, and I remember his brother telling me that his family was going to contact Facebook to request that the account be closed because of it. I had time to go onto his account and back up all the pictures of our life together (as much as it hurt to do so, I wanted those pictures for remembrance sake) then removed any mention of him from my Facebook, because I know it would hurt me a lot to go onto my account and see pictures/mentions of him.
 
one of my best mates passed away a few months ago and his girl logs in and checks his page everyday, he's still getting friend requests and messages from people asking if he's okay. She's also using messages to him as a journal.

Span said:
I've been in a similar situation. A girl I went to high school passed away two years ago. While I wasn't close, the story was confusing so I would check her page for more info on what happened. I was kinda disgusted by the grief hawks, but I was also deeply saddened by her life long best friend posting each day on her wall as if nothing happened. As if her coping mechanism was just outright denial of her death.
Click to expand...

whats infuriating is the shit complete randoms send you. People you may have only met once or haven't even met at all sending you messages asking if you're okay e.t.c there's goodwill but then there's making yourself feel better.
 
Sort of irrelevant, but would you guys ever attend a wake for someone you never met? Like someone you felt really close to over the net.
 
My Dad passed away last month and I have not decided what to do with his facebook page. He barely ever posted anything to it. He would just check a few times a week. I think I will leave it up for a little while.
 
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