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Virgin-GAF: Documentary On Older Virgins "The Longer You Wait, The Harder It Becomes"

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randomrosso said:
No. But I lost it later than most of all my friends, and I was starting to build it up in my mind as being some awesome mystical thing. It's good, don't get me wrong... But definitely not something that you should constantly worry about

And it's definitely not something that "changes" you for the better (which I had honestly thought for a while there)
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Is it any wonder it's built up to be this amazing, earth-shattering thing when people having sex in movies/TV are always moaning, shaking, panting and screaming with pleasure, seemingly having the thrill of their lives? And it's seen as a reward for being socially competent and interesting, and good looking. This may put pressure on virgins to 'perform' in social situations.

Then again, if sex was this great, surely nothing would ever get done? Nobody would have time for hobbies or other endeavors.
 
Manu said:
gladiator-quotes-19.jpg


Not yet.
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context?
 
Empowe said:
Is it any wonder it's built up to be this amazing, earth-shattering thing when people having sex in movies/TV are always moaning, shaking, panting and screaming with pleasure, seemingly having the thrill of their lives? And it's seen as a reward for being socially competent and interesting, and good looking. This may put pressure on virgins to 'perform' in social situations.

Then again, if sex was this great, surely nothing would ever get done? Nobody would have time for hobbies or other endeavors.
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Uh, sex really is that great.
 
I lost my virginity at 27.

But the girl who I was with only wanted to do Anal because she was on her period at the time.

So does that time count?
 
Usually when people ask for advice on losing their virginity, people give them good advice, but it's too difficult to implement. Yes, you could go to the gym, better yourself, and build your confidence. Or, you could lose your virginity the easy way- by listening to me.


Here are some tips to losing your virginity that don't require a lot of effort or time.


1. Drink more alcohol. Go to bars/clubs and drink a lot. This will help you talk to people and take risks.

2. Go for much older women. If you're 25 and have trouble meeting girls your age, try going after women in their late 30s. You can get a hot chick who would never have looked at you 10 years ago. Now that she feels she's less attractive and maybe has been through a divorce, your number is much closer to hers. Older women are hornier, too.

3. Find a way to make yourself a minority. Interracial dating is much easier than dating someone your own race. Go to a bar where everyone is a different race than you. Now you stand out, but not in a bad way. Any girl there who isn't into guys her own race now only has one option- you.


These tips have worked for me, and they can work for you, too. You don't have to take the time and effort to be a better person; you can just work smarter, not harder. I'm not even joking. This works.
 
21 yrs old and a virgin here.

I think I basically just assumed that any sexual relationship that I might have would just evolve organically to that point.

Since it hasn't, I've only just now started to think about pursuing sex more actively. My biggest hang-up is just feeling completely out of my element when I hear the advice people give. There just doesn't seem to be a clear road map from here to having sex with someone that doesn't seem completely foreign, daunting, and ridiculous to me.
 
Empowe said:
You're supposed to make me feel better, not worse.
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Just because sex is fun/feels good doesn't mean that it's going to change your life. Say you have sex for 45 minutes 5 times a week. That's like, what, 3% of your waking hours? The other 97% of the time you're going to be doing exactly what you were doing before, minus what being a virgin did to your self-image.

From what I've heard, being in an intimate relationship has a far greater impact. And in reality, I think that's what most virgins want.
 
Restrain This said:
21 yrs old and a virgin here.

I think I basically just assumed that any sexual relationship that I might have would just evolve organically to that point.

Since it hasn't, I've only just now started to think about pursuing sex more actively. My biggest hang-up is just feeling completely out of my element when I hear the advice people give. There just doesn't seem to be a clear road map from here to having sex with someone that doesn't seem completely foreign, daunting, and ridiculous to me.
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Each one of us has to forge our own paths by getting out there and learning via experience with other people. Advice can only take you so far.

At this moment, I can only count the amount of times I've had sex on one hand but I'm definitely a lot better off socially & sexually than I was a year or two ago because I made an effort to fuck up, learn from my mistakes, and continue on to new opportunities.

Maybe once my job stops eating up a lot of my free time I'll be able to get some more action.
codTSXM.gif


Anyways. Yes, actively pursue it but be willing to adjust your approach. As in, don't make it seem like the girl you want to hookup with is your only option. And try not to bring up the fact that it's your first time by making excuses about being inexperienced. If you were auditioning to be a part of a band you wouldn't make a bunch of excuses about why you couldn't play your instrument "just right". You would just play and hope for the best.
 
21 years old, never even been in a relationship. Some of that can be attributed to my traditional Chinese background and low self esteem as a child but I'd like to think moving to Canada has really opened my eyes. Nowadays I'm living on my own abroad, and I find myself stuck in a university program with a 10 to 1 male to female ratio and trying to find time between school, working, and improving myself in general.

It feels as if the desire to pursuit a relationship was just buried all the way through my life because I was so busy trying to get my shit together, and it only reemerged a few months ago. So for the last few months I've been changing my attitude, I've decided to be more outgoing and more accepting of people, I started working out and eating better (I cook my own meals pretty much everyday), and I may just join some social clubs on campus.

I don't see sex as a way to get rid of some arbitrary label society put on me, I see it as an experience. Life should be lived to the fullest, so I'm willing to work hard to experience every aspect of life, the good (I heard sex is pretty good, never checked), and the bad.
 
OK, what I'm getting from this thread is that the first time doesn't change anything. But still, I would like to know is the first time special to people at all? I mean, it has to mark something. And sharing that first time with someone you really care has to have some value.

I would imagine that it would be like your playing a coop game with a friend. The game is new, you get to explore the game together, all that kind of stuff. But when you have to play the game second time with another friend, you know all the things and stuff. It still is a blast especially if the friend is a really good friend, but it would be more fun if you would play it for the first time with an friend. That or me comparing playing games to sex is just fucked up.

Losing virginity +1
Doing it with someone you really care about +1

1+1=2

Seems pretty logical to me. Although,i have zero experience, and logic can be such a liar.
 
Burger_Baron said:
OK, what I'm getting from this thread is that the first time doesn't change anything. But still, I would like to know is the first time special to people at all? I mean, it has to mark something. And sharing that first time with someone you really care has to have some value.

I would imagine that it would be like your playing a coop game with a friend. The game is new, you get to explore the game together, all that kind of stuff. But when you have to play the game second time with another friend, you know all the things and stuff. It still is a blast especially if the friend is a really good friend, but it would be more fun if you would play it for the first time with an friend. That or me comparing playing games to sex is just fucked up.

Losing virginity +1
Doing it with someone you really care about +1

1+1=2

Seems pretty logical to me. Although,i have zero experience, and logic can be such a liar.
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Your first time with somebody special is always special no matter how many times you have had sex before. Every partner is different, they have different play styles and explore different areas of the co-op game. Losing your virginity doesn't mean you have finished the game it just means you got through the first tutorial.
 
Leeness said:
I'm not lying. I don't really have much of a libido. Like at all. Haha.
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This is a pretty common sentiment among virgins in my experience and it's a defense mechanism. Like a lot of people you have spent so much time convincing yourself that you're unattractive and that sex will be a bad experience that you've reached the point where you believe it (or at least outwardly display that).

Sure it's possible that you're asexual but that is very uncommon and from what i've read of your post history i don't believe that is he case (though it's hard to tell just by what someone writes). I don't think that sex is going to blow your mind or change your world or any of that shit. I do think that you desire intimacy and relationships and you're basically using the whole 'i don't even want to have sex' as a way of stopping yourself from getting hurt.

I guess no one can know you better than yourself though.
 
happypup said:
Your first time with somebody special is always special no matter how many times you have had sex before. Every partner is different, they have different play styles and explore different areas of the co-op game. Losing your virginity doesn't mean you have finished the game it just means you got through the first tutorial.
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That...is a good point. Huh. Never thought of it that way. Thanks for opening my eyes.
 
AdventureRacing said:
This is a pretty common sentiment among virgins in my experience and it's a defense mechanism. Like a lot of people you have spent so much time convincing yourself that you're unattractive and that sex will be a bad experience that you've reached the point where you believe it (or at least outwardly display that).

Sure it's possible that you're asexual but that is very uncommon and from what i've read of your post history i don't believe that is he case (though it's hard to tell just by what someone writes). I don't think that sex is going to blow your mind or change your world or any of that shit. I do think that you desire intimacy and relationships and you're basically using the whole 'i don't even want to have sex' as a way of stopping yourself from getting hurt.

I guess no one can know you better than yourself though.
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You don't have to be asexual to have a low libido.
 
This is a subject that simply doesn't interest me. I don't look down on people that are virgins because there are many variables that could be potentially at play. The knee jerk assumption that someone is a virgin because they're socially inept is absurd and it's generally the first assumption a person makes. Religion, anxiety disorders, sexual abuse as a child, self esteem issues, etc. play a large hand in such a thing. Or maybe the person is asexual. Or maybe they simply haven't felt comfortable enough to make the plunge. Who am I to judge?
 
AdventureRacing said:
This is a pretty common sentiment among virgins in my experience and it's a defense mechanism. Like a lot of people you have spent so much time convincing yourself that you're unattractive and that sex will be a bad experience that you've reached the point where you believe it (or at least outwardly display that).

Sure it's possible that you're asexual but that is very uncommon and from what i've read of your post history i don't believe that is he case (though it's hard to tell just by what someone writes). I don't think that sex is going to blow your mind or change your world or any of that shit. I do think that you desire intimacy and relationships and you're basically using the whole 'i don't even want to have sex' as a way of stopping yourself from getting hurt.

I guess no one can know you better than yourself though.
Click to expand...

I'm not sure you're getting at this from the right angle. Personnally I think I have a somewhat low libido but the thing is, I'd still want to have some sex, it's the intimacy and relationship that's the problem. When I was in a relationship I thought the whole thing was really weird, like I had some kind of responsability toward someone. I don't like the idea that people have access to me all the time. It'd take something special to make me really enjoy it.
 
Dead Man said:
You don't have to be asexual to have a low libido.
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I don't remember saying that you do. There is a difference between having a low libido and saying you don't ever want to have sex and it doesn't interest you (nor do relationships). I only mentioned the asexual thing because i thought i remembered reading her say that in another thread.
 
AdventureRacing said:
I don't remember saying that you do. There is a difference between having a low libido and saying you don't ever want to have sex and it doesn't interest you (nor do relationships). I only mentioned the asexual thing because i thought i remembered reading her say that in another thread.
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Leeness said they didn't have much of a libido, and you went and talked about asexuality and denial. :/

Edit: If you were running off earlier posts then apologies.
 
Dead Man said:
That your reply to that post seemed to make a bunch of assumptions about the other poster.
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Or perhaps i have read other posts from her and you're the one who is reading into things to much. Maybe you shouldn't be so quick to jump on someone based on an assumption like that. If she wasn't happy with what i posted that's fair enough i was just giving my opinion and i wasn't trying to be offensive.

Edit: On that note time for night shift.
 
AdventureRacing said:
Or perhaps i have read other posts from her and you're the one who is reading into things to much. Maybe you shouldn't be so quick to jump on someone based on an assumption like that. If she wasn't happy with what i posted that's fair enough i was just giving my opinion and i wasn't trying to be offensive.

Edit: On that note time for night shift.
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I don't think I jumped on you, I pointed out a logical leap that was flawed in your post.
 
I once met a 27 year old female virgin. After much soul-searching, she decided that asexuality was, in fact, a part of her identity and that there was nothing wrong with feeling revulsion towards physical contact or sex, since it was all a social convention and that "they" (asexuals) were looked bad by society "just like gays once were".

Post-modernism should die of herpes already.
 
Ikael said:
I once met a 27 year old female virgin. After much soul-searching, she decided that asexuality was, in fact, a part of her identity and that there was nothing wrong with feeling revulsion towards physical contact or sex, since it was all a social convention and that "they" (asexuals) were looked bad by society "just like gays once were".

Post-modernism should die of herpes already.
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What the fuck?

edit : is wrong with you?
 
Dead Man said:
I don't think I jumped on you, I pointed out a logical leap that was flawed in your post.
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There was no logical leap, it's called context. I have read many posts from Leeness on the subject and that's what i was basing my post on. You made an assumption about the basis of my post and a flawed assumption at that.
 
I lost my virginity at 14 but I haven't had sex in 6+ years now, I guess i over sexed at a young age because I don't give a shit about it now. Asexual is best sexual.
 
Ikael said:
I once met a 27 year old female virgin. After much soul-searching, she decided that asexuality was, in fact, a part of her identity and that there was nothing wrong with feeling revulsion towards physical contact or sex, since it was all a social convention and that "they" (asexuals) were looked bad by society "just like gays once were".

Post-modernism should die of herpes already.
Click to expand...

qft!
 
Ikael said:
I once met a 27 year old female virgin. After much soul-searching, she decided that asexuality was, in fact, a part of her identity and that there was nothing wrong with feeling revulsion towards physical contact or sex, since it was all a social convention and that "they" (asexuals) were looked bad by society "just like gays once were".

Post-modernism should die of herpes already.
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There are plenty of people who had normal lives growing up yet still have no desire for sex.
 
strata8 said:
There are plenty of people who had normal lives growing up yet still have no desire for sex.
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Certainly. The only thing that sticks out for me is regarding it as a "social convention"

That may be part of it, but sex is also how we make more of us.
 
ascii42 said:
Certainly. The only thing that sticks out for me is regarding it as a "social convention"

That may be part of it, but sex is also how we make more of us.
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So what? Do you also rag on people who don't want kid? Funny how the gay comparison sounded silly to me at first, but you do get the same arguments.

The woman doesn't like sex, should we send the sex police? Show her a good time? What's it to you or anyone in this thread if she beats herself over it or not?
 
Simplet said:
So what? Do you also rag on people who don't want kid? Funny how the gay comparison sounded silly to me at first, but you do get the same arguments.

The woman doesn't like sex, should we send the sex police? Show her a good time? What's it to you or anyone in this thread if she beats herself over it or not?
Click to expand...

You misunderstand me. I'm also a virgin. I have no real interest in having kids either. That doesn't change the fact that having kids is what sex is ultimately for.
 
ascii42 said:
You misunderstand me. I'm also a virgin. I have no real interest in having kids either. That doesn't change the fact that having kids is what sex is ultimately for.
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I understand you, and who cares?

edit : actually I don't even agree with this. Sex is not "for" having kids, except maybe for people desperately trying to have kids and who are looking for sperm. Not even animals have sex to have kids, they have sex because they're in heat. For humans sex is a heavily ritualized social construct.
 
Simplet said:
I understand you, and who cares?

edit : actually I don't even agree with this. Sex is not "for" having kids, except maybe for people desperately trying to have kids and who are looking for sperm. Not even animals have sex to have kids, they have sex because they're in heat. For humans sex is a heavily ritualized social construct.
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Animals go into heat because they are biologically programmed to want to reproduce (though some animals do also have sex for fun).
 
ascii42 said:
Animals go into heat because they are biologically programmed to want to reproduce (though some animals do also have sex for fun).
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Again, they don't "want to reproduce" : there are actual human tribes on this planet that haven't made the connection between sex and children.

How does all of this pertain to the woman we were talking about?
 
Vermillion said:
I mean "do you" as in "do what you will"/"be yourself," haha
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Oooh, okay. Then cool.

AdventureRacing said:
This is a pretty common sentiment among virgins in my experience and it's a defense mechanism. Like a lot of people you have spent so much time convincing yourself that you're unattractive and that sex will be a bad experience that you've reached the point where you believe it (or at least outwardly display that).

Sure it's possible that you're asexual but that is very uncommon and from what i've read of your post history i don't believe that is he case (though it's hard to tell just by what someone writes). I don't think that sex is going to blow your mind or change your world or any of that shit. I do think that you desire intimacy and relationships and you're basically using the whole 'i don't even want to have sex' as a way of stopping yourself from getting hurt.

I guess no one can know you better than yourself though.
Click to expand...

Nah, no defense mechanism. I used to be miserable because I was trying to be "normal" and get into a relationship but they're not for me.

Accepting that I want no part in relationships has made me a much happier person :)
 
schwabdizzle said:
I would imagine the longer you wait to become devirginized the more stressful it gets. Just hook up with someone and get it over with. When I was 15 all my friends were getting laid before me and it sucked so I hooked up with someone and got it over with.
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I feel like this is happening to me. Now I'm in no rush to have sex for the first time, but I'm not exactly going to say no if I'm offered. Since getting into college, my friends 15/16/17/18 years old are all out and doing the dirty with one another. Getting the bus into college in the morning can be so annoying at times. First thing Monday morning it's "Did you hear that X had sex with Y Saturday night?" or "Yeah I hooked up with this girl I met at a party". Then somehow there's always a question if I've had sex or not, and again, while I don't really care that I haven't, it's stressful and makes me feel bad.

I guess I'm just not used to the culture change from one day being 13/14 with all my mates being so innocent then in a short few years suddenly we're all boning each other without a thought.
 
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