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Weird stupid things you thought as a kid

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PocketMidget

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This makes me feel like an idiot, but I was so far up Nintendo's ass around the time when Majora's Mask came out that I truly believed their press release about seeing an alternate universe and how everything we do is exactly the same in the other universe. I was at dinner with my family when I was talking about this and I kept on going on and on about the alternate universe and was truly amazed that my parents were not impressed by this news.
 
I thought you banged a girl up the ass and pissed to get her pregnant

....then I discovered the spice channel at the ripe age of 8 and my view on the world changed forever
 
Emobacca said:
I thought you banged a girl up the ass and pissed to get her pregnant

....then I discovered the spice channel at the ripe age of 8 and my view on the world changed forever
Click to expand...
:lol Oh yeah, I used to think semen was piss.
 
Back when I didn't know when babies came from, I didn't understand how there could be kids without parents. I always wondered where kids came from if they didn't have a set of parents waiting for them, so I imagined orphans must be born from the ground or something, like cabbage patch kids.









...I was like four or five years old. :/
 
How do you guys remember stuff from when you were a kid? I seriously can't remember stuff from more than a year back :/
 
metdroid said:
How do you guys remember stuff from when you were a kid? I seriously can't remember stuff from more than a year back :/
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I can remember a lot of weird things. I can still remember my parents' pin number from the day they opened the account at the bank. And I couldn't have been more than 6.
 
metdroid said:
How do you guys remember stuff from when you were a kid? I seriously can't remember stuff from more than a year back :/
Click to expand...

Well, I hadn't thought of this particular memory in more than twenty years, but the thread title just brought the memory rushing back.

As stupid as I must've been as a kid (as all kids must be at one time or another) my cousin, who was two years older than me, was even dumber. I remember one time we were playing with Dukes of Hazzard toys and one fo the Dukes got into an accident and she said "Oh, he lost all his blood and now he needs a blood transfusion." And I said "I think if he loses all his blood, that means he's dead." She got angry at me and told me I was wrong, that he'd be fine as long as he got some new blood in him soon... :lol
 
Even as a child I didn't believe in Santa Claus. Chalk that up to being non-religious but the idea of him was so absurd. I just sort of pretended so my younger brothers could have fun.

I'm sure I'll think of something really embarrassing and I will edit it in.

Edit: I was crushed when I found out Letterman was filmed at like 4:00. What a mind****!
 
Oh, yeah, as a kid I didn't understand how TV worked either. My mom would tell me to finish my homework at a certain time so I could watch my cartoons on TV, but I thought if the TV wasn't turned on, time wouldn't pass on it so I could watch the cartoons anytime, as soon as I finished. Weird.
 
Vexidus said:
I thought factory smokestacks made all the clouds in the sky, and that they were cloud machines
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woah me too! our town when i was growing up had a big GM factory and they had big smokestacks that had white smoke.

i was a real stupid kid. very gullible. i could think of plenty.

my grandma told me that if someone steps over you and doesn't step back over you the opposite direction, you will never grow. i believed her.

i thought that if i swallowed apple or watermelon seeds, it would cause that type of plant to grow inside me and branches would come out of my ears and arse.

i was about 6 +/- 2 years and watched the movie batman nearly every day. my mom took me into work one time and she had a friend that wore a very nice and short skirt. when i saw her she said hey there little fella or something like that and i went "Helooooooooo leggs!"

in the 2nd grade, me and my friend Kate were serious about finding the powers to become lions one day. i pretended to have found it and the secret was when i wore my harry potter-style reading glasses, i would be transformed into a lion. i would roar at people. and stuff.

oh! the recent borat movie reminded me of this :lol I used to think that when men get real old, theyre balls get GIGANTIC, because of that weird big bulge under their gut that usually they hike up their pants over. I learned (unfortunately) by seeing Azmat nude that big guys can actually grow a second belly and it isn't in fact bigger balls.
 
ive got shock and awe that the OP was a kid when majora's mask came out. makes me feel old :(
 
I thought french kissing was just sticking your tongue in someone's mouth and letting it sit there.

That poor girl in 4rth grade must have been uncomfortable.
 
Luckett_X said:
Believing the olden days were in black and white and colour just suddenly happened one day.
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Good one! I don't know if I actually believed this or not but in any case I couldn't comprehend that the real world back then had colour when I couldn't see the colour in video/photos
 
this one is even worst than my 1st post...but

when i first discovered myself, i remember being in the bath tub, doing the deed, and when i had my first "O" and for a good few weeks after that I always though that the jizz came from my left leg because it would always tense up :lol

i was so retarded
 
" Wow the ceiling is really high outside "

Ok I didn't actually think this as a kid, I just didn't know the word for sky so I said ceiling.
I also believend babies came out of womans arses.
 
you know the trail airplanes leave in the sky? Well, sometimes I thought some of them were from rockets/spaceshuttles. Then I would go arguing with my nephew like 'no thats not an airplane, thats a rocket'. :lol
 
When I was 3 or 4, and had just learned to write my name, I thought I needed permission from my parents every time I wanted to write it. So I would ask them, and they would just laugh.

When I much later on discovered that looking at pictures of hot women made me hard, and that it was possible to go even further to get orgasms and so on (I came over a few erotic short stories), I wanted to try it for myself, so I stared at pictures of half-nude women for hours hoping that it would make me orgasm. The earthquakes and volcanic eruptions I had read about strangely never occured. Took me a looong while to find out exactly what to do.

Oh, when I was around 5, and one of my neighbours was 15, I said to my mom that now I'll only have to wait 10 years before I'm the same age as Robert and can go in his class. I thought I could catch up to him in years.

I still have difficulty thinking of the period between 1900 and 1950 in colours...
 
Luckett_X said:
Believing the olden days were in black and white and colour just suddenly happened one day.
Click to expand...

it took me a half hour to find this. :lol

ch941106.gif
 
I was sent to a doctor who knocked me out and put tubes put in my ears when I was a little kid due to ear infections. Later after they were removed, upon seeing them I thought that they were actually grown in my (and everybody elses) ears!
 
Luckett_X said:
Believing the olden days were in black and white and colour just suddenly happened one day.
Click to expand...
I sorta thought that. My parents were from Albania, so I would look at old pictures and see that they were in black and white. So I thought that if you went there it would be black and white.
 
in pre-k through 1st grade, i used to write my name on all my papers with a WOW following the last letter. I did it because i just thought it was a cool word. backwards, it says the same thing, and upside down it says MOM, and MOM backwards is MOM. I was fascinated by this and for some reason felt the urge to include it as part of my name :P


at my grandma's house, across the road she lived by, from the front porch we could see the road, then a huge farm behind it, an on the other side of the big field, another distant road on the treeline. at the time, me and my cousin didnt know it was another road. when we'd see cars go by on it, we thought they were spaceships because they were so shiny and were too far away to be recognized by us as cars. our uncle told us that aliens lived over there and that was where they tested their spacecraft. we so totally believed them :lol

ah, i miss being a kid...
 
when I was three, I used to stand and pee, and when I peed I used to think that it came out of my bellybutton. But then I looked down, and I found out that there was a penis between my thighs. My Wii was small, but it grew at an exponential rate.
 
Zio said:
in pre-k through 1st grade, i used to write my name on all my papers with a WOW following the last letter. I did it because i just thought it was a cool word. backwards, it says the same thing, and upside down it says MOM, and MOM backwards is MOM. I was fascinated by this and for some reason felt the urge to include it as part of my name :P
Click to expand...

lol that reminds me of the trend in the gaming side a while ago when nearly every thread title ended in (wow)
 
Mute said:
I thought the Ninja Turtles were real.
Click to expand...

I thought they were real too, when I was about 4-5 years old. I had some kind of Ninja Turtles rock concert on video and I totally thought they were real.


I also believed that when you lie your tongue turned black.
 
Luckett_X said:
Believing the olden days were in black and white and colour just suddenly happened one day.
Click to expand...
HAHA, I used to think the same thing.
 
I thought the Transformers were real. I even asked my mom how long I'd have to go to college to figure out how to build one. She gave me a straight answer, too: "4-5 years, probably." :lol
 
When I was in Kindergarten, both of my neighbours were seniors and both were named Lloyd. For the longest time I thought all old people were named Lloyd.
 
I'll try to think of some more...

When I was really little, I suppose I took the phrase "..in the world" a little too literally and thought that we lived inside the earth, not on it. So when you looked up at the sky, you were seeing the other side of the world. Or something. I actually remember standing outside our old house on the sidewalk on a nice clear day, looking up at the sky and pondering that thought.

I remember when I asked my parents where babies came from, they said god helped them. So I thought that meant a mommy and a daddy would lock themselves in their room, and god would come down and help build a baby with them on their bed or something. :lol

I used to think that everyone was part black, and that the moles on white people were like little "black people spots". The more moles you had, the blacker you were, lol.

I also used to think women had penises and testicles, they were just tucked inside the vagina. Also thought that piss was stored in the balls.
 
Throw me on the black & white > color thing. Actually, I still can't imagine anything before the 90s as anything other than the quality of TV. Whenever I think of the 70s I envision it all grainy, like The Brady Bunch or something. And yes, whenever I think 50s down, I can see it better in b & w. Thank God for things like That 70s Show and Back To The Future for fixing my perception.
 
My earliest memory was thinking if I shut off the TV whatever I was watching would stop like a vcr tape so I could watch it later. I didnt understand how it worked sometimes (when I was actually watching a vcr tape) and not others. I don't know how I still remember that.

I also had a stupid dinosaur tape where the guy hosting it starts turing into a dinosaur, he gets like scales on his arm or something I remember thinking that was real and hoping it happened to me whenI played with my dinosaurs.
 
They used to have a show called Police 5 which was a five minute-long, weekly appeal show for information related to crimes that had taken place in the local area.

I thought that when someone was described as "in his forties", it meant that they were wearing clothes and a hair style that dated from the 1940's.

I guess it made sense as my grandparents always used to dress in quite an old-fashioned way, so the idea of someone running around and holding up banks with a sawn-off shotgun, dressed in 1920's attire wasn't particularly odd to me.
 
I also used to believe my mom when she told me that there was a little penguin in the fridge that turned the light on/off when you opened/close the refrigerator. :lol
 
My Dad used to smoke, and as a nubile young 3-5 year old, I would obviously emulate him. I took bites of his cigarettes and started crying.
 
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